by Gina Azzi
“Well then, I’ll just have to take you.” The words are out of my mouth before I consider them. And it’s wrong. I shouldn’t say things like that to her. Except, as soon as the words are out there, hanging in the space between us, I realize just how much I want to take Maura to Boston with me.
She laughs nervously and takes another sip of her Diet Coke. “My favorite vacation spot, besides the obvious Wildwood…” she pauses “…you know, because of the memories …”
I nod, aware that she completely disregarded my comment about taking her to Boston. And I’m not sure if I’m relieved or pissed that she didn’t react.
“… is Niagara Falls.”
I raise my eyebrows. “American or Canadian side?”
“Canadian. I love the Maid of the Mist.”
I smile, thinking of a younger Maura and Adrian hanging over the railing of the big boat as it nears The Falls, the spray shooting up and their laughs infectious.
“Yeah, it’s pretty special,” I agree.
She continues to tell me about the summer she and Adrian went with their parents to Canada. They were thirteen years old and thought The Falls were so cool. I watch her movements, the way she talks with her hands, her shy smile and feisty eyes. And I realize I could watch her talk all day.
Today was the best non-date I’ve ever had. And I don’t want it to end.
* * *
The following week passes quickly, the days stringing together monotonously as I fall into a routine. Practice, class, gym, lunch, class, study hall, dinner, Lauren. Every night ends with Lauren’s warm body pressed against me and each morning begins with her legs intertwined with mine. I welcome the familiarity between us, the easygoing rhythm we effortlessly fall back into. It’s natural. And for now, I let it be.
On Thursday evening, I’m sitting in study hall, working on my thesis proposal when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Pulling it out to steal a glance, I roll my eyes as my sister’s face lights up the screen, her red hair bright against the plain background.
I silence the call and walk toward the hallway, shaking my cell at the woman sitting behind the desk. She waves me out of the room, knowing I really do work on school assignments during study hall hours.
“Hey, Nic,” I answer as I close the door to study hall behind me.
“Finally. Jesus, you are hard to track down.”
“Yeah, yeah. What’s going on? I’m in study.”
“Right. Like you’re really studying that hard during your senior year.”
I laugh. “How are you doing?”
“Probably better than you. How’s your semester been? Why all the avoidance?”
“I’m sorry,” I tell her sincerely. “I’ve just been really busy. Classes are tough this semester. You know since I’m not some random arts major with no real classes like some people.”
She scoffs. “Political Science has real classes.”
“Right.”
“But not too busy to get back together with Lauren?” she asks directly.
Shit. How the hell does my sister know about me and Lauren?
“Guess you are too busy to check Facebook. Cute pictures from a wine and cheese party.” She laughs outright, and I can picture her covering her nose as she snorts. “I love that you went to a wine and cheese party. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
I laugh too. “It was lame. You should have seen Marissa. She was wearing one of those—”
“Lily Pulitzer. I know. I saw the pictures.” Nicole groans. “Poor Phillips.”
I laugh again.
“So, are you guys serious?”
I shrug, rubbing my hand along my face. I need to shave. “Nah, it’s chill. You know me and Lauren, it’s always laidback. No drama.”
“Mmm hmm,” Nicole murmurs skeptically.
“What?” I hate when she does that. Nicole is always direct. It drives me nuts when I know she’s thinking something but just won’t say it.
“Does she know that?”
“Know what? Just come out and say it.”
“Well, from my elaborate study of the Facebook photos and my strong insight into how your brain works, I’d wager that Lauren definitely thinks it’s serious and is ready to pick things up where you left off junior year. She wants to be back in a serious relationship with you, Zack. Not some chill, no drama hookup.”
I groan.
“You know I’m right.”
And deep down, I know she’s right. My sister is always right.
“Yeah, I guess,” I say instead.
Nicole sighs. “Don’t string her along, Zack. You need to be honest with her before she starts Pinteresting her dream proposal.”
