by Ann Mcintosh
“Granny, are you going to let her talk to me that way?”
“Huh. I’d chastise her, but we all know is the truth she’s talking.”
But by the time Mina got to her bedroom and closed the door behind her, her amusement had faded, and anxiety took over.
Going out was the last thing she wanted to do. Sure, she been elated earlier at being back in the operating room. Remembering, on a visceral, soul-deep level, why she’d become a doctor, and knowing for the first time since the accident she’d find a way to be true to her calling.
It was a little like awakening from a deep, restless sleep, with the sense of time lost, she thought, as she climbed into the shower.
But that was the hospital. A place where no one working there would be inclined to be curious about a one-handed person. Anywhere else, she was sure to get those strange looks and stares, the inquisitive questions.
Yet, hiding from it wasn’t going to change anything, and that reality was something she’d steadfastly refused to accept.
Caring for the patient today had brought it into focus. She was in a state of transition from the life she used to have, to a new way of being. Looking back, she wondered where things had gone wrong, and why she’d made some of the decisions she’d made. But in truth, no amount of navel-gazing was going to change a moment of her past and, in order to go forward, she had to find acceptance.
Lifting her left arm, she looked at her stump, turning it back and forth under the water. Seeing and examining it fully for the first time. She’d been trying to ignore it, to pretend that at some point she’d look down and her hand would, magically, be there.
So much denial, and anger, and sadness, over something no one—nothing—could undo.
Tears threatened, but she held them back, despite the fact she felt only a lingering sense of sorrow, not the racking pain she associated with thoughts of the accident and memories of her loss.
“It’s time you got your head on straight, Mina Haraldson.” The words echoed in the shower stall, weightier for being spoken aloud. “No more feeling sorry for yourself or pretending that losing your hand means everything is finished. Time to make a new plan and get on with life.”
Then she stuck her head under the spray, letting the water wash away the tears she swore would be the last she shed for Warren, for the accident, for the loss of her hand. For a life that had, if she were honest, grown stale and gray despite her love for her work.
Onward and upward.
By the time she’d dressed and looked at herself in the mirror, Mina felt she’d successfully covered any evidence of her tears. A little eyeshadow and mascara did wonders, she reflected, and her linen pirate-inspired blouse, with its flouncy cuffs, hopefully would camouflage her stump.
Even her new determination and just-finished pep talk couldn’t totally reduce her tension, but seeing Kiah in a bright orange shirt somehow made the outing far less stressful.
“Going for the Bird of Paradise look?” she asked, earning a giggle from Charm and a glare from Kiah.
“Don’t you like it?” he asked, striking a pose, one hand behind his head, the other on an outthrust hip. “Will it embarrass you to be seen with me like this?”
“Would you change it, if I said yes?”
“Nope,” he said, striding across the room, then doing a dramatic turn. “I’d run downtown and see if I could find a pair of matching pants.”
“You see how bad he is, Auntie?” Charm said, shaking her head.
“Oh, you’d be surprised at how many ladies love a man in a blinding shirt,” Mina replied, making even Miss Pearl chuckle.
In truth, the shirt emphasized Kiah’s handsomeness, showing off his dark, smooth complexion and sparkling eyes. As he kissed first Miss Pearl then Charm good-night, Mina found herself hard-pressed to take her gaze off him. The effect of the look he’d given her earlier lingered beneath her skin, heightening her awareness of him. No matter how often she told herself it was just a sweet, nostalgic moment, her body refused to listen. Instead, she was extremely conscious of their closeness within the confines of the car as they got underway.
But she made sure to keep the conversation light, hoping these new sensations would fade.
They better.
* * *
Kiah found himself watching Mina carefully as they left the house.
He wasn’t sure what had passed between them earlier, when he’d reacted to Charm’s story. His niece’s words had taken him back to the first time they’d met, and his gaze was drawn straight to Mina’s.
The memory had been there in her eyes, too, but it had been soft, fond, while he...
Hell, he didn’t even know what he’d been projecting, only knew the raw emotion in his blood wasn’t soft. Or fond. No, it had been fierce, almost desperate. And God only knew what Mina thought his expression meant.
He half expected her to bring it up, but she didn’t. Instead, she chatted about Miss Pearl and Charm’s movie date, as though that was the only thing of importance occurring that evening.
It was a relief.
When they pulled up to the little club on the beach, she gave a cry of delight.
“I remember this place,” she said as she opened her car door. “It wasn’t called the Sweet Spot then, though, was it?”
“No,” he replied, smiling at her enthusiasm. “It was called Yellow Bird the last time you were here.”
“We had a blast that night, although that young woman who took a shine to American Jimmy got so drunk and became obnoxious when he wouldn’t take her home with him. Whatever happened to Jimmy?” she asked as they approached the door. “Is he still around? He’s a fun guy.”
“He is still around,” Kiah said, of the man who’d come to work on St. Eustace fifteen years before and never left. “He’s been seeing a really nice woman, and I heard he’s gone to Barbados to meet her family.”
