THE JUNIOR BRIDESMAID

by Amy Baker

  “It is a bad word,” I agreed with her and thereby agreed with her mother. “But right now it is more important to me that you understand how this all happened and the woman I am speaking of isn’t a nice person. She is full of hate. So much so that she used a precious little girl in Virginia to hurt me.” I looked back up at Dolly to see the angel that I knew she could be. Her demeanor had completely changed and she looked saddened. Knowing I was making some headway I had to continue. “She sent you that letter. Not me. Your Dad is your Dad. Your Uncle is your Uncle. This woman sent you a note to hurt me. Not you. What she wrote was a lie. I’m so sorry, Dolly. I had no idea that she sent it.” My voice broke at the end knowing the torture that this little girl endured the past few weeks.

  “You swear?” she whispered her question.

  “I swear. Cross my heart,” I said into her eyes swiping an x with my finger over my chest.

  That was when the tears came. She fell apart and then fell into my arms. Her entire body shook with what, I wasn’t sure. Relief maybe? Fear? Anger? She had the right to feel all three.

  As I hugged her as tight as I could without frightening her, another knock came at my door. I assumed it was Davis checking back in. I stayed kneeling on the floor with my arms wrapped around Dolly and my back to the door. I yelled for him to ‘come in.’

  I felt Dolly’s face lift from my shoulder to see who was walking through the door and then felt her body pull from mine. I opened my eyes and followed her body as she stumbled forward quickly toward the door. She threw herself into her mother’s arms who was standing next to a stoic Hugh Rowen.

  “Mommy,” Dolly melted.

  “Dolly. Where have you been?” Darcy breathed. “We have been worried sick.” Darcy began to cry. Though I truly never liked her, in that moment I saw a different person. A compassionate person. A side of her that I had never seen before.

  Once Darcy was done going through the motions of relief that her daughter was safe in her arms, she looked up at me and shot me her standard look of disdain.

  She spun on her heel while escorting her daughter under her arm and left. Hugh stood in my doorway with the same hard look that he had left with the first time and whatever infinitesimal strides my heart had made in the healing department were decimated. Deep in my heart I was hoping that somehow he had realized what really happened. That he knew that I would never hurt a child in any way, shape or form. But if he had, he obviously didn’t care because he gripped the handle of my front door, shot me the same contemptuous look that Darcy just did, and abruptly pulled it closed. I couldn’t help the overwhelming devastation that gripped my heart again. It felt like my chest was caving in. I shook my head as the tears began to flow once more. Would there ever come a day that I would get over Hugh Rowen? I already knew the answer to that question. The answer was no. That day would never come.

  It had been a long, taxing final day of packing. The movers were scheduled to show up first thing in the morning. I exhaled a heavy sigh of relief and fell back onto my plush sofa. After a Mexican beer and a shit ton of guacamole, (yes- shit ton described how much guacamole I had eaten,) I lied on my couch belching like a sailor. “Poor sailors, they get all the shit expressions.” I murmured to myself as I shifted to get more comfortable. I had packed everything that wasn’t nailed down in the entire apartment. A few boxes were left unsealed so I could throw last minute things in them. My beer and guacamole were my way of celebrating my last night in my apartment in the great city of New York. I even went so far as to top it all off with sour cream. A plethora of calories I rarely afforded myself. I heard the ding of the elevator and footsteps heading toward my door. I cracked a small smile knowing it had to be Davis coming to say goodbye. Before he knocked I dragged myself up and met him at the door. But when I opened it, it wasn’t Davis I found.

  The air in my lungs left in a hurry leaving me unable to breathe or speak.

  I know he saw the shock and awe his presence created because he averted his eyes for a couple of beats and then looked back at me and bit his lower lip. “Can I come in?” Hugh asked.

  I shook my head to answer. I didn’t want him to come in. I didn’t want to hear how awful a person he thought I was or how he was happy that he didn’t have to worry about running into me in New York City. And I certainly couldn’t bear him screaming at me again.

