“Daddy, where are you?” Lisa called out from her bedroom, the distress in her voice evident.
The cry wrenched Toni awake. Glancing at the other side of the bed, Toni noted that Zach wasn’t there. She hurried into the hall in time to see Zach walk out of the living room. With his uninjured arm, he scooped up Lisa and carried her into her room.
“I was afraid,” Lisa mumbled into his neck.
Toni moved to the doorway of the girls’ room.
Lisa’s fingers moved over Zach’s bruised cheek. “Does it hurt?”
“Nope.”
She hugged his neck and whispered, “Don’t ever go away, please.”
His fingers wiped away tears from her cheeks. “I won’t. I’m your daddy and I’ll always be your daddy, no matter what.”
Her mouth turned up in a trembling smile. “’Kay.”
He carried her back to bed and settled her under the covers. “Are you ready to go back to sleep?”
She nodded.
He leaned over and brushed a kiss across her forehead. Toni’s heart swelled with emotion. The man had reached past her guard and touched her heart with that simple kiss on his daughter’s forehead. He turned and saw Toni in the doorway. She stepped out into the hall, trying to still her racing heart. What she was feeling was dangerous, suicidal and definitely not smart in the arrangement she and Zach had made. But as sure as rain in the spring, Toni knew her heart was gone.
When Zach appeared in the hallway, he took her hand and led her into the living room before he spoke.
“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to look over the papers on the Caprock account. That’s when I heard Lisa.”
It was obvious to Toni that he was embarrassed to be found comforting his daughter. Unable to stop herself, Toni cupped his cheek. “When Lisa grows up, she won’t remember the fear that woke her, but she’ll remember that her father was there when she was frightened. And that will make the difference in her life. She’ll also remember a father who can keep a bubble in the air.”
His eyes bore down into hers. “Was your dad there for you?”
Her thumb brushed over the roughness of his cheek, and she felt the heat from his bare chest under her arms. He only wore a pair of running shorts. “Not as often as I would’ve liked, but when he was home, I knew I could count on him.” Her eyes focused on his well-formed lips and she wanted to taste them again.
Slowly, she rose on tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his. At first, he hesitated, then he moaned and his arms slid around her waist and he pulled her to him. He paused, and she remembered his injured arm.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“Maybe that pain was a good thing. I promised not to press you for sex.”
Her trembling fingers stroked his face. “What if I release you from that promise, Zach?”
His eyes darkened with desire. “Be sure, Toni, before you make that move, that that’s what you want. Because, I know right now, if we walk into that bedroom together, I won’t be able to stop until I’m inside you and part of you.”
Her heart nearly exploded with emotion. He was trying to protect her against himself and maybe herself. In the end, it was the easiest decision of her life. Her peace and assurance must have shown on her face. Grasping his hand, she turned toward the bedroom.
“Wait, let me turn out the lights in living room.”
Toni watched as he switched off the lamp. When he joined her in the hall, he took her hand and led her to their bedroom. He closed the door behind them. Leaning back against it, he gathered Toni close. “My arm is going to make things a little awkward, but I think we can probably work around it.”
She looked deep into his eyes. “It’s your heart, Zach, that’s impresses me, not your technique.”
His hand came up and framed her face. “Toni, you’re killing me with your mouth.”
“What?” Before she could get him to clarify himself, his lips covered hers, and all thoughts of explanation fled her brain.
With the softest of touches, he tasted her lips, then urged open her mouth and drank of the essence that was her.
Relief flooded Toni. She wanted to reach out and touch this man, know his body and soul. Toni held nothing back. Her hands rested on his shoulders and her tongue dueled with his, dipping into his mouth to run along the surfaces of his teeth and cheeks.
She felt every wonderful inch of him cushioning her body. His legs were strong and sturdy, his chest like steel, covered with warm living flesh. His was a strength that comforted and drew her.
Through the flimsiness of her nightgown, his skin burned into hers.
His lips trailed down her neck and he lightly bit the sensitive skin at the base of her neck. Her hands contracted on his shoulders.
He smiled down at her, his eyes full of satisfaction. “So you’re sensitive there?” he asked darkly.
“Yes.” Her hands roamed over his chest, feeling the varying textures, from the smoothness of his skin, to the roughness of the narrow wedge of hair that ran down his stomach to disappear in the waistband of his shorts. Her fingers traveled up to his bruised cheek and eye, lightly skimming over the puffy skin.
“I’m so grateful that you weren’t seriously hurt.” Her eyes filled with compassion. Lightly, her lips brushed over the area.
He took a deep breath, then lightly kissed her forehead and pulled her to his chest. After a long moment, he said, “I’d like to carry you to bed, but—”
Leaning back, she smiled, took his hand, and led him to the bed. He allowed her to push him down on the bed. She stepped back and pulled her nightgown over her head. Leaning over him, she tugged off his running shorts and briefs.
He pulled her down into his arms. She carefully stretched out beside him, worried that she might hurt his bruised arm. The heat of his body against hers sank into her bones, warming her in a way she’d never felt before. Lightly, her hand roamed over his chest. When her fingers brushed over his nipple, a moan escaped his lips.
