by BL Mute
“How do you know?”
“Because I have a lot to say.”
He pulls away and smiles down on me. “Spitfire really suits you.”
I shrug. “Let’s just get this over with.”
He nods and leads me back to the living room, where we gather his bag, my purse, and Tiny. When we exit the house, he locks the door, then walks to the passenger side of his SUV and opens the door for me. Once I’m inside and buckled, he closes it, then opens the back and orders Tiny in.
As he finally comes around the front and gets into the driver’s seat, I speak. “Bradley is closer. We’ll go see him first.”
He starts the car with a nod. As we start down the dirt road, back to the civilization I haven’t seen in what feels like weeks, he asks a question that I’m sure has been burning in his mind for a while. “Who is he?”
“Bradley?” I already know that’s exactly who he’s talking about, but I need a second to try and gather my thoughts—to try and ease into this.
“Yes.”
“He’s an old friend. He helped Lydia and Carter put things in place to set your dad up, but they never got the chance to use it. He graduated tech school last year.”
“So we can trust him, then?”
I let out a breath. I thought he would ask more questions, but I’m grateful he isn’t. Telling my current boyfriend? Fuck buddy? Whatever Cyrus is, about the guy I used to hook up with just doesn’t seem appealing.
“Yes. He’s a good guy,” I reply, swallowing all the thoughts of Bradley and me down. It’s better left unsaid. Right now, tensions are high. I don’t want to add to that.
He nods again. “Good.”
As we pull up to Bradley’s parents’ house, I stare at it. The last time I was here was his graduation party with Lydia. It was easier then. We didn’t have secrets—at least I didn’t—and things were simple. Party, smoke, drink, fuck. It was the best things could be. Now, life is… complicated and messy.
The place looks the same. White with dark blue shutters and a wraparound porch, but the trees and pillars lack the fairy lights that normally adorn them for parties. I see his black Tesla parked in the long drive, but no other cars are in sight, which is good. Maybe that means he’s alone right now.
Cyrus pulls behind his car and parks. Before shutting the ignition off, he rolls the windows down for Tiny, then exits and rounds the back. He opens my door and offers me his hand.
“This is nice,” he comments, letting me take the lead.
“Yeah. His parents are pretty wealthy.”
“Not uncommon for someone who comes from Bexley.”
I shake my head as I start up the steps. “He isn’t from Bexley.”
I hear him stop behind me, but I keep walking. “Then how do you know him?”
When I make it to the door, I ring the bell and wait. “We met at a party.”
As the front door glides open, I can’t help but smile. Bradley was my comfortable—my normal—for so long, and seeing his face puts me at ease.
“Baby girl!” he exclaims, leaning down and wrapping his arms around my waist.
Before I can protest, his lips land on mine. Instinctively, my lips move with his as my arms clamp around his neck, but then I remember who’s behind me. Quickly, I pull away. “Bradley, I have—” I’m cut off with a shove.
Cyrus pushes me to the side, then swings his fist directly to Bradley’s nose. It all happens so fast, I don’t even know how to react. One second, they’re standing there shouting words I can’t even make out, and the next, they’re on the ground.
By the time my mind finally catches up with what’s happening, Cyrus has Bradley pinned under him, straddling his thighs as he sends fist after fist into his body.
“Cyrus!” I scream, rushing forward. Grabbing his shoulders, I tug as hard as I can. “Get off of him!”
When he doesn’t budge, I do the only thing I can think of. I grab a fistful of his hair and yank. Immediately, his hands reach up and lock onto mine. He stumbles backward as I drag him. “What the fuck, Carmen!”
With them finally separated, I let my hold on him fall and step in front of his body. “What the fuck is right. What are you doing?” I squeal as he pulls himself to his feet.
“He put his lips on you!” Cyrus yells back, trying to step around me.
“Wow.” Bradley laughs, dragging himself back to his feet. “I see you changed, and I never got that call.”
