by W. Ferraro
The moment he said the words, CeCe’s eyes could clearly see them in the bold script. She itched to know what his regret was, but considering he caught her examining his scarred body, she only could guess.
“We all have regrets,” she said hoping to leave her assumption on a good note.
However, his eyes seemed to say something else. Time to press.
“You know, it is ‘another time.’ I’m awake, you’re awake, so we might as well talk,” she let her fingers lightly walk up his chest where they found his chin and pushed gently.
Jarod rubbed his hands over his face multiple times. It didn’t take a brain surgeon for her to deduce he did not want to have this conversation. However, to her surprise, he let out a long heavy breath, pulled her so she lay with her face resting on his chest. CeCe waited as his hand ran the length of her arm back and forth. The action of comfort and calming, she wasn’t sure if it was meant for her, or him. Just when she decided he wouldn’t tell her, he began to speak.
“I thought I knew my direction in life. I grew up in a military family; so going into the service was drilled into me for as long as I could remember. Honor, courage, service, that was our creed and it was a path I fully intended to follow. It was also a path that required very few emotions from my father. Mom was the emotion that held our family together. She was his opposite in every way. He was a Marine to the letter, and she was full of life and laughter. Don’t get me wrong, he loved me and was proud of me, but she was the one that handled all the messy emotions.”
This wasn’t what CeCe was expecting, but she was hanging on every word.
“Then, the fat lady sang; a drunk driver hit my Mom’s car on Christmas Eve of my junior year as she was driving home from working at a Soup Kitchen. Christmas was her favorite time of year. She always said the greatest thing one could do for another is just help with a smile.” Jarod got quite for a moment, before he cleared his throat and pushed on, “She held on until the following night, but her injuries were too severe, and she died. I sat in a cold sterile hospital room on Christmas and watched my Gunnery Sergeant Father, whom never showed any sort of feelings, cry like a baby over his wife’s lifeless body.” The emotion in his voice he tried so hard to mask still slipped through. CeCe placed a soft kiss on his chest offering sympathy for the devastation he went through.
“After her funeral, my Father returned to his emotionless Marine self. It happened. Time to move on, end of story. Being upset would not bring her back. He replaced his home time with base time. I knew he just couldn’t look at the walls where her spirit was so strong, but in grieving in ignorance, he shut me out, too.”
CeCe’s heart ached for the young man left alone, and for the man beside her now that carried this with him.
“I started lashing out, cutting school, getting into fights. I was just so damn angry; I hated everything and everyone. By some miracle, I passed my junior and senior years, but I honestly think it was more that the school just wanted me gone than a stellar academic performance. Anyways, when I did graduate, my old man never said anything to me except to ask me when I was meeting with the Recruiter. I told him he was out of his tree if he thought I would enlist. Our relationship became nonexistent; he gave me an ultimatum, the Corps or my ass on the street. I took the street. I didn’t need him, or the service to tell me how to live my life. For the two years before, he couldn’t give two shits less about what I was doing.”
Jarod stopped speaking for a bit and returned to rubbing her arm. CeCe had so many questions she wanted to ask, but she somehow found the strength to remain mute. She’d pushed him to spill; the least she could do was let him tell her how he wanted to.
He turned his head and kissed her forehead before telling her the rest, “Three years later, I was making decent money and supporting myself, but I wasn’t happy.”
That hurt. Her fears were just confirmed, she hadn’t made him happy. She’d known what they had wasn’t a whirlwind romance, but she did think it was something tangible, but he was just sowing his oats. Tears pooled in her eyes.
“Then one day, it just clicked. I needed to man up, be a better man than I was, than I was heading for if I didn’t change.”
The silence that hung between them was thick with things unsaid.
CeCe ran her finger over the lines of his abdomen before asking, “And the scars?”
“Convoy patrol when an Insurgent bomb went off. They disabled six of us with that bomb, but the fuckers didn’t live to see three minutes after the fact. I took shrapnel to thirty percent of my body. Overall, I’m lucky; I walked away, so to speak, some in my platoon lost limbs right then and there. My hip and leg sustained the most damage. Along with major muscle and nerve damage, my femoral artery was punctured. The medical team worked miracles, and I was able to keep my leg, so vanity over the scar never came up. After my medical discharge and years of therapy, the pain is manageable as long as you can ignore excruciating pain.”
She knew he said that last to be funny, but she found no such humor in it. It was amazing he could walk two feet, let alone what he did daily. She needed to process all of this. Without a word, she rolled over to turn off the light, but then returned to Jarod’s embrace. In the darkened silence, they offered comfort to each other with their bodies. When they were through he spooned against her and CeCe replayed everything he told her in her head. Fitting the pieces together in the timeline she knew. There was something he wasn’t telling her, that she was sure of, but as minutes turned into hours as she lay in his arms, she made a decision. She’d known the consequences of crossing the line with Jarod, but she’d done it anyway. They were attracted to each other physically, but she had to think of her life. The life she worked so hard to build. The life she swore she would accept nothing short of completely on her terms. She knew her actions would display her as an uncaring bitch, but she needed to convince him it was for the best. Convince herself it was for the best, too. Tomorrow she would go back to Hamden and focus on that life, considering this merely an interruption. She just needed to steel herself that this was the only option she had, a decision that she would never get to make again.
