A noise at the end of the room snapped me out of my stupor.
Two nurses were supporting Hedge Boy. He seemed completely limp and his head flopped around as they manhandled him onto an empty bed. One of the nurses noticed me. I tensed – I wasn’t sure in the gloom if it was one of the nurses who’d been in the kitchen. He pulled down the mask that was covering his mouth and came over.
“First day?” he said, confusion on his brow.
He was acting like everything was completely normal. I nodded, trying to give the impression I was just a new colleague on a normal workday.
“Sorry, nobody told me you were starting. Okay, well, gloves and masks are in the sluice.” He indicated a door on my right. I went into the tiny room.
Maybe they were so confident in their security they would never have imagined an intruder? Or maybe they actually did have nothing to hide. Was all this really some kind of treatment? What for? How could I find out? Did Benjie and Mariya know about this part of the hospital? Should I go and find them? Ask them? I scanned the shelves in the sluice and found a box of gloves. I fished out a pair and the door opened. The nurse stuck his head in.
“We don’t need help on the ward, now the newcomer has calmed down.” He waved at a pile of instruments by a machine that looked like a dishwasher. “You might as well stay in here. All that needs sterilizing – it’s a standard unit. Can you get started with it?”
“Okay.”
“You don’t say much, do you?”
I forced a smile. “What’s this ward again?”
“Weren’t you listening in induction training? This is the extraction suite.”
He shook his head and shut the door sharply. Extraction suite? What the hell…? I poked through the things waiting to be sterilized. What was it all for? Miss Lilly had said something about the Mental Health Act, so what were they extracting? Bad thoughts? From children? You didn’t treat mental health by sticking needles in kids and leaving them to wither. There wasn’t a single toy on that ward. Not a poster, not a teddy. I couldn’t figure it out.
There were so many questions spinning round my brain. How did any of it link together? What could they be doing to those kids? And Hedge Boy? What was he doing here? Was it rehabilitation of some sort? Was there a connection with the missing children Stacey had talked about?
My mind galloped to work it out but I just came up with more questions. What about the pods in Stacey’s picture? How did they fit in? I hadn’t found them yet – could Alfie really be in one? Were the pods somehow connected with the children on the beds? A new thought hit my brain with a white-hot explosion: what if Alfie was still alive but not in a pod – what if he was in one of those beds?
My mind sketched an image of my brother, deathly still, under one of those white sheets. I started to shake as I pictured him staring blankly at the ceiling, needles dripping from his body, from his eyes… I was sick. Right there, all over the floor. Milkshake and strawberries splashed up the walls and down my blue-clad legs.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.”
I had to see. I had to know.
I opened the door and took two steps back onto the ward before the nurse grabbed me by the arm.
“Look at the state of you! What did you do? Are you sick? Didn’t you fill in a health questionnaire before you started work? The contamination risk! Out. Get off the ward and don’t come back into work until all your symptoms have been clear for forty-eight hours.”
He glared at me. I tried to look behind him, along the ward, but he shoved me towards the door and I was too nauseous and trembly to resist.
“Don’t touch that keypad without gloves. I’ll let you out.” He pushed me through the doors before I could protest.
The guard outside said, “In trouble already?”
I was sure I looked guilty, like I knew I shouldn’t be there. I was sweating, shaking and desperate – I had no idea what to do next. I managed to splutter, “The nurse said I needed to get changed but I can’t remember where the locker room is.”
The guard said, “End of this corridor, up two flights, through the double doors.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. This place is like a maze – took me weeks to find my way around.”
How could they all act as if everything was fine? It was like some horrible dream where reality was warped and distorted. I desperately needed help but I didn’t know who to ask. Were they all in on it? Whatever it was?
I needed help. I wanted my phone but I’d left it in my onesie behind the laundry bin. I tried to get back to the changing room as quickly as I could but after about five minutes, I was completely lost. Then the key card stopped opening doors.
I pulled the stupid paper hat off my head and leaned against the wall. Panic made me teary and I was gulping back sobs when I heard Miss Lilly’s heels come tap-tap-tapping down the corridor towards me. I wasn’t even surprised.
She had a guard with her.
“Laura, for goodness’ sake! You had me so worried. I got back to the apartment and you’d disappeared.”
I swallowed and looked at the floor.
“And why on earth are you wearing scrubs? You’ve been sick? Are you unwell?”
I looked up at her. I was so confused. If she was behind some horrible scheme to test products on little kids, how could she also just be…nice? It didn’t make any sense. Unless I was going mad? Was this how it felt to go crazy?
“Let’s get you back to the apartment, shall we? I’ve organized a driver to take you back to school but it looks like you need a shower.”
I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do. I followed her, trapped in my nightmare.
She patted my back lightly and said, “If you keep disappearing, we’ll have to get you fitted with a permanent tracker.”
I hoped she was joking. My thoughts were all over the place. And suddenly the question bubbled up and out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I’ve been downstairs. I’ve seen that ward with all the children. Is Alfie down there? In one of those beds?”
