by Josie Brown
His next question sends a chill up my spine: “Do you trust me?”
“Also with all my heart,” I vow. “So don’t do anything that makes me question my sanity.”
Jack shakes his head. “Sorry, doll. No promises.”
To prove it, he hits the gas.
We crest a hill—
And then Jack veers sharply to the right—
Landing us onto a narrow gap in a tall hedge.
We’re a few hundred feet from a tunnel. With a push of a button on our car’s dashboard, a radio signal emits the security code that opens its gate.
A half-mile later, the tunnel emerges inside Acme’s underground garage.
Our car purrs to a stop in front of Ryan.
Scowling, he waits against a wall, his arms folded at his chest. “You’d better have a hell of a great excuse,” he growls.
Jack and I exchange glances. Then, in unison, we offer: “Saturday traffic on the 405.”
Ryan accepts our explanation with a resigned nod and a smirk. “What? No bullshit tales of evildoer shenanigans or earthshaking calamities? I must say, your honesty is refreshing. You should try it more often.”
I frown. “Is that supposed to be a compliment? Are you saying you wouldn’t have believed us if we said that, say, houses were exploding all over town?”
“Or, if we’d told you that the highway was at a standstill because they were shooting a movie scene on two lanes?” Jack adds.
“Or, that when a sports car slammed into a van, a bunch of captive slaves jumped out and we stopped to round them up?” I ask.
“Mr. and Mrs. Craig, I’ve always admired your very active imaginations,” Ryan retorts. “And considering your new mission, the home explosion line is at least believable.” He nods towards the elevator. “Ready to hear about it? The rest of the team is already waiting upstairs.”
Buy The Housewife Assassin’s Horrorscope (Book 18)
How to Reach Josie
I read my first book at the age of three. It was an insightful classic: Go, Dog! Go! A thriller if there ever was one. I’m being serious. I didn’t know that dogs came in so many colors! And could drive so fast!
It taught me three lessons about writing enjoyable novels:
First, bring the thrills.
Next, a fast car or two doesn’t hurt.
And finally, I always put smart dogs in my series.
Speaking of which—I’m the author of The Housewife Assassin's Handbook series (17 novels; dogs are Rin Tin Tin and Lassie); the Totlandia series (8 novels; the dog is Vsevolod Ivanovich) and the True Hollywood Lies series (2 novels, Hollywood Hunk and Hollywood Whore. No dogs, but a couple of mean bitches).
My other novels include: The Candidate (political thriller); The Baby Planner (contemporary women's fiction); and Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives (contemporary women's fiction) which was optioned by producer Jerry Bruckheimer for television.
Currently, over a million copies of my novels are in readers' hands. My readers love my books enough that I've been ranked #1 on both Amazon and iBooks on numerous occasions. To thank them, I give them a free book when they sign up for my eLetter. It only goes out when I launch a new book, run a contest, or whenever a novel goes free for a limited time.
You can also follow me on my Amazon Author Page to get updates on new releases.
Want to reach me? Here's how:
[email protected]
www.JosieBrown.com
https://josiebrown.com/podbean
These are my social media links. At BookBub you’ll know about my books that go free for a limited time.
The Housewife Assassin Series
DOWNLOAD THE FIRST BOOK FOR FREE
The Housewife Assassin’s Handbook (Book 1)
Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it happens to be government-sanctioned. But when terrorism hits close to home, espionage makes for strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to the old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."
The Housewife Assassin’s Guide to Gracious Killing (Book 2)
On Donna's to-do list: First, exterminate a rogue operative out to assassinate the newly elected Russian President. Next: file for divorce!
The Housewife Assassin’s Killer Christmas Tips (Book 3)
'Tis the season for mistletoe...and murder! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna doesn't find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles!
The Housewife Assassin’s Relationship Survival Guide (Book 4)
London. Paris. Guantánamo Bay. Donna Stone is looking for love--and terrorists--in all the wrong places. Worse yet, an old flame gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love. But she doesn't cry. She gets even.
The Housewife Assassin’s Vacation to Die For (Book 5)
An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him before it is unleashed on Fantasy island. But first they'll have to deal with a nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison dart-throwing pygmies. And you call this a vacation?
The Housewife Assassin’s Recipes for Disaster (Book 6)
Donna must stop the assassinations of both US political parties' presidential candidates. But when she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put aside her animosity long enough to save the candidate's life?
The Housewife Assassin’s Hollywood Scream Play (Book 7)
Lights, cameras and non-stop action! When Donna and Jack are placed on Interpol's Most Wanted list, they go on the lam by accepting an offer to act as espionage experts on a movie set.
