by Amy Baker
“Just milk. My shipment should arrive some time tomorrow. I’ll be here to receive it,” I answered as I surveyed the nooks and crannies of her home. “This is just…perfect, Jules.”
She peeked her head out of her kitchen trying to ascertain if I was being sarcastic about my situation or genuine about the surroundings I was admiring. Since I was going from one surface to the next with a delicate hand she must have assumed the latter. “This shithole?” She asked with surprise in her tone. She continued before I answered. “It’s no biggee.”
But it was. It was to me. I knew Julia was verbally trashing her place so as to make me feel even more inadequate about my situation. Her house was pristine and decorated with a caring hand. There was no way that she truly thought of it as a shithole. And even though I knew her intentions were stemming from a sympathetic place, the mere act made my circumstances hit home even more. Unwilling to let Julia know that I was floundering internally I responded with a tentative smile but a smile none-the-less. “Well I think it’s wonderful.”
“Thanks, Dee.” I saw Julia press her lips together and take a deep breath. Maybe I wasn’t hiding my struggle as well as I had hoped. “Listen,” Julia’s tone changed. “We have plans tonight. I lined up a little reunion for you and me and we are going out on the town. So. That means if you don’t have something in that little bag of yours that will do me proud, you better find something in my closet to wear. Cause there is no way,” her finger came out and took on a life of its own making jerky movements while pointing at my physique, “that I will be seen with you wearing those rags.”
My eyes immediately traveled to said ‘rags.’ My eyebrows pinched together. These rags, as she called them, had cost me a fortune. I had on Joe’s Jeans and a Lucky Tee. But my NY fashion, no matter how expensive, was falling short for Julia. Julia was all about ruffled skirts, high heels and femininity.
“Now, git!” she ordered with her southern inflection and a slap on my behind. I think she was just trying to get rid of me for a minute but I wasn’t sure why. I needed to use the bathroom anyway so I asked Julia to point me in the right direction. Then I told her on my way that I needed coffee before I tackled any wardrobe decisions. Julia didn’t argue. Even she knew I was addicted to the liquid gold and there was no way I could match an outfit without caffeine.
“Where are we going?” I asked before I closed the door to the bathroom.
“Preacher’s,” she announced firmly.
I froze with my hand on the handle just as the door clicked closed. Preacher’s was an old hangout that we used to frequent when we were in high school. It had good bar food and a great vibe. The problem was Ryan Rowen bought it five years ago and there was no way in hell that I was stepping foot in his joint willingly.
Julia must have lost her marbles because the only way she would get me inside Preacher’s was if I was heavily sedated with an IV drip and wheeled in on a gurney.
“That ain’t happenin’, girlfriend!” I yelled through the door.
“Wanna bet?” she barked back.
I could lie and say that I won the throw down. But what would be the point? Julia was no one to be trifled with and when she had her mind set on something it didn’t turn out any other way. So essentially my options were to show up to Preacher’s willingly or show up exhausted from fighting. We had already had it out over the outfit I thought was ‘good enough’ to go to Preacher’s. Needless to say she made me change into this sweet (I had to admit) skirt and fitted top that she thought would do wonders for what she referred to as my ‘sallow coloring.’ What could I say? I’d been through a lot and it was showing in my complexion.
Though my outfit definitely brightened my mood, I still wasn’t happy about going to Ryan’s establishment, which I conveyed through the sighing and whimpering as we approached the door.
“Seriously? There are so many other places that we could go instead.” I begged annoyingly.
“That’s true. A whole bunch of new places opened up while you have been living it up big in N.Y.C. But not one of them holds a single memory from our youth. So we are going inside and we are having some awesome hot wings and an ice cold beer.” She pointed toward the door authoritatively. “Go on,” she ushered me from behind.
“You suck,” I stated matter-of-factly.
“So do you,” she answered in kind.
That was that. We stepped inside and I was forced to deal with whatever was about to fly my way- good, bad or indifferent.