“No! What on earth made you think that? Of course not. You really are poorly, aren’t you, sweetheart? Come on. I think we need to get Benjie to check you over. Maybe you need a few days in bed.”
I shook my head. “I’m not poorly. I just want to know what’s going on.”
“Nothing is going on. The people on that ward have a condition where their body overproduces certain chemicals – the process they are undergoing removes the chemical.”
Extraction.
“Even Hedge Boy?”
“Hedge Boy?” She seemed amused. “Is that what you call the young man who broke into our apartment? Yes, even him, but it’s very complicated, Laura. I’m not sure—”
“What chemical?”
Her jaw tightened for a moment. “Like I said, it’s complicated. If you really want to understand, this corridor is hardly the place for a complex science lesson.”
Was she telling me the truth?
I said, “Stacey—”
She cut me off sharply. “Stacey Flowers? Is that what this is about? You’ve been listening to her? After everything she’s done?”
I was swamped with guilt but I had to know – there was no other way now. I needed answers. “She showed me a picture, a recent picture. The pods we were stored in, they’re still active. You said they were damaged, that no one else survived. You told me—”
“I…”
“I have to see for myself. I want to see the pods.”
“There are no pods!”
“So show me. Let’s go down there now and I’ll never mention it again.”
She turned away and when she looked back, tears beaded her lashes. She leaned against the wall and when she spoke, she looked so small and sad that my heart melted.
“Laura, sweetheart, I think I’ve made a terrible mistake. I wanted to save you from pain. I wanted you to be able to move on with your life, to start afresh.”
“What do
you mean?”
She shook her head. She was finding it hard to talk. Eventually she whispered, “I lied to you.”
I had to put a hand on the wall to steady myself.
“It was a stupid thing to do,” she went on. “I see that now. I’m so sorry. Your brother’s pod was damaged…but we were able to revive him.”
Hope surged through me.
“Alfie is alive?”
Miss Lilly looked at me with those big violet eyes and said, “Barely, Laura – there was irreparable harm to his brain. He’s in a permanent vegetative state.”
I hardly heard her. My brother was alive. Alive and alone. “I could have been with him. I…”
A cold lump of rage lodged in my chest, radiating anger into every cell of my body until my hands clenched into fists. I wanted to shake some answers out of her.
“Where is he?” I hissed.
She held a hand up as if to ward me off. “Laura, it was for the best. I swear we’ve been taking good care of him.”
I felt like the floor was moving under me.
“For the best? You lied to me.”
I couldn’t take it in.
“I want to see him.”
“Of course. Yes. You’ll need to get cleaned up – the infection risk… And, Laura, you need to understand, he’s not…he can’t talk, he—”
“I don’t care. I’ll get showered but I’m not leaving this building until I’ve seen him.”
Maybe not ever. If he needed me, I was staying right by his side for as long as it took.
We went back to the apartment. I was shaking as I got showered and dressed in clean clothes. Batfink wanted to play but I paced my room, nerves building as I waited for Miss Lilly to come and get me. I was desperate to see Alfie. To hold him in my arms, to smell the top of his head. By the time Miss Lilly came back, I was tense as a bowstring pulled tight, ready to release an arrow.
She didn’t say a word as we walked to a small room in a part of the clinic I hadn’t seen before. It was empty apart from a couple of chairs and a huge mirror on the left-hand wall.
“Where is he?”
Miss Lilly waved at the mirror and our images dissolved to reveal a room beyond. And there he was.
Alfie.
My baby brother.
He looked so small, lying absolutely still under a neat hospital blanket. A machine seemed to be breathing for him. I pressed my hands against the glass; a deep, growl of pain came from somewhere inside me. I wanted to hug him so much my arms ached.
“I need to hold him.”
“His condition is very unstable—”
“But if he hears my voice—”
“You vomited, Laura. I know you’ve showered but if you have a sickness bug, it could make your brother very ill.”
I leaned against the glass, desperate to be closer. All the times I’d longed for him, Alfie had been in the same building. The guilt I’d felt about not visiting his grave, the shame of failing him, and all the time, I could have been by his side. I covered my mouth, trying to control the overwhelming flood of sorrow that threatened to drown me.
“Can I just stand by his door? Please. I could talk to him from there.”
“I don’t think so, Laura, we don’t want to take any risks. He’s in total isolation for his own protection.”
“But he needs me. I can help him get better.”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry. The truth is, he won’t even know you’re there. I wanted to spare you this pain because it’s unlikely he’ll ever recover. I’m so sorry.”
I willed Alfie to turn and look at me. To show some sign that he knew I was there. It seemed so unfair. That my body could heal itself so easily but his…
“Wait, the brain is an organ in the body,” I said, “so why isn’t it fixing itself?”
“What do you mean?”
“My body, it heals faster than it should. Why doesn’t his too?”
“Ah. That. It’s a side effect of the process used to revive you but it only works on new injuries…the fire meant Alfie’s brain was damaged before we attempted to bring him back.”