  But Hugh ignored my refusal and pushed past me muttering a low ‘fuck this.’ He turned with his hands low on his jean clad hips and blew a breath out at the floor. “I didn’t know,” he said.

  I bit my tongue in response pressing my teeth down hard on the top and bottom so I would feel the pain. I couldn’t answer him and not burst into tears. Focusing on the sharp pinch my molars were inflicting on my tongue was a good distraction and a hell of a lot less painful than whatever harsh words Hugh had come to deliver. So I nodded barely acknowledging what he’d said and opened the front door wider inferring that he should leave.

  His head shook infinitesimally in response.

  “Hugh,” I managed and shook my head more vigorously back still struggling to rein in the emotion.

  “Delilah. I didn’t know,” he reiterated. “Dolly just explained things on the way to the airport.”

  I continued to shake my head and swallowed several times trying desperately to choke back the threatening tears. “It doesn’t matter now,” I hiccupped feeling my sinuses sting.

  I saw his jaw clench before he answered. I could see in his expression that he was trying to manage his coursing frustration. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and forced his fingers through his hair. “It fucking matters. Don’t say it doesn’t matter,” he said through gritted teeth.

  I swiped at my nose because it had begun to run with the silent tears that were pooling in my lids.

  “I need you to leave,” I whispered. “I have an early flight.”

  “Delilah!” he yelled. “You’re going to let her win!”

  My eyes winced shut at his outburst. I could see he was losing control and I was guessing he was mostly angry with himself. But I couldn’t handle Hugh at that moment. I certainly couldn’t handle an angry Hugh. It didn’t matter whom that anger was directed at. I shook my head at him again and managed to open my eyes to look into his.

  “But I didn’t let her win.” I knew he was talking about Stacey. “You did. You threw me under the bus the first chance you got. You didn’t even stop to consider giving me the benefit of the doubt,” I choked on my words. “That’s exactly what Stacey wanted. You gave her all the ammunition she needed when you had lunch with her that day,” I bounced the tips of my right fingers against my right thigh before continuing. “So…congratulations,” I stated flatly not feeling the celebratory mood that would normally accompany such an expression.

  Self control completely gone, Hugh was clearly all out pissed off. But now I was pretty sure he was pissed at me. Obviously my words had hit home. If steam could actually rise from his head it would have. But I was done. My arms folded over my stomach tightly trying to hold onto my last shred of pride. But, I just couldn’t bear another moment. So I turned, walked to my intercom, pressed the button to summon Davis and told him I needed someone escorted out of my apartment immediately. I didn’t turn to see Hugh’s expression. I couldn’t.

  I heard the elevator ding its arrival almost immediately. I heard the footsteps thudding loudly on the hallway floor and I could tell Davis had company. In my opened doorway appeared Davis and directly behind him was Giancarlo. Giancarlo was hard to miss because he was enormous. The guy must bench press small vehicles. He was definitely the ‘heavy’ in the scenario. But Giancarlo wasn’t as emotionally invested as Davis. So Davis couldn’t be underestimated.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Delilah. We aren’t done,” Hugh informed me ignoring Davis and Giancarlo.

  At his words, the tears that had been threatening breached my lids and began to run down my cheeks. I kept my back to Hugh so he couldn’t see how devastated
I was but I could tell by the look on Davis’ face that he had caught a glimpse.

  “That’s not your decision,” Davis protectively cut in from the doorway. “Delilah said she wants you gone. So you’re gone,” he informed Hugh with a confrontational step forward. He was so determined that even his hat didn’t look as ridiculous as usual.

  “This is a big mistake. A big fucking mistake,” Hugh rushed.

  I said nothing because it was in fact a mistake. But this one wasn’t mine. I had taken responsibility for the ones I had made. I wasn’t taking responsibility for everyone else’s. So I turned and made my way down the hall to the empty bathroom and closed the door leaving Davis and Giancarlo to deal with a confused, frustrated and very infuriated Hugh. I closed the lid on the toilet and sat down holding my head in my hands. I could hear Hugh trying to defend his actions.