“Sounds serious,” she said as she looked around the small club. In true Caribbean style, it was still almost empty, since most people came out later. It was a nice night, warm, with a hint of sea breeze, so they wound their way through the tables to the other door, which led to the patio.
There they found a table near the railing, within eyeshot of the sea lapping on the nearby rocks. Once they sat down, Kiah continued the conversation.
“Apparently he’s asked her to marry him.”
“I’m a little surprised. Wasn’t he the local Romeo?”
Kiah chuckled. “Once Jimmy met Sharon, that was it. You can tell from just seeing them together how in love with her he is.”
Mina turned her gaze toward the water, a pensive expression flitting over her face for an instant, making him wonder what she was thinking. But before he could ask, she faced him again and said, “Charm was asking me about Karlene last night, after dinner.”
His heart rate kicked up in reaction to her words, and he scrubbed his palm along his cheek, getting his emotions under control, before asking, “What did she say?”
“Just asked me what I meant when I said she reminded me of her mother. Wanted to know if I liked Karlene. Things like that. She said neither you nor Miss Pearl like to talk about her, and I think she needs you to.”
The weight in his heart increased, grew almost unbearable for a moment. Then he took a deep breath, trying to regain his equilibrium. When Mina reached across the table to take his hand in hers, Kiah hung on to it, as though it were a lifeline.
“We used to, when she first came to us, but every time we mentioned Karlene’s name or said something about her, Charm shut down. Granny and I agreed to stop, figuring when Charm was ready to talk about her mother, she’d let us know. Ask questions. I think, somewhere along the line, not talking about her turned into a habit.”
She squeezed his fingers a little tighter.
“Well, discuss it with Miss Pearl, and the
two of you come up with a plan. It’s been five years since Karlene and Roy died. Maybe Charm has questions she needs answered. Not just about her mom, but about what happened.”
He shook his head, unable to help it. The last thing he wanted was to have to discuss her parents’ murder-suicide with Charm, but in his gut he knew he’d have to.
“She needs to know why it happened, Kiah. Charm probably hates her father, which is only natural under the circumstances. No doubt you do, too, in some ways. But the difference is, half of her comes from Roy. She needs to understand what happened.”
“I still don’t fully understand it, Mina.” His throat felt raw, just as it had the night after the phone had rung, and a police constable had called from Canada to inform him Karlene and Roy were dead. Then, though, it was because he’d roared in anguish, unable to restrain himself, mindless with grief. Now it was because he knew he’d have to relive it, sometime soon, for Charm’s sake.
Mina stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, as though trying to soothe him as best she could. It helped, but not enough to make the conversation palatable.
“Roy was suffering from PTSD. You know that.”
“But how do you explain that to a twelve-year-old?”
“Charm is more than mature enough to hear the truth. That her father went off to war one man and came back another. That he tried to get help, but it wasn’t enough.”
Now anger edged the fear and sadness aside, and he welcomed it. “Do I tell her that her grandmother, who’s a bitter, controlling woman, couldn’t stop stirring up trouble? Tell her that her poor father, already fighting the demons in his head, couldn’t take any more of his mother-in-law’s nagging and bickering? Does she get to hear that part, too? Because I can’t even say it without feeling ill.”
“No,” Mina said softly, her eyes full of gentle wisdom and care. “She doesn’t need to know that part. That’s more than is necessary right now. But she does need to know her father wasn’t a monster, which means she’s not half monster too, if you see what I mean?”
“I do see what you mean,” he said, the reluctance clear in his tone. He, better than anyone else, recognized the effect knowing you had a monstrous parent could have on a child. Then he shook his head, his lips twisting to the side for an instant. “But why is everything so difficult, Mina? Why can’t life be simple?”
“I wish I knew, Kiah. I really do.”
Just then the waiter approached and Mina let go of his hand, leaving him suddenly hollow and bereft.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE’D WANTED A change of subject, away from American Jimmy and his new girlfriend, but going from that to Karlene and Roy, and Kiah having to talk to Charm about them, left her raw. Both were subjects that made her heartache all the harder to bear, albeit in different ways.
Not that she was bitter, really; she wished nothing but the best for Jimmy and his lady. But hearing about them falling in love was a reminder of how unlikely it was that she’d ever be in a similar situation. Warren and his ugly truths had put paid to that.
Then talking about Karlene and Roy... Ouch.
She’d been the one Kiah called, after hearing from the cops, and it was Mina who’d gone to the police station to be with Charm. The memory was one that haunted her still, and she could only imagine how Kiah felt about having to relive that time with his niece.
So, having the waiter come to take their drink orders was something of a relief.
“Rum punch?” Kiah questioned, after the waiter left. “You remember how strong those are, right?”
Mina gave him a grin and nodded. “Yep, but I feel like celebrating, and I know you’ll take care of me if I get a little tipsy.”
The club started filling up, and people gravitated to their table. A couple of men, whom Kiah introduced to her as Slim and Henkel—she never did get their real names—were the ones who stuck around, while others came and went. They were fun, trading jokes and stories with Kiah while flirting outrageously with Mina, who laughed it all off.