The Housewife Assassin’s Killer App (Book 8)
In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with top secret documents inside the United States' Intelligence Community's secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations, including an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna.
The Housewife Assassin’s Hostage Hosting Tips (Book 9)
It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from terrorists whose usual demands are million-dollar ransoms. But this time, the price is much higher, and much more personal, for the housewife assassin.
The Housewife Assassin’s Garden of Deadly Delights (Book 10)
Housewife assassin Donna Stone's green thumb--and for that matter, her trigger finger--is put to the test when she must stop the release of genetically enhanced corn containing a deadly brain-eating virus.
The Housewife Assassin’s Tips for Weddings, Weapons, and Warfare (Book 11)
It's time for Donna Stone and Jack Craig to tie the knot--hopefully, not around each other's necks as they juggle the planning of their wedding with tracking a terrorist in the White House.
The Housewife Assassin’s Husband Hunting Hints (Book 12)
There is only one way for housewife assassin Donna Stone to save her husband and mission leader, Jack Craig, from torture and termination: become a traitor and act as a double agent for the terrorist organization known as the Quorum.
The Housewife Assassin’s Ghost Protocol (Book 13)
Housewife assassin Donna Stone's mission: go under deep cover in order to investigate the resurrection of known terrorists where were thought to be long dead and buried.
The Housewife Assassin’s Terrorist TV Guide (Book 14)
Housewife assassin Donna Stone must be more than just ready for her close-up if she's to infiltrate a television reality show in order to stop the broadcast of a live terrorist act.
The Housewife Assassin’s Deadly Dossier (Book 15 - Series Prequel)
In this full-length prequel to the series, Acme Industries' black-ops agent, Jack Craig, is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization's most prolific hit man, Carl Stone--only to fall in love the the dead man's wife, Donna: a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's d
isappearance. When Acme approaches Donna to join the organization as an assassin, Jack takes on an undercover mission that will change both their lives forever.
The Housewife Assassin’s Greatest Hits (Book 16)
As housewife assassin Donna Stone Craig’s life hangs in the balance, a deadly bet with the Grim Reaper brings forth a cavalcade of ghosts from her past: those whom she loved and lost, and those whose lives she took. Their sometimes chilling but always insightful points-of-view on Donna's life leave her with a few regrets, and at the same time grant her the redemption she needs to keep living. But first she must beat the Reaper at his own game.
The Housewife Assassin’s Fourth Estate Sale (Book 17)
Donna and Jack must infiltrate a major media conglomerate's newspaper, television, and radio divisions in order to stop a foreign state's covert attempt to initiate a global war.
The Housewife Assassin Gets Lucky (Crossover Standalone Novel)
When two hot, haute heroines team up to solve a murder, neither can afford to be fashionably late.
No one expected to find a dead girl in the Royal Suite at the Babylon’s posh London club. Who would kill her? And why?
With little to go on and no friends to rely on, Lucky O’Toole, the Babylon’s Chief Problem Solver, is dispatched to…well, to solve the problem.
But she needs to be in Paris. Her fiancé—and, worse, his mother—are counting on her presence at a party in her honor in seventy-two hours, more or less. With a personal-life time-bomb ticking, Lucky hopes for a quick solution.
A mystery woman, seen leaving the Royal Suite just before the girl’s body is discovered, attracts Lucky’s attention. She has to be the key…
On loan to the CIA, assassin Donna Stone Craig and her crack black-ops team have stepped into a viper’s nest. First, they darn near get out-bid and overwhelmed at an auction to acquire a vintage purse hiding some critical intel its lining. Then a very important source Donna is to meet at the Babylon London Club winds up dead. And the young woman’s intel—bearing incredible global consequences—is encrypted. She was the only one who could give Donna the cipher, and she’s dead. Surely someone else would know. But, who?
It’s easy to see why Acme’s prime suspect is the tall brunette who acts like she owns the place. Lucky O’Toole shows up at the wrong time, and in the wrong place.
But before Donna and Lucky can find the right answers, they’ll need to overcome their reservations, and resolve their differences. But can they learn to trust each other before the real killer gets away?
They have to. Their lives—and world peace—depend on it.
The Housewife Assassin’s Horrorscope (Book 18)
Donna Stone, her mission leader Jack, and their covert ops team must decipher horoscope tips that contain clues to the names of twelve suspects whose acts are treason could bring the world to the brink of war.
The Totlandia Series
DOWNLOAD THE FIRST BOOK FOR FREE
TOTLANDIA: Book 1 (The Onesies/Fall)
In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina Connaught Cross, leader of the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her. But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle. But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club. Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames?
