by Ann Mcintosh
Even though he looked a little crestfallen, Dr. Hamilton agreed, but asked that she get back to him within the next couple of weeks, and she agreed she would.
Why she kept that information to herself and didn’t discuss it with Kiah, she wasn’t sure. Maybe because she wasn’t sure how he’d respond. Or perhaps she just wanted to make that decision on her own.
After all, she’d come here because he’d suggested it, and she’d been at too low an ebb to make a plan for herself. It was about time she got back to organizing and running her own life again.
Deciding not to do anything about her physical attraction toward Kiah wasn’t an easy choice, but one she thought best. The worst-case scenario, which was him telling her she was being ridiculous, and then not wanting to be around her out of disgust or embarrassment, wasn’t viable, in her estimation.
The stress of it all was wearying, though, and of course Kiah noticed.
“You okay?” he asked quietly one night while they were sitting on the veranda, and she’d fallen silent, caught up in the questions circling in her mind.
“Sure.” She infused as much jocularity into her voice as she could, but he wasn’t fooled.
“Don’t lie to me, Mina. I know you too well. You’ve been a little off for the last few days. Are you in pain?”
He was referring to her arm, and she knew that, so replied, “No, my arm is fine.”
“So what is it? Are you bored?”
That brought a little huff of laughter. “Are you kidding? I’ve been running up and down the hospital, trying to learn all the systems and develop new ones, plus getting called to consult. I’ve had a rising cricket star with bursitis, a Belizean marine biologist with chronic leg weakness after a fall, and a Grenadian soccer player with a broken coccyx. How on earth could I be bored?”
“I didn’t mean at the hospital, Mina. I meant here. It’s a far quieter life than you’re used to.”
Didn’t he know she’d been happier since being here than she could remember being before? Couldn’t he recognize how having him, and his family, had filled her to overflowing.
With her dreams of motherhood shattered, being on St. Eustace, interacting with Charm, was fulfilling a deep-seated need in her heart. The knowledge that Kiah doubted her ability to fit in with them and be happy was enraging.
She turned to glare at him.
Cognizant of Miss Pearl and Charm just inside, she kept her voice soft but infused it with enough ice to make winter in Toronto seem hot in comparison.
“I’m not two, Kiah. Or even twelve. I don’t need to be entertained by you or anyone. And, for your information, everything is fine, so stop bugging me, okay?”
He didn’t even give her the satisfaction of getting angry with her in turn; he just sat there, nodding slowly, his far-too-knowing gaze searching her face.
“Sure,” he said, as if she’d asked him to take her to the supermarket or something trite like that. “Whatever you say.”
“Ugh,” she said, ready to let loose another salvo.
“Auntie?” Charm’s voice floated out from the living room, forestalling Mina’s next spate of words. “Can you take a look at this project I’m doing?”
“Sure. Be right there,” she replied, still glowering at Kiah.
“Saved in the nick of time,” he murmured, having the nerve to smile as she stood up.
Mina paused just in front of him and said, “Sometimes, Kiah Langdon, I don’t like you very much.”
“But I’ll always love you, sweet girl, so that makes up for it.”
“Ugh,” she said again, turning away so he couldn’t see she’d teared up as his words struck home, and made her feel even worse.
That night, after she’d gotten ready for bed, the phantom pains, which had plagued her for the first few months after the accident and then abated, returned with a vengeance.
CHAPTER TEN
AS WAS MINA’S WAY, she didn’t stay angry for long, and was back to her usual self the day after their argument.
But not really her usual self, in Kiah’s estimation. Despite her denials, he knew something was going on with her, but she wasn’t confiding in him the way she normally would. It hurt him, but he’d learned his lesson and didn’t push. Hopefully, when she was ready, she’d let him in on whatever was bothering her.
“I haven’t had a chance to finish putting the training plans together, with all the consultations I’ve been doing,” she said to him and Miss Pearl that evening. “I hope you don’t mind if I stay on with you a little longer. Maybe just a couple more weeks?”
“Of course we don’t mind,” Miss Pearl replied, before Kiah even had a chance to open his mouth. “Stay as long as you like.”
“Like forever,” Charm said as she came into the room on silent, bare feet.
Miss Pearl narrowed her eyes. “I hope you weren’t eavesdropping on big people’s conversation, Charmaine.”
“No, Granny. I was coming down the hallway and heard you, that’s all.”
But Kiah thought she looked a little sheepish and decided he should talk to her about it later.
More important, he’d noticed shadows growing under Mina’s eyes, and especially with him, she was quieter even than before. Miss Pearl noticed, too, and asked if Kiah knew what was going on, but he had nothing to tell her.
Charm was on half-term holidays, almost wild with excitement about a camping trip she was going on with a group from school the next day. Miss Pearl was going, too, as a chaperone.
“You’re going to camp, Miss Pearl?” Mina asked, obviously surprised.