Fortunately for me, I was hit by a little angel with wings. “You’re here!” Dolly announced to the restaurant while hugging me fiercely. She was dressed up in a fairy costume. She must have been excited about Halloween, which was just around the corner, and couldn’t wait to show it off.
I swallowed hard. My hand went to her upper back trying to avoid any damage to her delicate wings while attempting to give her a genuine hug. Between the fragile wings and my reluctance of being in her father’s bar at all, the hug came across a little more tentative than I had intended. But given how much her mother despised me, there was a good chance that the next body part to hit me was her mother’s fist if Darcy found me anywhere near her daughter. So my hugging Dolly in any capacity was a risk.
“Hi, Dolly,” I said in the sweetest voice I could muster.
“Uncle Hugh said you were coming,” she replied.
Just hearing his name resuscitated every butterfly in my belly. I wasn’t sure how Hugh would know that I would be showing up at Preacher’s. Maybe Ryan told him after Julia made the reservation. Whatever.
“Oh?” I had to say something. Sadly that was all that I could come up with.
She wrapped her dainty hand in mine and held on tight. “Come see,” she pulled me with all of her might.
Come see? Come see what?
“Do you like my costume?” she asked on the way.
“Mmhm.” I was hoping my strangled answer sounded genuine. “It’s perfect. But I would have thought an angel would want to dress up as something else for Halloween.”
“Oh, this isn’t for Halloween. I just like to wear it,” she educated. “All girls like to get dressed up once in a while and this one makes me feel like a princess. I can’t tell you what I’m going to be for Halloween. So don’t ask me,” she tried to be authoritative, “cause it has to be a surprise.”
I nodded assuring her I wouldn’t ask.
As we neared the back room, every muscle in my body became rigid frightful of what she wanted to show me. We rounded a corner, which brought us into the private party room. It was full of people. “Oh, Dolly, hon.,” I pulled back slightly, “my friend Julia and I are just here for dinner,” I tried to explain gently. Clearly she didn’t know that there was a gathering already taking place in the party room. When my head popped up from her blonde pigtails that swished this way and that from the bounce that she put in her step, I focused on the crowd before me with an apology for interrupting on my tongue. But when I looked more closely, all the faces looked familiar to me. I whipped around to confront Julia who was ready for me.
“Don’t start. Just suck it up,” she interjected before I could utter a word. Julia brushed past me and took a seat at the crowded table. She air kissed the girl to her left. I recognized her. Her name was Holly Hoss. She threw up all over her desk in fourth grade. An image I would never forget. Most of the other girls were our high school cronies. There were a few faces I sort of recognized but didn’t really know. I hadn’t seen any of these people in years. But that didn’t seem to quell their excitement to see me.
“Delilah!”
“Hey, Girl!”
“Good to see you back home!”
“Too long, Dee.”
Everyone was so welcoming that it was difficult to comprehend. I was embarrassed to admit that, for me, most of them had been out-of-sight out-of-mind. In my haste to leave Virginia and start a new life I never gave any of these people a second thought. But for them it was like I’d never left. I gave a
tight smile and a mass, uncomfortable ‘hello.’ My eyes traveled down the long table hoping I would remember everyone’s names. When I got to the end I saw Darcy with a glass of wine to her lips at an adjacent table. Her eyes, which were all I could see with the big glass in front of her face, appeared guarded. Obviously she knew the truth of what happened. Dolly must have told her. But she didn’t look any more accepting of my presence than her usual. I swallowed hard because I was uncomfortable and on her turf. Our last encounter was a nightmare. I watched her slowly lower her glass as her eyes traveled over my shoulder. Her face remained expressionless. Dolly trotted over to her mother’s side and when she turned to lean into her, she smiled a huge smile and wiggled her fingers to wave hello to someone behind me.
A deluge of fear consumed me. I had a terrible feeling that I knew who was standing there. Even though I was holding onto a tiny shred of hope that the person that had Darcy and Dolly’s attention was Ryan. I knew in my heart it wasn’t. I could feel him. And he wasn’t even standing that close.
