“You do have real money, don’t you?” the tall man asked. With his hair greased back, he should have been stylish, but instead, he looked like he needed a bath. He gave her the shivers.
“Yes, I have a bit left,” she admitted.
The man nodded and cut a big wedge of cheese and picked out bread for her. He wrapped it all up, and she acted as though she’d just paid her last cent—which wasn’t hard to do, since the money she carried was nearly gone, and there were no guarantees she would get to that which she had stashed with Zander. She walked out onto the board walk and bumped into a bear of a man. Glancing at his face, she recognized him and smiled.
“Well, I’ll be! Big Red, what are you doing in these parts?”
He took her packages and set them on a bench. Then he picked her up by the waist and swung her around. “Tara, my love! It’s good to see you! Where’s your pa? He promised me a ride to Oregon if I made it this far.”
Her smile faded when he set her down. “Big Red, Pa and all them are dead.”
Later, as she bathed and put on one of her new dresses, a tear trailed down her face. Quickly she brushed it away. Big Red was taking her to supper in the soldiers’ dining room. To think she was the one who had to comfort the big man. Her father had been going to Oregon after all. Her Pa had told Beg Red that he’d bought a business and they’d all be rich and able to live in style. Big Red hadn’t asked any details; he’d just jumped on the idea of having people around for a change.
She checked her hair in the room's mirror she had rented for the night. It would have to do. The dresses were long, but she could fix them by morning. The dark blue one she wore was serviceable. She hadn’t looked for pretty dresses just useful ones. She’d had two dresses when she’d started the trip. Her pa thought it better that the men respected her as a woman. She had only worn them to please her pa.
Drawing a deep breath, she let it out slowly and stepped through the door into the hallway beyond. She walked down the stairs, and Big Red was there waiting for her. He was unusually tall and muscular, and his hair, which was the color of a carrot, hung well below his shoulders with curls going every direction. He’d been known to be fierce in a fight but not quick to anger. Her pa had said younger men always challenged him to fight, and Big would try to get out of it. Oftentimes he did, but once in a while he’d end up proving he shouldn’t be tangled with. She’d known him forever, and he’d always brought her carved animals when he visited.
“Well look at you. You’ve turned into a fine young woman. I bet your pa was pleased with you. You can still skin a rabbit, can’t you?” His laugh boomed in the confined space.
“Of course I can.” She put her hand round his arm and into the crook of his elbow, allowing him to escort her into the dining hall. She startled when she heard the chairs all scraping the floor at once and then all the men standing.
Many nodded and called her ma’am. They sat back down after Big seated her.
“Looks like you’ve caught the eye of every buck here. We’ll need to use our fancy manners tonight.”
Her face heated as she laughed. “It’s a good thing we practiced a time or two then.”
They talked about days gone by and what would happen now. Big Red still planned to go to Oregon. “I’ll look for a wagon for us in the morning. A few groups have been through here and many more are expected. We can join up with one.”
“They won’t let us.”
He frowned. “Why not?”
“We’re not related or married, so we can’t travel together.”
He winked at her. “Would you rather be my niece or my wife?”
“If you were twenty years younger—”
“My niece it is. Your Ma’s brother since we have different last names.”
They drank coffee after their meal, and then he walked her out into the moonlight.
He held her hand as they walked. “I still find it hard to believe that your pa and a lot of our friends were killed. Most of those men could have wrestled a bear and won. You found nothing strange in the wagon when it broke to pieces?”
If only she could trust him, she’d tell him about the money. “No.”
“Your pa said Oregon. He wouldn’t have had me meet him here if he had any plans to go to California. Those men were trying to trick you into something. We’d best be on the lookout for them as we travel.” He walked her to the stairs leading to her room. Before he left, he bent and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you bright and early, my girl.”
Things would work out after all.
“I think you enjoyed that man’s kiss better than mine.”
She quickly turned and there stood Zander. Her heart beat so fast and loud she was sure he could hear it.
“When did you get here?” She smiled and stared at him. She hadn’t been sure she’d see him again.
She took a step toward him, and he took one back. Stiffening, she frowned. “You don’t seem to be as happy to see me.”
“I see wearing a dress worked. I could also see from his expression that man loves you. Congratulations on your quick conquest.”
“Why are you acting this way?” She tilted her head and studied his face, searching for… she didn’t know what. But it didn’t matter since all she found was an expression hard as flint. “I foolishly thought you might be happy to see me. I never know where I stand with you. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’ve toyed with me. One minute you say you will never marry and then the next you kiss me. Well now the idea of friendship doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ll be joining a wagon party soon. Best of luck to you and may God keep you safe.”
She turned and walked up the stairs. She walked slowly, though, hoping he’d call her back. But by the time she reached the top, tears streamed down her face. Once in her room, she clutched the pillow to her and cried out her pain. What might have been minutes or hours passed, and exhaustion hit her, so she changed for bed.
Thank you, Lord, for putting Big Red in my path.
Her eyes closed.