I roll my eyes. “No need to be so dramatic.”
“Trust me, I’m not,” she says sincerely.
“Yeah, well, I’ll talk to her. What’s new with you?” I change the subject.
Nicole chuckles but lets me off the hook. “Oh you know, a big fat nothing. I can’t wait ’til you come home for Thanksgiving. I’m spending way too much time with Mom and Dad. They’re driving me insane. Mom is on a Pinterest binge, and we’re making wine cork coasters tomorrow. You know, Lauren would be a good daughter-in-law for her.”
I laugh, imagining my Mom clapping her hands excitedly and rummaging through a basket overflowing with ribbon and bits of brightly colored tissue paper as she tries to employ my dad and sister in her new craft.
“You need to move out and get your own place,” I tell Nicole.
“I know.” She groans. “I really do. I’m just trying to save as much as I can right now. I think I’ll move out in the new year. Begin with a bang!”
“That’s definitely a good idea.” My sister is only seventeen months older than I am and one grade ahead in school. She graduated college last year with a political science degree and is now studying for the LSATs so she can apply to law school, but in the meantime she really needs to get a life and not spend the weekends flea market shopping with Mom or playing tennis with Dad.
“Yeah. Anyway, I’ll let you go. I promised Dad I’d watch Ballers with him.”
I nod. Right, my dad likes Ballers. “You enjoy that.”
Nicole snorts. “At least he makes the popcorn.”
“Tell Mom and Dad I say hey. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for calling, Nic.”
“You mean thanks for annoying you.”
“If it has to be someone …”
“Gee, thanks. I’ll talk to you soon, Zack. Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.”
“’Bye.”
I end the call and slip my phone back into my pocket.
Shit, is Nicole right? Am I really just stringing Lauren along because it’s safe and easy and familiar? Does she think it’s more than it is? God, I hope not.
And now that my thoughts about Maura seem to be blurring the friendship line, I know I have to be honest with Lauren.
Chapter Eighteen
Maura
On Friday morning I’m sitting in Photography when Professor Minela passes around a basket with tiny folded-up pieces of paper inside. Each student chooses a slip. The words written on it is the emotion or act we need to display for part of our final exam. We are each responsible for showcasing a series of photographs that encompass the depth, feelings, and truth of the word we choose. And, it counts for a freaking quarter of our final grade.
When the basket makes its way to me, I reach in and take a slip before passing the basket to the girl next to me. I take a deep breath, a little nervous to open the slip of paper. So far Photography has been the class I’m enjoying most this semester. We’ve spent the first few weeks of class focusing on the technical aspects of taking pictures, how to use the camera, managing the different speed settings, the rule of thirds, etc. Starting next month we’re going to actually begin exploring our own creativity through a series of mini-assignments which will lead to the final project.
I hope I picked a good topic.
Taking a deep breath, I open the folded paper.
Broken stares up at me.
My topic is broken.
I stifle a snort.
Is this a fucking joke? Too perfect to be a coincidence. I should just submit a picture of myself. Final project: completed.
Shit, how the hell am I going to convey broken?
“Everything okay, Maura?” Professor Minela asks.
I nod. “Yep. Everything’s great.”
She smiles slightly. “Okay, everyone. You have all chosen your final exam assignment topics. Remember, we are going to lead up to this assignment so by the time you present your finals in December, you should feel confident in the quality of your work. Beginning next week, we will use our class time for each of you to individually work on your inspiration, creativity, and personal visions. I encourage you to take your cameras with you outside of class as well, have some fun playing around with what you can capture over the weekend, hanging with your friends, walking around the city. Use the technical skills we’ve already learned and remember to enjoy yourselves. I’ll see you next week. Have a good weekend.” She dismisses us early.
“Maura,” she calls as I begin to gather up my belongings.
“Yeah.” I stand up straight as Professor Minela walks toward me.
“What topic did you choose?”