He approached silently and I knew this because I watched Dolly and Darcy’s eyes follow him. Then I heard him swallow and I could tell he was right on top of me. I didn’t turn to look. I just closed my eyes as the warmth of his body penetrated mine from behind.
“Hey,” he whispered as he wrapped his warm hands around my biceps. That one word slid through my heart and soul. He pulled my back into his chest and brushed his cheek against the side of my head. I could feel my hair tugging from the strands that tangled in his five-o’clock shadow. “You ready to hear me out?” he continued on a grumble.
I opened my eyes and saw that little Dolly had lost her smile. She looked pensive. Maybe she was worried that I would protest her uncle’s request. Then my eyes went to find Julia. And she looked like she was trying to pay attention to the person sitting next to her but couldn’t. I knew she was paying closer attention to what was happening behind me than to whatever bullshit Tiffy was spewing. I pressed my lips together and then ran my tongue over my front teeth because my mouth had suddenly gone dry. Trying to sort through all of the mayhem that was occurring in my head while simultaneously filtering out all of the banter at the big table in front of me, I focused on the chest that was expanding and contracting against my back. When I couldn’t find the words to respond to Hugh quickly enough, he roped his arm around my stomach, grabbed my hip and turned me around.
“I fucked up,” his eyes danced on mine. “I should have known better.”
I stared at his chest with great concentration. “Hugh. I…”
“Please look at me,” he whispered. “I’m dying, Delilah. I’ve spent the last two weeks in hell not understanding how you could do such a horrible thing to my niece. Then when Dolly told us what actually happened I felt so much relief that I came straight to see you. Maybe I don’t deserve to be forgiven. But there is no way in hell that I’m not going to try.” When I didn’t respond Hugh got more insistent. “Damn it, Delilah. Look. At. Me.”
Upon hearing his demand my eyes left his chest. They slowly traveled to his beautiful face and that was that. My heart made her decision before my mind had a chance to catch up. Damn heart. Way too impetuous. As I studied his face I could see he was genuinely sorry. But it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. My heart just couldn’t be trusted.
“Please,” the words he whispered melted into my soul. “I’m begging you. Give me another chance.” I could hear the honesty behind the words that he so carefully chose. The tone of his voice was steady but demanding.
I nodded slightly even though my face still held the pain of what I had been through.
He pressed his lips to my temple and exhaled loudly outlining his relief. Then he pulled me in for a tight embrace. “God, I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “I’m so sorry, Delilah.”
I slowly wrapped my arms around Hugh’s shoulders and heard the cheers of encouragement erupt behind me as my toes left the ground momentarily so Hugh could hold me tighter.
I watched out of the corner of my eye as Darcy quietly left the room with Dolly in tow. “I know you’re sorry, Hugh,” I murmured as Dolly turned to get one last look at me before she disappeared around the bend. I gave her a meek smile and noticed her lips form a faint smile in return. “I’m sorry, too,” I murmured into his shoulder as he expelled a warm sigh of relief against the skin on my neck. “But things just don’t always turn out the way we want them to.”
Hugh’s entire body stilled. I guess he thought my apology in return was referring to the misunderstanding that had occurred between us. “What are you talking about, Delilah?” His voice sounded different. It wasn’t soft or endearing like it had been only seconds before.
“You know. It’ll be hard. I’ll be here and you’ll be back in New York,” I clarified. “The odds are stacked against us.”
“Well that would be hard but that’s not what’s going to happen,” he educated.
“What do you mean?” I asked pushing off of his chest.
Hugh tucked his chin so he could see my face. “We had this conversation already. You’re staying in New York…with me. I found an apartment. I moved in last week.”
“Hugh, I don’t have a job in New York. I accepted the job here, remember?” I reminded him.
“Well, tell them you changed your mind,” he insisted.
“I can’t do that.”
