“I hope that you will be so happy with the wonder that is my friend, Elise. And, Mayson—“ Elise gasps at my side as I accidentally say the name of my ex-boyfriend. He has invaded my subconscious! My cheeks turn crimson and my heart races so fast I can hardly breathe. I look down at my cards, desperate for them to pull me out of this disaster of a speech. “I mean, um, Henry, I can see how happy you make my lovely friend. You light up her life and you represent her happily ever after. She will always be my sister and so, Henry, I want to welcome you to my family as my new brother. I know that the two of you will share nothing but happiness in the many years to come.” I manage to fake a large smile as Henry grins at me. I have to finish on a strong note. I refuse to let Elise down. “Congratulations to the beautiful couple. And here’s to your happily ever after. Cheers!” The crowd erupts in applause. Elise rises out of her seat to embrace me tenderly, wiping tears from her eyes with her silken handkerchief. I somehow manage to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes as I hold my friend tightly, dreading the end of this meal.
The next twenty minutes go by in a complete blur. Somehow, I manage to force down a few bites of my dinner, although my stomach is in knots. Staring off into space, not knowing how to react to the fact that Mayson is across the room, I consider my next move. But, what about Mayson? How will he proceed? Will he leave the reception in order to avoid a confrontation with me? Will he ask me to dance? I can’t bear to contemplate it any longer. I have to escape. So, as dinner is wrapping up, I excuse myself to the ladies room.
Walking across the ballroom, one of the groomsmen is walking towards me with a big smile. He is very attractive, tall and thin with dark chestnut hair and a sexy goatee that frames his face beautifully...but I can’t possibly focus on him right now.
“Hi, Daphne. That was a great speech,” he grins.
“Oh, thanks. It’s Tanner, right?” The second I question his name, I regret it. Of course I know his name! How ridiculous of me. Mayson has me so frazzled that in this moment I feel like I am someone else entirely; someone who is unable to form a coherent thought or remember the name of a man who had caught my attention just yesterday at the rehearsal dinner.
“Yep, that’s me,” Tanner looks a little disappointed that I stumbled on his name, “listen, would you like to grab a drink? I was just headed to the bar and I’d love to get to know you better.” God, he’s cute. But, I have to flee.
“Can I get a rain check?” I ask as casually as I can muster, “I’m headed to the powder room.”
“Oh, of course,” Tanner smiles, “I’ll look for you later.”
“Thanks,” I reply, heading quickly to the ladies room. When I step inside the elegant sitting room, Elise is waiting for me.
“Daphne, honey, what’s the matter? Your speech was beautiful, but you froze and turned so pale; you looked like you had seen a ghost. And then you said Mayson’s name. Where on earth did that come from?” Elise says, as she eases her bulky dress out of an olive green armchair to stand beside me. She has no idea how correct she actually is. The reemergence of Mayson has disturbed me to my core.
“Oh, Elise, please don’t worry about it. Go! Enjoy your evening with Henry. You’re married now!” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can possibly muster. But, the cynical look in Elise’s eyes tells me she’s not buying it.
“Now, you listen to me, Daphne Harper. You are my best friend. And, I can read you like a book. Something happened to you during that speech. You need to tell me what’s going on. Why have you been like a zombie ever since you sat back down? Don’t you trust me?” Elise looks distraught. I have to tell her.
“No, Elise. That’s not it. Of course I trust you. I trust you more than anyone else in the world. But, this is your wedding day. And I don’t want to spoil it.”
“Tough. Now, tell me, Daphne. Please.”
“Fine, but remember you asked for this.” I warn her, giving her one final moment of pause, hoping she will change her mind and rejoin her party. She doesn’t budge.
“Mayson is here. I saw him during my speech. That’s why his name flew out of my mouth without warning. Elise, why didn’t you tell me you invited him? At least, then, I could have been prepared. Is he a friend of Henry’s or something? I know they met a few times, but I never expected him to be here.”
