Around 2:30 Atlas announced we were leaving and most everyone assured us they would still be here when we got back. I excused myself to fix my makeup and brush my teeth.
“You’re beautiful.” Atlas wrapped his arms around my waist.
“You have to say that.” I pulled at my black blazer, adjusting the fit.
“I mean it.” He kissed behind my ear, looking at me in the mirror.
“I’m glad you think so.” I offered him a small smile as he pulled me out of the bathroom.
“Everyone thinks so, especially Cookie.”
“He’s so charming, you better watch out.”
“Hm... I’m going to keep an eye on him.” Atlas helped me into the truck, scowling at my four inch heels. “These shoes are impractical.”
“You’re six foot five, I’m five foot one, give a short girl a break.” I stuck my tongue out at him as he shut my door. “Besides, they’re hot.”
“Yes, yes they are.” Atlas’ eyes roamed over me appreciatively.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Which one?” He gave me a smug smile as he pulled out of the driveway.
“Either? Both.” I answered boldly causing him to smile wider. The mischievous look in his eyes had me curious.
“The one on my shoulders thinks you look hot. The one in my pants wants to see you in nothing but those heels.”
“That could be arranged.”
“What?” Atlas jerked his head in my direction.
“Watch the road!”
“Don’t tease me.”
Not knowing what came over me I lifted my hips, unbuttoning my slacks, starting to slide them down my hips. Atlas pulled the truck down the county road that led to his father’s house, throwing it into park on the side of the road. In fluid movements he had me unbuckled and in his lap.
“Do you know how sexy you are?” Atlas ran his fingertips along the soft exposed skin below my waist. My voice was caught in my throat. All boldness had evaporated at his touch. Atlas’ breath was against my neck. “You make it so hard to keep my hands to myself.” His lips grazed my collarbone, goose bumps spreading across my skin. “I want you so bad it hurts.” A kiss on my throat. “Every second,” a kiss on the other side of my neck, “of every day,” a kiss on my chest, “all of you,” a kiss between my breasts.
“So why haven’t you?” I asked in a raspy voice. The question caused, much to my dismay, the trail of kisses he was laying on me.
“I...” His face was strained. “I’m not sure.”
“Well I’m not against it if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
“I thought that maybe since... well... ya’ know...”
“You thought that since I was almost raped I had no interest.” I said bluntly with a knot in my stomach.
“Something like that.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“How so?” I scowled climbing back into my seat, fastening the buttons back on my slacks. “What? How’s that ridiculous, Ellie?” Atlas turned in his seat to look at me.
“It just is.” I threw my hands in the air, exasperated.
“How?” Atlas pushed.
“Because I know you’re not him!” I shouted. “I haven’t so much as looked at anything with a penis since Spencer.” His name made me want to gag. “But you make it okay, better. Because I firmly believe you’re the only person that can give me, me back.” My voice fell as I looked out the window.
“I-- I didn’t know that.” Atlas’ own voice was quiet. “What did you think?” He reached over brushing my hair over my shoulder. Shaking my head, I didn’t respond. “Ellie what did you think?”
“I can’t say it.”
“Why not?”
“It’s...”
“Yes?”
“Embarrassing.” I sighed.
“Embarrassing.” Atlas repeated.
“Yes.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
“Ellie.” He growled.
“Atlas.” I countered.
“Tell me.” He insisted. “Tell me, Ellie.”
“I thought you didn’t want me, okay?”
“What?!” Atlas bellowed.
“Like that.” I emphasized.
Atlas looked at me wide eyed, mouth hanging open. His stare was unnerving. A mix between shock and anger. His jaw clenched as he gathered his composure. “You thought I wasn’t... That I didn’t want you sexually.” He said with a surprisingly even tone.
I nodded not knowing what to say.
“That is just ridiculous.” Atlas leaned back into his seat, gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Baby, I want you more than I know how to express. Any man would be an idiot not to want you.”
“I thought you were just saying it that maybe you really didn’t. I don’t want just any man to want me.”
“I know that, Ellie.”
“Lets just go.”
“No I’m not leaving until I know everything is good between us.” Atlas reached over grabbing my hand.
“We’re good.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes Atlas,” I laughed, “Just because I act like an over sensitive, low self esteem, emotional girl doesn’t mean we’re not okay.”
“Well if you say so...” Atlas started the truck pulling back onto the road. “I can’t believe you thought I didn’t want you.” He snickered.
“How’s a girl supposed to know if you don’t tell her?” I defended myself. “I’m not a mind reader.”
“I’m male? You have more curves than a mountain road. You don’t see the way guys stare when you walk by do you?”
“No,” I answered honestly.
“Trust me there are been more than once I’ve wanted to kill a man for looking at you.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m serious.”
“I find that seriously doubtful.”
“Remember before I left for field, we went to dinner in Wilmington?” I nodded as he parked the truck in Felix’s driveway. “We were getting ready to leave and I went to the restroom?” I nodded again. “The waiters were talking about you. They were wondering if they could get away with hitting on you while I was gone, slipping you their number or some stupid shit like that.” Atlas wrung his hands together. “I told him if they so much as looked at you I would hide a body part in every state and Afghanistan.” He grinned obviously proud of himself.
