by Gina Azzi
“True,” I say finally. “I actually think Adrian would approve.”
She laughs lightly. “Are you kidding me? Adrian would definitely approve. Once he got past the shock that his best friend was into his sister.” She laughs. “What are you guys doing tonight?”
I sigh. “Hanging in and eating takeout. We’re getting a blizzard.” I roll my eyes.
“Oh…” Mia’s face lights up “…I hope you guys get snowed in and rowing is cancelled.”
I laugh. “You and me both. What’s got that goofy grin on your face? Or should I say who?”
She blushes lightly and shakes her head. “I’d love to fill you in on all the details, but I actually have to go. I was just calling to say hi. I promise, once I’m back in a few weeks, we’re going to have a real, serious catch-up. And I’ll share everything then.”
I roll my eyes but nod, resigning myself to the fact that I’ll just have to be out of the loop a little longer. It’s obvious that Mia is incredibly happy and that’s the important thing. I guess the details don’t really matter as long as she keeps smiling and blushing the way she is. “Okay, but I’m holding you to that.”
“Promise.” She places a hand over her heart. “See you soon?”
“Yes! I can’t even wait.”
“Me too. Bye, Maura!” She blows a quick kiss.
“Later, Mia.” I press the red button to disconnect our call.
Shuffling over to my desk and plopping down in the chair, the picture of the four of us girls catches my eye. I pick it up and study our faces. Lila’s eyes are open and shining, her blond waves tumbling around her shoulders. Emma’s mouth is half-open in a laugh, her hand coming up to insist on another photo. Mia looks nervous, her chocolate eyes serious, her smile hesitant. And me, I look … like a shadow of myself. My mouth is twisted between a smile and a snarl and my eyes are turbulent with all the things I didn’t know how to express, all the anger I kept holding on to, trying to suppress until it came bubbling out of me as I began confiding in Zack.
It’s amazing really, how much four months can change your life. How much being on your own for the first time ever really does force you to grow, look at aspects of yourself and be honest about the person you are. I thought this semester would be lonely and boring, that I would just be existing in a routine I’ve already done for years. I thought I wouldn’t learn anything, wouldn’t stick to the pact, wouldn’t even venture out of my comfort zone. Because while the other girls were seeking out adventure and a new journey, I was going back, back to the familiar, to the known, to the consistency. What the hell could be challenging about that? I thought I’d sink into the numbness I craved until the spring semester rolled around so I could thaw out like frost.
But then Zack happened.
He forced me to confront things I was avoiding, like my anger toward Adrian. He made me realize that being numb is sometimes harder than being hurt. The repercussions last longer. He made me feel optimistic again, hopeful for the future. And I forgot how amazing it feels just to revel in being alive, eager to begin another day, positive about the future.
Zack redefined my comfort zone.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Zack
I knock on Maura’s door a little after 7:00 PM, a brown bag of Italian takeout in my hand, a small Margherita pizza balancing between the wall and my forearm.
She opens the door slowly, her smile shy. She’s dressed in tight black yoga pants and a large, oversized sweater the keeps sliding off her left shoulder revealing her smooth caramel skin. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I smile. “You look beautiful.”
She rolls her eyes and reaches forward to take the pizza off my arm. “Come on in.” She calls over her shoulder as she walks into her dorm room.
My eyes drink her in. The curve of her tight ass in those pants, the slope of her neck as her sweater slides down farther, the tangle of black curls that sit in a bun on top of her head. She really is stunning and the crazy thing is, she has absolutely no idea. Sure, she knows she’s sexy when she’s trying to be angry, sarcastic, hard Maura. But under that fragile surface, she’s sweet and kind and hurting. And so fucking real that her rawness, unapologetic honesty, her truth is so beautiful it’s blinding. And when I stare at her, I have to remind myself to blink, to breathe, to respond to whatever she’s saying in this moment.
“What?” I ask, coming back to the moment.
Maura laughs. “I asked what did you bring for dinner? Besides pizza.”
“Oh.” I hold up the bag still dangling from my hand. “Pasta primavera and seafood risotto.”
“Mmm.” She groans appreciatively, her tongue darting out to slide along her bottom lip. “I’m starving.”
I nod, finally crossing the threshold and closing the door behind me. And as the door clicks closed, the room shifts as the gravity of this moment sinks in. Maura and I, we’re on a date, we’re going to be together. Eventually. After all the uncertainty and bad timing of this semester, things are finally falling together instead of apart.
“Go to Boston with me,” I blurt out, watching her closely as her eyes widen in surprise and she turns to face me fully.
“What?”
I take a step forward, placing the bag containing our dinner down on her desk and taking her hand in mine. “I know we’re sorting everything out. I know this sounds ridiculous. But I want to eat crab cakes with you and do something fun and spontaneous. Winter break is in a few weeks. Before we head home for Christmas, let’s go to Boston. We’ll freeze our asses off…” I laugh at the craziness spilling out of my mouth “…and eat New England clam chowder in bread bowls. We’ll be tourists and walk the Freedom Trail, visit Paul Revere’s house, and lurk in cemeteries at dusk. We’ll get away from all of this…” I throw my arm out wide, gesturing to McShain University, and Boathouse Row, and the entire city of Philadelphia “…and just be me and you and see where that leads us.”