“Mayson? You mean your boyfriend-from-college-Mayson? He’s not here. That’s impossible!”
“So, you didn’t invite him?”
“Absolutely not! I would never do that to you, Daphne!”
“Well, he’s here.”
“Are you sure it isn’t someone who just resembles him?”
“C’mon, Elise, give me a little credit. I know what the guy looks like,” I respond, tilting my head and raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry, that was stupid of me,” Elise pauses with a pensive stare, “Maybe he’s someone’s date. There are quite a few unnamed guests here tonight.”
“Oh my God, I hadn’t thought of that.” He’s here with someone. The bad somehow managed to get worse. I take a deep breath and look my friend square in the eye, “Elise, please, you have to go and enjoy your wedding reception. I’m going to stay here for a little while to pull myself together. But, I will never forgive myself if I keep you from enjoying this night! Please, go, ok?” My voice is bordering on desperate. She nods in understanding.
“Ok, but I promise I’ll check in later. Remember, I’m here for you, Daphne. And, I’m so sorry this is happening. Are you sure I can’t convince you to forget about Mayson and join me on the dance floor? I would never forgive myself if I allowed you to lock yourself in the washroom for my entire reception. We’ve been planning this evening together for the last fifteen months! I need my Maid of Honor with me! We need to do it up right!”
“Listen, I will get myself under control, I promise. I would never abandon you on your wedding day. I just need a couple of moments to myself in order to get my bearings. Now, get out there and find your husband, please Elise,” I say with a forced smile. Elise kisses me quickly on my forehead, nods solemnly and walks out of the restroom.
The plush armchair in the resting area of the washroom envelops me as I sink deeper and deeper into its soft upholstery, my heart racing and my forehead starting to sweat. What the hell am I going to do? I am trapped; trapped by Mayson’s presence, trapped by my own insecurities, and even trapped by my lovely best friend who has just gotten married. I can’t leave the reception, and I sure as hell can’t stay locked in the restroom like a coward. I quickly fix my make-up and hair, take a very deep breath and head for the door. I am walking towards the bar when I hear my name.
“Daphne.” I’d know that voice anywhere; husky and deep, but with a hint of softness.
“Mayson?” I somehow rally, trying my best to sound surprised. “What are you doing here? Are you a friend of Henry’s?”
“No.” He shakes his head, “I do remember him from school, but I wasn’t invited. I’m actually here with a friend.”
“Oh,” I pause, trying to dissect his tone. A friend? That could mean just about anything. And, I needed to know if my Mayson was now someone else’s Mayson. It will impact the way that I approach this entire situation.
“Would you like to grab a drink?” he asks, smiling awkwardly, those gorgeous green eyes staring into mine.
“As a matter of fact, I was just headed to the bar.” I say, my voice trembling. This is not good.
As we walk towards the bar, I see Tanner is standing with the other groomsmen. He raises his glass with an expectant smile and I remember my promise of a drink. Damn it. There is no way that I can balance Mayson and another incredibly cute guy right now. I’m confused enough as it is! Feeling awful, I turn away from his gaze. As I focus my eyes back on Mayson, I can see Tanner’s smile diminish out of the corner of my eye. My heart sinks.
A few minutes later, I find myself sitting at a table near the dance floor. Mayson is seated beside me and I silently wonder where h
is date is. I was so shocked to see him during my speech that I didn’t have time to notice her. All I can remember is the color blue from her dress. My eyes search the room for a young woman in blue, but to no avail. The only women wearing blue are those with silver hair and deep wrinkles. None of them could possibly have been his date, his “friend.”
“Are you alright? You seem really preoccupied.” Mayson says uneasily.
“Oh, I’m fine,” I smile, my voice shaking a bit, “It’s just a little surprising to see you here tonight.”
“Yeah, it is weird, isn’t it?” He stops and stares at the guests on the dance floor, a conflicted look upon his face. He glances towards me, smiles gently and asks, “By any chance, would you like to dance, Daphne?”