“You did not!” I gasped.
“I most certainly did.”
“Atlas Quinn!”
“No one gets you but me. I hear it all the time. The guys on base have seen you. If your father heard half of what I did...” He trailed off.
“That’s enough.”
“All I’m saying is my girl is not only gorgeous she’s in Hernandez’s words “fine as hell” or something like that.”
“Shut up, let’s go.”
Atlas jumped down from the truck and with his hand on the small of my back we walked to the door together. It swung open before we even had a chance to ring the bell. Felix was beaming at us. His red pull over sweater made his dark eyes pop, wrinkled at the corners from his smile.
“Great to see you, son.” He pulled Atlas into a hug, holding him tight. Atlas patted his back, stepping away. “Ellie, beautiful as ever,” he kissed my hand under Atlas’ watchful eye.
“Thank you and thank you for having us.”
“So polite, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He stepped aside ushering us into the house.
“Who’s at the door Felix?” A dark haired woman with Felix’s mocha eyes came around the corner. She stopped dead in his tracks, hand covering her mouth. “Atlas?” She asked with trembling lips.
“Hey Aunt Nicola.” Atlas smiled.
“Oh my God it is you!” She rushed over, hugging him. “You’re all grown up!” She squealed kissing his cheek.
“Yeah, it’s been a minute.”
“A minute?” She l
aughed.
“Nicola this is Atlas’ girlfriend Ellie.” Felix inclined his head toward me.
“Aren’t you just a doll!” Nicola let go of Atlas, hugging me as well.
“Um, thank you.”
“You two come on, everyone is going to die!” Nicola waved us forward as her black heels clicked on the wood floor. “Tatum come see what I found.”
“Tatum?” I whispered to Atlas.
“Her husband.”
“Ah, gotcha.”
“Atlas?” A short round man with a shiny bald head came into view.
“Hi Tatum.” Atlas acknowledged him, shaking his hand.
“How the hell are ya’?” Tatum had a thick southern accent.
“I’m great, yourself?”
“Damn good, can’t complain.” He turned to me. “Tatum Adley.”
“Ellie Grant.” I shook his extended hand.
“I’ve lost my manners. Ellie, my Uncle Tatum. Tatum, my girlfriend, Ellie.”
“Nice to meet you.” I tugged my hand out of Tatum’s.
“Likewise.”
“Atlas?!” A man nearly identical to Felix exclaimed.
“Caspian!” Atlas threw his arms around the younger version of his father.
“Look at you! Holy shit, man!” Caspian held Atlas at arms length.
“I know, I know.”
“You’re huge!”
“Marine Corps will do that to ya’.” Atlas laughed, slapping a hand on Caspian’s shoulder.
“Damn dude!” Caspian hugged his nephew again. “Who’s the firefox?”
“Firefox!” I threw my head back laughing. “Firefox is a new one. It could very well be my new favorite.”
“Feisty is the girl that refuses to marry me.” Atlas smirked, pulling me over to his side.
“I didn’t refuse, I said wait, there’s a difference.” I scowled, poking him in the side.
“She’s hot.” Caspian nodded approvingly.
“She thanks you.” I quipped.
“Caspian, my firecracker girlfriend, Ellie. Ellie, my Uncle Caspian.” Caspian tried to hug me while wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Atlas pulled me back, laughing. “I’m not letting you get your hands on her. You might taint her innocence.”
“Fine, fine.” Caspian held up his hands in defeat, leading us into a room full of people.
“Whoa,” I looked around at the unfamiliar faces. Most were kids, and a few adults whose attention was snapped towards us.
“Is that...?”
“No way.”
“Wow.”
“Who’s with him?”
The whispers began as Felix clasped his hand onto Atlas’ shoulder. “I’m sure you all remember my oldest Atlas. This is his lovely lady, Ellie. They’re going to be joining us for a while.” Felix took control of the situation without a second thought.
An older woman, tiny thing with stark white hair pushed her way through the gathering group of people. “Atlas Ryker where have you been hiding?” Her wrinkled, leather hands were balled, perched on her hips.
“Oh you know me grandma, master of reigning hide and seek champion. Someone just forgot to look for me.” Atlas embraced her, kissing the top of her head.
“Come sit and tell us all about you.” She pulled him by the hand to the couch. I sat on the other side of him as he held my hand.
“So what do you do? Where do you live?” Caspian started in with a glare from his frail mother.
“I live in North Carolina; Ellie and I have an apartment there. I’m station at Camp Lejeune.”
“Stationed?” Nicola asked as if she didn’t understand.
“Yes ma’am, I’m in the Marine Corps.” I smiled proudly at him as he leaned over kissing my forehead.
“He showed up yesterday in his Dress Blues, shocked the hell out of me.” Felix chuckled.
“What’s your rank? What do you do? Have you been deployed?” Questions were being fired off in every direction.