“It isn’t like that, Bradley.”
“Like what?” Cyrus demands.
I raise my arms, placing one of my hands on each of their chests, hoping it’s enough to keep them from tearing each other apart. “Cyrus, stop.”
“Good idea to listen to the woman, my man,” Bradley spits.
“You too, Bradley. Both of you, just fucking stop.”
“Could have given me a warning before we got here, Carmen,” Cyrus hisses, narrowing his eyes at me.
“Would you have come if I did? Because seeing how you just reacted, I bet I know the answer.”
He shakes his head and takes a step back, shaking out his shoulders, but he stays silent.
“Could have at least given me a heads-up too that you were coming by with this fucking psychopath,” Bradley sneers, looking at Cyrus over my shoulder.
I roll my eyes. “Jealousy doesn’t look good on either of you, so if you’re done with your little dick-measuring contest, I can explain everything—to both of you.”
They lock eyes with clenched fists and flaring nostrils.
“Or I can do this shit myself,” I add, moving to start back down the steps.
“Stop,” Cyrus finally says. “We need him, and you know it.”
“Yeah? And you know it too, so are you done?” I ask, staring directly at him.
His eyes finally snap back to me. “As long as he doesn’t put his hands on you again.”
“Bradley, promise not to touch me again while we’re here?” I deadpan, keeping my eyes on Cyrus.
“I don’t promise shit. You came here, with him,” he says with disgust. “And you expect me to just act like we were nothing?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and release a breath. This is definitely not how I imagined this reunion going, but there is no backing out now. “We weren’t nothing, but you know that ended weeks ago when you left, just like everyone else. If you want to be angry, fine, but I have the same right. I was hurt too and found the comfort I needed with Cyrus. What did you want me to do?”
“At least have the decency to fucking call, Carmen. I was the one there for you no matter what time or day. You called, and I was there, no questions asked. I get it, I left, but that didn’t change my feelings. Now weeks later, you come to my house with another man for… for what?”
I finally turn to face him. “I need help.”
He nods with a sad smirk. “Of course you do. That seems all I’m good for—a quick fuck and help.”
“Bradley—” I want to tell him it isn’t like that, but I don’t even know if it’s true.
I don’t know what it was, but I never wanted to settle down with him. We were too young, and I was too broken. I didn’t think it would be fair to make him fix all the damage he never even caused while he was so… perfect. He has the perfect parents, the perfect life. I didn’t want to tarnish that, so I gave him the only thing I could offer. My body.
“Don’t.” He cuts me off, holding up his hand. “Just tell me what you need help with because you know, even though I’m fucking livid, I won’t say no.”
I bite my lip and look at him, then to Cyrus. Cyrus tips his head, and I know what he’s trying to say. We need him. Without Bradley, our entire plan turns to trash.
If I could, I’d turn around and leave. I’d do my best to never get tangled up in shit like this again, but it’s already too late. I’ve used Bradley so much for selfish purposes, and he knows it, but he still won’t turn me away. He cares too much.
“We need to find someone,” I finally let
out, hating myself more than before.
“Who?” he asks, crossing his arms over his chest as he widens his stance.
I glance back to Cyrus. “Tell him.”
He nods. “It’s my boss.”
“Okay, I’m going to need more than that,” Bradley replies, annoyed.
“I don’t have much other than an address I think he owns.”
“And I know what he looks like,” I add.
Bradley looks at both of us and shakes his head, then reaches inside of his open door and grabs a thing of Post-its and a pen. “Write it all down, and I’ll see what I can do.”
When he passes it to me, I see the start of a grocery list sprawled on the first one. Ripping it off, I hand it to him and use the others to scribble down everything I can think of. Once it’s all written down, I hand him the stack of Post-its back.
He looks over it for a few seconds, then turns his attention back to us. “I’ll call when I find something.”