Jarod woke feeling refreshed; more refreshed than he had felt in a long time, and he knew it was because CeCe slept next to him. Honestly, he couldn’t remember ever sleeping this deeply, or this long. It was as if his body was heavy with deprived sleep, deciding to catch up all at once. With his eyes still closed, he reached to embrace her and revel in the moment, but his hand encountered nothing. He opened his eyes and noticed she was nowhere in the room.
“Cees?” No one answered back.
He climbed out of bed, checking the bathroom to find it dark and empty. Fury began to build inside of him, but it was laced with something else, something worse; fear. Jarod grabbed his phone and dialed her cell, it went directly to voicemail, he disconnected the call and grabbed for his discarded clothes, quickly dressing before he ran from his room. He reached her room and pounded on the door. His gut told him that she was gone, but he just continued to pound on the door, physically dealing with the panic that was overtaking him.
Ignoring the pain from his leg, he ran like he was back in boot camp. Ignoring the elevator because it was too slow, he raced down five flights of stairs. By the time he reached the desk in the lobby, he was grasping at straws, “Room 526, did she check out?”
“Sir, I can’t…” the desk attendant began.
“Just answer the question, dammit!” he bellowed.
“Is there a problem here?” an older man in a suit came from the back, confronting Jarod.
Before Jarod could respond to that question, he felt a small, warm hand on his shoulder.
“Jarod? Is everything okay?” Natalie asked with obvious concern in her voice.
Jarod turned to face Dylan’s wife as fury replaced the panic. She left him! She snuck out and left him! He felt the sweat bead at his temples and his heart constricted. After all they did and talked about last night; hell, less th
an twelve hours ago, she left.
“Where’s CeCe?” he yelled, aware he was taking his anger out on her, but not caring.
Natalie jumped at his tone and volume, but she still remained polite, “She caught a ride home with Seth and Mae, and headed out a couple of hours ago.”
What the fuck? Of course she did! With an ironic shake of his head, Jarod turned and headed back up to his room, saying nothing else to Natalie.
As Jarod stepped into the elevator, ignoring the stares and comments, he knew her disappearing was not a rash decision All the ground he thought he gained, letting her see him vulnerable, that he was wrong all those years ago; that now he only had good intentions—all that work for nothing. Hurt and panic was quickly replaced with anger and betrayal. He would not allow her to make this decision regarding their future without understanding the ramifications. Some would call it desperation, but he chose to call it changing his strategy: Operation CeCe and I Belong Together.
The elevator doors opened to the fifth floor, stepping out, Jarod headed straight for his room. He quickly packed his bag and schemed how their next confrontation would go down. Whether she liked it or not, he would not allow her final response to be her sneaking out. If she wanted him gone, she damn well would have to say it to his face. As he grabbed the door handle to leave and return to Vermont, he paused. Closing his eyes, he asked for strength, what he had in mind would require her to be stripped bare emotionally, only then would he accept her choice. Of course for her to be so vulnerable, he would have to be, too.
When CeCe arrived back in town and picked up her car at Dylan’s, she knew she should have gone to her apartment, but she found herself driving to her store. She had shut her cell phone off a while ago and was still nervous to turn it back on, imagining the number of texts and voicemails that were waiting for her.
When she pulled into the parking lot in mid-afternoon, she was pleasantly surprised to find the plaza, and her store somewhat busy. She pulled into to a parking spot and killed the engine. She picked up her phone where it lay on the passenger seat, flinching as she powered it up. After the tone sounded she had to wait a moment longer for all messages to register. With no way of knowing how many calls she missed, she was surprised to receive only a text from Natalie and one voice message. She steeled herself, as she dialed up her inbox and listened.
You are going to have to do better than that, Kitten. You and I are not through…yet.
She rolled her eyes. Of course he would make this difficult. But she had to admit, she expected more than a cryptic message.
No! CeCe don’t go there. You’ve made this decision, and you need to stick to it. The further you keep him from your thoughts the better, and safer, you will be.
CeCe left her car and walked through the front door of CeCe’s. There were a fair number of customers and she was happy to see both Kelleigh and Kimmie being attentive and professional. Giving a quick hello to both her employees and the regular clients in her store, she ducked into the back office.
Throwing herself right into work, she looked through the computer, reviewing the sales for the last few days. She was thrilled with the numbers. Kelleigh came in shortly afterwards.
“How was your weekend?” Kelleigh asked.
“Good. I was going to ask how everything was here, but looking at these numbers, I don’t need to. Looks like you gals had some rocking sales.” CeCe said astounded, she checked the figures three times.
“Yes, yesterday, a shotgun destination bride came in with her honor attendant and mother, and bought her entire trousseau, as well as their dresses.”
CeCe watched as pride crossed Kelleigh’s face.
“That is fantastic! I’m sorry I missed it, but looking at these figures you handled it amazingly. Just for that, why don’t you get out of here? Go spend some time with the new man. I’ll close up shop; getting right into the thick of it here is just what I need after being away for a couple of days.”
