And I came to an abrupt halt when I ran into a hard wall. Looking up, I found dark eyes focusing intently on me.
“Kael,” I blinked several times.
“Princess Keanna,” his brows furrowed. “Are you alright?”
I swallowed past the knot. “Yeah, um,” I waved at emptiness behind me. “River’s awake.”
Kael looked at me and I was sure he was also looking entirely through me as well. “I’m going to go check his injuries. Will you wait in my room until I get back?”
“I—uh—” words wouldn’t come.
Kael smiled warmly. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And you needn’t feel worry. I’ll find Lex to keep River company before I come back. Last door on the left.”
***
It was hard to breathe. My chest felt constricted beneath the pressure of the reality around me. I couldn’t sit still because of it. I paced back and forth in Kael’s small room like an animal in a cage. My fists clenched and unclenched.
I’d never get that look from my mind The look etched into River’s features was one I’d never seen before. A look of pure hatred.
I waited for what felt like hours until I finally heard the click of a door. I whirled to see Kael coming through, closing it behind him.
I loosed a breath. “River?”
“He’s as fine as he can be under the circumstances.”
“He didn’t want me there.” My voice was a quivering mess, on the edge of breaking.
Kael’s gaze softened knowingly and he walked over to the bed. “Why don’t you have a seat, princess?” He pat the edge of it.
I didn’t want to sit. I wanted to resume pacing. I wanted to curse and yell and break something. In the end, I took a seat, Kael following after me once I was perched comfortably.
He turned to me, our knees touching. “River has suffered a great deal.”
On my behalf. I wonder if those words flittered through Kael’s mind the way they did mine.
“He will be in a very weak place until he can come to terms with his injury.” His injury. He wouldn’t even have an injury were it not for me. Kael read the guilt in my eyes.
“It is not your fault, princess.”
“But if he hadn’t been with me—”
“We all came with you willingly,” he interrupted gently. “That is not your fault.”
I felt the tears prickle at the backs of my eyelids but ferociously blinked them back.
Kael threaded his fingers through mine and pulled me close by the back of my head, burying my face into his chest. “You’re exhausted, princess,” he whispered against my hair. His hand began moving in gentle massage motions across my back. “Does it get so tiring? Having to be strong all the time?” I sucked in a stinging breath and Kael pulled me closer. “It’s okay to cry sometimes. Go ahead. No one but me will know.”
I’d fought it too hard already. I’d held back for so long already. I’d been strong for the people. I’d been strong for everyone when all I’d wanted to do was break down. And Kael’s words seemed to tip me over until I was spilling the tears I’d so desperately wanted to this entire time.
A sob wrenched out of me. It was foreign and my body tried to reject it, tried to push it back down. Strangled cries came out of me and all Kael did was pull me closer still, rubbing a big hand across my back as if to comfort. His kisses landed on top of my head and the warmth of them spread throughout my entire body. The tears fell like water down my cheeks, sobs finally tearing through me freely. I let them come this time. I let myself be held as I brought out all my pain, all of the pain I’d felt since everything happened, stumbled out of control.
I freed the beast inside me that had threatened to claw itself out since I’d found out about my engagement, since my mother had been lost, since everything.
When my emotions finally subsided and I felt raw and aching, I looked up at Kael. He was staring softly down at me. Like he understood. I suppose he always had. He’d always understood the pain that was inside of me.
“You do not have to bear so many burdens alone, princess.” He reached down to cup my face, the pad of his thumb wiping away a falling tear. My breath caught at the movement and I sighed luxuriously when he bent down to kiss away another tear. And suddenly his lips and tongue were kissing them all away, trailing down the wet pathways on the curves of my cheeks. “Allow me to lift the burden from your shoulders.” His breath was warm against my skin, causing me to shiver.
My voice was breathless when I replied. “Yes.”
It was all the permission he needed. He let his fingers slip into my hair as he slowly pulled me down to the bed so I was sprawled on my back and he was just above me. My heart thundered in my chest and he must of heard it because his fingers trailed down my side in a calming movement.
“Relax,” he assured. “Let me take care of you.”
I managed a nod and then he was pulling the clothes from my body. His movements were soft and gentle and slow. As if he were drawing out the anticipation by taking his time. As if he had all the time in the world to appreciate me.
I kicked off my shoes as his fingers began undoing the buttons of my pants. He pulled them down, sliding down the length of my legs as he pulled the material over one leg then the other. And then I was bare before him and he paused, taking me in. His dark eyes burned holes through me, made my face flush.
“You’re so beautiful, princess,” he whispered just before he bent down, hands firm on the backs of my knees, and lifted them up. He pressed a kiss to the skin just below my knee and that small bit of contact sent a fire raging through my blood. And then his lips were traveling up to the inner part of my thighs. “So soft,” he continued, tongue flicking out to lick my flesh. “So warm,” I held my breath as he went higher. His fingers seemed to caress my every inch. No part of me was left untouched. I arched into him, loving the feel of his hands on my body.
And then he was kissing my stomach and up between the valley of my breasts.
