by Diana Palmer
“As I recall, I had to educate you on the subject. You thought a yearling heifer was a cow. They’re not cows until they’re two years old and they’ve been bred.”
She gave him a speaking look.
“We’re not all born knowing ranch vernacular, I guess.”
“Really!”
“Let’s ride down this way. We’ve had a lot of trees go down this fall. Weather’s gone crazy, it seems.”
“Yes, I noticed.”
“I’ve got to get Darby to find us a nice tree to cut down for Christmas, to decorate.” He glanced at her. “You’ve got yours up already, I imagine.”
She laughed. Her mania for the yearly Christmas tree was well-known locally. “Yes, I do.” She didn’t add that she’d had to pay her stepfather for cutting it down. “I love Christmas. It’s my favorite holiday.”
He got back into the saddle, laboriously. She pretended not to notice, to save his pride. It was really hard for a cowboy to be missing part of an arm. Even with the prosthesis, mounting wouldn’t have been much easier. It didn’t have the ability to lift.
“I was thinking,” she began, trying to find a way to approach the subject.
“Don’t do too much of that,” he advised dryly. “It can be deadly.”
He sounded grim. She reined in the old horse and stared at him. “What makes you say that?”
He rode over to a small stream that ran through the property, dismounted and let the horse drink, still holding gingerly to the reins. She did likewise.
“You’ve lived with that problem for some time now,” she pointed out, indicating his arm. “You’re coping very well, it seems to me, except for an occasional bout of alcohol.”
“Looks are deceiving.” He sighed, looking out over the barren landscape. “That’s how I feel inside,” he commented, indicating the bare look of the pasture. “Dead. Useless.”
“If you lose your brain, that’s how you’d feel, sure,” she said, moving to face him. He was so much taller that her head was barely up to his shoulder. “But you’re still able to do a lot of stuff. You can show cattle, you can market them, you can talk to potential buyers, all those things. That’s a real skill.” She moved uncomfortably. “I’m not good with people. I’m shy and it’s really hard for me to talk to people I don’t know.”
“You talk to me.”
“Sure. I know you. Well, as much as you can know a person you see from a distance,” she qualified. “You don’t make me feel awkward.”
“I don’t?” He moved a step closer, so that she could feel the heat and power of his body. Her breath caught, and he laughed softly, deeply. “Are you sure about that, Bodie?”
He smelled of spice. She loved the cologne he used. He was always immaculately clean, even his fingernails. As he moved closer, both her small hands pushed into the soft fabric of his shirt and she felt thick hair and muscle underneath.
His good hand speared into her short, thick black hair and tilted her face up, so that he could see those pale brown eyes at point-blank range. He wasn’t smiling now.
“You have eyes like a wolf I saw once, up close,” he said quietly. “Ran into him way back in the forest when I was hunting deer one fall. Damndest thing, he came almost right up to me, stared at me for a minute, and turned and trotted away. Big fella, too, gray and powerful. I never saw an animal like him.”
“Don’t Native Americans say that they have totem animals?” she asked. “Maybe a wolf is yours.”
His hand became caressing in her hair. “I only have a drop of Native blood. Lakota, they say. I’ve never been sure.” He smiled tenderly. “Maybe we should have somebody do a family history, for when the kids come along. I love kids.”
“Me, too,” she managed to say.
His dark gaze fell to her mouth. “You’re so young, Bodie,” he murmured huskily. “Probably too young for what I’m about to do.”
“What are you…about to do?” she whispered brokenly, hanging at his lips.
“This…”
He bent and drew his lips gently across her mouth, teasing it to open, just a little. Then his mouth came down on it, hard, twisting, demanding. She gasped into his lips, shocked at the pleasure that shot through her as she tasted him.
“Why does this feel so familiar?” he whispered. But he didn’t answer his own question. His hand slid down to her back and forced her body into the hardening contours of his own. “Oh, what the hell, I’m starving…!”
