“Boy, I’ll bet!” Dave agreed. Dave thanked Floyd for doing so much work, but the point of Floyd’s narrative seemed to have been lost on him.
Dave also didn’t seem to take the hint when Floyd told him about how he and Mikki tended to the animals. How they needed to be fed and cared for. How their poop didn’t clean up after itself. Or when Floyd explained how the crops needed to be tended. When the winter came, they would have to gather all the corn, apples, carrots, lettuce and assorted other fruits and vegetables and prepare them for storage. Then in the spring, they would have to plant new crops. The plants would grow, and then they would be harvested.
Floyd felt like a kindergarten teacher on valium. He talked very slowly, as if to a child, to make sure Dave understood. Unfortunately, it was like talking to a brick wall. Except a brick wall would be smarter.
Then Floyd showed him the lake and pointed to the dam off in the distance, explaining that’s where the electricity was generated. He told him how Mikki had rewired a lot if the campground to make it safer. He explained that the lake had fish, but they didn’t just magically appear when it was lunch time. Somebody had to actually catch the fish, and that person was usually Floyd.
Floyd then took Dave back out to the front and showed him how the door to the barricade worked. He desperately hoped Dave would use it to leave sometime soon. To press the point, Floyd walked slowly all the way back to the campground, explaining how every day required hard work from everyone. He explained how the previous occupants all had their own chores to do. He told Dave how Ranger Martin managed the place, the women cooked and cleaned and sewed, the men built and repaired things, etc. Yes sir! Everyone had a job to do and they did it gladly to help each other out. It was a lot of hard work to keep the place running.
On the other hand, Floyd told Dave about New California Haven. How they had the newest and best of everything. How they had real hospitals and doctors in case a young man like Chester got sick. Or if Babette had another baby. NCH had free housing for everyone, and the best food, and it was completely safe and everyone there was really happy.
“Wow, sounds great!” Dave said.
“Oh, it is! It is! It’s the best place left on the planet!” Floyd said exuberantly, promoting NCH to the best of his ability.
“So then why didn’t you and Mikki stay there?” Dave asked.
“Um, what?”
“Why didn’t you and Mikki stay there? You were there, weren’t you?”
Floyd’s brain was reeling. His flawlessly executed plan just vaporized with that single question. He scrambled for a good answer, but even as the carefully chosen words came from his lips, Floyd new he sounded lame. Perhaps Dave was dim enough not to notice. Maybe he would buy Floyd’s reasoning. Yeah. And maybe monkeys will fly out of my butt!
“Well, we were there, of course! But we promised we’d come back and guide the campers there. They all really wanted to go being a new life together in New California Haven!”
Floyd sighed in relief internally, certain he had saved the day. Then Dave shattered the peace that might have been once again by saying, “But you didn’t go back with them.”
“Um, no, we didn’t”
“Why not?”
“Oh! We didn’t have to. You see, on the way back, we rescued a couple of Navy guys and we got a big tactical assault vehicle—”
“A what?”
“A tactical assault vehicle. A TAV.”
Dave stared like zombie caught in the headlights. As Floyd gave more details, Dave picked his nose and wiped it on his shirt.
“It’s a great big army truck,” Floyd clarified. Good thing Mikki wasn’t nearby to hear this. “Anyway, the Navy guys led the way in this big army truck. So they kept everyone safe. We got a radio message from Bob once they got there.”
“But why didn’t you go back with them?”
“Oh, well, someone had to keep the place going here. You know? So, we…stayed behind. We kind of like it here.”
Floyd could have shot himself for adding that last part. He was a drowning man reaching for a life preserver and accidentally grabbed onto the anchor. Sure enough, the conversation went from bad to worse. Dave latched onto the only part of the conversation Floyd didn’t mean to say.
“Oh, I understand completely! My family and me, we like it here, too!”