She looked up. “Did you like that?”
“Too much.” His hand came up and caressed her cheek. “You are so beautiful here.” His fingers trailed down her neck to settle between her breasts. “And here,” he added, touching the place where her heart rested.
His lips followed the trail his fingers had blazed, and when he took her breast into his mouth, Toni gasped with the pleasure that rolled over her. Her fingers threaded through his hair as she held on, afraid she might disintegrate into a million pieces.
His mouth traveled to her other breast, and he lovingly laved it.
Toni’s fingers sifted through his hair, then tugged. When he raised up his head, she covered his mouth with her own. She wanted to give him the joy that he was showering on her.
His hand smoothed down her body, kneading her stomach and hip. When his hand slipped lower, Tom’s concentration was centered on the pleasure he gave her.
The tension in her coiled tighter and tighter until she thought she would shatter into a million pieces.
“Zach, please,” she whispered.
With ease, he slipped between her legs and entered her. She gasped with the rightness of the joining. Whatever else happened, Toni knew this moment was meant to be.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, she met his thrusts. It only took a moment before she found her release in a shatter of stars and fire. With a final thrust, Zach joined her.
When he caught his breath, he slid to her side and gathered her in his arms.
As she listened to the beat of his heart, Toni knew she’d done the very thing she’d vowed not to do. She’d fallen in love with a man as driven as her father. The thought wasn’t comforting.
Zach woke early, before Toni stirred. He still held her in his arms. He was awed by what had happened between them. The sex had been incredible. So incredible, that he wanted to pull Toni under him and wake her with his kisses and loving.
And what was his last thought before he fell asleep last night? Taking Toni again.
Zach sobered. It seemed he couldn’t get enough of her. Her smell, the taste of her skin and lips, the smoothness of her cheeks and breasts. He could’ve happily spent the next month in this bed with her and not felt any urge to go anywhere or do anything but make love to her.
The strength of those emotions frightened him. Hadn’t he run this race before and lost? Wasn’t his flaming lust for Sylvia evidence that these emotions were temporary? After the sex had died down, they’d had nothing in common.
But Toni’s not like Sylvia. She doesn’t need you to entertain her, like Sylvia did, his mind argued. Toni didn’t moan and complain as Sylvia had done, telling him what a failure he was.
And wasn’t Toni wonderful with the girls?
Yes, but what would happen after he won custody of the girls? Would Toni still want to stay with him or would she choose to walk away?
But what worried Zach the most was that the feelings that Tom had ignited in him went deeper and were stronger than anything he’d felt for Sylvia. And that frightened him.
He needed to walk away while he could. So since he couldn’t physically leave, he’d put his heart back under lock and key. Because the last time he gave in to his emotions, disaster had struck.
He’d survived last time, but this time, he wasn’t so sure he could.
When Toni woke up, she was alone in the bed. A smile curved her mouth as she thought about the night before. Who would’ve thought that Zachary Knight was such a tender lover?
She reached out and pulled his pillow to her chest. The essence of the man clung to the case. Wondering where he was, she hurriedly showered, dressed and walked into the kitchen.
He stood staring out the window. From his stance, his arms crossed, a cup of coffee in one hand, Toni knew that things weren’t going to go well this morning.
Coldness washed over her. Last night had been a taste of heaven, and she wanted more. Apparently, she had been alone in her wish.
Zach glanced over his shoulder and nodded toward the coffeepot.
“I made coffee.”
She pulled a cup from the cabinet and poured herself some of the coffee. When she sipped the hot brew, she was surprised by how good it tasted. “This is good.”
He faced her and the corner of his mouth kicked up. “I’ve watched you. And lucked out.”
Leaning back against the countertop, she eyed him. Did she have the nerve to be the first one to bring up last night? She took another sip.
“We didn’t use protection last night,” he finally murmured.
Her head jerked up. Was that all he was worried about? “That won’t be a problem.”
“Why is that?”
She didn’t want to share this secret right now, but she had no choice. “After the accident and the injuries I suffered, there was so much scar tissue on my fallopian tubes, the doctors told me that I probably could never get pregnant.” She turned away from him. “So don’t worry.” Placing her cup on the counter, she went to the pantry. “I think maybe I’ll treat the girls to French toast.”
He came up behind her and turned her to face him. “I’m sorry, Toni.” His hands rested on her shoulders. The warmth penetrated her fear.
She swallowed her tears. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
He released her and stepped back. “I see.”
“I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“You’re right.” He grabbed his cup and took another sip. “About last night... we can’t—”
“I’m hungry,” Lisa said as she walked into the kitchen.
Surprised, Zach and Toni glanced down at the little girl. As Lisa studied both adults, she nibbled on her bottom lip. “What’s wrong?” she demanded of Toni, sensing something was wrong. “Are you going away?” Panic laced her voice.
