by Lucy Clark
‘It doesn’t make any difference how old they are,’ she mumbled, shifting her hands slightly away from her face and resting them onto his chest, her face still buried so he found it difficult to properly understand her. ‘Whether they’re Chloe’s age or Eddie’s age. Not being with them is the thing that eats away at a parent’s heart.’
‘Harriette.’ Her name escaped from his lips, barely a whisper, and he closed his eyes and rested his chin atop her head, shifting so she was settled more comfortably in his arms. Her tears had stopped and she was now sniffing and hiccupping a little but her breathing was starting to even out. ‘You really wear your emotions on your sleeve, don’t you, Dr Jones?’ he murmured and immediately felt her tense up. She pushed against his arms but he wasn’t quite ready to let her go. ‘No. No, Harriette, you misunderstood me. That’s a good thing. I’m saying that’s a good thing because I find it so incredibly difficult to—’
He stopped talking then because she’d lifted her head and was looking up at him with the utmost confusion. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were blotchy, her nose was red and her lips...her perfect, ready-to-kiss lips, were plump and parted and definitely ready for him to kiss.
CHAPTER EIGHT
HARRIETTE WASN’T SURE what was happening. She seemed to be frozen in place, looking up into Felix’s handsome face. She’d noticed, all too often lately, how he combed his fingers through his hair when he was confused. She’d noticed how he was smiling more and more and how that smile had the ability to make her heart skip a beat. Plus, she’d most definitely noticed the growing awareness between the two of them. Naturally, she’d done her best to ignore it, and while Eddie had been here the goal had been easier to achieve, but now that her son was gone, she couldn’t help feeling vulnerable.
She knew Felix wasn’t taking advantage of the situation because, even though she’d been upset, she’d been able to see the struggle within him, to comfort or not to comfort and that was all he was offering. Although there might be a physical attraction buzzing beneath the surface, she knew it could never go anywhere because his attention needed to be on Chloe. The attraction was only the result of spending too much time together because ever since he’d arrived in Meeraji Lake, they’d been hard pressed to avoid each other. He needed her help, he needed her to be a friend, to help guide him through the parenting forest, knowing when to chop down a few trees to make something new and when to plant some saplings so that something beautiful would grow in years to come.
She drew in a deep, shaky breath and instantly realised her error in doing so. Where the deep breath was supposed to relax her, help her to get under control, all it did was alert her heightened senses to Felix’s earthy scent. It was as though it contained a hint of spice and all things nice and it would be far too easy for her to stay right where she was and absorb everything else about the man. Comfort was one thing, but she shouldn’t take advantage of his good nature. He was being nice, he was being a friend, and here she was, momentarily forgetting about why she’d been upset in the first place, her thoughts and tingling senses far too focused on the way his closeness was affecting her.
As though she could no longer remain in his arms under false pretences, she tried to pull back a little more, to break the embrace of his arms holding her tight, but Felix didn’t seem to want to let her go. She gazed more closely into his perfect eyes, surprised by what she saw. Repressed desire! Felix desired her? The realisation made her mouth go dry and her heart beat, which had just started to settle to a more normal rhythm, picked up the pace again, although this time it wasn’t because she was missing her son. In fact, right now she was glad Eddie wasn’t here because the tension that was winding itself around herself and Felix was one of mutual awareness and need. She couldn’t even put a name to what she was feeling but, whatever it was, it was something she hadn’t felt in an incredibly long time.
But she couldn’t. He was her colleague...her colleague with a very firm chest. Her colleague with a delicious spicy scent. Her colleague who was looking at her as though she were the most beautiful woman in the world?
How could he possibly look at her in such a way? Stare at her mouth as though it were perfect? Gaze into her eyes as though he could drown in them? Send out those ‘come closer’ signals she was picking up on loud and clear?
He wanted to kiss her? Felix wanted to kiss her! The urge was clearly visible in his expressive eyes. The question remained: did she want to kiss him? Harriette had tried desperately not to move her hands, not to allow her itching fingers to spread out and touch his solid chest. She kept them as still as possible because even if she made the slightest movement, the shockwaves of delight at being able to touch him, to explore every contour of his perfectly formed body would—
‘Harriette.’ Had he spoken her name or had he thought it and she’d somehow tapped into his thoughts?
‘Felix?’ She tried to whisper his name, confusion evident in her tone, but she hiccupped a little as she spoke, her breath hitching a few times before she sighed and relaxed some more. It was far too easy to relax within his arms, those firm bands surrounding her as though he were never going to let her go. Part of her wished he wouldn’t.
‘Harriette,’ he returned, his gaze flicking between her lips and her eyes. This time she knew he’d spoken her name because she hadn’t been able to remove her gaze from his mouth, from watching it move, as though in slow motion, to speak her name. Her name. He was saying her name and causing her body to ignite with suppressed desire.
