by Leanne Banks
“Cute guy, huh?” Kate said from behind him.
Frowning, he shrugged and turned away. “I guess.”
He felt her studying him. “You surprised me with this,” he said.
“That was the idea,” she said with a mock-solemn nod. “A surprise party.”
“I’ve never done much celebrating on my birthday,” he told her.
“Then I guess we have a lot of making up to do. We can start with the cake. Think about your wish.” She guided him over to the table where the cake was lit with candles. “Wish fast, the candles are melting on the cake.” She turned to the small crowd. “Time to sing.”
Surrounded by friends singing a slightly off-key rendition of the birthday song, Michael stood in front of a cake decorated with white frosting that said Happy Birthday Michael.
He felt incredibly silly. And heaven help him, he felt special. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this way. He felt almost like that kid he’d seen in those photos on the buffet. Funny how a little surprise birthday party could throw a grown CEO for a loop.
Later, after the guests left and he and Kate had gone to bed, he watched Kate as she slept. Although she was uncomfortable, she tended to fall asleep quickly these days. She just didn’t stay asleep. Restless and unwilling to wake her, he carefully rose from the bed and wandered into the den. He turned on the Christmas tree lights.
Seeing them warmed him. Most everything Kate did to the house seemed to warm him. Everything except the photos. He walked back to the buffet and looked at each of the photos again. They disturbed him. He opened a drawer in the buffet and began to put them away.
“Why don’t you like them?” Kate asked from behind him, catching him by surprise.
He slowly turned. “You walk quietly considering your—”
“—girth?” she supplied wryly.
“I was going to say your stage of pregnancy.”
She walked to his side with a slight waddle that amused him, but he kept that to himself.
“Why don’t you like the photos?”
“I remember how I felt then,” he said, looking at another picture. “Helpless, hopeless, trapped. I hated it.”
“Every minute?”
He shrugged. “A lot of minutes.” He walked toward the Christmas tree and picked up a sprig of mistletoe from an end table. Kate had put it all over the place. She’d said Christmas was for kissing.
He saw her gather the pictures and again walk/waddle toward him. “Not every minute. Look,” she said, lifting up a photo of him shooting a foul shot. “What do you see?”
He glanced at it. “A gangly teenager passing the time in a drafty gym.”
She shook her head. “I see something else. What are you looking at?”
He glanced again, still idly messing with the mistletoe in his hand. “The basket. What else would I be looking at?”
“Look at your eyes, how focused they are. You look like you could shine a laser beam between you and that basket. I bet you made it.”
“Yeah. So?”
“So even then you had incredible focus. That focus is part of the reason you’re so successful today.”
He conceded her point. “Okay.”
“What about this one?” she asked, showing a picture of him holding a certificate for winning the high math award in fourth grade. “Too tough for a smile, but you can still see the pride.” She pulled out the lone picture with his mother. “This is my favorite. See how her arms form a circle of love around you?”
It was strange, but it hurt to look at that picture. “She died and the circle of her arms couldn’t protect me.”
“No, but she gave you something that helped make you the guy who gave Harold Grimley chocolate chip cookies, and the man who donates computers and hires the home for unwed teenage mothers for off-site contract computer work.”
His chest grew tight and achy. Her eyes searched his like that laser she’d mentioned earlier, and he felt it shining a light on his dark soul.
“The reason I like these pictures is they show the makings of the man you’ve become, but I don’t have to leave them out if they bother you. Putting them away won’t take those parts away from you. They just show a few of the reasons I love the boy you were and the man you are.”
Michael felt as if a bomb was going off inside him. He swallowed hard over a lump in his throat. He hadn’t expected a declaration of love from her. He felt unworthy of it.
“Why do you love me? I’m the Tin Man. No heart, remember?”
“I may have had a choice at one time, but I can’t not love you now. When I look at you, I see much more than the Tin Man.” Her eyes grew shiny with unshed tears. “I just hope that someday you’ll feel safe enough with me that you can share all of you with me.”