The next morning she dressed and packed her things. If Big Red said he’d find a wagon, then he would. She was eager to keep moving. She never wanted to see the murderers again. Somehow she knew they’d turn up at some point. It was like being with family again and it had been a long while since she hadn’t felt of dread when she woke. She walked down the stairs and there was Big Red holding her mare’s reins.
“Good morning.” She smiled. “Does this mean we’re getting ready to go?”
“The wagon is all stocked and ready, and the captain is real nice. The people too. One group asked me to bring you by for breakfast.”
“That sounds wonderful!” She walked beside him out of the Fort and as soon as they approached the circle of wagons she knew what party they were.
“You said you have a wagon here?”
“Yes and this is the group you traveled with. You’ll know people.”
She nodded and tried to look happy. Maybe there’d been a reason she’d left them. But Big Red looked so proud of himself, she stayed quiet.
Cora ran to her and hugged her along with Luella and Dawn.
“We were thinking we’d never see you again,” Cora said.
“Welcome back!” Luella said.
“I knew you’d travel with us again,” said Dawn.
“Cora, Dawn, Luella this is, Big Red, my uncle.” When she said uncle, Zander loudly said husband at the same time. Tara gave Zander a glare and walked to the fire. Just who did he think he was?
Zander stepped close to her. “Uncle?”
“He certainly isn’t my husband,” she growled as she put her hands on her hips.
“Say, I’m glad you brought her back to us Big Red,” Captain London interrupted. “Tara did you see your wagon? Dawn cleaned it all up and then her husband and friends loaded it with your things. Big Red here stocked it with food and supplies. You certainly do have a generous uncle.” He stared at Zander until he backed up a bit.
She took Big Red’s hand and pulled him along while she followed the other women. The wagon looked new and it was slightly bigger than the one she had. Tears filled her eyes as she peered inside. She gasped as Big Red lifted her into it. She’d have to remember she had someone to help her. She was indeed going to Oregon!
Zander frequently found his gaze wandering toward Tara and Big Red. She treated the burly trapper as more than just an uncle. They enjoyed each other’s company a little too much, if anyone asked him. Tara had fired Eli and now Big Red drove and took care of the animals. He slept under the wagon, but Zander could see they were close. She was even back to wearing dresses. She didn’t fool him.
They’d been traveling a week, and the Captain announced they’d have a later start the next morning. Everyone was excited. There would be music and dancing and hopefully whiskey. He could use a drink to unwind. He felt as though all he did was watch Tara and her uncle. She’d glared at him often enough.
He wanted to see how close she and Big Red danced together. Why it mattered so much to him he wasn’t sure, but it did. He needed to look around at the other unmarried women. It wasn’t good for him to be fixated on just one who loved another.
He did believe that they had known each other before and that he knew her father. But all this hand holding and calling her his girl was a bit much.
Zander couldn’t stop remembering the kiss they shared, and he’d thought it meant something to her. No, he knew it meant something to her, but she’d played him for a fool. The only person he could trust was himself. It was a lonely feeling. He still had Declan, Heath, and Harrison, but somehow he felt alone. He longed for someone who wanted to listen to his dreams, to listen to his thoughts and tell him his fears and ideas weren’t stupid.
He hadn’t known he missed these things until everyone around him had started to get married. Harrison was busy with Cora and Essie. Declan had Luella, who had been sick, and Heath had begun to disappear with Dawn at all hours.
That left just him.
“I don’t think I’m going to go,” Tara told Big Red as her shoulders slumped. Being rejected day after day had finally gotten to her. Why bother to be cheerful? It wouldn’t matter if she went or not.
“Who am I supposed to scurry around the dancefloor? Most of the women here seem to be afraid of me.” He grinned as though it was a good thing.
“So, you’ve been watching the other women, have you?” she teased.
“I sure have. This old trapper has been alone too long. Some of these men aren’t even kind and their woman still cooks for them. In fact, women have a lot to do all day long. I wouldn’t mind a little tenderness in my life for a change.”
She threw a piece of wood onto the fire. “Did you ever get married?”
“Almost…” His smile turned sad. “She was a beautiful girl, and we were friends. We snuck a few kisses, and we were to be married, but her father had other ideas. My family had a big spread in Texas, but he’d found someone with even more property. Her loyalty was to her father. She just shrugged when I confronted her. That’s the day I left Texas and ended up trapping. I’d heard tell of beautiful lush lands in the Smokey Mountains from a man who once worked for me. So I went there and built my whole life in those mountains, and it was a solitary life, but it suited. Your pa was one of the few friends I had up there.” A heavy sigh burst from him, and he shook his head. “I regret not looking for another to love. But that’s why we’re going to Oregon, to start new lives.” He looked so serious.
“Let me just change my dress, and we can get going.” The smile he gave her was worth her sacrifice.
She had one dress she hadn’t worn yet. It was serviceable and yellow. Why she had thought yellow would be a good choice, she didn’t know. It would show the slightest bit of dirt too quickly. She started to put her hair up but thought better of it. It really didn’t matter what she did; some still acted like she had a gun drawn on them. Little did they know she had sewn pockets in her dresses for her pistol and a small one at her waist for her knife.