“No, child,” was the stout reply. “The youngsters will sleep in tents, and a couple of the mothers will, too, but there’s a nice little cottage, with a bed for me to sleep on. I think they only invite me because of my cooking.”
“That’s not true, Granny.” Charm sounded genuinely outraged at the suggestion. “You’re a lot of fun, too.”
Both Kiah and Mina were off for the day, and when Mina suggested they take Charm to the beach, he jumped at the chance. He knew how much Mina loved the ocean, and she’d resisted going since she’d been on St. Eustace.
It gave him further hope that she truly was on the mend, notwithstanding whatever was troubling her.
“Will your arm be okay in the sea, Auntie?” Charm asked with a little frown.
“In the hospital we use salt water to clean wounds,” Mina replied. “And although that’s sterile, not seawater, my arm will be fine. Mind you, I wasn’t planning on swimming anyway.”
With preteen logic and no hint of discretion, Charm asked, “So what’s the use of going to the beach, then?”
“To get some sun?”
That earned her one of Charm’s dry-as-dust looks, and Kiah stayed out of it, squelching both the urge to laugh and to suggest they do something else instead.
Mina had to make up her own mind, at her own pace.
When she came back out, dressed for their excursion, she was once more wearing a long-sleeved shirt, but it was light and gauzy, clearly showing the bikini top beneath.
Miss Pearl was fussing that she hadn’t known they were going to the beach that day.
“I would have fried up some chicken for you to take.”
“Don’t worry, Granny,” Kiah told her, stopping to give her a kiss as he went by. “We’ll grab something on the way.”
“Some foolishness, like fast food. It’s not good for you, you know.”
Probably trying to distract her, Mina asked, “Aren’t you coming with us, Miss Pearl?”
That earned her another dry look for the morning.
“Child, my last swimsuit rotted away to nothing about twenty years ago, and I have no intention of replacing it. Kiah, make sure you take an umbrella, and Charm, did you put on sunscreen?”
“Yes, Granny.”
&n
bsp; Miss Pearl gave Mina the same searching look. “Have you?”
“Yes, ma’am,” was the meek reply, and Kiah had to turn away so neither of them saw his grin.
The beach at Rickard’s Cove was packed with both locals and tourists, but they found a spot not too far from the water to put down their beach mats and hoist their umbrella. As Mina settled in under the shade, Charm was already shucking her sundress in preparation for running down to the water.
Kiah sat next to Mina, watching as Charm was diverted from her dip by some school friends calling her name. In an instant, she went from eager child to jaded preteen, joining the little gaggle of girls on the sand. The little cadre chatted and giggled, eyeing some boys who were also huddled together a little way away.
Not too long ago, she’d have been nagging him to come into the water with her, or to play with her in the sand.
He sighed. “She’s growing up so fast.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Mina agreed. “I still have a hard time believing she’s almost a teenager. Time has flown.”
“She’s so smart. I keep hoping she’ll give up on the idea of going into show business and become a doctor.”
Mina laughed softly. “Medicine is a calling, and you know it. Remember some of the people we went to school with, who were studying to be doctors only because their parents wanted them to? They were mostly miserable and lost. You don’t want that for Charm.”
“No.”
But there was a melancholy weight on his heart. Nothing to do with thoughts of Charm’s future, which he was sure would be bright, no matter what she decided to do.
As so often happened, Mina seemed able to read his mind.
“Karlene would be so proud of her and of the job you’re doing, Kiah.”
“I like to think so,” he replied. “But I wish she were here to raise Charm herself.”
Mina’s hand was cool against his shoulder, her fingers squeezing gently.
“I know you do.”
When he laid his cheek against her hand, she sighed and squeezed again.
Mina was quiet for a moment, and Kiah turned to watch Charm and her friends. The boys were setting up to play cricket on the grassy stretch between the sand and the parking lot, and the girls were watching them, all giggles and sassy smiles.
Lord, it was too soon for that particular can of worms to be opened, in Kiah’s opinion. Just the thought made his stomach curdle. When it came to his niece, he definitely wasn’t ready to deal with the boyfriend-girlfriend thing just yet.
Yet, said a little voice in the back of his head, at that age weren’t you secretly pining for the very woman sitting next to you?
That may be true, but he really didn’t want to think about it right now. Not with the sensation of her hand on his shoulder, the gentle sound of her breathing reaching his ear, even over all the ambient noise.
A group of four young women strolled by, and Kiah, still lost in his thoughts, hardly noticed, until Mina sighed and said, “Wouldn’t it be nice to be that age again, but with all the knowledge we have now? Before all the failures of life piled up on us, and everything seems so much harder?”
She sounded so pensive he sat up straighter and turned so he could see her face.
“What failures, Mina?”
“Oh, like my marriage, my career, my life.” She smiled slightly and lifted one shoulder in an abbreviated shrug. “Stuff like that.”
His rush of emotion was visceral, almost too much to handle. Tenderness, anger, worry, all tangled up together and froze his vocal cords for a moment. When he could finally find his voice, he asked, “How can you classify your life as a failure?”
