“It’s ok, Daphne. I can handle it. How does he make you feel?”
“He makes me feel things that even Mayson did not. He knows me; the real me. I don’t think Mayson ever did. And that wasn’t necessarily his fault. I never let Mayson see me for who I really was. The thought of losing him scared me so much that I wanted to be perfect all the time. It was exhausting. And I’m finally realizing that with Mayson, I was always on edge, always afraid of it coming to an end.”
“And you don’t feel that way now?” Cece asks. I shake my head in response, happy tears forming in my eyes.
“No, I don’t. He understands me. He loves me for who I am. He knows the deepest voice in my heart and he cherishes me for it. It has got to be the best feeling in the world.” I smile from ear to ear, a lone tear gliding down my face. I am feeling elated and guilty all at the same time.
“Well, that is fantastic. Truly, it is. I don’t really understand why you felt you had to hide this from me. How long have you been dating this young man?”
“We were together for about six months, until a few weeks ago.”
“Oh, no! What happened, darling?” She seems genuinely concerned. I love that she is pressing me for more information and not walking out of the restaurant. She is truly the beautiful person I’ve always believed her to be. Her response helps me to open up and I am comfortable sharing more with her. I remove the ring box from my purse and place it gently in front of her. She gasps softly.
“He was tired of competing with a memory; tired of competing with Mayson.” I say, looking down at the box, “I denied it, I fought him every step of the way, but he was right. It took losing him for me to realize how ridiculous I was behaving. I can’t keep the ring. And so, I am giving it back to you. I realized it doesn’t belong to me; and it never really did.”
“Oh no, did I cause this?” her skin turns ashen, “Did you lose him because I gave you this ring?” her voice is shaky. She is terrified.
“It’s not just the ring, Cece. But, it was wrong of me to keep it. And worst of all, I hid it from him. He came upon it innocently.”
“But somehow, I must be connected to all of this in some other way,” she pauses, searching my eyes, “You’ve never mentioned him to me in all this time. Did you fail to fill him in on our friendship, as well?” For the first time in our conversation, Cece looks disappointed in me.
“Yes. He had no idea.”
“I see.” Cece stares at the table. “Look, I’m not going to pretend that this conversation is easy for me. But, Mayson is gone and so you must move on. You can’t spend your life thinking about what could’ve been. I know that I didn’t help matters by showing you that ring, but I want you to know that I really do support you in moving on. I want you to be happy, dear. Truly, I do. Selfishly, I don’t want to lose our friendship, but if that is what you need to do in order to move on with this young man, then I will support that, too.”
“Oh, Cece, I don’t know what to do.”
“I do. You need to go back to Chicago and regain his love and trust. You need to do whatever it takes. You had too many regrets with my son. I don’t want that for you this time. No regrets, Daphne.”
“No regrets?” I swallow hard, forcing back the tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes at a feverish pace.
“That’s right. Proclaim your love, make a gigantic gesture, do what it takes for you to be happy with this young man.” She pauses briefly and then laughs, “I just realized you never told me his name. He means so much to you and I don’t even know what to call him.”
“Tanner. His name is Tanner and he is the love of my life.”
Chapter 36
Boombox
Morgan’s clunky old boombox bangs into the passenger door as I pull it out of my car. His SUV is parked in front of his garage. The lights in his condo are on and I can only hope he is inside alone. If not, I am about to be one embarrassed redhead. But, it will work. It has to work.
Approaching the light of his living room, I notice that Tanner is seated in his armchair, his reading glasses placed gently on his perfectly shaped nose. Concern is spread across his face and I know instantly that he is devouring another dystopian novel. Grateful for his concentration, I position myself in front of his front door, ready to make a complete ass out of myself. It is worth it if only to show him how I truly feel.
Deep breaths, Daphne, you can do this. It’s show time! Pressing ‘Play’ on the tape player, I am grateful to my library for having this song in their ancient music selection. Cranking the knob as far to the right as it will go, the notes of the song pour out into the open air. The guitar riffs are enough to grab my love’s attention. He quickly jumps from his chair and walks cautiously towards his front door. I place the boombox above my head, just like Lloyd Dobbler in “Say Anything.”