I hold up my paper for her to read.
“Ah.” She smiles at me and her eyes are kind, considerate. “I know the past few months have been difficult for you, although I can’t pretend to understand how you’re feeling and coping.” She pauses for a moment, gauging my reaction.
I remain silent.
Professor Minela sighs gently. “Use this.” She points to my camera. “Sometimes photography can be healing. It can help you sort out your own feelings, even those you don’t yet understand. Sometimes it’s helpful to disappear behind a lens for a bit, see the world through a different perspective. And if there’s anything I can help you with, well, my door is always open.”
I nod, smiling stiffly. “Do you think I can pick a different topic?”
Professor Minela stops, angling her head to the side as she studies me before shaking her head. “No, Maura. I think everyone chooses a topic that suits them in one way or another. Don’t worry about it now. Just continue to follow the series of assignments and I promise, it will all come together by the end of the semester.”
I shrug. “If you say so.”
She smiles again, the warmth in her eyes seeping into me. She’s going to be a wonderful grandmother. “I do. Have a good weekend.”
“Thanks, Professor. You too.” I sling my backpack over my shoulder and walk out of class.
No need to overthink it just yet. I mean, photography is just an elective after all.
* * *
“You’re doing what?” I ask Emma incredulously on FaceTime as she fiddles with her bangs.
“Do you think I should highlight my hair?” she asks in response.
“Em, focus. Why did you get a waitressing job? How do you even have time for that?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I could use the extra money. Besides, the restaurant is near Eastern Market. Lots of Capitol Hill people pop over for dinner and the brunch scene is surprisingly fun. Bottomless mimosas.” She smiles.
“Is everything okay? I’ve never heard you sound so serious about working before.”
She waves a hand dismissively, although her mouth is set in a firm line. She looks serious. “Yeah, just want to help Mom and Dad out a bit. You know, there are four of us.” She emphasizes four by holding up four fingers.
I nod. Emma has a lot of siblings. I guess it would be hard for her parents to send four kids to college, especially since three of them are all attending university this year. “That makes sense.”
She breathes out. “Yeah. I like it too.” She smiles widely. “The tips are great and it’s actually a lot of fun. I meet tons of cool people. And it’s only two or three nights a week. I mean, I finish my internship around five, so I may as well do something afterward. Can’t party it up every night, you know?”
I nod. “Yeah, I know.”
Emma laughs. “How’s practice going?”
“Okay.” I shrug. “Kay is on crack trying to make everything perfect this season but other than that our boat is really starting to shape up.”
“That’s good. And Kay is always on crack.” She rolls her eyes. “She was in my Philosophy class last semester. Total nightmare.”
“I bet. What else is going on? Who are you dating these days?”
Emma sighs. “No one.”
I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
“I know,” she elaborates, seeing my look. “It’s so unlike me. But I really have been busy.” She holds up a hand, palm open. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met guys and all but just no one that I’m pursuing. Yet.” She smiles wickedly.
I laugh. “Well, good for you. I hope when you do decide to pursue one, he’s worth it.”
She nods. “Don’t worry. He will be. What about you?”
I shake my head. “Have you heard from Mia or Lila this week?”
“Subtle subject change.” Emma calls me out but lets it go. “No, just emails. Lila’s already a smitten kitten. I swear that girl is really overlooking her own advice this semester.” She laughs. “She convinces us to make a pact about living life up and then she has a boyfriend within five minutes. Tall, dark, and handsomes just flock to her, don’t they?”
I nod. Lila is already dating a football player named Cade. Not that any of us were surprised. If anyone can make a hot guy, even a smoking superstar jock, fall in love with them in a month, it’s Lila. “Yeah, she seems happy though.”
Emma smiles. “She is. Trust me.” She wags her eyebrows suggestively.
I hold up a hand, stopping her before she can utter another word. “I don’t want to know what you mean by that.”