Suddenly, Kelleigh’s face changed, “Oh no, I couldn’t do that, but if you want to let Kimmie go, that would be fine.” She said, looking down at her feet. CeCe watched as her friend’s glee left her face, replaced by worry.
“Everything okay, Kell?” CeCe asked as she got up from her desk and approached her friend.
“Uh, yeah, just would rather stay here, if that’s okay.”
CeCe didn’t like the sound of that, but she didn’t pry any further. CeCe went out onto the now quiet floor and found Kimmie and told her she could head out. Her boisterous employee was more than happy to leave early.
The next several hours went by easily as customers continued to filter in. Kelleigh kept all talk work related and CeCe was happy for the subject. She was concerned for her friend, but keeping everything about the store helped her to focus as well. By the time closing came around CeCe had almost put aside the feelings she couldn’t ignore, and began to feel she was making the right decision.
With the lights turned down in the front, CeCe and Kelleigh each sat in the office, happily tired and comfortable in the silence.
CeCe looked at her friend and knew it was time to find out what was eating at her.
CeCe pulled her weary bones out of her chair, walked over to the small refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of Pinot that she was happy she kept there. She filled two hefty plastic cups, and handed one to Kelleigh. When she returned to her own seat, she took a long drink.
“You okay, Kelleigh? Did something happen with the new man?”
Kelleigh sipped her own cup and looked to her boss and friend, “I feel foolish, honestly, but I thought things were going great. We were seeing each other pretty regularly, but these past few days I haven’t heard one word from him. No calls, no texts; heck, not even a Dear Joan email.” She took another sip of her wine, got out of her chair and paced the small space before continuing. “I’m so embarrassed to say I think I’ve, once again, been too clingy and spooked a really awesome guy. I just want to get my shit together, and get on the path I’m supposed to be on. Is that too much to ask?”
CeCe listened as her younger friend voiced the fears of so many women: the fear of being alone, and taking all the responsibility of something going wrong in a relationship. CeCe had made it her mission to keep herself away from this particular abyss, but her brain was flooded with everything she had done this weekend that sucked her right back into the center of this group.
“Anywho, I’m just getting tired of the dating game. It’s a game you need talent to play, and I apparently have no such talent for it.”
CeCe watched as Kelleigh drained her glass, her heart breaking for the younger woman. She was just about to pull some I’m no one to be giving out advice out of her ass when the space filled with a current Top 40 song.
“Oh, I’m sorry, that’s my cell phone,” Kelleigh said as she threw the now empty cup into the trash and went over to the cubby she used for her stuff while she worked.
CeCe finished her own cup and contemplated refilling it, when she noticed Kelleigh’s face go from self-loathing to instantly happy.
“Oh my God…it’s him.”
And then the Earth is righted back onto its axis and the abyss closes until the next moment it’s needed. CeCe was happy, Kelleigh deserved to be happy.
“Go! Get out of here, but make him work for it. Fancy dinner, and fulfilling all your wants,” she answered with a wink, watching the younger woman respond to the text and pull her bag out and head out the door.
When Kelleigh was on her way, and the front door once again locked, CeCe decided to indulge in the second glass of wine. She would pay some bills, play one of those annoying social media games—anything to keep her mind off of the images and memories of the weekend that were trying so hard to infiltrate her thoughts.
She had just finished the second cup of wine and was really considering just drinking straight from the bottle when there was a pounding from the back security door.
Gates!
Reprieve over.
Another pounding, this one firmer and angrier. CeCe rolled her eyes and was happy for the wine in her system to help her deal with him. She undid the security locks and pulled the door open, confusion suddenly overcoming her.
Jarod wasn’t there. No one was. Only warm summer humidity and the fading sun.
Then she noticed the three white roses on the ground. These ones were shorter, but the same bloom. They sat on the ground in some sort of vase. Not knowing where the bravery came from, CeCe squatted down and panic gripped her throat, knocking her on her ass. She crawled backwards like a clumsy crab, knowing she should slam the door shut, locking it, but she remained frozen to the spot.
The slogan on the vase had her blood running cold. Old Colony Harbor Hotel, Boston, Massachusetts. Her vision filled with images of herself, admiring the same little vases in the quaint hotel gift shop just yesterday.
In the next several minutes, when no boogeyman appeared, CeCe’s fear began to lessen. She climbed to her feet, slowly making her way to the door. Looking around the back lot of the plaza, making sure she wasn’t being watched, she quickly bent down, picked up the vase, then closed and latched the door. She carried the vase to her desk to examine the roses closer. They really were beautiful, in a completely fucked up and freaky way. Whoever this jackass was, he didn’t mind spending the dough.
Annoyed with herself for getting scared, but also completely pissed off this guy was still playing this completely aggravating game. Grow a pair! Seriously!
The longer she stood there looking at the blooms, the more irritated she became. She was so over this. It was because of this dickless asshole Jarod was thrown back into her life. She would not give this asshat another ounce of her fear.
In a moment of complete wrath, she picked up the vase and threw it against the wall. She watched as the glass smashed into a hundred pieces, as the once manicured flowers lay broken on the floor.