by Kris Bryant
The bar is dark and the parking lot is full of shadows I’m not entirely comfortable with. I spot Val’s truck and the camp’s SUV so I know everyone’s inside. Suddenly, my confidence disappears. Do I go inside or get the hell out of here? Finally, I head for the door. As my eyes adjust, an overwhelming feeling of insecurity hits me as twenty women look me over at once. I smile and pick up the pace. Thankfully, I find the girls tucked in a dark corner. Obvious Ali fans surround one end of the table. I smile because even though I’m already annoyed with her fans, I’ve come up with a nickname for them that makes me giggle. I now will forever refer to them as elephants because the word sounds like Ali fans. Not very mature, but it’ll get me through the night. My eyes meet Val’s and I watch her spew beer and jump up from the table.
“Oh, my God! You’re here! You’re here!” She squeezes me. One day, I’m going to have to talk to her about her strength.
I hear cheers from the table as several counselors raise their longnecks to toast me. Only Val and Sandy know my history. The others just think I’m an introvert. Val drags me to the table and puts me on the other side of Sandy, two seats away from Ali. I don’t think Ali even knows I’m here. Her back is turned and several women are asking her a ton of questions. I’m torn between listening to her conversation and allowing Val and Sandy to coddle me. I want both. I lean back in the chair, and even though I’m facing Val, I’m eavesdropping on Ali’s conversation.
“As flattered as I am, I don’t have the time right now. The tour keeps me busy,” Ali says.
“But you must get lonely out on the road this long,” the girl says. She gives Ali a look of longing. I roll my eyes, suddenly angry but trying to play it off. I know this happens a lot. I’m not famous like Ali is, but I do have a few fans out there who know that I’m gay and have wanted to hook up after book signings. I graciously turn them down, race to my hotel room, and hide under the covers.
“She’s got a girlfriend, you know,” one of the elephants tells the other one.
“Well, I used to have a girlfriend, but we broke up about three months ago,” Ali says.
Forgetting about being discreet, I simply turn and stare open-mouthed at Ali. This entire week I thought she was in a relationship. That sure as hell would have been nice to be aware of on day one. I should know better than to believe everything I read online. If I hadn’t stalked her, maybe this week’s outcome would have been different. I hear the sympathetic cries of my poetic friends in my head.
“So what made you come out tonight? I’m so happy.” Snatching me away from my imaginary support group, Val grabs me and presses her forehead to mine.
“Maybe it’s time for me.” I shrug, when in fact, it’s been the hardest thing I’ve done in three years.
“You deserve happiness. It’s been too long,” she sighs into my hair. “Let’s go have fun.”
She grabs me by the hand and drags me onto the dance floor. I laugh at her attempts to make me laugh by dancing like a dork. She twirls and dips me, and, after three songs, I beg Val for a break. My shoes are killing me and I’m starting to sweat. We walk back to the table and a warm hand envelops mine. I follow the hand up and find myself staring at an attractive brunette with short brown hair and blue eyes. For a second, I’m bummed that it’s not Ali. Wishful thinking. She smiles at me and I smile back.
“Why don’t you stay for another song and dance with me?” she asks, pulling me closer to her so we can hear one another over the loud, thumping music. I tell her I need a break, but maybe later we can dance. I’m not nervous and I actually mean what I say, which surprises me. She isn’t pushy, and in the ten seconds we speak, I find her charming. She reminds me of Rachel Maddow. I feel a promising squeeze on my fingertips and she lets me slip away. I know I’m smiling, but I can’t help it. It’s a breakthrough.
“Why didn’t you dance with her?” Val’s practically yelling at me over the music, but the look on her face tells me she’s proud.
“I just need a quick break. I’ll dance with her later.”
Val winks and kisses me on the cheek. I reach for an ice water to cool off and look around at all the women dancing and having a good time. I’ve missed this—the closeness and the camaraderie I share with these women. My iPhone vibrates on the table. I have a text message from an unknown number. I click on the text.
Dance?