Emma laughs. “Fine. Listen, girl, I got to go anyway. My new roomies and I are doing drinks. I seriously have no idea how you’re living solo this semester. Don’t get too used to the space and silence. We’ll all be back crowding up in your little bubble next semester.”
I nod. “Counting on it, Em.” I raise the wine glass I’m sipping on to cheers her. “Enjoy drinks with your friends.”
“Why Maura Rodriguez? Are you drinking on a school night? My God, has living alone changed you.”
I laugh. “It’s fine, really. Just taking the edge off after a long day.”
“What happened?” Emma asks, her eyes wide with curiosity.
“Don’t you have to go?” I remind her.
“Not if this is juicy gossip.”
I laugh. “It’s not. Trust me. Just tired from practice, and I picked a shitty topic for my Photography final,” I tell her honestly.
Emma’s nose wrinkles. “Bleh. School drama is so not juicy gossip. You were right. Okay, enjoy your wine. Don’t drink the whole bottle.” She smirks. “Talk to you soon. Kisses!”
“’Later, Em.”
Emma waves, her fingers reaching up to touch her bangs again as I end the call.
Dropping the phone on my desk, I drain the wine bottle into my plastic cup and drink up.
It is the weekend after all.
OCTOBER
Chapter Nineteen
Zack
The leaves are starting to fall off the trees as I weave my way through the throngs of students walking to class on Monday morning. Crisp air surrounds me as I pause for a moment near the quad, smiling when I see some of the guys from the JV crew team stopping to flirt with pretty underclassmen.
“Trying to score a date?” I joke as I walk up behind the guys.
Stevens laughs, whistling through his front teeth. “Nah, man, Steph and I are going strong. But these guys…” he gestures to Phebes and Ranell “…they need all the help they can get.”
I snort as Phebes hits Stevens on the back of his head. “Seems like it, man. How’re your classes thi
s semester?”
Stevens shrugs. “Pretty good. I took a lot of my major core classes this semester so I could load up on electives in the spring. Probably not the smartest decision as I’m already spending way too much time in the library. Time that I could be chilling with Steph.” He shakes his head. “Coach is already killing us. You?”
I nod in agreement. “Yeah, practice has been rough lately.”
“Sucks, man. Our boat…” he shakes his head “…we don’t have the same power. Everyone moved up to varsity and now Coach is trying to pull some of the freshman up.” He laughs again. “And they are fucking struggling.”
“I bet. It’s hard coming out of high school, being the best on your team, to trying to compete at this level and catch up. Not to mention a major blow to the ego.”
“Yeah.” Stevens looks behind me, his eyes shifting. “Hey, there’s your girl.” He smiles warmly as Lauren walks up, threading her arm through mine.
“Hey, baby.” She smiles, leaning forward to brush a kiss across my cheek. “Good to see you, Mark. Hey, Joe. Scott.”
Scott Ranell smiles at her, blushing slightly. Seriously, bro?
“Hey.” I turn to Lauren. “I didn’t know you had class now.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t. I wanted to catch you before your class.”
“Oh, okay.” I nod at the guys. “Later.”
“See ya.” Stevens lifts a hand in farewell.
“What’s up?” I ask Lauren as we walk in the direction of the Architecture building.
“Well …” she draws a breathless inhale. “I was thinking … and I mean, I know school just started and stuff and you’ll be busy with rowing but …” She looks up at me, her eyes big and shining with something close to adoration.
“Okay?”
“I think we should get back together,” she says quickly, tightening her arm around mine. “I mean, give us a real shot. What we had, what we had was really good, Zack. And I want that back. With you.” She stops walking and stares up at me. “What do you think?”
I pause. Man, Nicole was right. I should have seen this coming. Sure, up until now things between Lauren and I were going well. You know, uncomplicated, easygoing, fun. But a real relationship? I mean, not that I would ever step out on her while we’re hooking up anyway but the commitment, the emotional energy, the time that goes into a relationship? Shit.