“I’m Daphne. Mayson and I went to college together. We dated then, but reconnected this summer. We’ve been dating for a few months now.” My voice trails off at the end. I’m terrified to find out where this conversation is leading and what will be revealed in its wake.
“Well, isn’t that just fantastic?” the young woman says, her voice dripping with anger and sarcasm. She glares at Mayson with a look that shows she is no longer surprised by the sight of me.
“I’m Brynn.” She says, raising her eyebrows, looking for some recognition of her name. But, I’ve never heard it before and she rolls her eyes at that realization. “I don’t know why that doesn’t surprise me. I know who you are, Daphne. I know all about you…at least, I did years ago in college. What I didn’t know is that you two have been having a fling right under my nose.”
“It wasn’t a fling,” I reply angrily, defending myself. Her icy blue eyes continue to overwhelm me, but I will not give up without a fight. “It was much more than that. He told me he loved me.”
“Well, obviously he told both of us a lot of things,” she snaps defiantly, crossing her arms, her gorgeous amber mane falling past her shoulders.
I narrow my eyes, looking at her and reflecting on what she has said, “How do you know my name?”
“I grew up with Mayson in Charleston. We went to different Universities. We started dating in college when we he came back home during spring break of sophomore year. You know, right before you two broke up. Put the pieces together, Daphne.”
“He what?” My thoughts are racing. He broke up with me for her? He lied to me in college, told me he needed to get his priorities straight, focus on his future. I feel helpless, scared and out of control. I look desperately to Brynn for more answers. I need more pieces of the puzzle in order to make them fit.
“You heard me,” she hisses, “He ended your relationship in order to be with me and we’ve been together ever since.”
“No. No.” I can’t see straight. My world is collapsing in front of me.
“Well, maybe I was able to give him something that you were unwilling to give?” Her words burn through my body.
“What are you talking about?” All at once, it dawns on me, “Did he sleep with you during spring break?” I’m praying that Brynn will say no, but deep down I know what her response is before she even utters the words.
“What did you expect, Daphne? He was a nineteen year old boy! They live and breathe sex and he was stuck dating little miss prim and proper, refusing to give it up,” she sneers, “He was going out of his mind. No wonder he came looking for me.”
“Oh my god…I can’t believe this is happening,” I say, trying to catch my breath, to wrap my brain around the past.
“How do you think I feel right now? I’ve been with Mayson for years...years. I uprooted my entire life to be with him. I moved to Denver in order to have a future with him. I spend holidays with his family. I take care of his dog while he travels for work. Trust me, Daphne, you and he were nothing but a fling. And as pissed off as I am right now, I am not walking away from him. So, I suggest you get the hell out of here. You have no business being near him or his family right now. And the sight of you is making me sick!”
My stomach turns and instinctively I run out of the room, tears spilling from my eyes. People walk by, looking at me with curiosity and concern.
Planning a future together? Holidays with his family? Things are starting to make sense. Brynn is the reason why I was not welcome at Thanksgiving. His fiancé was already with him, eating turkey and mashed potatoes with his family. Mayson has betrayed me...again. Everything that I thought I knew about him, about us, was a lie. A few short weeks ago, he was professing his love and now? Now I have no idea what to do or where I stand. Should I board the next possible flight? Should I stay by his side? Thoughts race through my head as sweat collects on my furrowed brow, tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks. I have to get out of this hospital or I fear it will swallow me whole. I have to get out. Now.
Elise is sitting quietly in a chair near the elevator lobby, iPod buds nestled deep within her ears. When she sees me, she hops out of her seat and runs to my side.
“Daphne, are you ok? What’s the matter?”
“He…I…he has a…I’m not…Oh my god, Elise.” I fall apart completely in her arms as she pulls me down to a nearby chair. She strokes my hair gently as she softly whispers, “Shhh” into my ear. But, a few moments later I feel Elise’s body tense and all of a sudden she is quiet.