Shock is plastered across Tanner’s face as he stares at me. I hold the boombox above my head, mouthing the words to “Till There was You” right along with Paul McCartney. Tanner chuckles to himself, placing his hand over his mouth to mask his laughter. I sway and shimmy my bottom as I keep the boom-box above my head.
Neighbors begin to file out into their yards, all coming to inspect the source of the noise that is invading their normally peaceful neighborhood. Tanner looks around, crosses his arms and grins at me, as if challenging me to go on. And so, I stop lip-synching and begin to sing at the top of my lungs, along with the song. I sing my little heart out, even though an extensive crowd has gathered around Tanner’s front porch. A few of his neighbors have taken it upon themselves to raise their lighters and sway with the music. Giggling from embarrassment, I continue until the very last note of the song.
The crowd erupts into laughter and applause. Neighbors shout out to Tanner, “Keep her around, Dude!” “That was awesome!” “Lucky guy!” “Get a room!” and all the while he stands there, grinning with pride. But, as much as he smiles at me, the hurt in his eyes is the same as the day we last spoke. He needs to hear me out. There is so much to explain.
“Well, that was quite the performance,” Tanner says hesitantly as the crowd thins. We are left alone and the tension is now high. No longer is the mood light and airy. Instead it is filled with misconceptions, untruths and hurt.
“I practiced a lot. I wanted to get it just right. Do you remember that song?” My question is full of hope.
“I do. It makes me think of you, of us.”
“I know.” An uncomfortable pause fills the air. Goosebumps rise on my arms.
“Why are you here?” Tanner asks, arms still crossed over his chest in defiance.
“You must know why, Tanner. I miss you, terribly. And I need to explain myself.”
“Well,” he responds, “come in before it’s dark and someone calls the cops for random street performers without a permit.” A tiny glimpse of my witty Tanner comes through. Perhaps he hasn’t given up hope just yet
Walking into his condo, I notice immediately that the framed picture I had given him of us in Door County is no longer on his bookshelf. In its place is a simple candy dish, with no candy in it. My heart sinks.
“You haven’t called.” My voice is soft and, all of a sudden, I can no longer bear to look him in the eye. My picture is down and I am terrified that he is ready to be done with me.
“Neither have you.”
“Well, I’ve been busy. You know, planning my stellar performance.” My attempt at a joke falls hideously flat. Tanner does not laugh; he does not chuckle. He simply nods.
“Look, I know I screwed up. I know I’ve done so many things that I shouldn’t have done. I know hiding things from you and from Cece was wrong. But, there’s something you need to know. My regrets, they’re not so different from yours. In my apartment, you walked away thinking that I wanted to go back to Mayson. It isn’t true, Tanner. You need to know that.”
Tanner blinks again and again as he listens to my plea.
“When I said I wanted to go back, I meant that I wish I’d
been honest with you. I wish I’d been honest with Cece. She knows everything now. I flew to South Carolina to tell her.”
“You did?” I hear a tinge of hope in his inquiry.
“Yes, I did. Would you like to know what I told her?” Tanner nods hesitantly. “I told her all about you, about your warmth and your love for me. I told her about how you bring out the best in me. But, most importantly, I told her that you’re the love of my life. Because you are, Tanner, you are, without a doubt, the absolute love of my life.”
“And him? What about him?”
“I’m not going to lie about that. There was a time when I felt that way about Mayson. But, it wasn’t real, Tanner. It was a mirage, a fantasy that I invented in my head so many years ago. He was never the man for me. It’s as simple, and as complex, as that. I returned the ring to Cece. It doesn’t belong to me…and I don’t belong to it. I belong to you, Tanner. I am yours, completely yours. If you’ll still have me.”
Taking a few steps closer to Tanner who is visibly more relaxed than he was when I first entered his condo, I smile cautiously, hoping he will allow me to move even closer to him. He laughs, reading me like a book. Raising an eyebrow, I take another cautious step until I’m just inches away from him. Placing his hand over my heart, I press him towards me.