I’m perplexed. For some reason, perhaps want, I turn to Ali and am met with a casual grin. Two thoughts enter my brain at once and I let them fight it out. How on earth did she get my number versus holy shit, Ali Hart just asked me to dance! My heart races and I can only respond with a slight nod. Just my luck—or maybe a higher being is answering my prayers—the music slows way down.
Ali stands up in the middle of a conversation with one of the elephants and reaches out. I hesitate for just a moment, staring at her long slender fingers, and prepare myself for the jolt. I can feel her heat even before our hands touch. Sliding my hand all the way into hers, I look into her eyes. They’re dark and intense. This is a different Ali. This is a confident Ali. I’m torn between turning and bolting out the door and leaning into her, absorbing her heat. She grabs my hand and leads me to the dance floor. Her touch is firm and promising, and I feel like jelly.
“Is this okay?” she asks. She gently pulls me closer. I grit my teeth to keep them from chattering with a mixture of fear and anticipation. The curve of Ali’s waist presses gently into my side, the softness of her breast brushes my collarbone. It’s too much for me. I whimper and pray that she doesn’t hear me. Not trusting my voice, I nod instead, knowing full well that everything is not okay. My body is flush with fever, yet my hands are cold and clammy. My heart beats in my lips and they swell with anticipation.
For a good five seconds, I give in to my temptation and drown myself in Ali. She smells like sandalwood and the sweetness of amaretto, her drink for the night. She is strong in my arms, solid and reassuring. Her muscles are tight, but her skin is soft and smooth. I can’t tell if I’m hearing Ali hum with the music or if I can feel it through her body. Slowly, we’re closing the gap, getting comfortable with each other. I close my eyes and will the crowd to disappear. I’m happy for about thirty seconds until a loud noise erupts through the club and I automatically try to pull away. Ali tightens her grip on me and pulls me closer. I moan as I crash into her and groan at my lack of control.
Britney, in a rush to get to the bathroom, has tipped over our table. Val and Sandy right it and scoop up our belongings before we cause any more of a scene. Ali and I race over there, our fingers still entwined. With regret, I pull away and follow Britney into the bathroom. She’s hunched over the toilet and my heart goes out to her. She wasn’t feeling the greatest all week because she caught something from one of the kids, and tonight was just too much for her. I help clean her up and we head back to our table.
“I’m going to take her back to camp,” I say.
“No way. I’ll do it,” Val says. “You haven’t been here that long. You should stay.”
“Really, I’ll take her. I need to leave now.” I’m suddenly overcome with emotion.
Val hears the urgency in my voice and agrees.
“What can I do?” Ali asks. I so want to answer that with about a dozen inappropriate things, but I keep myself in check.
“Just hang out here and have a good time. Thanks for the dance.” I follow Val, who’s half dragging Britney to the car, and we help her into the passenger side.
“Bethy, I’m so sorry this happened,” Val says, reaching out for a hug. “I’m happy you joined us.”
“Believe it or not, I had a good time. Thanks for always nudging me to do things.” I smile at her and climb into the Jeep.
“Ali’s pretty great. You guys look good together,” she says, giving me a look.
I try to play it off. “Ha ha. Very funny. She doesn’t need my baggage. I’ll see you later.” I hurry up and get out of there before Val says anything else that requires a response.
I’ve never been a good liar.
Thankfully, the hour drive back to the camp is pretty uneventful. Britney is quiet the entire trip and chooses to throw up after I get her out of the Jeep and almost to her cabin. I hold her hair and rub her back and wait until there’s nothing left for her to puke up. I help her change clothes and get into bed. She wants to go to sleep, but I make her drink water and take two ibuprofen. That takes about five minutes. Most people think I’m very patient, but they don’t know about my ability to tune everything out. Given the evening, I’ve been reciting Emily in between coaxing Britney to drink water and rubbing her back to relax her. She finally drinks enough to satisfy me and I tuck her in, but not before showing her the garbage can I place on the floor right by her head. I hose off the mess outside so nobody will step in it. I poke my head in and check on her one last time. She’s snoring. On the way back to my cabin, I see headlights. Val and the counselors are back. I’m surprised. Val pulls up next to my Jeep.
