Liam stood against a wall and away from the others. Shelly wanted to cry for him. She was saddened to hear of Ryan’s death. She didn’t know him well but she was familiar enough with Ryan to know that he was a good person, much like Liam.
He tried to make eye contact with her several times, but she ignored his quiet attempts to communicate. As much as she wanted Liam to know she cared, now was not the time to give the appearance of taking sides. Not in the presence of a grief-stricken father who had just lost his son, even though it was obvious to her that Liam badly needed—and deserved—the support. Her stomach soured with guilt and she mentally made a point to eventually reach out to Liam before the day was over.
“Shel,” James called out.
She shook at the sound of James’ booming voice. He had hardly spoken to her in the years since he found out Robert shared the secret with her, and she was surprised he addressed her even now. Perhaps she had earned back his endorsement for sharing the woman’s ‘plan’ with Robert?
“Yes, Mr. Verhoven?”
“You hear anything in there? Robert making any headway?”
“Oh, I can’t really tell. I mean, I can hear his voice, but it’s hard to tell exactly what he’s saying.”
“Hm.” James’ eyes wandered the room, similar to how Robert’s did when he was deep in thought. “Well, let’s give him a little more time. Liam, why don’t you head outside and keep watch. Tell us if you see any of ‘em.”
“Okay,” Liam said. He moved quickly toward the front door as if he could not get out of the store fast enough. Just before he exited, he turned to Shelly.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey.”
Just before he walked through the door, she caught his eyes and although it was only fleeting, she saw it.
Pain. Severe and interminable pain.
She had seen the same in the woman’s eyes and her guilty weighed heavily. Shelly was desperate to let Liam know he still had a friend among the group and she nearly followed him out the door. She was torn between staying the course with her primary goal—trying to talk to the woman—and providing comfort to a friend who might eventually, with luck, become an ally.
I can’t help two people at the same time, she thought.
She watched the door swing closed behind Liam and fought the urge to run after him.
Chapter 25
I can’t believe I killed his son, Liam thought. Ryan. My friend.
It had been hours since Liam put his friend to rest, but it still felt as fresh as if it happened only minutes ago. He could still smell the gunpowder from the bullet that ripped through Ryan’s head. And every time he closed his eyes, even just to blink, Ryan was there; alive and talking one moment, dead and on the ground the next.
The skin under Liam’s eyes where the tears seemed to fall endlessly was still raw, and the heart in his chest that was once pure now felt cold and empty.
Wait… I didn’t kill him. A zombie killed him. All I did was make sure he didn’t come back as one.
On some level, he knew what he did was right, but Mr. McKenzie’s grieving and the doubtful looks from the others made it hard for Liam to believe in himself.
I didn’t take Ryan away from him. I didn’t…
He closed his eyes and replayed the shooting for the thousandth time.
Did I? Oh shit… why didn’t I do something first? I should have acted quicker!
More tears formed in Liam’s eyes as he replayed the incident over and over. If only he hadn’t hesitated for so long. He should have acted more swiftly and deliberately…
He should have been the one to die.
No. Don’t think like that.
It wasn’t the first time the thought came to mind. He had considered it when he was still high up on the mountain, running away from Ryan’s body, and again when he arrived at the camp store. He knew Mr. McKenzie thought the same. He had seen it in his eyes.
Ryan’s dad wishes I was dead.
He sobbed hard and his body trembled as guilt jabbed him repeatedly in the chest. The initial shock of Ryan’s death had subsided in the hours that passed; time had enabled grief to finally settle in. It grabbed hold of Liam like the claws of some wild beast ready to devour its prey. Liam wished for his eventual release from the beast, but he felt it was best to wallow in it, at least for a while. It was the least he deserved, to feel the pain and loss of his best friend a little more deeply.
“Hello… son.”
It was the last voice he wanted to hear. Even his greeting felt clumsy and forced. There was certain to be no comfort offered by the man, and Liam was apprehensive of the reason Peter was outside with him now.
Liam swiveled his head slowly and looked askance at his father.
What the hell do you want? He thought.
“Hi, Dad.” Short though his response was, he labored through the two words.
“I saw you come outside, so… I figured I’d come see how you are.”
“Oh, you saw me? Because I’m pretty sure everybody heard Robert’s father order me to go outside.”
Liam surprised himself by responding so angrily. In the past he wouldn’t have reacted this way, but rather more subdued and with patience, even with his father. Things were different, thought, and for the first time Liam felt he was within his right to speak what was on his mind in any manner he wished.
“Well,” Peter said, “I can see you’re upset. I just want you to know I’m here for you.”
Liam laughed.
“Really? Just like you were ‘here’ for me in there?”
“Now that’s different.”
“Wha… different how?”
“Liam, Sam lost his son today. The man needed support.”
Liam threw his hands in the air.
“Oh, right, he needed support. Great. Meanwhile”—he began to raise his voice—“what I needed was someone shouting death threats at me with nobody coming to my defense?”