“Lisa,” Lori called out as she limped into the room. Lori’s gazed traveled over her sister, then both adults. The child’s eyes darkened with worry as she took her sister’s hand.
Toni knelt and took both of the girls’ hands. “Nothing is wrong. Your daddy and I were just talking.”
“About what?” Lisa asked.
Glancing up, Toni hoped Zach would come up with an answer.
“We were talking about the papers I left on the table here. I shouldn’t have left a mess for this morning. I’ll put them away while Toni makes us French toast.”
Lisa looked back at Toni. “For sure?”
“For sure.”
The child considered the answer, then smiled. “Okay.”
Toni breathed a sigh of relief. “Since your daddy can’t make the French toast, why doesn’t he help you get dressed?”
“But Daddy has a bad arm.”
“I know. But he can help you a little. Then by the time you’re finished, everything will be ready.”
“’Kay.”
As Zach ushered the girls out of the room, he glanced at Toni. His expression told her that they still needed to talk.
Somehow, Toni didn’t want to finish the conversation that Lisa interrupted. After the joy of last night, she wasn’t ready for the bad news Zach had to give her.
Chapter 11
After they dropped the girls off at the preschool, Toni drove toward the dealership where Zach could rent a car.
Zach glanced at Toni. He needed to finish the conversation that Lisa had interrupted this morning. “Toni, we need to finish our talk.”
He could see her shoulders tense. “And what is it that you need to say?”
How was he going to put this into words, and not hurt her? “Last night was incredible.”
She threw him a surprised glance. “And why does the way you say that make me nervous, like watching a lightning storm over an oil field?”
He sighed. This wasn’t going to be easy, but if he didn’t stop things now, it would only get worse. “Although the sex last night was unbelievable, I don’t think we should cross that line again.”
Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “And why is that, Zach?”
Good question. “Because, Toni, most women, and I think you, too, feel this way, confuse sex with love. And although I’d like to repeat what we did, I think you would associate the act with more than just lust.”
“So, you’re saying last night was just great sex for you, but nothing else?” A note of disbelief rang through her words.
“I found out the hard way, Toni, that I’m not capable of love.”
“You’re doing fine with the girls,” she countered.
Her point took him off guard. In spite of everything, he felt he’d made progress with Lisa and Lori. “Yes, but that’s a different kind of love. Parent-child. And I decided that no matter what, I’d do it for the girls. They’re my obligation. I’m not good in the malefemale thing. I’ve already proven that.”
“That’s a load of horse manure.”
Zach’s eyes widened. He couldn’t quite believe she’d said what she did.
“You can love, Zach. The real question you have to face is, do you want to do it?” She turned into the car dealership and parked the car. Resting her arms on the steering wheel, she turned to him. “When you figure out what you want to do, let me know.”
He stared at her, surprised by her reaction.
“I’ve got a class to teach, Zach.”
He took her hint and got out of the car. As he watched her drive away, he realized that her calm response had knocked him for a loop.
She’d pointed out several truths. He just didn’t know if he could accept them.
After class, Beth slapped the airline ticket down on Toni’s desk. “Here’s your ticket for your flight to Dallas, and there’s a car rented in your name. The conference is at SMU. I didn’t reserve a room for you, since you said you wanted to stay with your sister while you were there.”
Toni’s eyes widened as she stared at the ticket. With all that had happened to her this past month, she’d forgotten completely about the conference she
was to speak at. “Oh, rats.”
Beth rested her hands on her hips. “You forgot?”
Toni glanced at her wall calendar. There, marked with a red pen, was the note on the conference. Looking at the ticket, she noted that the airplane left in less than two hours, just enough time for her to run home, pack and get to the airport.
“Thanks, Beth.” Toni grabbed her purse, her speech, and raced to her car. The drive from Odessa, where the university was located, to her house in Midland took less than fifteen minutes. After she packed an overnight bag, she called Zach.
“Zach, I have to speak at a conference in Dallas tomorrow. I’m also booked to do a couple of interviews this afternoon.”
“Isn’t this sudden?” he asked.
“It’s been scheduled for months. I forgot with everything that’s happened.”
“The girls will wonder what happened to you.”
His point tore through her heart. “I’m sorry I didn’t mention something to them this morning.” She didn’t mention that the tenseness between them was what occupied her mind. “You might take the girls to my dad’s for the evening. He would certainly entertain them. He’s a whiz at playing Old Maid.”
A choked sound came through the phone line.
“It might help, Zach. And it would keep the girls busy, and maybe divert them from any worries they might have. I’ll try to go by the day school and say goodbye.”
“When are you scheduled to return?”
A warm feeling washed through her. “I should be back late tomorrow night. I’ll be on the last flight in from Dallas.”
“Good luck on your speech, Toni.”
“Thank you, Zach.” When she hung up, she thought she’d heard a warmth in his voice. It gave her hope.
Toni sat on the top concrete step that led to her sister’s backyard. She stared at the large garden planted there. The door opened and J.D. walked out. Her children and their father were at a baseball game.
“When did you become gardener?” Toni said to her sister.
Suddenly a Family Page 14