“Excuse me, are you Daphne?” I look up to see a woman in her fifties. She is beautiful despite the dark circles under her eyes. She looks so much like Mayson. I know she must be his mother. She must be Cecelia Holt. Wiping the tears away, I do my best to compose myself.
“Yes, I’m Daphne.” I nod, rubbing my eyes roughly with the backs of my hands.
“Hello. I’m Cecilia, Mayson’s mother. We spoke on the phone. May I sit?” she asks gingerly. I nod uncomfortably and she sits down next to me. Elise presses her arm around my shoulder even tighter than before, protecting me from another possible confrontation. Cecelia notices the gesture and nods in understanding.
“I saw you running out of Mayson’s room and hoped I might catch you before you left the hospital. I would hate to think that girl chased you off.”
“But, she’s his fiancé.” I say in confusion. Cecelia’s eyes widen.
“Did she say that?” shaking her head in disgust she continues, "Yes, of course she would. In truth Daphne they are dating, but my son is not engaged…to anyone,” she rolls her eyes, “And he certainly isn’t engaged to Brynn. If he were, I would know it. Brynn has always been ten steps ahead of Mayson. She’s just staking her claim is all.”
“So, he’s not engaged?” I ask, feeling some relief.
“No, dear, he’s not. Why don’t you come back to the room and we can talk further.”
“I’m not sure I can, Mrs. Holt.” My apprehension is clear in my shaky voice.
“Please, call me Cece. And, don’t worry, I’ve sent Brynn home to cool down. You won’t have to worry about her; not today anyway.”
I nod my head in agreement and slowly we make our way back to Mayson’s room. When we enter, she pulls two chairs together next to his bed and we sit in silence for a few minutes, both watching the rise and fall of Mayson’s chest.
“Brynn told me you’ve been seeing Mayson for several months. She’s infuriated, to say the least.”
“Yes, I know and she has every right to be, I guess.” Cece shrugs in a non-committal gesture towards Brynn. “Mayson and I started dating this summer,” I continue.
“So, you’re the reason that Mayson was always so happy when he returned home from his Chicago business trips?” she smiles. I blush, but return her sentiment with a soft smile.
“I like to think so.” I reply, my cheeks turning crimson.
“Aha, a mother always knows when something unusual is happening with her children. Mayson has been,” she pauses, “different for a while now. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But, seeing you here is making everything a little clearer for me.”
“To be honest, Mrs. Holt, I’m more confused than I have ever been in my life. I know that, technically, I’m ‘the other woman,’ but I didn’t know that was my role. I thought Mayson was my…well, my boyfriend.” She nods compassionately with a knowing smile.
“I love my son. God, I love my son. But, he’s always been a bit impulsive, and extremely self absorbed. I’m sure he never meant to hurt you or Brynn, for that matter. Knowing Mayson, he must’ve had some “plan.” And now, he’s lying in a hospital bed and his secrets are revealed.” She shakes her head, laughing sadly. “He’s a good boy, Daphne…a good, good boy. Please don’t give up on him, not yet.”
“I’ll try not to, ma’am. But, it is difficult at the moment.”
“I can only imagine,” she says, wiping her eyes and looking quickly at the door, “Look, I’ve never been a b
ig fan of Brynn. She is simply not the type of woman I want my Mayson to be with. But, when I told you something was different with him, I meant it. He’s been happier, kinder, and gentler these past few months. He’s been a joy to be around…until Thanksgiving, that is. He was a royal pain in the ass on that holiday,” she laughs, stroking his arm gently and patting his wrist lightly.
“He did tell me that day was difficult.” I reply, remembering our ill-fated conversation the following day. She raises a curious eyebrow before continuing.