His weight covered me and I found myself opening my legs wider for him. The barrier of clothes between us was too much. It was too madening, to stay still beneath his slow, torturous movements.
And then he was lifting up, pulling the soft sweater from his body to toss it off to the side. I watched with heightened anticipation as he unzipped his own pants and pulled them off until he was naked above me. I held my breath then let it loose.
Kael smiled, if a little shyly. Then, he bent back down to take my mouth in his. His tongue pried apart my lips and began slow ministrations. I moaned against his mouth when I felt his tip against my opening.
And then, for some madenning reason, Lex’s words slashed through my mind and I tore my mouth from Kael’s to breathe.
He smoothed out my curls, looking down at me with concern. “Princess?”
“I—I—” words left me. And all I could picture was Lex’s mouth forming those words. An heir. But how did I even bring that up?
“Are you well?”
“I’m fine,” I answered a little too quickly. He raised a brow at me and I let out another breath. “It’s just that—I don’t—I mean, I—” I cut off quickly then said in a rush. “I need to produce an heir.”
Kael blinked at me, obviously surprised at my sudden burst.
I sighed. “I mean I’m the princess. I need to produce an heir with Akir. I hadn’t really thought about it before but Lex mentioned it earlier. He said that if—if I got pregnant then people may question my child’s reign and he wanted to assure that didn’t happen. And he’s right I just…” I paused. “I just wanted to let you know.”
Kael’s eyes were thoughtful. Finally he said, “Princess, do you want a child?”
His question caught me off guard and I found myself thinking heavily on it. A child. With Akir. I could imagine it now. A little boy with hair as wild as mine and with the ferocity of his father. I was surprised at how easily I could imagine it. At how quickly the thought and image came into my mind.
&
nbsp; “That’d be nice…” I said slowly.
Kael nodded. “Do you wish for me to stop, princess? I will not do anything you don’t wish of me. You know that.”
I bit my lip, noted how his gaze flickered to the movement and let it go slowly. “I want you to stay,” I whispered breathlessly. “I want you to make love to me.”
“That, my princess, I can oblige.”
“But no baby,” I reminded him gently.
“No baby.” He agreed before he bent and pressed an open mouthed kiss to my throat.
My insides melted at the contact, at the feel of his tongue against my skin. He murmured soft words against me as he explored my body. His hands traveled the length beneath my thighs, his hands were gentle but firm in their demands as they went under to cup my ass. He squeezed and I groaned, arching my hips up.
He pressed kisses to the side of my neck and up to my jaw, following a slow pathway until his lips met my own and, hungry, I devoured him entirely. Groaning, my hands flew to the back of his neck to pull him closer, as if we could never be close enough. I took and let myself be taken.
He bent me over his forearm to delve deeper into my mouth. And I clung to him, starving for whatever he could give me. His body was luxuriously warm, radiating onto me, making me burn hot with desire. My nails raked across the muscles of his brown skin, causing him to groan, his body to tense. He held me close, one hand at my back, the other softly curving down my hip.
I was burning.
I thrust my hips up to urge him on but his kisses sprinkled slowly down on me. He was drawing it out. He was making me crazy, making me want him so desperately I wanted to cry.
His hand went up to the underside of my breast where his thumb flicked against my hard nipple. I cried out, my hips lifting off the bed. And then he was flicking it again. And again. My head was already spinning, my body wound tightly on that edge and all I wanted to do was fall…
And then I felt the tip of him at my entrance, sliding just over my clit and I cried out. And when he pushed inside me slowly, I thrust my hips up to take him to the hilt. That thrust triggered my orgasm immediately. I clung tightly to his body, nails raking over his wide back as my entire body spun out of control. And he began his slow thrusting, his movements torturous as I came back from the fall to meet him thrust for thrust.
My body was still sensitive, my skin felt raw. My fingernails dug into the skin at his shoulders and his own were holding tightly to my hips, rolling against mine, pressing up against my sensitivity, bringing me to that edge once more.
Then I was rolling him on the bed and he went willingly, lying on his back, still hard inside me above him. I braced my hands against his chest and rocked my hips. He threw his head back against the pillows, groaning and digging his hands into the material of the blankets. And I rolled and rocked, changing the pace to my own until he was panting beneath me. Then, in a quick move, he lifted my hips from his erection and gave one last cry as he spilled his seed against the skin of my thigh.
***
“I need to talk to you. Now.” I burst through the door of River’s resting room. He was sitting up against his pillows, empty eyes staring up at the ceiling. Lex was seated in the chair next to him but stood up upon my entrance. “Can you give us a minute, please?” I asked him.
Lex didn’t question or comment. He nodded and left, closing the door softly behind him. Once he was gone, my eyes bore into my guard’s.
“What do you want?” He asked emotionlessly.
“I want to ring your neck right about now. That’s what I want.” I retorted sarcastically. River rolled his eyes and for a moment, hope flared inside me that he didn’t completely hate me. “But what I want more than that,” I began as I stepped a little further into the room at the foot of the bed, “is to know why you hate me so much.”
River blinked at me. “Hate you?”