His chest clenched so tight he could hardly breathe. He pulled her against him and swore. “Kate, I don’t deserve you. But I sure as hell am not giving you up.” Remembering the mistletoe he’d nearly crushed in his hand, he lifted the greenery above her head and kissed her.
The following day, Kate felt distracted as she conducted a tutoring session at the home for unwed teenage mothers. She was worried about Michael. His identity was so tied up with the company that she feared what might happen if he lost it. She wasn’t worried about money or him having a job. She was worried about how the takeover was affecting his heart because try as he might to believe he didn’t possess a heart, Kate knew he did.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Kate said to Tina, who was now the mother of a baby boy. “Let’s decorate the tree.”
Tina nodded in agreement. “I brought the ladder and lights down from the attic this morning. Let me go get the ornaments. I’ll be right back.”
Kate walked into the formal living area and approved the tall Fraser fir. Rubbing her lower back, she walked around it, deciding which side should face the window. She carefully got down on her hands and knees and adjusted the tree stand, then slowly rose. She felt the baby move and touched her stomach. The movements always made her smile.
Humming “O Little Town of Bethlehem” she unraveled a string of lights from one of the boxes and laid it out on the floor. She unraveled a second and eyed the ladder. Michael would kill her if she climbed it, but she felt perfectly balanced. A few steps up wouldn’t hurt, she told herself.
Taking one of the strings of lights, she climbed two steps and paused. “Seems sturdy,” she murmured, and climbed two more. Leaning to the side, she looped the strand around the top branches. The sticky branches didn’t immediately cooperate, so she learned a smidge further.
She heard a gasp behind her. “Mrs. Hawkins!” Tina cried.
Kate whipped her head around at the sound of Tina’s distress and lost her perfect balance. She shifted her feet to try to regain her equilibrium, but she slipped and felt her feet fall out from under her. She crashed downward on her side.
Pain immediately seared her.
“Oh, Mrs. Hawkins!” Tina dropped the boxes and rushed to her side. “Are you okay?”
Beads of nervous perspiration formed between her breasts and unbidden fear throbbed in her pulse. Another pain sliced through her. “I don’t know,” she said, trying to gather her composure. “I think I am.” She tried to stand, but the pain kept her on the floor.
“Oh, no,” Tina said, wringing her hands. “I could slap myself for startling you.”
Panic trickled in, but Kate took a careful breath. She felt wet on the back of her dress. “My water broke,” she said, feeling a mixture of relief and anticipation. “It’s my water,” she said, but when she glanced at the back of her dress, it wasn’t water. It was blood.
Eleven
Wayland’s VP of Acquisitions continued to refuse Michael the autonomy he demanded for CG Enterprises. An assortment of lawyers from both companies and Michael and his own VP were attending the meeting, which had been going for four hours straight.
“We have more resources. We can provide the backing necessary for you t
o expand at triple the rate you’ve projected,” Stone Davidson, “the shark,” said. “But we can’t give you carte blanche. We have requirements for how the backing is monitored.”
“What you’re saying is that there are strings,” Michael said. “I understand. There are always strings, but if you’re not careful the strings can tangle up a process that’s already working. Strings can also choke the life from a company that’s already profitable.”
Michael looked into Stone Davidson’s hard face and had a revelation. He’d been searching for the leverage and he realized that he was the leverage. Irony flashed through him. “If you want me to remain at CG, you will have to provide greater autonomy. Otherwise you can color me gone.”
The room sat in stunned silence. Stone’s jaw twitched. “I have difficulty believing you would abandon your own company.”
“It wouldn’t be my company anymore.”
Unbelievably, Michael’s assistant du jour chose that very moment to enter the room. He had instructed her not to interrupt him for any reason. He glared at her.