Cyrus reaches inside his back pocket and pulls out a business card. It looks exactly like the one he gave me after our first night. “This number. If there is no answer, don’t text. Just wait for a callback.”
Bradley nods and snags the card, then steps back inside and slams the door behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CARMEN
The ride back to Bexley is awkwardly silent. Cyrus doesn’t speak, and neither do I because honestly, I don’t even know what to say. Sure, I knew Bradley had feelings, but I thought him leaving was his own way of letting go. That’s how I took it anyway.
“You know he loves you, right?” Cyrus finally says, breaking the silence.
I keep my eyes positioned out the window. One, because I’m ashamed he even had to witness that, and two, because every emotion inside of me is already threatening to explode. Seeing his disapproving face won’t help with that. “Love is a strong word.”
“What did you do to him?” he asks, ignoring my statement.
“Why do you think I did something?” I reply defensively, knowing it was me who caused his pain.
“Because no man would act that way over just anyone.”
I scoff because I know he’s right, but do I really want to out myself as being a cold bitch? “We used to mess around. We tried the whole dating thing for a while, but it just didn’t work out. He always thought I would change and want to settle down, but I wasn’t ready for that. I strung him along for selfish reasons, and I know that’s wrong, but I didn’t realize the impact it had on him until now.”
Lie.
I knew exactly what it would do, but I never thought I would have to ask him for help again. When he left, I was hurt too and thought leaving shit how it was would be best. If I didn’t flaunt it in front of him that I was fine without him, no more harm. But here we are… I’m dragging him back into shit that could very well hurt him.
I feel bad—more than bad—but I’m desperate. Desperate to help Cyrus, desperate to get the answers I crave, and desperate to end all the bullshit once and for all. No more secrets, no more murder. I can go back to my life how it was. I can try to be happy even though I’m not even sure what that means for me.
Is my happy alone? Is it with Cyrus? What about all the shit with my dad—Alexander.
“Well,” he starts again, pulling me from my thoughts. “Maybe the shit between you and him is something you can fix in the future.”
I turn in my seat to face him. “You literally just tried to beat his ass for kissing me, and now you’re saying I can mend our relationship later on?”
He shrugs and stares out the windshield. Small droplets of rain start to fall as thunder echoes in the air around us. “There is no telling what will happen after today, Carmen.”
I push my head back into the seat as his conversation with Hatcher replays in my mind. “I know, but we can still hope for the best.”
“I guess we can.” He reaches over the console and grips my thigh.
I try to focus on his touch because it’s the only nice thing I seem to look forward to anymore, but as my surroundings start to grow more familiar, my nerves start getting to me.
“I need to see my brother before we do this,” he says, turning down the main road in Bexley that eventually splits and leads to Carter and Lydia’s place.
I nod, but I don’t speak. I don’t trust my voice not to crack. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face the reality of him saying goodbye in his own way—because that’s exactly what he’s doing.
As we pull up to Lydia’s house, I take a deep breath. My Bentley is parked in the same spot I left it, and it makes me wonder how shit would be if I never met up with Cyrus. What if I took her warning to heart and never met with B either? Shit would be okay right now, but instead, it’s a fucking mess. A mess I’m not sure can even be cleaned up.
Stepping out of the SUV, I wait for Cyrus. He opens the back door, letting Tiny out, then moves to my side. Together, we walk to the front with Tiny following. He steps forward, knocking on the wood three times before stepping back beside me.
After a few seconds, the door is pulled open, and Lydia stands on the other side. Although it’s only been a few days, I had almost forgotten what she looked like because my mind has been in so many other places. Her thin frame and short blonde hair are a comforting sight. Comforting in a different way than seeing Bradley.
Lydia has been my friend forever. I should have told her when all this started in the beginning. Not just the shit with Cyrus, but B too, and maybe things would be different.
“Carmen? Where have you been?” Her lips pull down in a frown as she crosses her arms over her chest. It’s rare that she and I go even a day without speaking, other than the time after her dad died.
