by Shayne Ford
“Why?”
He has that bitter grin again.
“I just said it. Colorado is not my home. I barely got used to New York, and I’ll be honest, I like this place. I can be nobody on the streets of New York. In Colorado, I’d be James Sexton’s brother.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
He looks at me, amused.
“You mean my billionaire brother? Nothing...” he says humorously.
“You’re not holding it against him, are you?”
He shakes his head.
“Not at all. He has my deepest admiration.”
He goes quiet for a moment before he gestures to my soup.
“Eat it. It’s getting cold.”
We finish eating a moment later before he collects the dishes and places them in the sink.
He brings the lasagna to the table and cuts a portion for each of us.
“The food is really tasty,” he says.
“I wish I could take credit, but it’s my mom’s cooking.”
He puts the tray back into the oven so that it stays warm before he returns to the table.
“So... Back to James. Is he the sole reason you wouldn’t consider living in Colorado?” I say in a lighter tone.
“No, he’s not the reason. And as I said before it doesn’t have to do with you either.”
He continues after a moment.
“Listen... When James showed up in my life, all I wanted was to have money and make my own calls. I hated that I depended on circumstances that were out of my control for so fucking long. Initially, I wanted to enroll in the French Foreign Legion. Believe it or not, James and my mother thought that it was a step forward. They saw it as progress just so you get an idea of how screwed up my life was. I wasn’t afraid of death. I just wanted to experience freedom, and while the perspective of premature death was hardly that, to me, not being bound by skewed norms made sense. When I decided to come here, James and Theresa must’ve released a collective sigh, and then, let me be. In all fairness, I didn’t want to get in touch with James or keep in contact with my mother either, so that was that. New York felt like freedom to me. It’s the perfect place for people like me. And perhaps, it gives people like you a reason to be homesick. And then I met you. And it just happened that you weren’t just another girl. And not only in the sense that you were special–– you were, all right, but you were also my sister-in-law’s best friend.”
He sets the fork down and gulps down water before he continues.
“But I had no clue then, so you felt like freedom to me as well.”
“How come?”
A soft grin arches his lips.
“You were like a drifter of life,” he says, amused by his poetic spin.
“Meaning?”
“From the distance, your life seemed great. Perfectly structured, beautifully contoured, the cogs working well, the pillars all in place. A young professional with a promising career and a bright future. To me, when I looked closer, you seemed like a girl lost in a train station. Everybody is noticing her, but nobody is asking her if she’s stranded because they all assume she is with someone. Once in a while, when the trains leave the station and the platforms empty, she curls up on a bench and waits for the next train, and big crowd, hoping that she’d find someone to pay attention to her.”
He pauses while I stare at him, turned to stone.
His metaphor strikes me as mine.
“Am I right?”
“Yes. Possibly... Why was that freedom to you?”
“Anyone who meets that girl and takes her home brings something pure into their life. She’s like a garden in which you plant whatever tree or flower you want. You were that garden to me... You let me be whoever I wanted to be. You were mystified with me, and I felt at ease with you. You were my most precious piece of art. Unlike a drawing that lies dead on a piece of paper, you were full of life and let me shape you into the woman I saw in you with my heart. And you loved every second of it. You relished the journey and loved who you’d become. The secrecy surrounding my name only made that beautiful experience more enticing, and possible if you wish. In anonymity, I was allowed to shed my doubts and kill my demons. It was a fresh start for both of us.”
He ponders for a moment, his eyes slanted down.
“To me, that was perfection. We managed to create our little world within the world, and the fact that we’d sworn each other secrecy only bonded us even more.”
He pauses again, weighing his words to express more of what he feels.
“When you said you wanted to move back, you crushed that world for me. We no longer had the anonymity and secrecy, the restaurants and stores, and Central Park, the virtual nooks and crannies of a big city, the perfect place for people like us. People who needed to live for a while in a parallel universe, to assume a different identity, to avoid the mainstream living.”
He glances down for a moment while I let out a sigh.
“What you say breaks my heart,” I mutter, my words prompting him to raise his eyes. “It’s not what I wanted to do. I never looked at it that way. And I don’t think it was up to me. Even if I stayed here and tried to find another job, it would’ve made no sense to keep lying. Besides, James made me an offer that topped anything I could’ve ever made here. It made no sense to decline it.”
“I know.”
7
EVE
Minutes later, he sets two cups of coffee and the almond cake on the table, and we get a taste of the delicious dessert.
By now, the sun paints the line of the horizon with tones of golden red, the light glazing the walls inside my place.
Soon, the evening starts to creep in, prompting him to walk away from the table and turn on the lights.
He joins me again a moment later.
I take another bite of cake before I wash it down with more coffee.