Clearly cowed by him, she darted over to him and handed him a piece of paper, then ran out the door. Michael scanned the note and felt his blood drain from his head. Kate was at the hospital. His heart pounded in his chest and he broke into a sweat. “I have an emergency,” he said, standing. “I have to leave.”
Stone stood, the picture of indignation. “Mr. Hawkins, nobody walks out on negotiations with Wayland.”
Michael didn’t bother to answer; he let his actions do his talking for him. In his mind, he was already at the hospital with Kate.
Driving with grim determination and speed, he made it to the hospital in less than ten minutes. He had no details except that there’d been an accident at the home for unwed teenage mothers. What kind of accident? he wondered. How bad was it? If anything happened to her, he didn’t know what he would do.
He found a nurse familiar with Kate’s situation. Scanning a chart, she wore a guarded expression. “Mrs. Hawkins lost consciousness soon after she arrived. She’d apparently fallen and lost a lot of blood. She was taken into surgery. That’s where she is now. You might prefer to wait in the surgery waiting area upstairs.”
Lost a lot of blood. Michael’s heart stopped. He could barely form the words, “Is she going to be okay?”
“The doctors are doing everything they can.”
“The baby?” he said, hearing his voice crack.
“Was in distress. The prognoses for your wife and baby are uncertain right now,” she reluctantly revealed, her eyes solemn. “I’m sorry we don’t know more. There’s a phone in the surgery waiting area if you need to make any calls.”
Michael blindly walked toward the waiting area. What if he lost Kate? What if he lost Kate and the baby? He’d worked himself into the ground the last six months to protect their future, and what if there was no future?
A wave of hopelessness he’d thought he’d left behind consumed him. This was why he never wanted to count on another human being. This was why he didn’t believe in love. If he truly didn’t possess a heart, though, why did he feel as if he’d been gutted?
If he lost Kate, he would lose every bit of light in his life. He would lose his reason for living. Sinking down on a plastic chair, he leaned forward with his head in his hands. “She has to live,” he whispered.
Raw with fear and grief, Michael called Dylan and left a message on his voice mail. Then, though he’d always been a man with a heavy dose of skepticism about God, he began to pray.
Moments passed like hours, and Michael paced the small waiting room feeling like a caged animal. He had wasted so much time. Now he would give anything for another moment with Kate. In her gentle, persistent way, she’d tried to show him the way she saw him, as a good man. She’d tried to love him, but he hadn’t let her.
Hearing footsteps behind him, he quickly swung around to see Dylan and Justin. Both wore expressions of concern. “I came as soon as I picked up your message,” Dylan said, patting Michael on the back. “Any news?”
Michael shook his head. “The prognoses for both Kate and the baby are uncertain.”
Justin winced. “Sorry, guy. If there’s anything we can do—”
The heavy weight in Michael’s chest grew heavier. “If you’ve got a direct connection with the man upstairs, I could use it now.”
Justin shifted uncomfortably and popped an antacid. “I’ll get you some coffee.”
Michael felt Dylan’s gaze. “Do you know what happened?” Dylan asked.
“She fell. She was helping decorate a Christmas tree,” he said, hearing the catch in his voice and unable to prevent it. He closed his eyes. “Oh, God, I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve been so focused on preventing a takeover I may have missed out on the best thing that ever entered this life.”
Dylan sighed, squeezing Michael’s shoulder again briefly. “You won’t be the first of us to let a woman slip through your fingers. I’m still paying for my stupidity in college, but that’s another story. You might still have a shot at it,” Dylan said with a force that belied his usual casual, careless manner. “If you do, don’t mess it up.”
A nurse dressed in scrubs appeared in the doorway with a baby bundled in a blanket. “Mr. Hawkins, here is your daughter.”
Michael froze. “Daughter?” he repeated.
“Yes,” she said, putting the soft weight of the baby in his hands. “She’s fine.”
Michael stared into his daughter’s tiny face and clenched his body to keep from trembling. “Kate?” he said, unable to keep the desperation from his voice. “What about my wife?”