I pause, watching her closely, waiting for a reaction. Did I push? Too much too soon? Too late now. The seconds tick by.
And then Maura smiles and it’s like the sun peeking through the clouds, brightening her entire face, lightening her eyes. “Okay.”
“Okay? Seriously?”
She nods. “I’m supposed to have a crazy adventure this semester, did you know that?”
I shake my head.
“Well, I am. I’m meant to be brave and wild and push past my comfort zone.”
“You are,” I insist.
“Yeah, but I never left. And I want to, need to do something outside my predictable routine. And I’d really like to do that with you.”
“So we’ll go to Boston?”
“We’ll go to Boston.”
I smile, placing my hands on Maura’s hips and pulling her flush against my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I drop my chin to the top of her head and just hold for a second, wondering how the hell we got to this point and never wanting to let it or her go. Not even for an instant.
“Let’s eat Italian,” she says, interrupting the moment as her stomach grumbles.
“Okay,” I agree, opening the bag and pulling out paper plates, plastic utensils, and a stack of napkins.
Maura lays a blanket out in the center of her bedroom floor, smoothing down the corners. She rummages around in a desk drawer and pulls out a bottle of merlot and two clear plastic cups. I open the steaming aluminum containers containing our pasta and risotto, careful to place the thin, white container lids faceup so the sauce doesn’t stain the blanket. Flipping open the pizza box, I place all the food containers in the center of the blanket and sit across from Maura. She hands me a small cup of wine and a paper plate.
“Thanks for bringing takeout.”
I nod. “Thanks for the impromptu picnic.” I hold up my plastic fork to her. “Cheers.”
She smiles, tapping her fork against mine. “To our senior semester.”
“To Boston.”
“To us.”
And then, we
eat.
* * *
When we wake the next morning, tangled up with the pillow, sheets, and each other, Maura races to our computer to check her email.
“Snow day!” She squeals, dancing around like a kid in her cute thermal pajamas. “And no practice!”
I laugh, settling back against the pillows. “Then come back to bed.” I hold my arm out toward her.
“Don’t you have to check to see if you have practice?”
I shake my head. “Nah, Philips anticipated this happened. We all have to get a workout in today at the gym but it’s whatever we feel like doing and at whatever time we feel like doing it.”
“Oh, lucky you.” She tilts her head to the left. “I wish Kay gave us that option. What about your classes?”
I shake my head. “Just come back to bed.”
She complies and I tuck her under my arm. We almost never have the luxury of sleeping in, and I don’t want to waste one more minute of it talking when I could be falling asleep with Maura in our arms. Luckily, sleep drags us both under in minutes.
When I wake for the second time, Maura is already awake, sitting at her desk, typing furiously on her laptop, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth.
“Are you seriously doing homework?” I ask groggily, pressing up on my forearm and combing my fingers through my tangled hair.
She shrugs. “I thought I’d make the most out of the time you spent snoozing so we could hang when you wake up.”
“Smart thinking. I guess I’ll just blow off all my assignments?” I ask her, my tone teasing.
She turns in her chair to face me. “You’re the one who insisted on sleeping in.” She points a pen at my chest. “Now that you’re awake, want to dig our way through the snow to the dining hall? I’m starving.”
I run a hand down my face. I really need to shave and shower and look like a person again but the chance to spend extra time with Maura obviously wins. “Sure.” I swing my legs over the side of the bed and rake my hair up into a messy bun at the back of my head.
“I really like your hair,” she comments quietly.
I raise an eyebrow at her.
“It actually suits you, although a man-bun is not something I would picture you with based off your personality.”
I chuckle. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Man-buns are like trendy and edgy. And you’re sweet and stable.”
I laugh again, nodding. “Well, I hate to burst your bubble but you’re probably right. I’ve been wearing my hair long, at least to my collarbone, for years now. Before it became a fad. So … there’s that.”
She laughs. “I like it though. It’s sexy.”
I raise my eyebrow again. “I’m glad you think so, Rodriguez. Let’s go.” I stand up, pulling on my sweatpants. “I’m letting you buy my breakfast with your meal plan.” I pick up her student ID from her nightstand.
She laughs but begins to dress. We shuffle through the cold to the dining hall, careful not to step on any icy patches. Once we’re inside, we fill our plates high with scrambled eggs, bacon, and hash browns. I grab us coffees and we settle our trays on a table next to the window. Beneath us a large expanse of soft, white snow blankets the campus.
“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Maura asks me, her eyes trained outside.
I nod. “Yeah. It’s nice actually, being a normal student for once and sleeping in, having a snow day, coming to the dining hall at…” I check my FitBit “…11:30 AM for breakfast.”
She laughs. “I know what you mean.” She sits, taking a sip of her coffee.
“So, tell me about this crazy adventure you’re meant to be having this semester.” I shovel scrambled eggs into my mouth. “What the deal with that?”
She rolls her eyes, muttering, “Stupid senior pact,” under her breath. But then she tells me all about the pact she, Mia, Lila, and Emma made on the eve of the start to their senior year.