“Listen...” Sam leveled a hand. “I know you boys were close--”
“Close?” Liam cut him off. “Dad, Ryan and I were best friends!”
“Right, I get it. You boys were friends in high school and--”
“No, Dad!” He stabbed a finger into his father’s chest. “You don’t get shit! I was up on that mountain doing exactly what you wanted… which is exactly what I never wanted to do!”
“Easy, now! I didn’t come out here to get into a shouting match!”
“Then what did you come out here for!”
Peter inhaled quickly, seemingly to respond, but said nothing.
Liam stared hard into his father’s eyes, daring him to say something, to defend his reason for coming outside. He never stood up for Liam, not once in his life. Liam hardly expected him to do so now, but he was still curious to find out under what pretense his father was here.
Peter’s visage softened, his jaw muscles relaxed. Liam saw shame in his father’s eyes and knew exactly why he was there.
“You’re here to make sure I don’t do anything that’s going to cause anymore more stress. Is that right?”
Peter looked away and then back. He said nothing.
Liam nodded. “That’s fine, Dad. I promise I won’t say or do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable around the people who matter most to you.”
At this, Peter opened his mouth to speak, but Liam quickly shut him down.
“I’ll stay out of everyone’s way. You just make sure to stay the fuck out of mine.”
Peter was livid. Even at night on the dimly lit porch, Liam could see. Peter’s balled-up fists began to shake, and Liam remained quiet, waiting for a verbal retaliation. He braced himself for the onslaught when a voice behind Peter broke the silence first.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Peter spun around and Liam saw it was Shelly. The light that hung over the door cast her in a near-silhouette, and Liam barely managed to see the vapor from her breath escape above her face. Aside from Ryan appearing i
mpossibly unharmed and alive, she was the only person he was happy to see in this moment.
“Um,” Peter stuttered. Liam didn’t respond at all and only waited to hear how his father would handle himself. “I should head back inside… and see…”
You fucking coward, Liam thought as his father stumbled for words.
“…see if anybody needs anything,” Peter continued. “Good evening, Shelly.” Shelly smiled back. Then to Liam, he said only, “Son…” and then hurried inside the store.
When he was gone, Shelly turned to Liam.
“How much of that did you hear?” he asked.
“Enough.”
“Got it. Well… sorry you had to hear that.” His heart sank. Even though he was mad at his father, he never wanted Shelly to hear him speak like that. Not to anybody.
She stepped from the light and Liam could now see her face. The cool air that fell over the mountain colored her cheeks a light rose. Shelly’s eyes were beautiful and sincere, and the crease in her brow reflected the deepest sympathy.
“It’s okay. Honestly, I don’t think your dad realizes how much courage it took to do what you had to do. I doubt any of those guys would have been able to do the same.”
Liam felt a gentle smile begin to curl on his lips.
“Mr. McKenzie and the others don’t realize that yet,” she continued. “But they will. Trust me.”
He doubted her last statement, but he wasn’t going to argue with her and he simply nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets. He took a deep breath and looked up into the night sky. It was clear and full of stars, and Liam thought it was tragic that such a wonderful night should have to follow the most horrible day he’d ever known.
“So, what’s going on in there?” he asked.
“Not much. Just waiting to see if that girl tells Robert anything.”
“Mm.” He didn’t try to hide his disgust upon hearing his name.
“I know you’re not a fan of his.”
Her expression appeared to be waiting for a specific response to this, and Liam chose his words carefully.
“Doesn’t really matter what I think,” he said. “I don’t have to date him.”
Her eyes fell and he could tell his words stung. He surprised himself by how insensitive he could be, especially under the circumstances. His sisters had taught him to be better.
“Sorry,” he said quickly.
“No,” she said. “Don’t be. It’s fine. I guess nobody has to date him anymore.”
Liam’s mouth dropped open at her disclosure. He would have moved mountains to hear this kind of news in the past. He fantasized for years about this scenario and if it might ever come to pass and yet, here it was. And she was standing right in front of him.
His mouth was suddenly dry and he swallowed before speaking.
“Wow. I’m sorry to hear that.” He wasn’t, but it felt like the right thing to say. “You guys seemed--”
“Oh, God, stop!” she said. Then she laughed. “I get it. He’s an asshole. I don’t know why I stayed with him all these years. I guess it was just…” She struggled to think of a reasonable explanation.
“Hard to throw it all away?” he suggested.
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. “Yeah. I guess it was.”
“It sucks when you invest your life into something and then have to give it up,” he said wistfully.
He thought of his company out west and of the faces of all his employees, and of all the possibilities this night might have bestowed had he been there instead. He might have attended an exclusive event, or enjoyed the company of his professional team… or invited Ryan out for a weekend of games, good food and sight-seeing.
“You miss it, huh?” she asked.
Her question snapped him out of his reverie.
Does she know about that? She couldn’t possibly…
“Miss… what?” he asked.
“Your company. Do you miss it?”
“I didn’t…” He cocked his head to the side. “How did you know about that?”