“He and Brynn arrived on Wednesday and he hardly spoke a word during their entire stay. He sat on the couch with his brothers, watching football, drinking beer. Normally, he stands in the kitchen with me while I cook the bird. He tells me stories about all the projects he’s working on, the buildings he has a hand in designing. But, not this year, this year he hung with the men and left Brynn and I alone in the kitchen. Couples have their ups and downs. Although, I secretly hoped he was finally going to break up with her, I assumed this was one of their downs.”
Mayson’s words creep into my head, I did a lot of thinking as I sat at my mother’s dining room table last night, wishing you were there with me. I was the reason; the reason that Mayson was not himself with his family, the reason he kept to himself on the couch watching football. But, was I merely a distraction from a down cycle with Brynn? After all, I was the other woman in this equation. I couldn’t let myself forget that.
“Cece, everything happened so fast earlier. I wasn’t able to ask what happened to Mayson. I know he was in an accident, but I don’t have any other details. Will you please tell me what happened?”
“Mayson went out for a morning run about two weeks ago. He had his iPod going way too loud, as always. Ever since he was a boy, he’s always had a thing for ear deafening decibels. I always thought he’d lose his hearing, but this was so much worse.”
“Was he hit by a car?”
“Yes, a stupid teenager was texting and didn’t see him jogging into the intersection. By the time she saw him, it was too late. Thank God she did know well enough to call 911 before even getting out of her car. The doctors were able to get him into surgery quickly and that has saved his life up until this point. But, I could just kill that girl.” Tears stream down her face as she continues to stroke Mayson’s hand. All I can think about is that damn iPod and the songs I picked out for him.
Cece wipes her tears away with a stroke of her hand and continues, “You need to prepare yourself. His outlook is not good. Of course, as his mother, I remain in complete denial. I can tell you to prepare yourself, but I’ll never be prepared to lose my baby.”
“I’m so sorry,” I cry, my heart sinking for her, for me, for Mayson.
“The doctors say there is a 50 percent chance that he may never be able to breathe on his own. I doubt my son would approve of being kept alive by machines.”
“But, there is a 50 percent chance that he’ll be ok?” I ask, wiping my tears with a tissue.
“There is always a chance, but the doctors are warning us not to be too hopeful. They call it a traumatic brain hemorrhage. His kind is one of the worst, an acute subdural hematoma.” She says, reading from the chart placed by Mayson’s feet. “I can never remember the exact term on my own, I always need to look at the chart. Mother’s defense mechanism, I think.”
She shrugs. My heart breaks for this lovely and kind woman who has opened herself up to me despite our circumstances. I wish so badly that I had the power to take her pain away. Selfishly, I want to see Mayson’s stunning green eyes again. I want to tell him that I love him and know that he can hear me. I want to be with him, despite everything that has happened. I want him to live.
Being with his mother has made me fall in love with him all over again. Despite his deceit, despite his lies, in this moment I am bound to him, to his mother, to his family.
Later that afternoon, I return to Elise who is patiently waiting for me in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. She has waited for me and instantly I feel relieved by her presence. Elise stares at me in disbelief as I finish explaining everything that has transpired in Mayson’s hospital room.
“What do I do, Elise? Please, tell me…tell me what I should do.” I search her face for answers, but cannot find any. She shrugs her shoulders compassionately and rubs my forearm softly before speaking.
“Daphne, things with Mayson have always been complicated. You’ve never seemed quite comfortable with him, not quite yourself. I’ve noticed that for years.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask, my eyes burning, my nose painfully red.
“It wasn’t my place,” she says, shaking her head “You loved him, you still do. You’re my best friend in the entire world and I want so desperately for you to be happy.”
“You said I’m not myself with him. What did you mean by that?”
“You always seem so unsure of yourself when you’re with him. As if you are always on your very best behavior. And honestly, that’s not how love should be. Just ask Henry! I’m myself with him, completely and utterly myself. Sometimes it sucks to be my husband, I assure you. But, he loves me anyway. He loves me when I’m bitchy, when I’m moody, or when I’m jealous. He just loves me.”