I nod my head in understanding. “I get that. That’s cool, actually, that you guys are all trying to make the most of your semester apart.” I smile at her, tossing a hash brown in her direction. “You’re not, like, mailing a pair of jeans between the four of you or anything, right?”
She snorts. “Hardly. And…” she points her fork at me “…the more important question here is how the hell do you even know The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants?”
I groan. “Busted.” I tell her good-naturedly. “My sister, Nicole. She loved that book and then made us all watch the movie. Did you know there’s a sequel?”
The burst of laughter out of Maura’s mouth has several nearby students turning in our direction. “Oh my God! You’re so lame!” She cracks up.
“But in a good way, right?” I smile at her.
“Definitely in a good way.” She agrees, stealing a piece of bacon off of my plate.
* * *
The next several days pass quickly as Maura and I settle into a routine. We both rise early for rowing, head to our respective practices, attend our classes, lock ourselves in the library to prepare for finals, and spend each night wrapped up in the warmth of each other as we fall into deep, peaceful sleeps.
In the moments before we both pass out, our eyes heavy with exhaustion, we tell each other about our days, share funny stories, confide about things that are bothering us. And sometimes, we sit in comfortable silence until one of us dozes off and the other quickly follows. But ending each night staring at her profile, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath, noting the pout of her full lips, and waking each morning to her pillow-creased face, her hair a wild tangle of curls and knots, and the smile she greets me with makes me so grateful for each moment I spend with her. And even though I’m counting down to our weekend in Boston, I’m also cherishing these quiet moments where the two of us exist side by side in the certainty that our futures are intertwined.
Chapter Fifty
Maura
Zack has slept over every night since the month began, his arms wrapped around me, my head resting against his shoulder, his warm legs tangled up with mine. Every night he takes me in his arms, presses kisses to my lips, my cheeks, my forehead, my neck. And then he stops and wishes me a good night.
And I don’t know how to catapult us to the next step in our relationship. Because even though we haven’t said the words yet, I want to be his girlfriend, I want him to be my boyfriend, and I want us to be in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.
And I really, really want to have sex.
Just the stroke of his hand over my hair or the press of his lips to the back of my neck before I drop into sleep has my senses awakening, my nerves zinging, my body craving his touch in a way I’ve never experienced before. And it’s not because I want to be numb, but rather I want him to light me up like a firework and let me burn like a shooting star. I just want him.
But how the hell do I say that without sounding like some horny freak? I mean, I blush just thinking about the guys Zack has seen me with, the bad decisions he’s witnessed me make. And I don’t want him to think I’m just in it for the sex. Because I’m not. But hell if I’m not craving it, craving him, something fierce.
I decide to ask Emma for advice. She’ll know how to handle this situation, and she’ll definitely be direct and blunt about it without asking me a million questions.
Calling her on FaceTime, I wave when her face lights up my screen.
“Hey girl, hey.” She smiles, waving back.
“Emma! How are you?”
She narrows her eyes. “Why are you so chipper?”
“No reason.”
“Mia tells me you had a date.”
I laugh. “I’m kind of with someone.”
Her eyebrows shoot up, disappearing under her bangs. “How are you kind of with someone and not really with someone? And more importantly, who is he? And most importantly, how come I’m just hearing about this now?”
“All good questions.” Perhaps she will ask a million questions a
fter all.
“You can start answering in any order you feel most comfortable with.” She smirks, settling back against the cushions of her couch.
I laugh. “Gee, thanks. Let’s see, it’s Zack, Adrian’s best friend.”
Emma coughs lightly on the water bottle she just took a drink from. “Huntington?”
“Yeah. You have a good memory.”
“Holy shit. You’re getting it on with Zack Huntington? That boy is deliciously sexy. Not to mention a good guy. Wow, Maura, way to go!”
“And herein lies the issue.”
“Huh?” Emma looks at me like I’m crazy. “What issue?”
“We’re not ‘getting it on.’ We’re snuggling!”
Emma’s mouth falls open as a bubble of laughter bursts from her mouth. She covers her mouth with a hand but the laughter continues, her eyes squeezing shut as she falls sideways on the couch. “Oh my God. Stop! Are you kidding me?”
“Stop laughing.” I scold her. “I’m calling you for advice, not to be your entertainment.”
“Oh my God,” she repeats, her laughter subsiding but her eyes still dancing with amusement. “Hold up. Go back to the beginning. How are you kind of but not really together?”
I shrug. “We started hanging out as friends and then it sort of just developed from there. But we’re not like boyfriend-girlfriend or anything.”
“But you want to be?”
I nod. “We’re going to Boston together after my last final.”
“What?” Her eyes widen. “Woah, this is so for real!”
I nod again. “I hope so.”
“Okay.” She nods. “Wait, why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”
I shrug. “I didn’t know if it was for real. I thought I was pining for him and he was being nice to me out of respect for Adrian, and I don’t know, it didn’t seem like something worth mentioning until it actually became something.”
She nods. “Okay, I’m letting you off the hook because that actually makes sense.”