“Sure, that would be nice,” I say with a tinge of hope. Were the gods trying to send me a message? Should I not have parted with my journal? Did I have to make the decision to forget him in order to fall in love with him all over again? As he reaches for my hand and leads me to the dance floor, my heart pounds frantically in my chest.
“I have a confession to make,” Mayson says, looking sheepish, “I knew you’d be here tonight. That’s part of the reason I agreed to come.”
“Really?” I was genuinely shocked at this sudden admission. Could it be that Mayson had been thinking of me these past few years? Is it possible that I’m not alone in clinging to our past? The thought seems so impossible, yet here he is with me in his arms, slowly gliding me across the dance floor.
“Yes, of course. I know that you and Elise are best friends so I was certain that you’d be here. So, I took a gamble and came here with Daniela. You remember Daniela, right?”
“Daniela?” Of course, Daniela! She was a college classmate and was also in Mayson’s architecture program. She had even studied in France with Mayson. Daniela was such a tomboy that I had never thought of her as someone whom Mayson would choose to date. I had completely forgotten that she was also a friend of Elise’s from the dorms and that she would be invited to the wedding. Things finally made sense.
“Yeah, we actually got a job in the same firm. It was all because of the year we spent in France. We presented our projects and were both hired. Small world, huh?”
“Sure,” I say with a smile, still unsure if he was friends with Daniela or dating her, “So, are you two very close?”
“We’re not dating…if that’s what you’re trying to ask me.” He flirts, his bright green eyes sparkling under the giant chandelier above our heads.
“So, where is this architecture firm the two of you work for?” I’m pressing for more information, of course, but I’m trying my very best not to seem too obvious.
“Well, Daniela works for the division based out of Milwaukee. And, I’m in Denver.”
“Wow, so you did it. You always wanted to move to Denver.” I say, trying desperately to hide my disappointment. Denver was a thousand miles away.
“Yeah, I’ve been there since college and I’ve loved every minute. But, Daniela and I have been collaborating on a new library for our old campus. The firm selected each of us, naturally, because we are Illinois alumni. So, we’ve been meeting there every few weeks to work on the project.”
“Wow. That is really exciting, Mayson. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks, Daphne. That means a lot to me,” he pauses, looking deep into my eyes and continues, “Look, I’m sorry for the way things went down right before graduation. You must think I’m such an ass for sleeping with you and then never calling. Especially since that was the first time--”
“Don’t worry, Mayson,” I interrupt, “That wasn’t my first time, if that’s what you’re worried about.” The lie feels awful leaving my lips. Why did I feel the need to hide the truth from him?
“It wasn’t?” he asks incredulously. He seems hurt, but why?
“No, so don’t you worry,” I say with a hint of sarcasm, “you haven’t scarred me for life.” Or had he?
“Well, I still felt like an ass for not calling. I was so busy getting acclimated in Denver and adjusting to life as an actual architect. And by the time I was really settled in, it seemed like too much time had passed. I figured you’d hang up on me or something if I tried to call.”
“You could have tried, you know. I wouldn’t have hung up.” The words fall out of my mouth in a soft whisper. What am I doing? Am I trying to get crushed all over again? I gaze up at his beautiful forehead. His tousled hair is starting to sway into his eyes as we dance. Slowly, my fingers push the strands of hair from his long, silky eyelashes. He smiles sincerely and heaves a sigh.
“Well, that’s good to know,” He replies, leaning in closer to me, almost nuzzling into my neck. We continue to sway slowly on the dance floor. I glance around to find Elise. She’s dancing with Henry and manages to give me an apprehensive smile. Mustering up the energy to look relaxed and calm, I perk up the corners of my mouth in return. I want so desperately to ease her concerns. If only I didn’t have so many of my own.
After our dance has finished, Mayson surprises me with an early departure.
“Well, I’d better get back to Daniela. After all, she is my date.” He stops, runs his fingers through his hair, takes a deep breath and continues, “It was really wonderful to see you. Are you still living with your parents?”
