Clément is here. My heart pounds. He’s at the table. The table in the middle with the people who will watch and judge every single movement. He stares at me with his mouth gaping open. Our eyes collide and I’m the one to look away. Because I shouldn’t feel this happy, this drawn to him.
Steve waves at me with a warm smile, but he doesn’t say a word.
“Laura?” Clément’s voice almost does me in. My feet itch to run away, but I use the adrenaline slamming into my veins to focus on what I need to do. I smile my sweetest smile, which also happens to be my fakest smile.
I inhale deeply, step forward with my resume, my headshot, my paperwork. We had to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement.
Why is he sitting at the table? If he’s a roadie, shouldn’t he be doing roadie things, whatever those are?
And she’s here too. Can this day get any worse? At least she’s not sitting next to him. She’s on the other side of the table and she’s staring me down. She’s staring at me like she already hates me.
The older man with grayish temples taps his fingers on the table like my mere presence annoys him.
“Welcome,” he says with a voice that says I’m not welcome at all. “I’m Grégoire Sarant—I’m the manager of the band.” He doesn’t bother to introduce anyone else. “The name of her file says Jennifer. Jennifer Harrison.” His eyes roam all over my body and his index finger now touches his upper lip. I stay silent even though I have at least one thousand questions. He opens his mouth, closes it and then opens it again. “Wait, that’s the girl who was outside the club, the girl you went to look for?”
I remember him. Before Clément came to help me, he was walking by and turned away. “And you’re the guy who didn’t help when he saw that stupid meathead annoying me.”
“You seemed to have the situation under control.”
“Checking in wouldn’t have hurt.” And that’s not the way I’m going to get this part.
Clément turns to Grégoire. “You saw her with the guy who tried to mug her and you didn’t do anything?” He sounds more than pissed, he sounds outraged.
“I didn’t know he was mugging her, and that’s not the point.”
Clément takes a deep breath and rubs the back of his neck, trying to calm down, and I wish I could go up to him and talk to him but I stay put.
He clears his throat. And it’s like he can’t stop looking at me. And there’s so much confusion on his face, probably reflecting mine. “So, Jennifer.”
“Jen. You can call me Jen.”
“I’m Lucas Wills. Lucas Clément Wills.”
I frown slightly. I know that name. I’ve heard that name.
“She probably knows who you are. Probably planned this whole thing.” The guy next to Lucas is getting on my last nerve, and staying stoic is starting to be too hard. Lucas, it sounds good. He looks like a Lucas. I shake my head slightly.
The girl from the picture leans forward. “Clearly, they slept together, let’s move on.” Her tone is dismissive but there’s pain in her eyes.
“Olivia.” Lucas’ tone is a warning and she doesn’t say another word.
Talk about awkward.
“I’m here for the audition. Nothing more.” And I cringe at the sound of my voice. I sound annoyed and bitchy and like I don’t give a care in the world.
Lucas sits back, and the way he crosses his arms is a stark reminder of the way he crossed his arms when I first asked him to bake cookies.
“Well, you’re here,” he says. “So let’s watch you dance.” It’s like he doesn’t believe in my ability to impress them, or maybe he doesn’t believe me. Like me lying about my name was such a big deal. He lied too....
Lucas Wills—I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him. Granted, I only know his songs and not his face, but come on…
“I’m ready.”
And when the music starts, Lucas becomes my anchor point. He’s the one I look at, when I do pirouette after pirouette. The melody is sad, so sad. And it reminds me of everything I’ve lost, of all the heartache and the tears.
I feel every movement, every arch of my arm, every jump.
I feel the music resonate within me.
I feel alive.
His face doesn’t tell me anything. I’m not sure if he’s pissed or happy to see me. I shouldn’t even care. I shouldn’t want to reach out and touch his face, snuggle up to him, talk to him, make him laugh.
When the music stops, I’m out of breath. I’m waiting for a reaction. Any. The guys all look at Lucas, but the girl—Olivia—is staring at me. And she doesn’t look like we’re going to be BFFs anytime soon.
Grégoire—the manager—opens his mouth but Lucas touches his shoulder, stopping him from saying anything.
Lucas stands up and he owns the room. I’m not sure if it’s his confident posture, or his strong jaw, or simply the fact that he’s there, entirely there.
He strides to the piano.
“What are you doing?” his manager asks him. And he doesn’t sound pleased. The other guys at the table seem pretty chill. Steve even discreetly gives me a thumbs-up.
“I want to see if she can improvise to the song I wrote two nights ago.”
My eyes widen and my hand rubs the back of my neck. I rise on my toes, stretch, then lower again. A mechanism to stop my heart from beating too fast.
He walks by me, almost touching me, and warmth spreads within me. He’s got too much of a pull on me.
I manage to swallow my nervousness and my voice almost sounds calm when I reply. “Sure.”