  “Davis. It was a misunderstanding. I just didn’t know!” he repeated.

  But then Davis silenced Hugh with his next remark and I couldn’t have said it better myself.

  “But, Mr. Rowen, if you knew Delilah, you should have known.” Wiser words had never been spoken. At least not when I was the topic of conversation.

  My tears began to flow freely because finally someone understood my position completely. And even if it wasn’t Hugh or Logan, it was someone who I knew cared about me deeply. And with Davis’ wise words, which he used to defend me, suddenly I didn’t feel quite so alone.

  “This isn’t over, Delilah!” Hugh bellowed from my front door.

  Then I heard what sounded like a fist breaking through something. My entire body stilled at the noise. I even stopped breathing. My mind tried to filter through the objects in my entrance that could possibly make that sound but I just couldn’t figure what it could be. I was just hoping he didn’t punch his fist through one of the wallboards. I wouldn’t have time to have it fixed and that would definitely cost me my security deposit. I was counting on that security deposit. That money had already been spent. It was going toward the payment for the movers who were due to arrive first thing in the morning.

  Chapter 16

  Take off and landing were by far the most taxing aspects of flying. At least they were for me. But that statement would infer that I found the rest of the process somewhat relaxing or even tolerable, which was totally untrue. I was a mess in the air waiting for something tragic to happen. Some people just stressed before their trip worrying about the intricate details involved in packing or appropriate airport arrival times. But not me. I worried that the pilot had a liquid breakfast after learning that his wife was screwing around with his best friend and finally determined mid-flight that he had little if nothing to live for.

  Sad, but true.

  So when the wheels touched down in Greensboro, NC (it was closer to fly into NC than to fly into a VA airport) and screeched our arrival I couldn’t be more relieved. Now if I could just survive the mayhem in the airport and, subsequently, the car ride with Julia, I should be in decent shape.

  “Dee!” I heard my name squealed over the banter of the other travelers who were meeting up with their friends and loved ones. I could see a hand waving above a few other heads and I knew whose body was attached to those wiggling fingers. Since all of my belongings were making their way south via a moving company, I only had a small carry on which held some traveling essentials and a couple of outfits to get me through the next couple of days.

  I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and weaved around the large group of people in the middle of the terminal who couldn’t wait to begin their family reunion. Julia emerged from behind two women, who must be twins because they looked almost identical to each other, engaged in a tight embrace. I smiled when I finally caught sight of all of her. She was wearing a cute little sundress, high heels and holding a crudely designed homemade ‘welcome home’ sign. She looked the same as if I had just seen her yesterday only her hair was a little shorter and a little blonder. It hadn’t occurred to me at the time, but Logan’s description of her was perfect. She was a ‘pepper.’ She hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in years, which was apropos since she hadn’t, then she hit me gently with her sign.

  “You look like crap. Rough flight?” Julia knew my issues with air travel so she knew it had been a few hours since I had breathed easy.

  “It was fine,” I exhaled a sigh of relief ignoring her left-handed greeting. I was just happy that I had two feet on the ground.

  As we neared the exit doors, Julia pulled her sunglasses off of her head and lassoed them onto her face with a flip of her hair to get it out of the way. “We’re just over here,” she directed.

  “Thanks for coming to get me, Jules.” Little did I know, but Julia had illegally parked in the ‘No Parking Zone’ situated directly outside of the exit doors. Had I known this before we stepped outside I might not have expressed my gratitude at that very moment. Needless to say there were a lot of angry drivers unable to pull up to the curb because Julia’s little Fiat was creating an incomprehensible amount of traffic. In between the near unrelenting honking was a healthy outpouring of swearing in our direction.

  Julia ignored my gratitude at first so she could confront the driver of the Dodge Viper that had pulled next to us to inform Julia that she was an asshole.