“Hey, why you so nosy, Henkel?” Kiah broke in to the conversation, as his friend started questioning Mina about her life.
“Cho, man. Just trying to get to know this lovely lady a little better,” came the easy reply, accompanied by a sly grin. “I think your friend is old enough to take care of herself. You mind your own business.”
“On that note,” Mina said, laughing as she got up, “I’m going to the ladies’ room.”
There was no way she was hanging around for the part when he asked her what happened to her hand.
She’d seen the men glancing at her empty sleeve whenever she raised her arm above the level of the table, and knew it was coming. If she could forestall it until after she’d had another rum punch, maybe she could come up with a witty, pithy reply.
There was a bit of a line for the bathroom, and by the time she came back outside it was to find the dance floor crowded with people, all jumping and dancing to a popular calypso song. And there, in the midst of it all, was Kiah.
Mina kept walking, even though her first impulse was to stop and stare. The woman dancing with him was gorgeous, with long, professionally streaked hair, impeccable makeup and an hourglass figure on full display in a tight, skimpy jumpsuit.
And if she danced any closer to Kiah, they’d be wearing the same pants.
Why that annoyed Mina as much as it did, she didn’t want to contemplate, but it took everything she had to keep a slight smile on her face and not look back at the gyrating couple.
Slim and Henkel got up as she approached, and Henkel held out his hand. Then he did a little sideways shimmy toward the dance floor.
“Come dance with me, Mina,” he said.
She laughed and shook her head, already lowering herself into her chair. Thankfully it was facing away from the dance floor, so she could avoid the display going on there.
With an elaborate sigh, Henkel sat down beside her and, resting his elbow on the table, put his chin in his palm so he was looking right into her face.
“So, Miss Mina, how long are you staying here with me?”
He made it sound as though she came specifically to see him, and would be moving into his house any minute, and she couldn’t help chuckling.
“I’m not sure yet. Probably about a month. Just until I get the new systems I’ll be working on for the hospital squared away.”
How a man of his age could still achieve puppy-dog eyes was a mystery to Mina, but somehow he managed it.
“If you need someone to show you around and take you to nicer places than this, just let me know, you hear?”
Slim kissed his teeth and rolled his eyes, then leaned forward so he was almost right between Mina and his friend.
“Don’t go anywhere with him. You don’t need an old reprobate like him hanging around.”
“Who you calling a reprobate?” Henkel abandoned his attempt at flirtation and rounded on his friend.
“You, same one,” was the reply.
“Huh. If I’m so much of a reprobate, how come you’re always hanging out with me?”
“Because I’m one, too,” was the response. “But I’m just honest about it.”
Mina couldn’t help laughing at the banter, even though her thoughts remained fixed on the dance floor. The song had changed, but Kiah hadn’t come back.
As though reading her mind, Slim looked that way and shook his head, before taking a sip of his drink.
“Aii, sah. That Trini girl goin’ wine off Kiah’s pants front, if he’s not careful.”
“We used to call him ‘Calypso Kiah’ back at university,” Mina said, trying to sound nonchalant, and steadfastly resisting the urge to turn around to gawk, too.
“Not surprised,” Henkel replied, his eyes narrowing, so that Mina wondered exactly what was happening. “You knock two tin cans together on the other s
ide of the island, and that man is there to dance. Whew, that woman getting on bad.”
“Getting on bad” was one of those all-purpose expressions Mina had learned over years of knowing Kiah. It could mean anything, from praise of the woman’s dancing skills to her being about to start a fight, but somehow she didn’t think Henkel meant the latter. His eyes were wide, and he raised a hand to fan at his face.
Slim chuckled. “Niesha’s been trying to reel Kiah in for the last six months, not realizing she hasn’t set the hook yet.”
Henkel shook his head. “Lost cause, that man. She could hook me, reel me in and sink me, all in that time, and I wouldn’t even mind.”
“Ha, that’s what you say now, but Niesha would chew you up and spit you out without blinking, and if she ever looks at you the way she looking at Kiah now, you’d run so fast.”
Okay, now Mina had to glance over her shoulder to see what it was the men were looking at, and when she did, she wished she hadn’t.
With her body pressed flush to Kiah’s and one arm draped over his shoulder, Niesha was staring up into his face with an expression of blatant hunger. And that swivel thing she was doing with her hips...
With heat rising at her nape, Mina forced herself to turn back around and reached for her glass, trying to push away the emotions bubbling in her chest. It wasn’t as though she wasn’t used to seeing women throw themselves at Kiah. That had been happening since they hit puberty and the girls started noticing how handsome he was. Yet, somehow, tonight was different.
It actually hurt.
She took a long swallow of her drink and tried to focus on what the other men were saying. And by the time Kiah made his way back to the table, Niesha in tow, Mina thought she’d got her inexplicable jealousy under control.
“Whew, that was something, boy.” Niesha sank into a chair and flipped her hair back over one shoulder, giving Kiah a sultry glance as he sat next to her. “You know how to move, man.”
Kiah just laughed, glancing at Mina, who quirked her eyebrows at him, trying not to show him her teeth, the way she wanted to.