His mouth crushed down over hers and he pulled her against him. Her hands worked feverishly at buttons until she got them against his skin, spearing into the thick hair that covered his chest. She opened her mouth, inciting him, inviting him, to come inside it. And he did. His tongue thrust into the dark softness, and she cried out and shivered.
“Yes, you like that, don’t you?” he asked against her lips.
He backed her into a tree and his hips crushed down against hers, letting her feel the sudden swelling of his body. “You know what that is, too, don’t you?” he ground out against her open mouth.
She shivered as he moved against her. His mouth was hungry, hot and hard, forcing her lips apart, moving insistently between them. His hand went to the front of her jeans and started to move the zipper down.
She wanted to resist. She really did, but her body was on fire. She’d dreamed of having him do this again, she’d burned from the memory of the last time, the time he didn’t even remember.
“Cane,” she moaned, and arched her back helplessly as her mouth answered the demand of his.
And then, suddenly, he went still against her. Some deep buried instinct made him stop and pull back. He was flushed and breathless, and his eyes were blazing as he looked down at her.
The accusation in his eyes made her uneasy. “You started it,” she accused shakily as he moved quickly away.
“You invited it,” he shot back, furious that he’d given way to temptation.
She shivered, cold now that she didn’t have the heat of him against her body. She watched him absently do the shirt buttons back up again. His face was like stone. He was coldly furious, and it showed.
“Why did you come here?” he asked suddenly.
She flushed. “I… Well, I…”
“You didn’t just show up at my door,” he continued with visible suspicion. “You came here looking for something. What do you want, Bodie? Spit it out,” he said icily, when she hesitated.
She swallowed. “I was wondering if you could loan me some money.”
The expression on his face was so distasteful and contemptuous that she knew she’d damned herself in his eyes forever. She’d reduced herself to the level of that woman in the bar who wanted him for what he had, and dismissed him because he was disabled.
He smiled. It was the most chilling smile she’d ever seen on his lips.
“And what would you be willing to do for it?” he asked with contempt. “More of what we just did? Would you go to bed with me for money? Earn it on your back?” he demanded heatedly.
She moved back a step. “I’m sorry,” she choked out—humiliated by his tone, by the way he was looking at her. She went as red as a beet. “I’m sorry! I’ll manage. It was a stupid thing to do. I’ll leave the horse at the barn. And thanks for what you asked Darby do for the truck, but I’ll just manage, really!”
“Manage. On brakes that don’t work?” he gritted.
She swung into the saddle, clumsily because she was so embarrassed. “I’m sorry,” she said, fighting tears. Her whole life was going down in flames because she’d been stupid. “I’m so sorry! I should never have asked you that!”
“Why not? The only thing women ever want from me is money, isn’t it? Because that’s the only thing that would make a woman even consider sleeping with a cripple!” He was furious, absolutely furious. “I thought you were different, you little tease.” He spat the words. “You’re no better than a call girl, Bodie. A common prostitute, willing to do anything for money!”
She swallowed, hard, sick at heart and cold inside. Tears stung her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she managed.
She turned the horse, clumsily, and rode off quickly before she said or did anything even more stupid.
* * *
CANE STOOD AND WATCHED her, confused and unsettled by what had happened between them, because it seemed so familiar, as if it wasn’t the first time he’d touched her, kissed her like that. He kept going back to that night he was drunk. He couldn’t remember what he’d done, but he had a feeling that he’d done something and that it had encouraged Bodie to ask him for a loan.
For money! She was just like every other damned woman, out for what she could get. He was furious, not only that he’d been suckered into kissing her that way, but because she’d put him in a position where he felt guilty that he’d sent her away upset.
He pulled out his phone, called Darby, spoke to him quickly. He hung up, mounted his horse and rode slowly back toward the barn. He didn’t want to get there before Darby left with Bodie. Right now he didn’t care if he never saw her again.
CHAPTER FIVE
BODIE WAS CRYING LONG before she got back to the barn. But she wiped her eyes on the tail of her ratty old gray hoodie and tried to smile when she encountered Darby.