“Oh, well, you know the campground really isn’t a good place to raise a family. In New California Haven they have schools and playgrounds and beauty parlors and…and…all sorts of other things that would make Chester and Babette mighty happy!”
“Nah! They don’t need none of them things. We got along without ‘em for two years, and we can get along without ‘em now. Am I right? Know what I mean? The simple life! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”
Floyd had no idea what Dave was talking about, but he knew it wasn’t about him wanting to leave any time soon. He tried another tactic.
“You got along pretty well with Bob, didn’t you? On the radio, I mean.”
“Oh, yeah, Bob and I chatted up a storm. That’s how we got to learn all about you and Mikki. Your adventures, your little heart logo…everything!”
“Well, Bob’s in New California Haven and he just loves it! He’s working with electronics and radios and computers and all sorts of stuff that he loves doing. Hey, maybe you could talk to him on that radio of yours sometime. Find out why he loves the place so much.
“Hey, that’s a great idea, Floyd, thanks! I kept the old radio charged up in the car with one of them cigarette lighter chargers, but now that we have the cabin, I can just plug it in and use it any time I want. Lucky I kept the wall plug charger, too, huh?”
Finally! A little ray of hope broke through the darkening gloom.
“Sure was lucky. Maybe you can reach Bob after lunch. If you have any problem with reception, just use the radio in the office. That’s the one Bob used to talk to you. I bet he’d sure like to hear from you.”
“Thanks, Floyd! That’s a great idea! I’ll do just that!”
They walked for another five minutes to get back to the campground. All the way, Floyd had the happiest smile on his face.
Chapter Thirty
From the look on Floyd’s face when he came back, Mikki guessed the conversation had gone well. She was dying to ask him if Dave was going to start pulling his weight around here, but that would have to wait until later. Instead, she just smiled sweetly and announced that lunch was ready.
Dave smiled big and threw open the door to cabin one, yelling inside, “Chow time! Chester! Clean up all this dog crap out here.” Chester tried to protest in his nasal, whining voice, but Dave would have none of it. “I don’t give a shit. Grab that little shovel of yours, scoop up the crap, and bury it someplace away from where we’re eating. Got it?”
Chester did as he was told, but protested all the while. Floyd and Mikki were thrilled beyond words. They looked at each other and gave a silent nod. They would be discussing this after lunch, that was for sure!
They all had a very nice meal, but Mikki avoided corn this time. Dave told Babette and Chester, “You wouldn’t believe all the work these two do to keep this place running around here! It’s amazing. Thanks again for the tour, Floyd.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“So can I use that radio now, Floyd?”
“Sure, you know where it is. It’s already set to Bob’s frequency. He works in the communications room at NCH, so he should pick up the signal.”
“Great, thanks!”
Dave scampered off to the radio room while the rest of his family disappeared back into the cabin and shut the door after very brief expressions of gratitude for lunch. Mikki was a bit disappointed that, once again, no one offered to help with the dishes, but Floyd still had a big grin on his face. They scooped up the dishes and headed into the kitchen.
“Alright, spill it! What happened with Mister Obnoxious out there?”
“Well, I got him to clean up after his dog.”
“Yeah, that’s great for a start. Is he gonna help clean up anything else around here?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he took the hint that he needs to pitch in and help out.”
“Then why the hell are you all smiley, Floyd?”
“Because I think I sold him on heading out to New California Haven. Well, I didn’t exactly sell him on it, but I got him to call Bob, and I know Bob will sell him on it.”
“Bob? That’s your big idea? Leave it up to Bob? No offense, but Bob couldn’t sell a space heater to an Eskimo! Goddammit, Floyd! I want those people helpin’ or I want them outta here!”
“Relax! He likes Bob. They both get along. When Dave hears firsthand from Bob about the free housing, food, hospitals, and how much he likes it there, Dave’ll load up his family and head out of here in no time.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“If he doesn’t work, then he doesn’t eat. That simple. No more free meals. When he realizes he actually has to work, he’ll be gone. Trust me.”
