by J. S. Volpe
Scoundrels’ Jig
A darkly comic novel set in the world of Eridia.
When a dying man staggers into a crowded underworld tavern and tells the assorted desperate characters gathered inside that there’s a huge block of gold hidden in a remote canyon half a day’s journey west, it sets off the craziest, bloodiest treasure hunt Eridia has ever seen.
Among the many crooks, scum, losers, and fools vying for this priceless prize are Bastard Jack, the biggest, baddest, and probably hairiest bandit in the land; Kirby and Blunt, small-time thieves whose schemes always backfire; John Grommet, a timid scribe in need of money to save his dying mother; Gaspard and Merizen, lusty con-artists who find the thought of all that gold stimulating enough to necessitate the occasional time-out for a quickie; the Yellow Pawns, a trio of nihilistic cultists who plan to use the treasure to further their apocalyptic agenda; Illyana and Luornu, young barmaids who dream of a life free from the pawing hands of drunken idiots; and then there’s…Ludwig van Beethoven?
In their mad scramble to get the gold the various competitors must contend not only with each other but also with a team of local constables, a race of monster-people called the gorgim, a peevish dryad, a killer robot, and a gibberish-spouting, pistol-toting serial killer in a plastic snowman mask.
And if they think that stuff’s bad, wait till they find out what’s in store for them when they actually reach the gold…
70,500 words
Till the Mountains Turn to Dust
A sweeping, eon-spanning novel set in the world of Eridia.
Reynard is a trickster who lives only to sow chaos and sate his basest desires. Solace is a Good Samaritan who strives for society’s betterment. The two of them seem to have nothing in common, yet they do: They’re both immortal, and roughly once every thousand years their paths cross in unexpected ways and in various fantastical locales throughout Eridia. As the world evolves from a brutal, anarchic war-zone to the hub of a peaceful intergalactic civilization, Reynard and Solace’s peculiar relationship likewise evolves in ways the self-serving Reynard never could have imagined.
Spanning twelve millennia, with settings ranging from the squalid alleys of a medieval city to an interrogation room in a high-tech prison satellite, with a motley cast of characters that include elves and vampires, killer robots and shapeshifting whores, Till the Mountains Turn to Dust is a kaleidoscopic tale of time and change and their sometimes beneficial, sometimes devastating impact.
82,000 words
RARE FINDS
Dark Secrets
Gilbert Solomon, a finder of rare objects, is hired to locate the sole surviving copy of the unaired final episode of an obscure 70s TV show called Dark Secrets. Barely has Gil begun to nose around than the show’s producers start turning up dead. Someone, it seems, is afraid he’ll uncover some decades-old misdeed connected with the show. What dark secret lies at the heart of Dark Secrets? Frankly, Gil doesn’t give a damn. He just wants to find the tape and get his money. Alas, it looks like he’ll have to play detective if he wants to stay alive long enough to reach that lovely payday.
10,100 words
Chain of Desire
Gilbert Solomon, a finder of rare objects, is hired to locate a prototype 50s-era robot. He soon finds it, but its current owner will let it go only in exchange for an equally rare item: one of the few surviving copies of a controversial men’s magazine. When Gil tracks down a copy of the magazine, its owner likewise insists on a trade. And so it goes, the job threatening to become a never-ending chain of trades, a job that winds up including everything from inept literary agents to nymphomaniac porn stars, from chocolate-cherry cheesecake to…kittens? Awww…
8,400 words