No one had commented on her dresses thus far, and maybe that was for the best. She had really wanted to wear her buckskins but hadn’t wanted to cause another stir. But it was downright miserable trying to track a deer in a dress. Searching for signs they were being followed wasn’t made any easier with a dress on either.
She’d dance with Big Red only. There really was only one other she wanted to dance with, but he’d been courting Leona Felton. She was nice enough, but Tara only felt jealousy when she glanced at her. Zander smiled at Leona and she had watched them walking one night. She’d quickly said a rushed goodnight to Big and retreated into the wagon to sulk. There wasn’t anything she could do about it, but it wasn’t easy.
Big Red helped her down from the wagon and offered her his arm. After taking a fortifying breath she went with him to the dancing. The music made her smile. The lively strains of a fiddle, guitar, and harmonica were particularly uplifting.
Big Red took her hand and swung her into his arms. She’d learned to dance while standing on his feet. That was so long ago. And now, they danced well together as though they could read each other’s thoughts before every move was made. Staring into his eyes, she smiled. “We’re still good dancers. I think people are staring at us.”
He winked at her. “Let them stare. I bet they never thought of either of us as being light on our feet. It reminds me of when you were just a girl with braids who stuck to me like a burr every time I visited. Those were good times. You and your pa were my only family as far as I was concerned. Remember the time you decided that you wanted to wear a union suit to bed like me and your pa?” He laughed loudly for a moment and then grew serious. “Your mother would be so proud of how lovely you are. You look so much like her. Your pa was a lucky man.”
“My face is turning red, isn’t it?”
“.”
They danced most of the night together, neither one caring about the crowd of people all around them. She wished she could have said she never took her eyes off her friend but she knew where Zander was every moment. And her heart hurt as he danced with Leona and then sat with her talking.
“I can’t watch anymore,” Big Red said. “You wear your heart on your sleeve. It makes me want to have a chat with Zander.”
“No, he didn’t do anything. I suppose it was just girlish dreams. He… he can make his choice, and he did. Just promise we won’t settle down near him. I don’t think I could take seeing him married with babies—” Her voice broke as a swell of emotions rippled through her, thinking of Zander and babies.
Big Red stopped dancing and put his arm around her. “Let’s get you back to the wagon. I’m sorry I made you come, but I enjoyed myself immensely.”
“Dancing was fun. I’m ready to go, though.” They walked away from the other dancers. Before they got very far, Mandy Echols another single woman smiled at Big Red. Tara felt him hesitate, and she stopped. “I’ll meet up with you later.” She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek before she turned and walked back to the wagon alone.
He deserved to be happy, though she didn’t know a thing about Mandy. A place in her heart smiled for him even as the rest of her heart wanted to weep. Big Red was a handsome man; he could have his choice of women, Zander could too. She didn’t have the right to think badly of Zander. Maybe badly was the wrong word. She was hurt and that was about it. She put the coffee on to heat and then sat by the fire.
It’s been quite the journey, Lord. I feel as though I’ve lived many lifetimes in the past few months and perhaps I have. I’ve grown from a naïve girl to a woman who has so many feelings. New feelings; some good and some bad. I grew up exposed to the miracles of nature but I didn’t know and still don’t know how to act or be with these people. I don�
��t belong somehow. Thank you for bringing Big Red to me. I can trust him, and there is a lot to be said for trust. I feel like a fraud all fancied up in this dress and acting like a lady. I’m just me. I’m good at being just me. Anything else just seems like a big lie. I am strong Lord. You made me this way, and I will find my way. Bless us all as we travel. Thank you, God.
She poured her coffee and sipped it, listening to the music. A few young men walked by with a jug of whiskey. They nudged each other, but they didn’t say a word. It was time to turn in. She took the coffee out of the hot coals and banked the fire. Upon straightening up she saw Zander walking Leona Felton to her family’s wagon. Holding her breath, she waited for him to kiss her and from Leona’s expression, she waited too.
But Zander didn’t kiss her. How odd.
She stepped up and into the wagon, and before she could cinch, the canvas closed Zander was there staring at her face.
“Hello,” he said softly.
“Hello,” she echoed back.
“You look like an angel when you dance.” The words almost seemed torn from him, and his normal lilting accent had thickened. “You’re so graceful, I guess it surprised me. You and Big Red look as though you’ve danced together for years.”
Shyness washed over her, but she held his gaze. “We have. I learned to dance by standing on his boots as he danced me across the cabin floor. He was one of my pa’s best friends, and he always gave me a wooden animal he’d carved. I might not be his niece by blood, but he is family. I love him as an uncle.” She made a helpless gesture in the air with her hands. “It was a bit of a miracle he was at the Fort, or I’m thinking it was God’s handiwork with a bit of inspiration from my pa. You see, I doubt I would have been able to join this party again unless I was married, and I’m sorry, but the only man I know interested—perhaps—was Eli. I would have passed on it and waited for another wagon train group to stop at the Fort. I was nervous about those men riding up to Fort Hall. I stayed in the woods for two days before I was brave enough to go inside.”
Tara's Trials (Romance on the Oregon Trail Book 4) Page 7