“I hope you’re right about this, Floyd. I don’t know how long I can keep up this Miss Manners act.”
“I know, baby, I know. We’ll give it until morning and see what happens. If he hasn’t changed his attitude, I’ll change it for him in a more direct way.”
“Now, that’s my man!” Mikki said with a huge smile. Then she hugged him and gave him a passionate kiss.
They finished cleaning up the dishes and went outside. Bob was talking on the radio, while Babette and Chester were still holed up in the cabin. Floyd and Mikki dashed to their own cabin for a little quiet time away from the Rimmers. They laid down for a nap, cuddled up in each other’s arms, both determined to enjoy the current peace and quiet.
It lasted until just before sundown, when a knock came on their door. Of course, it was Dave.
“So what’s for dinner?” he asked.
“Actually, we ate all the fish and too much of the same thing gets boring after a while, so we have something new for you tonight.”
Dave’s face lit up like kid at Christmas, finding his presents under the tree. “Really? What’s that?”
Floyd handed him three packages, saying, “MREs.”
Dave’s face fell. He looked like a dog that had been kicked in the stomach when he was expecting a nice, juicy bone. “M R whats?”
“MREs. Everything you need for a great meal in one little package. There’s even beverage powder and dessert. Everything! They’re great!”
“Oh, yeah! They’re the best! Really yummy!” added Mikki, playing along.
Dave’s face showed he wasn’t convinced. “Well, if you say so…”
“Yup!” Floyd assured him. “Give ‘em a try. See you in the morning Dave! Thanks for dropping by!”
Dave’s mouth was open and he started to say something as the door slammed in his face. He stood there for a couple of moments, as his brain struggled to grapple with what had just happened. He thought that maybe he should be offended, but on the other hand, he had just received free food. Of course, it wasn’t any kind of food he had ever seen before, but it was still food…sort of. Eventually he turned and headed back to his own cabin. Floyd and Mikki could hear him yell, “Hey, honey! We got food!” just before he entered the cabin and shut the door.
Feeling it was now safe, the two Zombie Hunters/farmers/campers/custodians burst out laughing. Floyd locked the deadbolt on the cabin door. They were not about to leave for any reason until morning.
It was way too early for bed, and they had just had a nice nap, so they broke open an MRE to share and ate it at the little table in their cabin. After that, they played about 10 games of Go Fish to pass the time. It was amazing how small the cabin seemed when you felt trapped inside it, but they didn’t worry about it. One way or another, things were going to change tomorrow.
And they did. Did they ever! When the two arose, there was no sign of the Rimmers. Neither Floyd nor Mikki felt really hungry, so they just grabbed a couple of apples and water bottles before heading off to the lake. Mikki was getting more comfortable in the boat, although she still didn’t really like it. Floyd pretended to fish but his heart wasn’t in it today. He was content to lean back in the boat and watch Mikki stare up at the sky from the bow.
Neither one broke the silence, alternately gazing at each other and at the clouds above. Occasionally, Mikki or Floyd would say a cloud looked like a spaceship or a dragon or some such thing, and the other would comment on it. Other than that, they simply enjoyed each other’s presence and the scenic beauty around them.
Eventually, they decided to head back and get some real food from the kitchen. This would be the real test. They hadn’t been around to give Dave his complimentary continental breakfast, and he should have had plenty of time to reach Bob on the radio.
Floyd and Mikki planned to make lunch just once more, and Dave and his family would help clean up this time. Unless their prayers had been answered and the Rimmers had already left for NCH. Unfortunately, they both knew Dave would never leave without personally saying goodbye, but they could still dream of finding a note saying, “Thanks for the hospitality. Had to leave.”
Oh, yes, they could dream. That dream, too, was about to be irrevocably shattered, however.
“That don’t sound right,” Mikki observed, as they approached the camp.
“No, it doesn’t. The Rimmers are loud, but they aren’t that loud. Sounds like…more people!”