“Whoa, one at a time. I’m a sergeant, hopefully career Marine. Yes, I’ve been deployed, I leave again next month for my fourth deployment.” Atlas was trying to keep a calm exterior.
“What do you do?” Caspian was watching Atlas with wonder.
“I’d rather not say.” Atlas reluctantly answered.
“What’s your count?” I shot Caspian a glare that would have melted the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. “Or not.”
“I’d rather not.” The corner of Atlas’ mouth turned up as he caught sight of my look to Caspian.
“How long have you two been together?” Nicola quickly changed the subject.
“Not too long, not long enough. I haven’t decided yet.” I felt Atlas’ body relax beside me as he spoke.
“Are you from North Carolina?” Nicola directed the question toward me.
“I moved in with my father when I was seventeen. I lived in Portland before that. California, Hawaii, a few other places, my father and brothers are Marines as well.”
“Wow, so you must know how to deal with him being away.” The innocent statement from his cousin made my blood boil.
“Just because I know what it’s like doesn’t make it any easier.” I said as calmly as I could force myself to remain.
“Yeah but you’re like used to it or something. It’s no big deal by now.”
“You don’t get used to it. You cling to your cell phone, watch the news any free second you have, constantly check your email, Skype, Facebook, the mail, anything to have a piece of him closer. You sleep in his clothes, lay on his pillow, and try not to cry when he calls. When you say goodbye and hang up the phone you break down. You cry when no one looks, when everyone looks.” I spun my camo Ryker bracelet around my wrist. “You plead with the universe to keep him safe and bring him home. You can’t get used to worrying, hoping, and missing someone so much it physically hurts. No, I’m not used to it.” I stood up, leaving a shocked room behind me.
I knew I had probably overreacted but with deployment looming over our heads I couldn’t help myself. The world felt far too heavy to keep up right now. I pushed through the glass door to the stone patio, the wind hitting my face. I squatted down, holding onto the wrought iron bars of the fence, trying not to cry.
“Ellie...” Atlas’ deep voice held such tenderness when he said my name. It broke my resolve as tears streamed down my face. “Oh baby.” He sat on the concrete floor, pulling me into his lap.
“I’m so sorry.” I choked on the words.
“Don’t be,” he kissed the top of my head breathing in deeply. “I will always come back to you, Ellie.”
“But you can’t know that!”
“No, I’m promising. You can’t make me say otherwise. I promise you Penelope Noelle Grant, should be Ryker, that I, Atlas Quinn Ryker will come back to you. This life, the next, and every single one after that.” He held his pinky out to me and I wrapped mine around it.
“You better, you have to propose when you get home.” I teased, trying to calm myself down.
“I plan on it.” Atlas used his thumbs to wipe my face.
“Thank the universe for waterproof makeup.” I laughed with a shaky breath.
“You’re beautiful. Now let’s go get a drink and let my cousin apologize, she feels like shit.”
“Good, she should.” I sneered.
“There’s my firefox.”
Chapter Twelve
The rest of Thanksgiving Day had been far less eventful and I managed to keep my emotions in check. There were times I would look at Atlas and think of how I was going to make it through the day without him there. I had done it dozens of times before but this one seemed to bring on a new level of anxiety.
Atlas had decided after much pushing on my part, to spend Friday with Ares, guy time that they both needed. Andy had insisted on taking me into Dallas to shop. Girl bonding and new clothes had me filling the maternal void I had been lacking since my own mother didn’t want me around.
Atlas had texted me throughout the d
ay to let me know he was missing me and to hurry up. He was ready to have me back to himself again. Andy found her sons persistence endearing. “He loves you, ya’ know.” She said as I buried my phone in my bag again.
“Yeah, I know.”
“You love him.” She didn’t ask, just stating the obvious.
“More than anything.”
“You’re good for him. He needs someone around to take care of him, to love him for who he is, he had a lot of rough years after Felix left.”
“He’s good for me too. I honestly couldn’t ask for a better man. Thank you for that, Andy.”
“For what?” She asked confused by my gratitude.
“For raising the man of my dreams.”
❋❋❋
“Are you sure?” Atlas asked for the fourth time.
“Go Atlas, I’m a big girl. Besides I have some planning to do.” I straightened his sports coat. “You look good.”
“Like what you see?” He jested.
“Always,” I leaned up on my tiptoes giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.
“I’ll be back in a few hours.”
“Take your time. You and Andy need some time together too. I monopolized her enough today. Besides you can find out if she really likes me or not.” I teased.
“She does, stop worrying. Thank you for this.”
“Go!” I pointed to the door.
“I love you.”
“I love you, now go.” I swatted his backside as he shut the door. I had insisted that he take Andy out to dinner but refused to go with them even as Atlas begged. Waiting by the door, I watched the headlights of his truck pull away from the driveway.
“Ares?” I called out from the living room.
“What’s up, Ellie?” He poked his head out from his room.
“I need some help.”
“No problem, what can do I do for you?”
“I need a guitar.”
“A guitar?”
“To borrow for tomorrow night.”
“Atlas’ party?” I nodded. “I have an acoustic.”
“Perfect, have a capo?” I clapped excitedly.
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