The hands at her back started to move in little circles, which only made pure fire spread throughout her entire body, bringing her dormant senses to life. He bent his elbows, then shifted his hands, bringing them up to cup her face. The instant his fingers touched her face, she sighed audibly at the delight he was invoking. Felix was as aware of her as she was of him and she couldn’t help but lean a little into his right hand, wanting him to know that she felt whatever it was he was feeling, that it was reciprocated, that she wanted...she wanted...
‘Harriette.’ Again her name was soft and gentle on his lips, his parted lips, his parted lips that really weren’t that far away from her own. They were so close that if she stood on tiptoe and leaned forward a little she...they... ‘Why are you looking at me that way?’
She eased back, trying not to feel as though she’d been slapped in the face with his words. ‘What way? I wasn’t looking at you—’ She stopped because she realised she was speaking quickly, too quickly, and that her voice was high pitched for some reason, as though she had something to hide. Had she read his expression incorrectly? Had she been on the verge of making a complete fool of herself? ‘I’m not looking at you any particular way. Why would I do that? I wouldn’t.’ Her words were still too fast, filled with defensiveness. She shook her head a little, then closed her eyes in the hope that blocking him from her view might actually assist with calming her over-flustered senses into some state of normal. ‘I was just...I was upset and you offered me—’
Harriette felt his finger land on her lips to stop her from babbling and she quickly opened her eyes and stared at him. There was the slight hint of mirth in his expression but also awareness. ‘Let me rephrase that.’ He slowly removed his finger from her lips, then rested his hand on her neck, the other one still cupping her face. ‘What I meant to say was, why are you looking at me in such a way that makes me want to kiss you?’
‘You want to—’ She stopped, unable to finish her sentence as the embarrassment she’d felt only seconds ago was replaced by an overwhelming sense of wanting, of needing, of being desperate to feel as she hoped only Felix could make her feel. Her heart rate increased, every sense within her body seemed to tingle with utter delight and all because Felix wanted to...wanted to...
‘Kiss you,’ he finished for her. ‘Yes.’
‘Oh.’ Clearly they were now openly acknowledging the attraction that had b
een building slowly between them. Harriette continued to stare at him, quite unsure what to do next. ‘Uh...this may surprise you,’ she eventually babbled, her words just as fast as before, ‘but...um...I have no idea what to do next.’
Felix raised his eyebrows in surprise at her statement but then smiled. ‘Do you mean kissing? Or just...in general?’
Harriette shifted a little, feeling highly self-conscious, but all her movements did was to highlight that her hands were still against Felix’s chest, splayed out over his shirt, the cotton fibres doing little to disguise his excellent male physique beneath. At the contact, it was as though jolts of heat radiated up each finger and thumb before travelling up her arms and then bursting throughout her body in a frenzied rush of fireworks.
‘Allow me to help you with that,’ he murmured, and the next thing she realised was that his head was descending towards her own, their breath beginning to mingle, the faintest touch of their lips against each other. If she’d thought there had been fireworks bursting throughout her body before, it was nothing compared to now.
The kiss was soft, testing, tentative, as though neither of them were sure this was the right thing to do but simply couldn’t resist any longer. Self-control, it seemed, had taken a momentary vacation but she wasn’t complaining.
Felix was kissing her. He was holding her and he was kissing her. He wanted to kiss her. He was clearly enjoying it as the next touch against her lips was firmer than the one before. Nothing mattered at the moment. Not their patients, their living arrangements, their families. It was just the two of them, together...kissing.
He was awakening dormant emotions, making her feel things she hadn’t felt in an incredibly long time and...and...her mind was starting to shut down all avenues of logical thought as her heart opened, as butterflies swirled in her mind, as emotions of delight and happiness and lightness and unexpected pleasure coursed through her.
Even when Felix pulled back, resting his forehead against her own, both of them basking in the soft and tantalising wake of having satisfied temptation, Harriette still found it difficult to believe she wasn’t dreaming, that this was actually happening.
Felix was talking to her, speaking words of some kind, but her mind was busy wondering if he wanted to repeat the action, but this time to go a little further, to increase the intensity of the kiss rather than keeping it controlled and testing.
At that particular moment, it didn’t matter she’d previously told herself she wasn’t interested in any sort of relationship with any man because she had far too many other important things to be doing. When the reality of a warm-blooded male who found her attractive was actually staring her in the face, it caused the box in her mind that she’d labelled do not open to open wide and fill her with longing. A longing for companionship, a longing for intimacy but, most of all, a longing for acceptance.
‘What do you think?’ Felix asked her softly. ‘It’s the right thing to do. For all of us.’
‘Wait.’ She shifted back a touch, doing her level best to ignore his warmth, to ignore the sensual pheromones swirling around them, and looked at him. ‘I’m sorry. Would you mind saying all that again, please?’ She almost added, ‘Because I have trouble concentrating when you’re this close,’ but, thankfully, she stopped herself in time. If Felix was saying what she thought he was saying, the more she guarded her own heart, the better. She’d been heartbroken before and she wasn’t going to allow herself to be that vulnerable ever again.