“It just wasn’t the same without you. We all wanted to leave.” She shrugs.
“She’s out cold.” I thumb behind me at the cabin. “Thankfully, she waited until we stopped to get sick.”
“Well, thanks for getting her back in one piece.” Val waves good night to me and slowly drives off. Even though I know Ali’s sitting beside Val, I avoid eye contact with her because I know I’ll fall apart. I park my car and slip inside my cabin, knowing I’ll have a hard time falling asleep. I will replay my night a thousand different ways, hoping for a different ending. I need to quit thinking about Ali and our dance. I sit down with my laptop and start typing words on the empty screen. Inevitably, the words become adjectives that describe either Ali or my feelings about her instead of anything worthwhile for the book. Passionate, caring, thoughtful, beautiful, considerate, warm, soft. I cross my arms and lean back in my chair. I’m getting absolutely nowhere. I take a deep breath and decide writing isn’t the right thing for me now. I give up and resign myself to the couch, punching the remote and search for something to take my mind off Ali Hart.
Chapter Seven
Jogging is the best way for me to release pent-up emotions. When I simply run away, my mind clears. It’s seven a.m. and my clothes are drenched in sweat. The humidity is so bad that I’m having a hard time breathing. I’ve jogged about three miles and decide it’s enough. My demons are still going to be with me whether I jog a marathon or not. I’m constantly thinking about Ali and last night and things that I should have said and done differently. She’s leaving this weekend, and I can’t do much except suck it up and talk to her. I’m interested but afraid.
I head back to the cabin and cool down with a cold shower and a bottle of water. I put on a bikini so I can head to the secret, spring-fed pool after breakfast. It’s a place the campers don’t know about. It’s not very big, but it’s deliciously cold and just what I need. Saturday breakfasts are important around here to Renee, so hiding isn’t an option. I pour a cup of coffee and suddenly a deep chill courses through my body. I look up from my notes on the counter and see Ali leaning against a post outside of my cabin. I freeze and stare at her for what feels like an hour, but is probably five seconds.
“Hi,” I say, not able to move. The coffee cup is still halfway to my lips and I’m keeping it surprisingly steady.
“Hi. May I come in?”
I suddenly realize that I’m standing there in only a bikini, and I’m torn between opening the screen door and running into the bedroom for clothes.
“Ah, sure. Come on in and have a seat. I, um, I’m going to put some clothes on.” I try not to run full speed back into the bedroom. I find a black swimsuit cover-up that will just have to do. It looks like a summer dress so I’m okay with it. I actually gasp at my reflection in the mirror. I haven’t brushed my hair since I showered and it’s a mess. I grab my brush and pull my hair back in a quick braid. My face is still flushed from my jog or from Ali’s surprise visit. Or both.
“Sorry about that. Would you like some coffee?” I move about the kitchen looking for a purpose. I need to allow myself time to calm down.
“Yes, please. I saw you jogging so I knew you were up already. I want to talk if you have time,” she says.
I’m completely surprised and nod. I really need to be better at communicating. I motion for Ali to sit on the couch and hand her a mug. I sit on the opposite side of the couch but turn to face her. I’m clutching my cup, my knuckles white against the blue porcelain. I force myself to relax.
“I think we got off on the wrong foot. I hope I didn’t do anything to offend you or upset you. I have a feeling we would be great friends, but we’ve hardly talked.”
I close my eyes. I’m in the climax of my own story. I feel like a character in one of my novels. This is my defining moment. “You’re leaving today, right?”
“Today or tomorrow. I haven’t really decided. Is it that bad?” Ali asks. Concern is etched on her face. I want to reach out and smooth away her worry, but instead I clutch my cup even tighter.
“No, no, no. I just want to make sure that if I’m completely wrong here, I only have to deal with it for another twenty-four hours.”
“I just have to be in Nashville by tomorrow night,” Ali says.
I take another deep breath and look Ali directly in the eye.