“Do you feel that? Do you feel how fast my heart is racing? This is me, terrified that you will walk away again. Being apart from you is killing me. Please, please, Tanner. Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me, to give me another chance?”
“Of course I want to be with you, sweetheart. I just wanted you to fight for me.” A tear runs down his cheek as he wipes the many that have rolled down my face. “And now you have. That’s all I ever wanted.”
Unable to contain my happiness and excitement, I wrap my hands around his neck and hurtle myself into his arms.
“Just promise me something, Daphne.”
“Anything, my love, anything.” I sigh into his neck.
“Please don’t ever sing again. That was really rough.” Laughter consumes me and I howl with amusement as Tanner pulls me in for a long, deep hug.
“But, the prop was good, right? You’ve got to give me props for my prop,” I giggle, “That boombox is ancient,” I pull back and give him a playful smirk.
“You know, Daph. I always thought I was the dork in this relationship. I’m starting to think otherwise,” Tanner teases, before yanking me off the floor and carrying me towards his bedroom.
“We have some making up to do.” His voice has turned raspy and I know the time for jokes has passed. I’ve told him how I feel. Now it’s time to show him.
Later, as we lay tangled in Tanner’s bed, he strokes my hair gingerly.
“I can’t believe you did that, Daph. I can’t believe you did the John Cusack thing.”
“You love that scene. It’s your favorite,” I reply matter-of-factly.
“I know, I just….I can’t believe you did that for me. And when my neighbors gathered around you, you didn’t shy away, you actually started to sing!”
“Anything for you, my love,” I grin.
“You amaze me, you know that?” Tanner says, stroking my back. Quickly, I glance at the clock. Sitting up, I place my hand gently on Tanner’s cheek.
“Are you ready for Part Two of my plan to win you back?”
“There’s more? You’ve already won me back, sweetheart.”
“I know, but I’m not finished yet. You kind of interrupted me with the sex.”
“Oh, my deepest apologies, sweetheart,” Tanner smirks.
“Get dressed and meet me in your backyard in ten minutes,” Swiftly, I jump out of bed and pull my clothes back on. Giving him a chaste peck on the lips, I smile craftily and run out of the room, closing his door behind me.
When Tanner emerges through his sliding glass door, his mouth is agape. Spread out on the grass is a large checkered blanket. Sitting atop the blanket is a picnic basket, citronella candles and a bottle of Moscato di Asti. Chunks of cheese, grapes and crusty French bread sit on plates awaiting the two of us.
“Wow,” Tanner exclaims, still a bit in shock. “Daphne, I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, I do,” I say, taking his hands in mine and leading him to the blanket. “Have a seat so that I can elaborate.” Tanner sits on the blanket, still looking a bit stunned.
“Do you remember our first date?”
“Of course I do, sweetheart.” He smiles affectionately at me.
“Well, I do too. You went so out of your way to make that night special with my favorite wine and the candles to keep the bugs away. It was perfect; you were perfect. But, we were interrupted that night, in a way that we’ve been interrupted for months. There will be no cell phone calls this evening. There will be no baggage, or ghosts or mirages. I want us to have that night again. But, this time there will be no interruptions.”
“Just you and me?” Tanner asks, pushing my bangs from my face.
“Just you and me.”
Chapter 37
Bachelorette
Morgan and Matt’s wedding is only a few weeks away. Tonight is her much anticipated Bachelorette Party. Morgan has always wanted to visit a strip club, yet has never gone. Well, tonight that is about to change. Her other bridesmaids and I have her blindfolded, sitting in the car as we drive to Lake Geneva. She is a little tipsy after our delicious meal at a local restaurant on the lake. After several margaritas and one Long Island Iced Tea, Morgan is feeling no pain and will not stop giggling.
“Can I please take this thing off?” she asks, giggling yet again.