“I’ll play the melody first so you can get an idea of the tempo and then I’ll sing with it.”
His manager stands up, sighing loudly—the same way my parents did when they thought I was being a spoiled brat. “No one else had to do that.”
“And?” Lucas sounds annoyed, but like he’s trying to reign himself in.
“It’s not fair.”
“I’ll still give a fair chance to everyone who has auditioned and everyone who will audition.”
“Every single one of them? And will you think about doing what’s best for the band?” His manager enunciates each word slowly, and they glare at each other. There’s some intense eye battle going on there.
Lucas sighs, giving in, it seems, to whatever silent argument they were having. “I’ll give a fair chance to every single one of them, and yes, I will think about what’s best for the band.” That seems to calm his manager down. He sits back down and takes out his phone, dismissing Lucas, dismissing us and whatever is about to happen.
Lucas’ fingers touch the keys of the piano and he looks more like the guy I spent time with. Why does it feel like it’s only the two of us in the audition room?
“Are you ready?” He’s staring right at me and then his gaze drops to my lips. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I chuckle. He knows exactly what he’s doing by asking me this. Those were his exact words before…before we tumbled into bed.
I was sure then. But now? Standing in this room, looking at him, being so close to him? Wondering what his reasons for lying were?
I’ve never felt so exposed, so vulnerable, less sure in my entire life.
Lucas Wills could make my career.
But…he could also break my heart.
CHAPTER 14 - LUCAS
She’s feeling the same way I am—I could see it in the way her breath hitched when I walked past her, in the way she licked her lower lip without even realizing it. She did that right before I kissed her for the first time. I shouldn’t be thinking about that. If she ends up getting the role—and let’s face it, she’s the best so far—I will need to stay away from her. I can’t get involved with someone I work with again.
When the band became famous, it all went to shit. She felt the pressure, the competition, the need to be first. All those demands she had about us, about pushing us into the media while all I wanted was to lie low and do music.
She used me and the band to get where she wanted. But I guess the destination wasn’t worth it if she’s crawling back to sing with us.
And now Grégoire wants us to work together again? I’d tell him off but a part of me knows he’s right.
I glance up at Jen from the piano. Jen…I wish I could have a redo of two nights ago, and have her whisper my real name, call her real name as my lips discover her entire body.
Those thoughts are making my jeans very uncomfortable. And I can’t help but tease her, make her remember like I am right now.
“Are you ready?” Her eyes widen oh so slightly. It’s like she knows exactly where I’m going with this. I almost wink at her, but I restrain myself. I wouldn’t hear the end of it. Which let’s face it, I don’t give a fuck about, but she wouldn’t hear the end of it either and that I care about. I barely know her but I have this need to protect her, to help her, to be by her side. And people would think she got the role because of what happened between us. I continue to look at her.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” My voice drops a little. Huskier.
Her cheeks blush and I am giving myself an internal high five.
“I am not only sure I want to do this, I’m going to explode if we don’t do it right now,” she whispers. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who hears the words, and I have to clear my throat and turn to the piano to avoid rushing to her and kissing her in front of everyone.
I had been wanting to see her again.
I had been searching for her.
And now that she’s standing so near to me, there’s nothing I can do.
But I do want her to hear the song she inspired. I want to see her dance to it. I want to see the look on her face when she hears the words.
CHAPTER 15 - JEN
“Are you okay, bro?” Steve, who sat on the right of Lucas, asks him. And Lucas nods. I’m sure I’m gloating but two can play this game.
“Great.”
His fingers are back on the keys. And then he starts playing. And I forget I’m supposed to come up with an improvisation because the melody is heart-wrenching and hopeful all at once and it’s exactly how I’ve been feeling these past months—like a part of me is lost, but I hope that one day I’ll feel whole again.
I’m pretty sure my mouth gapes open and I must look like all his groupies. But instead of saying anything, I close my eyes, forget where I am and simply dance. He starts from the beginning again—still without any words. It’s like he can read me.
I raise my arms above my head.
Glide to the side in a pas chassé and then turn with my left leg in an arabesque. I imagine him dancing with me. I imagine seeing my sister again and telling her everything I wish I could have said. I imagine living life to the fullest, risking everything, including my heart.
I jump into a grand jeté.
The room is mine, the music invades me and my movements. I feel it, all of it.
When the music stops, Steve claps his hands. “Wow, that was awesome!” Even their manager looks a bit mollified. He actually let go of his phone. Olivia—however—purses her lips and she glances from me to Lucas.
I keep my eyes trained on them, because I can’t bring myself to look at him. What if he hated it? What if he didn’t think I portrayed his melody like he thought it should be? Being an artist, I understand how those notes are a part of himself.
His voice is clouded with something I can’t clearly point my finger on. “Let’s do it again. This time with the lyrics.”
I nod.