“Oh, please. You were gone forever so I asked around. Ryan told me. He was really proud of you, you know? I bumped into him now and then and I’d ask about you. He told me how well you were doing, that you built this awesome video game company and you were like a big shot out west.”
Liam snorted as he laughed.
“I don’t know about big shot,” he said, “but we did pretty well.”
“Good for you, Liam. I’m happy you did well.”
He still looked at her quizzically.
“I had no idea you knew.”
“Well,” she said matter-of-factly, “I’ve kept track of the people I care about.”
Her words were like a soothing embrace and he was unable to speak. She cared about him. Cared enough to ask about him and to keep tabs on his life. Maybe for someone as wonderful as Shelly, caring about people required no effort, but to Liam it meant everything.
All he wanted was to have the perfect words with which to respond, but his head and heart were emotionally overwhelmed. He eventually calmed himself and tried to clear his head.
“Thank you,” he said.
“You’re welcome.”
“I guess I never knew,” he began, but didn’t know how to continue. He was still blown away and even a little confused. “We never talked… enough.”
“You’re a good person, Liam. Even though you and I never spoke much, it’s not hard to see you’re genuine.” She paused, as if remembering something from the past, then said, “I wish I had more genuine people in my life.”
They broke eye contact and stared out into the empty campground. Liam hadn’t forgotten to keep his ears attuned to any unusual sounds that might suggest a zombie had wandered nearby, but he couldn’t help but wonder if Shelly was thinking about the same things he was. Did she regret saying what she just said? Would she ever--
“How come you never talked to me after that night?”
Her words cut through the silence abruptly and with such clarity, Liam wasn’t immediately sure if she had spoken them. He looked into his periphery, saw her eyebrow raised, and knew she insisted upon a response.
“Um… what night?”
“The night of Amanda’s party. I know, I know… it was years ago, but still. We never really talked before that night, but we had such a good conversation. And after that, nothing.”
He felt stupid. Deflated.
“Oh… right. I’m sorry. I--”
“I came back outside after I took care of Amanda and you were gone.”
“Wait—you came back out?”
“Well, yeah! Amanda was all right and you and I were talking… but you left.”
He felt embarrassed and he wished he could wind the clock backward ten years.
“You know, I… I didn’t--”
“Ah, I get it,” she cut him off. “You figured I was just some shallow chick looking for an excuse to get out of talking to you.”
He laughed. “Definitely not!” Her visage appeared doubtful. “I swear!” he insisted.
“Then what was it? I never even saw you in the halls, it was like you were trying to hide from me or something.”
That was it. She saw inside him and knew exactly who he was. He often asked himself the same question and never was able to give a satisfactory answer. Now that Shelly was asking, he knew it was time to provide one.
“I guess I never felt confident in myself.”
“Confident?”
He nodded.
“Well, that’s a bummer. How about now? Do you feel confident now, Mr. Big Shot company owner?”
He laughed. “Um… sure?”
“Ha! Yeah, you better work on that.”
“Geez, you’re vicious!” he teased her. He didn’t know where any of this was going, but he was glad to simply have a normal conversation in spite of the circumstances.
He became suddenly aware of how good he felt and how it contradicted the way he had felt most o
f the day—angry, shocked, and in mourning. Liam had forgotten about all of it these last few minutes. He remembered how she had done it then, the night at the party, and knew this was the effect she had on him. He appreciated how she was able to make him feel good on what was quite possibly the worst day of his life. Liam wasn’t sure how much longer this particular conversation would last so he decided to take a chance and tell her something he wished he’d said a long time ago.
“Okay, I’ve got something to tell you.”
“Hit me.”
“Having never known any of what you’re telling me right now, that night, for me, had already ended better than I could have expected. So thank you for that.”
She smiled. “That’s a very nice thing to say.”
He shrugged. “Well, not a lot of nice things have happened in the last twenty four hours, so… there’s one.”
“You mean two.”
“Huh?”
“Two nice things: that, what you just said, and this. Just talking.”
He smiled and nodded.
“Right,” he said. “Two.”
They stood quietly and enjoyed the silence once more. There were no signs of any zombies, which was a good thing, but Liam couldn’t help but consider this moment would end, eventually, and the greater task at hand would need to be addressed. Sensing the inevitable end to this moment, he took the opportunity to do something bold.
“Regardless of what happens in the next twenty-four or forty-eight hours”—she faced him with eyes full of anticipation—“we will have more conversations like this. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“A lot of ugly stuff is probably going to happen soon,” he continued, “but I won’t cast any judgment. None. I just hope you won’t either. Does that make sense?”
She nodded. He waited for her to say something else, but she remained silent. She had smiled after they agreed to talk more when this was over, but her expression changed and she now regarded him in a peculiar way. He could tell something was bothering her and hoped he hadn’t said anything wrong.
“What is it?” he asked.
She said nothing at first and only stared at him even more intensely.
“Shelly. What’s going on?”
“I’m trying to figure out something.”
Dead Summit: Containment Page 12