“Just leave him right there, we’ll deal with unsaddling him,” the older man said with some concern. “Come on. I’ll drive you home. We’ll have your truck back there first thing in the morning. Got a few more little things to do to it,” he said with a kindly smile.
“No, it’s okay, I’ll just take it home now,” she protested.
“Bodie, we’ve got the tires off,” he said with a gentle smile. “You can’t drive it yet.”
“Oh.”
“Come on.” He led her to one of the ranch pickups and helped her into the passenger seat. He drove off. Just as they left the yard, she saw Cane coming toward the barn slowly. It was obvious that he didn’t want to have to say anything else to her.
She bit her lip so hard that it drew blood.
“Cane has moods,” Darby said gently. “You know that. He’s as likely to bite your head off as to smile at you some days. It isn’t personal. He gets to thinking about the military and what happened to him, and he just doesn’t deal with it well.”
“He needs to get back into therapy.”
“He did. Lasted a week. Then he got into an argument with the psychologist and wouldn’t go back.” He glanced at her and winced. “You have to not take things so hard, Bodie. Look, once you hit thirty-five you won’t give a damn anymore,” he added with a chuckle. “You won’t get so upset over things that happen and you won’t let the world bother you as much. Trust me.”
She sighed. “I wish I was thirty-five now, then,” she said heavily. She grimaced. “I asked him for a loan. Gosh, of all the stupid things to do!”
“A loan?”
She had to tell somebody. It was killing her! “Grandaddy’s got heart failure, Darby. He has to take these expensive pills and now my stepfather’s raised the rent. He even charged me fifty dollars for a tree I cut down that Mama planted, to decorate for Christmas. He says he’s going to do something drastic to the house so he can say it needs repairs and throw us out.” She fought tears. “Dear God, I’ve tried every way I know to get a job, but nobody’s hiring except Jake Hall, and he needs a heavy equipment driver. I just can’t learn that sort of work. I’d do dishes, scrub floors…I can’t get anything. We’re out of money and the only way I can get any is to do what…what my stepfather wants.”
“Which is?” he asked coldly. “Tell me, Bodie.”
“He wants me to spend some time with his friend Larry this Saturday,” she said heavily, “and take pictures of us. Nothing really bad, just some posed ones…” She hurried over that part of it. “He says if I’ll just do that he’ll make it right about the rent and help pay for Granddaddy’s medicine. I can work near my college in January, I’ve got a job there set up for when the semester starts, but until then, I can’t do a thing.” She slumped. “The rent will come due before then. I’ve pawned my grandmother’s jewels, I’ve sold everything I can sell to get money, but not enough to settle the rent with Will.” She tasted blood on her tongue from her lip. She could still taste Cane there, too, and it was unsettling to remember the pleasure he’d given her, even if he felt contempt for her afterward.
“Damn!” Darby bit off. “Listen, kid, I have a little money saved…”
“No.” She glared at him. “Absolutely not. I’d have asked Tank if he was home, and he wouldn’t have made me feel like a prostitute for doing it. He even offered, before. He knew I was having a hard time with Granddaddy.” Her face went hard. “I’ll never forget how Cane looked at me, what he said to me. I’ll never forgive him!”
“It was too soon after that women tossed him over for being disabled, I guess,” Darby said, seething inside at his boss’s actions.
“At least you guys will get my truck in good enough shape that I can drive it,” she said. “Thanks for doing that.”
“We do what we can to help out,” Darby said. “I could call Dalton…”
“No.” She drew in a long breath and smiled at him as he pulled up at her porch. “Granddaddy doesn’t know what’s going on. He thinks we’re square with Will on everything, that we have no financial problems. I don’t want to tell him. He’s in really bad shape, even with the medicine.” She shrugged. “I don’t even know how long I’ll get to have him around. He gets breathless, his heart beat’s funny, he’s pale and sick to his stomach a lot.” She winced. “I need to take him back to the doctor, but they want to be paid up-front these days. I told Cane we had insurance. We don’t have a thing. I’ve got the heart specialist’s bill to see to monthly now, as well as our local doctor…” She looked at him with pure desperation. “How are people supposed to live in an economy like this? Why doesn’t the government do something?”