“No, I have an apartment a few towns over. It’s closer to the school where I teach.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot that you wanted to be a teacher. That’s awesome!”
How could he forget my chosen career path? Do I mean so little to him that he can’t even be bothered to remember my life’s passion? When we dated, all I could talk about were my teaching courses and how excited I was to be tutoring at the local high school. I was nothing if not a completely devoted teacher-in-training. It was such a large part of my identity, how could it have slipped his mind?
“Well, may I have your phone number then, Puddin’?” he winks at me and I feel like his conquest all over again. That was his nickname for me, at least whenever he had a bit too much to drink. I was always teasing him for his South Carolina accent. One night after too many bottles of beer, he started calling me Puddin’, a nickname that made me melt into a big pile of mush. I never expected to hear it again after our last night together in college.
Hesitantly, I give him my phone number in the hopes that we may reconnect in the near future. Regretfully, I leave him on the dance floor and join the other bridesmaids, all of whom are wondering how I am dealing with the reemergence of the notorious Mayson. I shrug at their many questions, wishing I had an answer.
Later that evening, I catch Elise’s beautiful bouquet. Was there ever any doubt? After my catch, I try my best not to make eye contact with him, but it proves to be impossible. His eyes bore into me and the air in my chest vanishes. What in the world have I gotten myself into?
Chapter 3
Sophomore Year (Spring Semester)
“Mayson, I was hoping that we could talk about us for a minute,” I say, my blood is pumping furiously through my heart. Things have been different between us ever since returning to campus after Spring Break. Mayson is different; his calls are less frequent, and he hasn’t slept over in more days than I can count. Something is wrong.
Elise has convinced me to talk to him and find out what’s happening between us. But, I fear this conversation will only lead to bad things; that I may just give him the excuse he is looking for to walk away from me.
“Yeah, what do you want to talk about?” he asks looking down at his cafeteria tray.
“Well, we haven’t really spent much time together lately. And, well, I’ve been sensing that you are pulling away. Have I done something to upset you?” My heart is racing, my fingers are trembling. I am terrified of where this conversation will lead; but I have to know what’s going on. I have to know if I’ve lost him.
“Don’t be silly. Of course not, I’m just really busy with classes. I didn’t realize that the architecture program would b
e so time consuming. And, I really blew it off for a few months, so I’m trying to make up for all that wasted time.”
All I can focus on is that word-- ‘wasted.’ Obviously all the time that Mayson and I have been a couple, he deems as wasted time. How awful. How can he say something so hurtful?
“Well, I didn’t mean to waste your time, you know. I thought we were in love.”
“Yeah, I know, but sometimes you have to make priorities, Daphne. I haven’t been sticking to mine lately. I realized that while I was home.” He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at his mashed potatoes, “I realized a lot of things,” he mumbles.
“Like what? Like about us?” I ask, desperately clinging to the hope that he will ease all of my fears. But, deep down, I know we are headed for a fall, a big one.
“Yes, Daphne, we spent so much time together that I lost a lot of time with my friends. And while I was home, I realized that friends come first. Friends will be there long after all the girls are gone.” He won’t look at me.
“Oh, so now I’m going somewhere?” My head is spinning and I am feeling a sudden urge to flee, from Mayson, from this conversation and from myself.
“Did you really think we weren’t going to break up? I mean, everyone breaks-up eventually. It’s inevitable. You can’t say that you really thought this was going to be for the rest of our lives, can you?”
“Well, I’m certainly not going to say that now! God, Mayson, where is all this coming from? We don’t have to plan our wedding or anything like that. We’ve been together for six months and it’s been wonderful. I think I deserve to be a priority, just as much, if not more than your friends,” I’m trying not to raise my voice too much, it feels like the walls are closing in on me. Two girls at the next table are already eavesdropping and I’m hoping not to draw the attention of any of the other students around us.
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