“Why not? You were willing to do it up until Darcy showed up in your bedroom.” Hugh was getting confrontational and though I understood the basis of his argument, he was forgetting the role he played in the whole drama. Had he stood by me, believed in me, I would have made calls that Monday morning explaining that things had changed. But that wasn’t what happened. That Monday, having nothing left for me in New York, I essentially solidified my plans to move.
“That was before,” I stated trying to avoid the actual accusation.
“Before what?” he pressed.
“Look,” I evaded further shaking my head. “I’ll look like an even larger nut case than I do normally. Norstride is under the impression that I asked to be transferred. They don’t know Stacey, my evil partner, orchestrated the entire fiasco. Not to mention they are my biggest client. I’ll never get a recommendation from them if I don’t take the job that they think I wanted in the first place. Nowadays it’s hard enough to find a job in New York City with good credentials. No matter what PR firm I approach they want to see a list of clients. I’ll have nothing to show them,” I bolstered my reasoning. “I’m here now. I have no choice but to stay at least a couple of years.” As the realization sunk in my expression became pained and Hugh’s became more resentful.
“That’s not why you won’t do it. You and I both know the real reason,” he stated heatedly.
I wasn’t sure where he was trying to lead the conversation but I knew one thing for certain. It was fruitless. I didn’t say anything in response to the trap he just laid before me. No matter how I responded I would lose. I could tell that he was angry with himself over the choices he had made. But what was done was done and there was no going back.
“Just say what you are really thinking,” he prodded trying to bait me even further.
I shook my head and closed my eyes. Why say the words? What good would they do now? “Why are you doing this, Hugh?” I whispered.
“Because I fucked up!” he barked. And that wasn’t in response to my questioning why he was behaving the way he was. It was in response to his own statement pushing for me to admit why I wouldn’t turn down the Norstride opportunity. “You think I don’t see how I helped cause all this shit. But I do,” he swiped his hand over his jaw and looked up at the ceiling in frustration. There was nothing I could say to alleviate his self-deprecating thoughts. His actions affected the outcome. So I stayed silent and waited for him to work through it. “I hate that bitch,” he added. “She is a conniving, manipulative, mother fucker,” he was referring to Stacey who set the whole thing in motion. I wasn’t sure if the ceiling t
iles above his head agreed but I sure did.
So I tugged on his shirt to get his attention. He bit his bottom lip and looked back down at me. “Join the club,” I said with a half-hearted grin.
Hugh roped me around the neck and pulled me in for a hug. It was nice to feel his arms around me again. Even if it was going to be a short lived reunion.
Chapter 17
Kissing Hugh Rowen was quite possibly the best thing in life. I loved how his lips gently worked over mine in the most deliciously possessive way. His kisses weren’t designed to be a means to an end. He lovingly took his time thoroughly enjoying the entire experience. He would get this predatory look on his face as he approached me, his eyes zeroing in on their intended target. He would hesitantly pause before lowering his lips closer to mine. As if once he took the plunge he would invariably lose control. With a gentle graze he would test the waters. But once he pressed his lips against mine he took command, turning his head while holding my face softly in his hands so he could position my lips right where he wanted them. His eyes remained closed sometimes pressing tighter as if there was something that pained him as he took his time tasting, sucking and savoring. The kissing always got wetter which led to his tearing his lips from mine so he could catch his breath and rub his thumb along my swollen lower lip. Then when he returned he would part my lips with his so he could touch his tongue to mine. His arms would snake around me engulfing me in all that was Hugh Rowen. Slowly his tongue would slide along mine and a low grown of pleasure would rumble from his chest. I could feel the vibration as he expressed his appreciation and the hum of his satisfaction radiated throughout my body. I never knew lips could feel so soft or taste that good. I could kiss this man forever. I always knew when he was done because he ended the artful process with three kisses that consecutively became gentler. With the last one he always lingered so his breath and mine could become one before pulling away and opening his eyes to take one last look at the masterpiece, my swollen and contented lips, he had just created.