“Mmm... This is good,” I say, the taste bringing back to me the memory of our first date.
“I’m glad you still like it,” he says softly.
I bring my hand to his forearm, summoning his attention.
He shifts his eyes to me.
“So what are we going to do now?” I ask.
“There’s not much we can do,” he says, averting his eyes.
I remove my hand from his arm.
He grabs it and stops me from pulling away from him.
“I’d say... We take it slowly,” he finally says. “There’s still a lot we need to know.”
He drinks more coffee.
I wait.
“I can tell the truth to James if that’s what you want.”
“What do you want?”
He shrugs, not very convincingly.
“I have no problem telling him.”
“What about your relationship with him?”
A bitter smile creases his lips.
“I don’t think I can measure up to him. No matter what I do, I am who I am. I’m sure he won’t be surprised that I lied to him. He’d probably understand, but I don’t think he’d like it. It’s fine. I’m fine. I think you are the one who has the most to lose. He’d question your loyalty, and it could affect your work. That’s why I think it’s up to you.”
Silence builds up for a few moments.
“What about us? What will happen to us?”
He shrugs softly.
“I don’t know. It depends, I guess...”
“On what?”
He smiles.
“You, and me.”
“If we keep it a secret, you won’t be able to come to see me in Colorado. I mean you could, but I don’t think it would work for us.”
“We’ll see,” he mutters, shifting his gaze to his cup of coffee. “As I said before, we have to take it slowly. First, you need to get well, and then make a decision whether you want me to tell James or not.”
“Don’t tell him,” I say, deadpan.
A puzzled look sets on his face.
“You just said it,” I continue. �
��We have to take it slowly. Revealing the truth would hurt me. And us... I’m going to live over there, and you’re going to stay here. I can travel. I’ve already told Rain that I want to keep dating that man...”
“What man?”
He reads my eyes for a moment before he smiles.
“Oh, that man. I forgot about him... What happened to him all this time?”
“He’s in Oregon for work, but I keep in touch with him every day, and he sends me flowers.”
He glances around, following the direction of my gaze as I gesture at the vases.
“He does?” he mutters amused.
“Mmm-hmm.”
My smile slowly fades away, and by the time he swivels his head back and shifts his gaze to me, a different expression sits on my face.
“What is it?”
“I know that what you said was true. It helped that we kept it a secret, and yet there were times when I wanted to share it with the entire world.”
He studies my eyes for a moment before he cups my hand and brings it to his lips. He slowly kisses the back of my knuckles.
“Don’t think about the past, Eve. Today is a new day.”
Our eyes stay locked as my hand migrates to his cheek, and slowly strokes him.
It’s hard not to think about the last few months. Our present is different than our past, and not in a good way, I might add.
He breaks his gaze away from mine and sets my hand on the table while motioning with his chin to the sweet treat in front of me.
“Would you like another slice?”
I glance down.
“Yeah... Why not?”
He cuts a couple of slices and sets them on the plates, one for each.
We eat in silence.
“About Andrea...” I murmur as I chew on a bite of cake.
He swings his gaze to me.
“You said there was never anything between the two of you.”
He nods in silence.
“She joined you for lunch that Monday, and in the evening, you were on the phone with her, weren’t you?”
He tips his chin down.
“Why?” I ask.
“How do you know I had lunch with her?”
The memory of that moment flashes in front of my eyes.
“I came to talk to you, and before I got the chance to enter the place, I saw her climbing out of a cab. And then I noticed you.”
I stop abruptly, my lips covered with ice as I remember that moment.
“I was only a few feet away from you. I saw you greeting her and walking her inside. I gave up, turned around, and returned to my office. It was a crazy idea to come to talk to you, anyway. I risked a lot showing up, but I had to. I couldn’t stand your silence.”
He reads my eyes for a moment before he speaks.
“Yes, I invited her to lunch. And I was trying to be polite to her.”
I purse my lips in disagreement.
“You were really nice and chivalrous.”
“That’s how I usually am,” he says, smiling.
“You weren’t nice to me.”
“I was mad at you.”
A few seconds of silence slip by.
“And that evening? Why did you have to walk outside to talk to her?”
“I, um...”
He studies my expression for a moment.
“I don’t want a lie.”
“It’s not a lie.”
He pauses.
“I had to talk to her privately.”
“Why?”
“I tried to protect you.”
“How?”
“I booked her for that evening as well, and then you showed up. So I went outside, called the woman and canceled her gig.”
“Is that it?” I ask incredulously.
“Yup. That’s exactly what it was.”
“Why did you need her again?”
“Because I realized that I made a mistake. Leaving abruptly at the exact moment when the news broke was foolish, so I tried to fix it. I planned on having her for lunch and dinner. When you showed up, I wanted to avoid a confrontation.”