“The doctors are still working on her. The baby was in better shape than we expected, but the baby usually gets the easy end of the deal with a cesarean section. We’ll call you as soon as your wife is in recovery.”
Almost afraid to hope, he shook his head. “Is she going to be okay?”
The nurse nodded. “It was touch and go when she first arrived, but she must have acted very quickly when she fell.” She glanced at the baby and smiled. “She must have been determined to bring her into the world safely.”
The relief that rushed through him was so powerful it hurt. He looked down at his daughter and saw Kate in her sweet face. A tear streamed down his cheek, and Michael could have sworn that in that moment, he grew a heart.
Before he had time to catch his breath, another nurse appeared in the doorway. “Would you like to see your wife?”
Baby in hands, Michael plowed into Justin as he entered the doorway, splattering coffee on Justin’s shirt. “Sorry,” he said. “Kate’s okay. The baby’s okay. Congratulations,” he said impulsively. “You are co-godfathers.”
“Co-godfathers!” Justin and Dylan said at the same time.
“Why would I want to be a godfather with you?” Justin demanded.
“Because you’re so obsessed with the stock market you probably couldn’t do it by yourself,” Dylan told him.
Hearing his friends’ argument, Michael’s heart grew a millimeter lighter as he walked toward recovery. The moment he saw Kate, his breath stopped. “She’s so pale,” he said to the nurse.
“She lost a lot of blood, but she’s going to be okay. Expect her to be groggy.”
Kate heard Michael’s voice as if it were coming from far away. She struggled to get closer to it.
“I’m giving up the company,” he told her. “I walked away from the table. I’ll just start another one if Wayland won’t accept my conditions. You’re too important and I don’t want to miss another minute with you.”
I must be dreaming, she thought, feeling a dull pain in her abdomen.
“Katie, love,” he said, his voice strained. “I wish you would wake up so you could see our little Cupcake.”
Cupcake! The baby. Kate remembered her fall and panic hit her. “The baby,” she murmured, struggling to open her eyes. Her eyelids felt as if someone had put two-hundred-pound weights on them. She finally succeeded and s
aw Michael holding a bundle of blanket. Her brain was too scrambled to make sense of the images. Why was he holding a blanket?
“Michael.”
He bent toward her. She was astonished to see a tear on his face.
“I love you,” he told her. “You and the baby are the most important things in the world to me.”
Kate closed her eyes. “I’m dreaming.”
Michael gently shook her shoulder. “Don’t go back to sleep. Please stay awake.”
The pleading note in his voice tore at her, and she struggled to open her eyes again.
“I need you,” he said. “I didn’t want to, but I think I always have. Before I even met you, I needed you.”
She looked into his raw, desperate eyes and lost her heart again. “Am I dreaming?”
He shook his head. “No.” He lowered the bundle of blanket, and showed Kate the baby. Their baby.
Her heart soared. “Omigod, it’s Cupcake.” She reached out her fingers to touch her baby’s head.
“She’s okay,” Michael said. “I’ve counted her fingers and toes. You got her here in time.”
Michael set the baby in the bed beside her and took Kate’s hand. “You and the baby are the most important things in the world to me. Never forget it.”
Kate looked into his eyes and saw the awesome focus and commitment she’d seen before for other things, but this time she could see what she had always seen. Michael was no Tin Man. He had the biggest heart in the world. He just had hidden it well. No more, she thought. He finally knew it too.
One month later, Kate was giving Michelle Justine Hawkins her bath and telling her a love story. “You’re such a lucky girl. You have a great daddy. Your daddy loves us so much he would give up his big company for us.”
Michelle blew bubbles.
“He tells me he loved me before he even knew me. He tells me I gave him a heart.” Kate sighed and wrapped her precious child in a hooded towel and held her close. “When you grow up, darling, I hope you will find a man who loves you like your daddy loves me.”