I was so tired. So…wrung out. All I wanted was to sit by Alfie’s bed and hold his hand. The cold hard glass of that window was a poor substitute for my warm cuddly little brother. It was unbearable to be so close but unable to touch him. Maybe Miss Lilly had been right not to tell me. It crushed me, but I didn’t want to leave. If this was all I could have, I wanted it. I drank in every tiny detail of Alfie and his room.
Miss Lilly put a gentle hand on my back, but as she did so, I realized there was something off about what I was seeing. There wasn’t a door to the room. There was no way in.
“Where’s the door?”
“What door? What do you mean?” She followed my gaze and then the window silvered over, erasing everything from my view.
“Bring it back, make it work again.” I tried desperately to peer through the glass, but all I could see was my own confused face.
“Please, can’t you clear it again?”
“Sweetheart, I think you should just let us look after your brother now. You need to go back to school. You have to get on with your life. I don’t want to sound harsh, but there’s nothing you can do for Alfie.”
There was no door on this side of the wall and I was sure there hadn’t been one in that room. Which was impossible.
I ran out of the room and along the corridor to the next doorway. It led to a waiting area, not Alfie’s room. It was all wrong.
I ran back into the corridor in case I’d missed something.
Miss Lilly caught hold of me. I tried to pull away. “Where’s the room? This should be his room. I thought it was a twoway mirror… Where is he? Where’s Alfie?”
“I understand you’re upset, but you really need to control yourself. This is a hospital, you can’t just run around willy-nilly.”
“Where is he?” I demanded.
She blinked. “It isn’t a mirror. It’s an image projected from a different part of the hospital. I knew you’d find it hard not to go into the room if we were near it. I’m sorry, but you’ve proven me right, haven’t you?”
She sounded so convincing, but there was too much that felt wrong.
“So let’s go to him. I swear I won’t do anything, I’ll stay back from the door, I won’t touch anything…”
“Not everything is about you, Laura! Alfie needs protection.”
“Not from me!”
Her face turned stony. Very quietly, she said, “And what, exactly, do you mean by that?”
This was a Miss Lilly I had never seen. She felt…dangerous. I was scared. Properly scared. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew it wasn’t good and I was absolutely sure that somehow it involved my brother. I had a horrible feeling that what she’d shown me wasn’t him at all, that he was two floors down in that basement with all the other children. Somehow I had to check, but there was no way she’d let me go and look now. I needed her to believe I still trusted her.
I said, “Sorry, I’m upset, I wasn’t thinking straight…”
And she flipped back, just like that – her face softened into an understanding smile. “It’s okay. I understand. Let’s say no more about it. Let’s get you back to Whitman’s before they change their minds about having you!” She laughed gently.
I let her steer me away but I had no intention of going anywhere until I knew what was going on.
I thought fast. If I contacted the police, would they come? What would I say? What had I actually seen? Were those children really in danger? Would the police believe me, when I wasn’t sure what I believed myself?
That was when I realized we weren’t going back to the apartment – Miss Lilly was leading me straight out to a car.
“I need to get my things,” I said.
“The car is waiting.”
“Please, I need my bag.”
“Well, quickly then.”
As soon as we were in the apartment I ran up
stairs, pulled out my slate and messaged Marsha and Keisha:
I’m at the clinic…something isn’t right…I don’t know what to do.
Miss Lilly came in. I shoved my slate in my bag.
“Batfink!” I said. “I haven’t said goodbye.”
My kitten wasn’t in my room. I thought I could use looking for her as an excuse to buy some time.
“I’ll check the kitchen,” I said.
“Laura, the car!”
I ran to the kitchen, my brain buzzing.
Batfink wasn’t there either. I called her, all the while trying to make a plan. I couldn’t get in that car and drive away.
“Come on, Laura, this is getting silly now. Batfink has probably gone out. I’ll give her a hug from you when she comes in.”
I was desperate. I didn’t know what else to do, so I cried. I know, pathetic, but worth a shot.
“Don’t send me back, please. I want to stay here. I’m being bullied, they call me names. Everyone hates me.”
She frowned. “You seemed so happy.”
“I covered it up. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
“Come on now. I’ll speak to the school, everything will be fine.”
Annie came in with my onesie in her arms. “They found your clothes in the laundry, your phone was with them. Here.” She handed the pile to me.
Miss Lilly said, “Shall we go?”
What could I do? I couldn’t physically fight her and run to the basement, the guards would stop me in seconds. She smiled at me encouragingly. I backed away, chewing the side of my thumb, accidentally tearing a big strip of skin away. I winced as blood filled the cut, but I instantly felt the wound begin to knit itself back together.
A sob rose inside me. Everything was wrong. I looked at my guardian, wanting answers, but I didn’t even know how to ask the questions. She smiled that gentle smile again and led me firmly by the arm, out of the kitchen, out of the apartment, to the waiting driver.
What to do? What to do?
Beauty Sleep Page 24