‘I said that while this is great, kissing you and wanting to kiss you some more...’ He paused and cleared his throat. ‘I’m not convinced this is the right time—for you, for me, for Chloe and—’
Harriette instantly dropped her hands back to her sides and stepped away from him, bumping into the bench and hurting her hip.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, reaching out a caring hand. She held hers up in defence and sidestepped him, ignoring the pain coursing up and down her right leg.
‘I’m fine. Fine. Absolutely fine and dandy.’
‘Harriette,’ he tried as she walked the long way around the kitchen table in order to get into the lounge room because from where she’d stood, he’d been blocking her exit.
‘It’s fine, Felix. You’re absolutely correct. Even though we may feel an attraction, it’s no doubt only because of our close living and working situation plus the fact that we’re both helping Chloe, and that’s good that your focus is on Chloe. It should be on Chloe and it is so how could I possibly argue with that? Even if I was going to argue, which I’m not because I agree with you. Good decision.’ The entire time she’d been talking, she’d walked backwards into the lounge room where Chloe was starting to get bored playing with her toys. ‘In fact, it looks as though she needs you now and I should head over to the clinic to finish off some paperwork and—’ She stopped and, without bothering to finish her sentence, turned and headed to her bedroom, closing the door firmly behind her.
How could she have been so stupid? How could she have imagined that anything good could ever happen to her? That any man would love and desire her for who she was, no matter what was going on around them. Logically she knew he’d made the right call but, emotionally, the sensation of loneliness swept over her. She should never have allowed that box to open, the box that contained her most intimate wants and desires.
She dragged in a breath. She’d been caught up in the moment. That was all. The box could be shut again and shoved back on the shelf. She could ignore it, just as she had for the past few decades. Harriette knew Felix’s first priority had to be Chloe. She, more than anyone, should realise that the child always came first when one was a single parent, and therefore she couldn’t fault Felix’s reasoning, nor could she hold anything against him. He’d been open and honest with her. How could she fault that? How?
Harriette could feel another bout of tears beginning to rise within her. Loneliness. It had already swamped her once today with Eddie’s departure and now she also had to face the prospect that she would always be alone in this world. Yes, she had Eddie but his own life would begin to take up more of his time. He would eventually find a partner, have children of his own, keep pursuing his career, and her role in his life would become even more diminished than ever before and that was when she could give herself up to loneliness. She laughed without humour, remembering how, when Eddie had been little, all she’d wanted was a few hours of alone time, to be by herself, to watch a movie or read a book. It had been her saving grace, that alone time, and now, when she was looking towards her future, all she saw was alone time.
She’d told herself that she didn’t want to go down the family road again. She wasn’t interested in having more children, and when she’d dated in the past it had been with professional colleagues who were focused on their careers, but even then she’d found them two-dimensional given they didn’t have strong family connections to balance them out. That was probably how Felix would have been if Chloe hadn’t been thrust upon him. He would have been two-dimensional and even if she had been attracted to him, which, given the way he looked, would have been a definite, she still would have found him two-dimensional. Now, though, seeing him interact with Chloe, making the effort to get to know his niece, to become a permanent fixture in her life, she found him far more attractive. He was changing, learning, accepting and offering love to a child who needed it. What woman wouldn’t be attracted to him?
Even though she’d told herself no more children, no more distractions, tonight, for one split second, she’d allowed herself to dream, to see a future with a tall handsome man and his little girl. The images had flashed through her mind like a series of instant photographs and, for one split second, hope had flared strong and firm within her heart, before it was quashed once more.
She closed her eyes and listened, hearing his deep tones mixing with Chloe’s higher-pitched ones, both of them laughing. Oh, how it warmed
her heart to hear him having a good time with his niece, especially when Chloe still didn’t seem too sure of him at times. At least the child was starting to view Uncle Felix in a different light and lo and behold the gift of a tea set had been the avenue to allow that to happen.
She opened her eyes and walked to the mirror on her dresser, looking at her reflection. Good heavens, she really did look a mess. Her hair was more of a bird’s nest than normal, her eyes were puffy and her nose was red. And Felix had seen her looking like this? No wonder he’d decided to focus on Chloe rather than pursuing an attraction with a woman who looked as if she’d just been put through the wringer.
Quietly, Harriette opened her bedroom door and headed to the bathroom where she splashed water on her face and added a bit of make-up. She fixed her hair, wrapping it into a loose bun on her head, several tendrils still escaping the bonds because they were too short to stay secured without clips.
‘At least it’s a bit of an improvement,’ she told her reflection and, after taking a few deep breaths, she walked quickly though the house, trying to ignore the sight of Felix lounging on the floor with Chloe near him, the two of them looking at pictures from one of her books. ‘Off to clinic,’ she murmured, heading straight for the door.
Pasting on a bright smile, she headed into the clinic, greeting her waiting patients with her usual optimism and joviality. She listened to them, prescribed treatments for them and wrote up her clinic notes. Once she was done, she headed to the hospital to touch base with her patients on the ward and to check with Tori that the ED was running smoothly.
‘No emergencies,’ the nurse reported. ‘I’ve just finished restocking all the rooms and writing out an order form for next month.’