  “Go to hell, you big jackass!” she yelled giving him the finger. So basically nothing had changed with Julia in the ten years that I’d been gone. She was just as ornery and confrontational as always.

  Julia turned to me barking that I should stop dragging my ‘big New York ass’ and get in ‘the fucking car.’ So I shut up and did what she instructed. Clearly she was maxed out in the patience department.

  A few more fingers flew left and right and then our escapade culminated with the near collision of Julia’s car with an old woman who rolled down the window of her paneled station wagon to call Julia a dipshit.

  “Maybe I should stay at a hotel,” I blurted desperately as her little car jerked forward when her high heels slipped off the clutch. My hand flew to the dashboard to brace. I knew staying with her was going to be challenging. I just didn’t anticipate that my tolerance would be tested so quickly. I probably should have waited a bit before I shared that tidbit of information. Julia was already jacked up. So needless to say she didn’t take my suggestion well.

  “Are you kidding me?” she asked rhetorically. “I hauled my ass all the way out here and you are trying to dis me already? What the hell is that all about?”

  Once we merged onto the highway, I bent forward to bury my head in my bag under the guise of searching for my sunglasses. “I just don’t want to be a burden,” I mumbled having trouble locating the glasses that I had started out using as a beard. “Where the hell are my glasses?” I asked the interior of my bag.

  “They’re on your head,” Julia stated snidely not buying my ‘burden’ excuse.

  Oh. I sat up slowly and reached for my glasses. I slowly slid them down to rest on my nose.

  Then I slid my body down in my seat, put my head back against the headrest and ignored the entire conversation. Luckily, so did Julia.

  “So when do you start?” Julia unlocked the front door to her little two bedroom bungalow pushing the heavy wood door open wide. She was referring to my new job. Which was taking place in a new city where I would have to find a new place to live and start a new life. That was a lot of ‘new’ for me to handle all at once. I really had never mastered the art of multi-tasking.

  I had to admit, as soon as Julia pulled her little Fiat into her loose gravel driveway a feeling came over me. Longing? Jealousy? Regret? You name it. It flitted through my mind uninvited. Not because I begrudged Julia of what she worked so hard to obtain. But because she was completely settled in her life and mine had just become a simulated version of an egregious game of 52-card-pick-up. Nothing in my life was the same. Nothing. My home, my job, my friends, my phone number, not even the man that I’d dreamed of making mine for the last decade. Everyone got to keep their drea
m man. Everyone. It was like a given that when your life turned to shit you could always retreat into the protective corners of your own mind to live in a fantasy world with the one you always loved but could never have. But even that dream had died. I got my dream man and then he threw me in the street. Everything I knew and loved yesterday was gone today. Except for Julia and my family, of course. But I only called them a couple of times a month to check in. They weren’t even aware that I was moving back to Virginia. Every single aspect of my life was beginning anew and I resented every nuance of it.

  “They asked me to come in tomorrow to fill out some paperwork for security and insurance purposes. I’m sure they will show me around, introduce me to the staff, stuff like that,” I downplayed. I stepped into her home and took a look around. It was darling. The rooms weren’t large but they were all Julia. Most people got the impression that Julia was modern and edgy. They would be surprised to know that she was quite traditional and very conservative.

  “Okay, well, tomorrow I have to follow a couple of leads that I am working on. Gossip never rests.” She walked to the kitchen and swiped something off of the counter. She turned and came to me with her hand outstretched. “Here’s a key. You can come and go as you please. If you want, tomorrow morning I can take you to the rent-a-car place down on Main Street,” she offered. “When does all of your stuff arrive?” She turned around and walked back into her kitchen. I could see her through the little window that separated the kitchen from the dining area. She was washing her hands at the sink and then reached for what looked like a glass carafe to a coffee pot. Thank God. She must have read my mind because that is just what I needed. “Still take milk and sugar?” she asked while she swished water around the pot to rinse out all the bubbles.