“I do want to get to know you better and be around you, but it’s hard,” I say. “It’s a long story, but I haven’t really wanted to get to know anybody for the last three years. When you showed up, I was completely drawn to you.” Ali looks at me like I’m crazy. I sigh again. This is hard. “Up until last night, I thought you had a girlfriend and I had to keep my distance. It’s hard enough to start dating again without falling for someone who’s taken. Does that make sense?” I ask.
Ali stares at me. I stare back, trying hard not to shake. Finally, she speaks.
“Thanks for telling me. I realize it’s not easy since we don’t know each other. Yet.” I perk up at that word. Oh, the power of words. If only she knew my obsession. She continues. “I wish I’d talked to you sooner. Gennifer, my ex-girlfriend, and I broke up three months ago, right before I went on tour. My schedule doesn’t really allow me to meet new people. If you’re up for it, I’d like to spend the day together.”
I can’t respond. I want to, but I sit there and stare at her. I want to jump up and squeal like a little girl, and in my mind that’s exactly what I’m doing. Outwardly, I’m immobile.
“Or not,” she adds.
“No, I think that sounds great,” I finally say. I make a mental note to not always believe what I read on the Internet. I should know that by now after reading a ton of lies about myself.
“I like you, Beth. When I saw you, I knew I wanted to get to know you. We don’t have a lot of time left, but we can always make the most of it.”
At that point, I’m ready to float away. I want to fly up and somersault in the air with pure joy. I try not to grin, but I can’t help it.
“I’d like that.” My voice sounds different, even to me. It sounds sultry. I want to excuse myself for a moment and do a happy dance in private.
The phone rings and it’s Renee informing me that everybody’s up and hungry. I almost groan at Renee’s horrible timing. Just when this conversation is getting good. I tell her I’ll be there in a few minutes.
“It’s time for breakfast, and since I’m the chef this morning, I really need to get to the kitchen,” I say. Ali smiles at me. My heart stops, then picks up speed, and I tell her she can go over there or wait a few minutes for me to throw on clothes.
I grab a pair of shorts and a white shirt and head for the bathroom. I’m not sure if Ali will still be waiting for me, so I dress in record time and bust into the living room. Ali’s still here waiting, her back to me. I take the opportunity to get a really good, lustful look at her. She looks fantastic in linen shorts, a pale-pink button-down, and sandals. I can see the curve of her breasts and am reminded of last night when her body was pressed aga
inst mine. I recall her heat and scent and I’m rendered immobile again, lost in my memory of her. I’m totally staring when she turns and stares right back. I blush and head to the door, not really knowing what else to do.
“Umm, okay, let’s go.” I’m more nervous now than I was a few minutes ago. I’m completely embarrassed.
We arrive in the kitchen to find the six counselors who stayed behind this weekend, minus Britney, sitting around talking and drinking coffee. When they see me, they start giving me their breakfast requests, and I shush them playfully. Ali offers to help, but I insist that she join everybody else at the table. Putting me in charge of 400-degree burners with her near me is a bad idea. Cooking is another escape for me, and I don’t want to burn myself or breakfast because she’s standing a foot from me.
I whip up scrambled eggs and French toast. I skip the meat altogether and fry up tofu instead. Good nutrients, but not a whole lot of taste. I know that Ali is some level of vegetarian. I’ve been watching what she puts on her plate. Even during the BBQ, she ate only the sides. I’m happy that when I put the food out, she eats a little bit of everything.
“Is Britney okay?” Ali asks.
“She’s still sleeping. She got up late, ate a few crackers, then crashed again. She did apologize for ruining our night,” Val says.
“Well, I don’t think our night was ruined. I had a great time,” Ali says. I know she’s looking at me. I can feel her stare, but I can’t meet her gaze. My cheeks warm and my heart quickens.
“Ali, are you leaving us today or have you decided to stay until tomorrow?” Renee asks.
“I’ve decided to stay until the morning.”
I can’t help but smile.
“Great. What are your plans then for the day?” Renee asks.