The two looked at each other briefly, then practically ran the rest of the way to the campground, eager (yet afraid) to find out what was going on. They arrived at the campground to find six more people standing around, whooping and hollering and having a grand old time with Dave and his family.
“Floyd?”
“Yeah, Mikki.”
“I’m gonna need more than one cabin grenade.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Floyd and Mikki tried to size up the newcomers as best they could before making themselves known. There were four men and two women. Three of the men were armed with minor weaponry such as pistols and knives. One of them was slouching with a shotgun on his shoulder. The two women (if you could call them that), were trailer park rejects. They had missing teeth, an abundance of tattoos, piercings in places that shouldn’t be pierced, and overweight bodies crammed into short-short jeans and skimpy tops like a Vienna sausage. It seemed the Jerry Springer Road Show had come to town.
Still, everyone seemed friendly enough. These were no Raiders. They were all loafing around telling zombie stories, each trying to top the other in the Zombie Kill of the Century contest. From what they were saying, just one of Floyd and Mikki’s adventures would have topped them all.
Then a thought dawned on Floyd. A terrible, horrible thought that made him sick to his stomach. The thought that this was all his fault.
“I don’t think I should have let Dave use our radio,” he said, quietly.
“Oh, don’t beat yerself up, Floyd. That’s my job. Besides, he has a radio of his own, remember? Whoever these folks are, he obviously been talkin’ to ‘em for a while now. Well, I guess we better go say hi.”
“I reckon so.”
Mikki sighed out loud and said, “Put on yer happy face, Floyd.”
They walked into the inner circle of cabins and were spotted by Dave right away.
“Hey, guys! Here they are! Floyd and Mikki! In person!” he announced.
“Bullshit!” said the man with the shotgun.
“No really! This is them, just like I told you!”
“Well, damn my hide!” said one of the women. She smiled a really sweet smile at the two as they approached. At least, it would have been a sweet smile, if she had a few more teeth. Mikki had a sudden urge to go back to the cabin and brush her teeth again. Floyd and she had great teeth because they brushed and flossed regularly. Good dental hygiene was important when there were no living dentists around, and this group was proof of that.
“We sure he
ard a whole lot about you two!” said the skinny, unarmed man. He had all his teeth, but they were grey and ground in half. Whatever he like to chew on had not been kind to his molars.
Dave introduced everyone, who all seemed nice enough. The women were Belle and Baby Doll (Baby Doll being the bigger of the two), and the men were Jackass, Runner, Gabe and Skinny Slim. Skinny Slim was the unarmed one. Dave explained they had been in contact for months over the radio. They knew where the campground was from Bob, so when Mikki offered her invitation to stop by, they decided to all meet up there for the first time.
Now it was Mikki’s turn to feel sick. “So y’all are on yer way to New California Haven together, are ya?” She was desperately looking for a ray of hope.
Surprisingly, she found one when Skinny slim answered, “You bet! Can’t wait to get there. I had me enough of running from zombies to last me a lifetime.”
His point was not lost on either Floyd or Mikki. No matter what, everyone in the camp was a survivor. They may not look like the best or the brightest humanity had to offer, but they were alive while nearly everyone else was dead or undead. Begrudgingly, one had to give them credit for that.
And really, were Floyd and Mikki that much different? God knows there were more than enough people that had judged them in the past. People who were now long gone. Besides, having more people around would give Dave someone else to play with. That might make him somewhat less annoying.
Everything seemed fine until Dave piped up and asked Floyd and Mikki, “So what’s for lunch today?”
There was an awkward moment of silence as all eyes turned to the pair, who had nothing to say. They had been taken quite by surprise.
“Well, we didn’t really expect so many guests, today,” Floyd finally stammered.
“Ah, shoot, you didn’t tell them we was comin’?” Gabe scolded Dave.
Floyd & Mikki (Book 2): Zombie Slayers (Dawn of the Living) Page 15