She waved her hand, as though trying to brush his words away, but still replied, “I know I’ve done some good, professionally, but in my personal life, I’ve failed. I let my dreams fade away instead of fighting for them, and let Warren dictate what I could and couldn’t have. I fell into the trap of trying to be the perfect doctor and the perfect wife and didn’t really spend the time to think about where I’d end up.”
“What did you want and didn’t get?”
He was almost afraid to hear her answer. Somehow already knew what she’d say.
“I wanted a more balanced life, with time to spend doing things other than working and networking. More time outdoors or traveling. And...”
She looked away, out over the ocean, as though no longer willing to face him.
“And what, sweet girl?”
“I wanted a family.”
Mina spoke so softly he shouldn’t have been able to hear her, but he did anyway, and the words ripped through him. Strange to think it was something they’d never talked about over all the years of exchanging confidences, something she’d never mentioned and he’d never asked.
With hindsight, Kiah realized he’d probably been dreading hearing she was pregnant with Warren’s child, hence his reticence.
Was it horrible to be glad it had never happened, even if only because Mina could make a clean break from the worm without the constant tie of being the mother to his children?
But that wasn’t what she needed to hear right now, and he knew it.
“You can still have a family, Mina. You’re still young.”
It shouldn’t hurt so much to say it, but his chest literally ached as the words left his mouth.
She shook her head, trying to smile although her lips trembled a little. “It feels as though it is too late. I don’t know if I ever want to marry again, and I’m still trying to come to terms with getting along without my hand, and figuring out what the future holds, career-wise. By the time I sort those things out...”
He wished he could tell her it would all work out, that he would make it work out for her, but that would be a lie. Instead, he said, “You’re getting there, I can see the changes already. Take it one day at a time. See where things go. But if you want a family, I know you’ll make it happen. That’s always been your biggest strength—your determination, and the drive to get whatever it is you set your mind to.”
Her lips quirked. “According to Warren, no man in his right mind would want a washed-up surgeon with a disgusting stump and no prospects.”
Kiah couldn’t stop the curse that rolled from his lips, and the anger that overtook him too swiftly to be fully contained. Reining it in took every ounce of his control, and it was still vibrating under his skin when he replied.
“I don’t want to hear anything that jackass had to say, and you need to put it out of your mind, too. You’re the most beautiful human being I know, inside and out. Any man with a lick of sense would grovel at your feet if he thought it would give him a chance with you.”
Even me.
Her lips parted, as though she would reply, but instead, she looked around and said, “I think I want to go for a swim after all. Come with me?”
Surprised by the sudden end to their conversation, and knowing how self-conscious she was about her missing hand, he immediately agreed. And pride, along with another emotion he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—name overwhelmed him, as he watched her unbutton and take off her blouse, and then walk, head up, back straight, down to the water.
“Auntie!” Charm came loping over, a huge grin on her face. “You’re going into the sea?”
“Yep,” Mina answered. “You coming?”
“Last one in is a rotten egg,” Kiah shouted, running past them, too full of joy at Mina taking this huge step not to let some of it out.
And he roared with laughter at their twin cries of “Not fair!”
* * *
Once she’d made up her mind to stop hiding her arm, it felt as though a weight had lifted off her chest.
She’d told herself, over and over, that she was fine.
Healed.
Back to the way she’d been before the accident.
But it had b
een a lie.
Now she knew she’d never be that person again. Accepted that reality. Working again had helped to show her how much she still had to offer. And Kiah’s words, said in a way that brooked no argument, made her really think about how much she’d allowed Warren’s hateful words to affect her self-esteem. With the light of truth and anger in his eyes, Kiah had illuminated the self-serving lies her ex had spewed so as to make what he was doing seem logical.
The confidence Kiah always had in her, his assertion of faith that she’d get her life back on track, meant more to her than he could ever know. He always knew exactly what she needed to bolster her self-confidence, and let her know she could be, and do, whatever she put her mind to.
Revealing herself fully had taken that assurance to another level.
Sure, there were some people who stared, and Charm had no problem telling them her friends had asked about Mina’s lack of a hand, and even wondered how she could still be a doctor.
“I told them that you use your head, and your other hand, to make people well again,” she said, not even realizing the profundity of her comment. “You don’t have to be perfect to do whatever it is you want to, right, Auntie?”
“You got it, kiddo.”
Charm’s surety in her abilities warmed her heart, and seeing the pride on Kiah’s face made it all the sweeter.
And she couldn’t avoid thinking about Kiah’s avowal that there was still time, and a chance, to have the family she wanted. He’d sounded so certain she could make it work, if that was what she decided to do.
She wished she could help him get past his own antipathy toward parenthood. From seeing him with Charm, she knew he was already a wonderful father, and although she knew how much he feared being the type of parent his mother was, she knew he never would be.
It wasn’t that she felt everyone had the same urge or desire to procreate that she did, but she couldn’t help wondering if old fears, rather than logic and true desires, might be the source of his decision.