“No one has heard it yet,” he says. “Jen?” He calls my name and I can’t keep on ignoring him without looking rude. I turn to him, and my heart skips a beat.
I gulp. Because he’s looking at me the same way he did that night. Like I’m the only one who understands him, the only one who can make him laugh, the only one.
This time, when his fingers touch the keys, I don’t look away. I don’t close my eyes.
But when he starts singing, I freeze.
Because those words? Those words are about us.
CHAPTER 16 - LUCAS
Even Grégoire seems impressed. Olivia looks stricken and for a split second, I feel sorry for her…she was always so good at making me feel sorry for her. But the moment passes and I focus on Jen. Only on her.
The way she dances…it’s everything I had hoped for when I saw her in the room. And my heart bursts with pride for her, even though a part of me, that nasty voice that doubts people don’t have any ulterior motives, does wonder if maybe she didn’t orchestrate this entire thing: the meeting, the evening…the night.
I can’t think about that now. The energy running through my body begs to be released and the adrenaline drums all the way to my fingertips. No one has ever heard that song. That song I composed the morning after she tiptoed outside of my apartment and disappeared from my life like she was only a figment of my imagination.
What happened to the happily ever after of our childhood fairy tales.
What happened to our dreams?
Life was passing me by. Simply going through the motions.
Could not believe in anything, not in them and definitely not in me.
People smiling about everything, about nothing and I stay empty,
Refusing to feel any emotions.
Too hard. Too painful. Too damn heartbreaking.
You found me and healed me. Only one night of your magic.
Only night of your touch and I can breathe again. I can believe again.
Even though the night ended. Even though you left me stranded.
You showed me that feeling is everything.
You’re the girl who got away.
The girl who got away.
The one-night stand who got away.
Your touch and your whispers.
Your skin against mine. I remember everything.
I see her stiffen for only a second. She stops mid-movement, but then she continues and seeing her dancing to my words, to those words that are all about her, it’s everything I didn’t know I wanted.
Now if only I could tell the nasty voice in my head that’s wondering if she’s used me to shut the fuck up.
CHAPTER 17 - JEN
Dancing to those words is exciting and excruciating. Exciting because if he wrote those words, he must mean them, right?
Excruciating because what am I going to do? Sleeping with the guy who might be your boss is usually frowned upon. And I’ve seen that girl—Olivia—blinking tears away.
Plus, being in a relationship would mean opening up, and being myself, and that I can’t do.
Being in France means reinventing myself. When I left the city, I promised myself I’d leave my past in the past. And certain things are definitely better left in the past. Plus, come on, the fiasco with Nick taught me that I can become too attached, too certain about something. And then crashing down hurts like hell.
I turn to the right, do a small pas chassé before arching my back.
His voice goes back to the main chorus and it’s like he’s near me, like he’s whispering those words into my ear.
My heart beats faster and faster, while my movements become even more fluid, even fuller of meaning.
You’re the girl who got away.
The girl who got away.
The one-night stand who got away.
Your touch and your whispers.
Your skin against mine. I remember everything.
We said no promises. No fake tomorrows. Just one night.
Just one night isn’t enough, it has to be the beginning.
Of something more.
My feet take me on a slow spin, and when the music stops, part of me stays with it. Lucas is about to say something. He has to say something.
He stands up and the way he smiles, the way he moves is everything I want to know. He meant every word.
But his manager cuts him off. “This was lovely. We wi
ll call you to let you know our decision.”
And wow, that was dry and cold and pretty much put me back in my place. I go to gather my clothes and my bag. “Thank you for your time.”
I’m tempted to tell Lucas I want to see him again. Clearly, the manager isn’t a fan of mine, and I probably won’t get the part if he has a say in it.
The right side of my brain argues that I should leave and never look back. That I should realize being with someone like Lucas would bring scrutiny into my life that I don’t need or want, but the right side of my brain is shadowed by the rest of my entire body, screaming that it wants to spend more time with Lucas, that auditioning for him is a sign.
Even though I promised myself when Mia got sick that I would no longer believe in signs. Some people find solace in the hope of a bigger and better plan, but the only thing I hope for is that Mia is now in a better place.
I stare at the floor and stride toward the exit without a word. The high I felt while dancing is gone and I’m left with memories of Mia at the hospital, with memories of my past mistakes.
“Jen, wait!” Lucas calls me and he jogs next to me.
“Lucas! We’re not done here.” His manager calls him.
“Give me one minute!” He doesn’t need to yell to sound imposing.
I stop at the exit and I can’t resist: I turn to him. Big mistake. Our bodies are so close to one another, I can feel his breath mixing with mine as I tilt my head up. The awe in his eyes makes me want to kiss him, to back him against the door and feel his lips against mine again. I need to reign my hormones in.
“You were absolutely amazing.” His hand touches my shoulder. It’s a light touch but it’s enough to set my body on fire.
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