TOTLANDIA: Book 2 (The Onesies/Winter)
In this second book of the Totlandia series, five mommies are just one misstep away from entry into the elite Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Everyone has a scandalous secret to hide, but who will be the next to fall? With just four spots remaining, will the five remaining ladies turn cutthroat? Or will their newfound friendships be strong enough to help them band together?
TOTLANDIA: Book 3 (The Onesies/Spring)
The surviving moms are ready to reap the rewards of membership, but none of them counted on club founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, needing a pick-me-up from a bitter betrayal, whereas the new Onesies moms are trying to stay out of her sightlines long enough to deal with their own issues: Lorna wants to tell her family about Dante’s autism, but keeping it on her own terms could be difficult when her hippie mom and socialite mother-in-law meet for the first time. Jillian fights to regain her financial footing and confront her own insecurities, finding comfort in an unexpected place. And Ally can’t bear the thought of hurting Jade, so she continues to bury her feelings for Brady. But when another desperate housewife stirs the mix, Jade could become a pawn in an even more devious game.
TOTLANDIA: Book 4 (The Onesies/Summer)
Summer sizzles in Totlandia, emotions boil over. When Jillian's vindictive joke backfires, she learns the true meaning of forgiveness. Jade’s betrayal puts her in a dangerous downward spiral with no bottom in sight—until she finds friendship and redemption where she least expects it. Lorna faces the biggest trial in her marriage, and makes an important decision that may end it for good. While Ally may regret the choices made she to get accepted in the club, her exile puts new opportunities in her path, thanks to Brady and his ceaseless desire to win her over—with Barry's help, who is playing his own little game with the Top Moms Committee. But it's Bettina who suffers the ultimate punishment—one that changes her life, and the livelihood of the club, forever.
TOTLANDIA: Book 5 (The Twosies/Fall)
When Bettina Cross is faced with having to share the leadership of her beloved Pacific Heights Moms and Tots Club with her sister-in-law, Lorna Connaught, she plays dirty—only to discover that her actions have aligned her two true enemies: Kimberley Savitch, and Kelly Overton. Bettina’s problems are compounded when Daniel Warwick, a Department of Justice prosecutor, wants to use her as bait to trap her soon-to-be ex, Art, into coming home and answering to long list of fraud charges. The fact that Art has scammed most of San Francisco’s wealthiest families has Bettina fighting desperately to preserve her most priceless possession: her social standing. When Brady lines up venture capital funding for Life of Pie, Ally must tamp down his gung-ho power ranger tendencies, while at the same time shore up Jillian’s insecurities that her pies won’t live up to Brady’s promises. And now that the once homeless Reggie is teaching the complete works of Shakespeare to UC Berkeley undergrads, Jade struggles with her fear that she’s competing for his affections with his younger, more beautiful students. Finally, an unexpected tragedy puts Jillian in the middle of her ex's life again—with consequences that will affect her future and those of her twins—forever.
TOTLANDIA: Book 6 (The Twosies/Winter)
Winter’s chill isn’t just in the air. It also runs through the veins of all the women in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Besides dealing with the politics of the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club, Lorna discovers a secret that will scandalize the members—and perhaps have one one them leaving in disgrace; As for Jade, her new part-time job on the UC Berkeley campus allows Reggie to see her in a whole new light—one that will either make, or break, their relationship; Jillian is juggling too much—not just the twins, the growth of Life of Pie, and the details of her wedding, but the guardianship of the infant, Scotty. Will her fiancé, Caleb man up to fatherhood—or will he be scared off by threats of a lawsuit from Rona, the mother her deceased ex-husband, Scott? And Brady’s frustration over Ally’s refusal to commit to marrying him leads him down a
slippery slope–into her past. And finally, Bettina's idea for a new mobile may get her out of hock—but will it keep her in the good graces of Daniel Warwick—the Federal agent chasing down, Art?
TOTLANDIA: Book 7 (The Twosies/Spring)
For the women of Totlandia, spring brings new life and emotional renewal. The births of Lorna's twins brings depression—over Dante's future. The decision she makes will drive a wedge between her and Matt. As for Jillian, she's working harder than ever in launching Life of Pie. The good news: Caleb has taken to his new role as über-dad with gusto. The bad news: it's causing trouble in the Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club. Also, when one of Jade's darkest secrets is exposed, her past and future collide, forcing her to makes some hard decisions regarding her life—with or without Reggie. On the other hand, Ally is afraid that the truth about her father may be the end Brady's love for her.
As for Bettina: will she succumb to an easy fix for her problems, or will she embrace the challenge that may lead to the financial and emotional freedom she craves?
TOTLANDIA: Book 8 (The Twosies, Summer)