“Yes, hate me.” I put my hands on my hips. I needed movement. I needed to do something but mostly I needed him to not know how my hands were shaking, how nervous I was. “I mean, I have a pretty good idea of the why but I’d still like to hear you say it to my face.”
River sat up straighter, wincing and groaning as he did so. I resisted the urge to rush to his side and help him up. I just observed with a heavy heart.
“I don’t hate you, Keanna,” he said once he was situated comfortably. “I hate myself.”
I dropped my hands to my sides at that. My heart lurched and tears prickled painfully behind my eyelids but I pushed them away. I’d already done enough crying. “Why would you hate yourself?”
His hands gripped the blankets as he groaned. “Because I can no longer be your guard. And I hate myself for it.”
“What?”
He looked at me, eyes burning. “Look me in the eyes, Keanna, and tell me you still want me as your guard. Convince me I’ll be able to protect you now that I’m a gods’ damned cripple.” He gestured violently at his missing limb. “Tell me I’m not half a man. Tell me that I’ll be able to do my duty to you.” He caught me off guard so I remained silent and he snorted. “Exactly,” he snapped as if his point were already proven. “I couldn’t kill that beast myself. I let it take a part of me with it. What makes you think I deserve to remain by your side and in your service?”
I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. I rushed to the side of his bed, kneeling beside him to take his hand in mine. He just yanked it away from me.
“I don’t deserve your comfort.”
I glared. “No. What you deserve is a punch to your thick skull. Seriously, Riv? Do you even hear what you’re saying?” He opened his mouth to speak but on impulse, I reached out to yank his ear. “I’m not finished talking, don’t interrupt. Do you realize what you’re doing? You’re letting a minor setback bring you down.”
“Minor setback?” River screeched. “Keanna, look at me! I lost my damn leg!”
“Do you remember all of those sword lessons we went through?” I asked suddenly, surprising him.
“Yes,” he answered slowly and cautiously.
“And do you remember what you told me when I hold and swing a sword?”
“I told you that the sword is like an extra limb,” his voice shook. “To think of it as an extension of yourself rather than something separate from your body.”
I nodded. “And how many times have we dropped swords in training battles or in hunts?”
“Dozens.”
“And even when we lost that special extension to ourselves, we always found a way around that inconvenience. If we didn’t have a sword, we looked for a rock. You taught me that even if we lost that part of ourselves, we can always find something to help us win.”
River blinked and then took a deep breath. “Keanna, I don’t think this is the same thing.”
I reached for his hand again, threading my fingers through his and gripping him tightly. This time he didn’t pull away. “It is. Your leg was just an extension, just another part of you. And I know you can get through this. You can find something to replace it and I know you can win. Do you know how I know that?”
He gulped. “How?”
“Because I love you, River. I have loved you since we were children. And I knew, I always knew you would be there to protect me. And I know that you will still do that. Don’t give up on yourself. Because if you do,” I looked at him with tears swimming in my eyes, “then you give up on us.”
He let a long breath out. I seemed to have shocked him speechless. He was just staring at me, as if he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “You love me?” He asked finally.
“I always have.” I answered honestly.
“I...I didn’t know.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course you didn’t. That’s not something one goes around admitting.”
He snorted. “It’s something everyone goes around admitting. You’re just too stubborn to realize that.”
“Well, I thought you were in love with the baker’s daughter so I kept my mouth shut.�
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River threw his head back and laughed. The sound rebuilt me, made me want to smile. “The baker’s daughter? What would make you think that?”
I pinched him and he yelped. “I caught you two sleeping together. By the river. Remember?”
He stroked his chin in thought and I pinched him again. He laughed, pushing my hand away. “Okay, okay, I remember. But why were you spying on us?”
My face heated. That, I didn’t have a good explanation for. “You were acting so strange that week that I knew something was up. I followed you and had the pleasure of watching you lose your virginity.” I chortled, covering a hand over my mouth as the memory of that day came back to me.
River’s face went red. “How did you know I was a virgin?” He demanded.
I snorted. “You followed me around all day, every day. It didn’t seem like you had time for other activities. I was right. Except that day you did.”
He blushed a shade darker and lowered his head. “You know,” he whispered, “I was just preparing myself in case you and I—” he broke off and looked up at me again. “I wanted to have experience because I hoped that one day you’d want to—” he looked away, coughing.
“How very romantic of you.” I muttered sarcastically. “You could have told me that sooner.”
“Who did you—I mean, with who—?”
I laughed. “The minute you and the baker’s daughter finished, I ran into town to sleep with the blacksmith’s son.”
River blanched and began choking. I laughed as I slammed my palm, not too gently, across his back.
“I thought we were competing and I didn’t want to get left behind.” I shrugged, lowering my hand.
River glared. “I always knew he was in love with you.” He paused, looking me over. “He treated you right, at least?” There was that edge of protectiveness in his voice and I swore my heart leapt for joy at the sound of it.
I smiled slyly. “He was the perfect gentlemen.” River snorted, prompting me to add with a hint of sarcasm, “I bet you would have shown me a better time, if the baker’s daughter’s screams were of any indication…”
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