“You were thinking about yourself?”
“I was thinking about you.”
“I was rather talking about you trying to save the appearances.”
He nods.
“Yeah... That was a factor. I had a feeling that James suspected something. It just made sense to bring her with me.”
“She likes you.”
A soft smile curves his lips. It annoys me.
“And Rain told me she’s ambitious and smart.”
“Just like you,” he tosses at me, teasingly.
“I’m serious, Tiago.”
“If only you could see the truth.”
“What is the truth?”
“She played a role, and she was good at it. What you think you saw was not real.”
“But how? I saw her how she looked at you.”
“Andrea is gay.”
My mouth falls open.
“What?”
He nods.
“Yup. She has a girlfriend.”
“Are you serious?”
“As serious as I can be.”
I arch an eyebrow at him, still trying to make sense.
“No. They’re not that kind of girlfriends.”
“What kind?”
“They are not bisexuals.”
“She doesn’t seem to be into ladies only.”
“Because she fawned over me?”
“Yes.”
“She’s taking acting classes.”
I crash back into my chair washed with surprise, and honestly, disbelief.
“Why couldn’t you tell me all this from the beginning?”
He shrugs.
“I didn’t know until I took her home that night, and her girlfriend opened the door. She told me their story. How they met and fell in love.”
“You had no idea?”
“How could I? I wasn’t interested in sleeping with her. I always used her for social commitments. Never made a move on her.”
A small smile tickles my lips.
“You could’ve done a whole lot better at being more transparent with me.”
“I didn’t think I’d given you a reason to doubt me. You said it yourself... You knew what kind of man I was and what I needed from a woman.”
“Yes... I thought I did,” I say mellowly.
I sound a bit disappointed, and I am, but mainly in me.
It’s already dark outside, the soft lights barely illuminating the room.
He pushes out of his chair and turns on another light.
The space fills with a warm glow. I watch him move in my kitchen with the same ease and familiarity he’s always had for my place. He brings another bottle of water to the table and asks me if I want anything else.
I tell him no, studying him even more.
I’d love to spend more evenings and days like this, with him in my kitchen, with both of us watching the days turning into quiet nights and animated mornings. With us spending time at home, sleeping in and eating late breakfasts on the weekends.
I could see our life easily flowing and yet, it seems impossible right now.
“Perhaps, I should start looking for a job here after all...” I say as he slides back into his chair.
He locks my eyes for a moment.
“I could talk to my former boss. She said that she might be able to help me.”
He ponders for a moment.
“Normally I’d say do it,” he says.
“Normally?”
“I’m not into climbing the corporate ladder. I’m very much like James, just way behind him. And my experience in working for someone else is minimal. I wouldn’t call it a valuable learning experience. With that being said, it doesn’t take a genius to realize that your entire life would depend on the whims of your boss, the ever-changing rules and an environment you’d have no control over. You may get hired at that new firm, and then six months
later, your boss might get a promotion or get fired, and you’d lose her support. And someone in HR or a new boss would put you on the purging list.”
“That’s always a risk.”
“Yeah... It is,” he says softly. “But you have the opportunity to do something different.”
“Are you saying that something like that wouldn’t happen in James’ business?”
“Whatever would happen, James won’t stab you in the back. It’s really up to you what you’d make out of this opportunity. As long as you’d do your job, there would be no surprises there.”
“Did you two talk about me?”
“A little. Work stuff mainly.”
He pauses for a moment. I wait.
“Take what James has to offer, Eve.”
It takes me a moment...
“I don’t want to lose what we had.”
He takes my hand again, his touch warm, tender, and affectionate.
“We can’t have what we once had, baby.”
I sense regret in his voice–– as deep as mine.
He slides his free hand on top of mine.
“But we can have something better.”
“You think?” I mutter.
“We can try to,” he says, smiling.
“Yes, we can,” I murmur, hoping that by saying it, it can become a reality. “I don’t want to be away from you.”
“You won’t.”
I shoot him a questioning look.
“We’ll figure something out.”
I don’t want not to believe him, so I go along with what he says.
“All right.”
He smiles.
“Do you have to go somewhere tonight?” I ask.
“No.”
“Can you spend the night here?”
He looks at me.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight,” I say.
His grin broadens.
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
A few minutes later, we push out of our chairs and walk away from the table.
We spend the evening watching an action movie and eating popcorn before I fell asleep in his arms.
It’s early morning, and dark outside when I crack my eyes open and look around. He left a small light on in the corner, and my bedroom is dimly lit.
Tucked under the covers, I roll slowly.
Shirtless, he lies on his back, his chest rising and falling rhythmically as he sleeps next to me.