“Nope,” answers her friend Susannah, our designated driver, “We’ll be there in a few minutes. Relax and enjoy your buzz!”
The girls giggle and chat in the SUV as we approach our destination. Slowly, we guide Morgan out of the passenger seat and position her so that she is facing the sign of our destination. When we take her blindfold off, she busts out into laughter.
“The Sugar Shack?” she yells, jumping up and down. “Daphne, you knew I wanted to come here! You are so awesome!”
Morgan’s laughter is contagious and we all do our best to keep calm as we enter the large white building out in the middle of nowhere.
“We’re here for the male dancers,” Morgan says, giggling as we enter the building. The young woman behind the counter is friendly, but does not seem amused by Morgan’s excitement and laughter. I’m sure she has seen it all...bachelorettes, birthday girls, horny college girls with fake ids. I give her a meek smile and shrug my shoulders as she checks each of our IDs and points us in the direction of the performance.
“This is so friggin’ exciting! So, do they take it off? I mean, do they take it all off?”
“You betcha,” says Julie, Morgan’s old college roommate and the only one in our group who has already seen the show.
“Really?” a few of us gasp, looking at one another before bursting into fits of giggles.
“Well, not the whole time, ladies. They come out to the stage in costumes. And then, they take their time stripping down. Morgan, do you have your singles?”
“Yep!” Morgan says holding up her wallet filled with $1 bills given to her by her lovely bridal party. We’ve thought of everything. Morgan has plenty of money to give the dancers. She also has a “hottie whistle” to beckon them with, handcuffs in case they wish to restrain her during her inevitable lap dance and a crown so that the dancers will know who the bride is in our group.
After climbing the set of stairs to the performance area, we quickly find our seats. There is a small, elevated square stage in the center of the room. Above the stage is a tray ceiling to accommodate the height of the male dancers as they perform. Seating surrounds the stage and a bar sits off to the side. The walls are black, as are the tables, the chairs, the stage, everything. There are three other brides with their friends here tonight, as well as a few birthday girls. Our bartender quickly takes our orders and before we know it
, the lights are flashing and an announcer in a black tuxedo takes the stage.
“Ladies, welcome to the Sugar Shack! We have a fantastic show prepared for you tonight. Now, if you were planning on taking pictures tonight, listen up!” We each look at each other, and I slowly place my camera in my lap, feeling busted.
“Take as many pictures as you want! That’s right, ladies, our guys aren’t shy! This is a party and we want you to live it up!” Everyone goes wild, and the cameras start flashing like crazy. The announcer looks pleased, “Yeah, that’s more like it! Now, are we ready to get this party started?” Again, the ladies in the room go crazy, many jumping up and down, clapping and screaming, ready to see our first dancer.
“Please welcome our first performer to the stage. He’s Latin, he’s sexy and he’s waiting for you, ladies! It’s Diego our Latin Lover!” The ladies scream as a beautiful man strolls onto the stage wearing a Zorro type costume with black faux leather pants, a cape and a mask over his eyes.
“Holy crap!” Morgan yells as she stares up at the stage. The music pounds and our Latin Lover makes his way to our section of the stage. He slowly takes off his shirt as he gestures for Morgan to approach him. She looks at me with a huge grin.
“What do I do?” she yells over the thumping music. At this point, he is working on his belt and is swaying his hips back and forth. The women across the room are out of their seats and screaming. Julie grabs Morgan’s wallet, takes out a dollar and hands it to her.
“Get over there, put this in your bra and smile. That’s it. He’ll take care of the rest!” I slap Morgan’s ass, urging her to walk over to the sexy man who looks ready to peel off his chap-like pants.
Morgan hops off of her barstool and strolls in her sexiest walk towards the stage. Diego smiles, nodding as Morgan approaches the stage. She quickly places the dollar bill in her bra so that one end is sticking out, she looks back at us so that we can see the proper placement of the money, then turns back towards Diego. In the blink of an eye, Diego drops down to his knees and moves seductively towards Morgan, grabbing the dollar bill with his teeth as he rubs one hand down her back.
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