“Just hanging with Cyrus in a place with no reception. I wanted to call, but all I was able to manage was a text. Did you get it?” I shrug, trying to act as nonchalant as possible, but I know she can see right through me.
“You can lie to yourself if you want, but you can’t lie to me. William called.” She pulls me inside, not closing the door so Cyrus and Tiny can follow.
I follow her through the entryway and all the way to the living room, where Carter is on the couch. “Hey, Carter.”
He turns and looks at me, then to Cyrus behind me. “Fuck off.”
Lydia shakes her head, ignoring his small outburst. “What’s going on?”
I open my mouth to speak—to tell her everything and finally unload everything I’ve been keeping inside—but it doesn’t come out. “We have an issue.”
“You don’t think?” Carter mocks from the couch.
I tip my head. “What?”
“Your dad came by,” Lydia starts. “He literally just left before y’all showed up. Said he hasn’t heard from you in a few days, and he and William were worried. Then he tried to blame us for you being gone and off-grid. He didn’t seem happy.”
I cut my eyes to Cyrus, then back to her. “But you said William called? I talked to him and told him everything was fine, so why did my dad show up?”
“Fuck if I know, Carmen. William only called to prepare us for his wrath,” Lydia says with a smirk.
The topic of my dad has always been off-limits, but there have been times I’ve needed to vent. And by vent, I mean talk shit because Alexander doesn’t deserve anything else. I’m sure to her, without knowing what’s going on, it’s a funny sight seeing my ‘dad,’ who doesn’t even care about me act like he does, but it’s anything but funny. Something is off, and I can feel it.
The small smile slips from her face like she can see the wheels turning in my mind. “What’s wrong?”
I look to Cyrus, wanting him to answer for me, but this isn’t his story to tell; it’s mine. I thought I could put it off—only deal with it when I was faced with Alexander—but Lydia is my best friend, and keeping secrets is what got us into the fucked-up positions we are in to begin with.
“Alexander isn’t my dad.” Saying it out loud for the seco
nd time makes it feel more real. More real than I would like. I wish I could just ignore it, act like I never even knew and continue in oblivious dread. At this point, it seems it would be better than this.
Carter turns in his seat, finally seeming invested in what I’m saying. “What?”
“It’s William.”
Lydia exchanges a look with Carter before turning back to me. “How do you know?”
I give her the same basic rundown I gave Cyrus and Hatcher, doing my best to keep the emotions that come with my words tucked away. It’s better that way.
Once I have it all laid out in front of them, they both seem baffled. Almost as if I just fed them the biggest lie I could formulate in my mind.
“And you’re okay with this?” Carter finally asks.
“No. I’m hurt and angry and want to know why he kept it from me for so long.”
Lydia shifts on her feet. “You seem…” She trails off like she can’t find the right word to say.
“Like I’m keeping it all inside until I explode?” She nods. “Letting all of the things I’m feeling seep out now wouldn’t benefit anyone. I’d rather Alexander get the full impact of how I feel instead.”
Cyrus rubs the back of my arm from behind me reassuringly, still staying silent.
“Carmen, you know trying to bottle everything up isn’t good,” Lydia says.
I smile sadly. She’s always been so nurturing. So motherly. Maybe that’s why I was so drawn to her even as kids. She was someone I could lean on when I had no one.
“Don’t worry. We’re going to see him next. I won’t be holding back much longer.”
Carter stands from his spot. “This could go bad really fast. You can’t go alone.”
Cyrus finally speaks. “She won’t be alone.”
Carter stares at him, his jaw ticking. “Funny how you can help someone else but never thought to help me.”
Cyrus pushes his way in front of me. “Look, I know you’re mad, and you have every right, but we can fix us later. Right now, this is bigger.”
“Right. Everything but family always takes precedence,” Carter scoffs.
“Carter,” Lydia chastises. “Have you forgotten what Carmen did for us? She is family.”