“Mayson told me he loved me…”
“Yes, I know, honey. But, how well does Mayson actually know you, the real you? Please don’t misunderstand me. You are wonderful. You’re funny, kind and sensitive. You light up a room. I know he sees that! But, when you’ve had a bad day, do you let him see it? When you’re pissed off at him, do you let him have it? I know you don’t. And to be with someone, really be with someone, he has to know you inside and out, the good and the bad.” I hang my head in shame, knowing that she is absolutely right. I held back my feelings with Mayson. I built my wall in order to keep myself safe. How could he possibly love someone he doesn’t really know?
“I still love him. But, this kind of betrayal, I don’t know that I can ever forgive this. I don’t know that I can move forward even if I am the one that he wants to be with.”
“Daph, if you want to leave, we’ll go. If you want to stay, that’s what we’ll do. Give yourself some time to decide.” Elise takes my hand in hers and squeezes it tight. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. Remember that.” She smiles gently, squeezes my hand one more time and gestures towards the door.
“Let’s get you out of here. You need to clear your head and you can’t be here any longer. You need some distance from Mayson, from Brynn and even from his family. You need to figure out what you want, my friend.
Chapter 17
Return
It’s been six weeks since I sat with Cece in Mayson’s hospital room. Mayson’s condition has not changed at all. Cece has warned me that the doctors are starting to become more and more pessimistic about his outlook. Christmas was awful without him. Not that we had ever spent any holidays together but, I’d been so hopeful that this would be our first. I had called Cece that morning to wish her a Merry Christmas. In my gut, I knew she would be with Mayson in his hospital room. She couldn’t bear to leave him. The rest of the family returned to South Carolina as she decorated his sterile room with garland and some of his favorite childhood ornaments. It didn’t make a difference.
I’m back at home, trying my best to live my life. Occasionally, a student will stay after class and ask me if I’m doing okay. Other faculty members have also taken notice of my rather melancholy disposition. I’ve chosen to keep most of this private, especially because I’m embarrassed that, technically, Mayson and I were having an affair. Afraid of judgment, I’ve kept my mouth shut, only revealing the details of my misery to Morgan and Elise.
Morgan and I are making popcorn, preparing to watch a crazy reality show when my cell phone rings. My heart jumps when I see that it’s Cece. Cece usually sends text messages to let me know that Mayson has stayed the same in his condition. Perhaps she’s calling with good news!
“Hello, dear,” she
says. Her voice is sullen and instantly I’m terrified.
“Cece, hi, how are you?”
“Daphne, I don’t know how to say this...” her voice trails.
“Cece, what is it? Is Mayson ok?”
“No, Daphne. My husband found some documents in Mayson’s safe along with his life insurance policy. He left a will and it states rather emphatically that we are not to, under any circumstances, allow him to persist in a situation like this. He has no interest in being kept alive by machines. His lawyer drafted him a DNR document, ‘do not resuscitate.’ There’s nothing more that we are legally allowed to do.”
“So, what are you saying? Are they making you turn off the machines?” No, this can’t be happening. I can’t lose him. Cece sobs into the phone. I feel terrible for being so selfish.
“I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t be thinking of myself. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to make these phone calls. What can I do?”
“Come and say goodbye, Daphne. We’re turning the machines off tomorrow. I begged the doctors to wait until then, so that his brothers can be here. But, I have no idea how long he will still… be with us when they turn them off.”
“Of course,” I reply, my voice weak and frail. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. This is a nightmare and, rather than waking up from this wretched dream, I now have to force myself to get on an airplane and continue the agony. But, I need to be there, for Mayson and for Cece. I need to say goodbye, to kiss his cheek and tell him, again, how much I love him.
Morgan and I arrive at the hotel in Denver the following morning. I’m grateful that my cousin has dropped everything, called in sick and accompanied me here. If not for her, I don’t know if I’d have made it. As it was, I was in tears at the airport and on the plane.
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