“I guess they’re afraid they won’t get reelected if they do anything wrong, so they just don’t do anything. It’s all about going back into office, not about helping people.” He shook his head. “We should only elect poor people to public office, you know,” he said philosophically. “They’d know what it was like to live from paycheck to paycheck, and they’d do things to help the working people and the disabled.”
“Chance would be a fine thing.” She opened the door. “Thanks for listening, Darby. You won’t say anything to Cane?”
“Not if you tell me not to,” he replied after a pause.
“I’m telling you. I don’t want pity. I’ll do what I have to do, so that Granddaddy doesn’t have to live in a shelter or on the street.” Her face set in hard lines. “I hope Will gets his just deserts one day.”
“People do get back what they hand out, even if it takes years,” Darby said quietly. “But don’t you do anything desperate, you hear me? Give me a day or two to see what I can figure out. Okay?”
She smiled. “Okay,” she lied. “Thanks, Darby. Thanks a lot.”
“My pleasure. I wish I could do more.”
She watched him drive away. Tomorrow was Saturday. She had one nice dress. She could stomach a little discomfort for money, if it would keep her grandfather alive. She could never let him know. It would kill him. But she was strong. She could do what she had to do, up to a point. She wasn’t taking the dress off, not even if Will did evict them....
* * *
DARBY WENT BACK AND helped his men fix up the truck for Bodie, but it was in really bad shape, and the work took until late Saturday afternoon.
Darby had worried about what to do, because he was sure Bodie would go over to Will’s house and do anything he asked, within reason, if it would save her grandfather a roof over his head. He wasn’t about to approach Cane. The other man was surly and distant and snapped if anyone spoke to him.
But Dalton came home, thank God, just as Darby finished working on the truck. He went immediately to see the youngest of the Kirk brothers.
> “I need to talk to you,” he told Tank.
“Sure. What’s up? Cane drinking again?” he asked worriedly.
“It’s not Cane, it’s Bodie,” he said quietly, and then he told him what had happened the day before, and what Will wanted Bodie to do. “She’s likely heading over there pretty soon,” he concluded. “She’ll do whatever she has to, in order to keep a roof over Rafe Mays’s head.”
“Damn! And Cane let her walk into that?” Tank exploded.
“He doesn’t know. She made me promise not to tell him anything after he was so mean to her,” Darby replied. “But I didn’t promise not to tell you,” he added.
Tank laid a big hand on Darby’s shoulder. “Thanks, pal. I owe you one. I’d better get over to Will Jones’s place before he does something to her that all the psychologists on earth can’t fix.”
“I owe you one for that. I’m fond of her.”
He smiled. “Me, too.”
He went into the house, picked up the phone and called Rafe Mays. “Hi, Rafe. It’s Tank. Is Bodie there?”
“No,” the old man replied, sounding odd. “I think she went to Will’s house. Worries me something fierce, I know what that snake’s capable of. Tank, she won’t tell me what’s going on, but I overheard her telling Will he’d better keep his promise not to throw us out of this house. He’s making threats, and she’s just an innocent, you know. Damn!” He coughed. “Got indigestion so bad I can’t hardly talk. I’m going to take a dose of baking soda and see if it won’t get easy. Tank, can you go over there and make sure Will’s not doing anything to my girl?” he asked weakly. “I hate to ask, but I’m too sick to do it myself. Got no way to go, either, her truck’s gone.”
“It’s over here,” Darby said. “We’re fixing it for her.”
“That Larry came to get her,” he added coldly. “She was all dressed up, white in the face. She said she really wanted to talk to Larry and her stepfather, that she was having dinner with them. It’s more than that. She looked scared to death…!”
“I’m on my way. You just sit tight, and don’t worry, okay?”