by Kris Bryant
“See you soon.” I hang up, put the phone down, and take a deep breath. I did it. I don’t know that I’m ready to meet her family before we actually talk things through though. That could be awkward. I fire up the laptop and look at flights. I decide to catch an early direct one Friday morning, which should put me in about noon. Maybe we can talk that afternoon. I look for rooms at her hotel, but it’s booked and I breathe a sigh of relief. I might be tempted to give in to her if we’re at the same hotel. The Westin across the street has rooms and I grab a suite there. I deserve it. I don’t indulge myself often, but this is a big deal and why the hell not? I wait a few hours to text Ali with my information because I don’t want to look desperate.
Chapter Twenty-six
I’m standing at Ali’s hotel door, my whole body quivering. I’ve prayed all day that I remain strong and don’t break down the minute I see her. I stare at the numbers on the door for entirely too long. Mr. Frost is right here with me encouraging me to knock. I never take chances. I tell him this is all new to me and he only smiles. I want to roll my eyes because he’s a man and simply doesn’t understand my anguish, but deep down I know he’s right. I’m about ready to knock when the door suddenly opens. Ali looks at me in complete surprise. We stand there a few seconds, neither of us speaking, simply looking at each other. Okay, she’s looking and I’m visually devouring her.
“Hi. I was just going to leave the door open for you,” she says. She steps back for me to enter. She’s sort of whispering and I wonder what’s going on. “Please, come in.”
I bravely walk by her and can hear her humming. She looks tired, excited, and beautiful. She’s dressed casually and her hair’s down. I want to wrap my hands in it. I think about that a lot around her.
“Hannah’s asleep on the bed.” She points to the other room where I see a small form in Ali’s bed.
“How was the trip to the zoo?” I turn to face her. I can feel her heat and smell her sweetness, and I take a tiny step back. I’m not ready for her to be so close to me. She must see this because she steps back, too. She doesn’t answer me but stares at my face. She looks into my eyes, then drops down to look at my lips and my entire face as though she’s trying to memorize me.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she says. She hasn’t moved and I can’t really get around her without touching her so I just stand there. Her hands are planted firmly on her hips, and I’m trying to figure out which Ali is in front of me. Because she hasn’t taken a step toward me, I’m ruling out confident and tender. I think this is her, vulnerable, waiting for me to make the first move.
“Do you want to talk now or do you need to rest?” I ask. That sounds stupid, but I really don’t know what to say. She’s so close and I’m completely off-balance. Eye contact is hard, but I need to stay grounded so I make myself look at her.
“Now is perfect. Let’s have a seat.” She points to the two couches in the other half of the hotel room. She sits down and allows me to sit where I’ll be comfortable. I choose a spot close enough to her to have a quiet conversation, but far enough away that I can’t reach out to her if and when I become weak. Seeing her, I want to kick my own ass for being jealous and stupid and wasting a month. She’s leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. We both start talking at the same time.
“Beth, I want—”
“I think we—”
We both smile.
“Let me start, please,” she says. I’m okay with that. “I’ve been miserable the last month. I don’t mean depressed, I mean miserable. I was a dumbass for allowing Gennifer in my dressing room. I should have never, never done that.” I can tell she’s getting angry at herself all over again, and as much as I want to lean forward and place my hand on her knee to calm her, I don’t. She needs to get this out and I need to hear it, regardless of how much it hurts. “I wasn’t expecting her, but she convinced Maureen that she had something important to tell me and Mo let her through. Nobody in the band is allowed to let anybody see me anymore unless it’s family or you.”
Ali relaxes a bit and leans back on the couch. She rubs her hands over her face. When she turns back to me, I see tears gathering in her eyes. Oh, God. I can’t. I’ll be a sobbing mess right beside her if the tears fall.
“I hate this, Beth. I hate being apart. I miss you so much.” Her voice hitches and I know she’s fighting the tears. “I swear to you, nothing happened with Genn. You’re everything to me. I would never jeopardize us.” She rubs her face before she continues.
“We kissed, but it wasn’t a real kiss. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it really wasn’t. I told you why she came to see me. Yes, she was interested in getting together, but I have zero interest in her or a relationship with her, including friendship. The kiss was truly a good-bye.” She pauses to slow herself down. “I’m not that kind of person. I’d never lead you on and then do something stupid like cheat on you.” She turns to me and this time I see anger in her eyes. “The minute we kissed at camp, I was committed to you. At least in my head. Premature? Probably, but you’re what I want. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, shy, and sexy. I’ve never been so taken with anybody before in my life.” She looks at me expectantly.
I have no idea what to say. Surprisingly, I’m still here in the conversation. Nobody has mentally whisked me away. Oh, they’re all here waiting anxiously, but not a peep from them. This is now my decision. I take a deep breath.
“I know that you know you hurt me so I’m not going to go on about that. I’ve hated this past month. I know we never agreed on a status for us.” I use air quotes around the word status. “I need that though.”
“I want that, too,” she says. “Sorry for interrupting. Tell me what you expect. Tell me what you want, what would make you happy.”
I’m hoping she already knows that, but I tell her because if this is going to work, she needs to hear it from me so there isn’t any doubt.
“I don’t feel comfortable with your hands on other women and definitely don’t want you to kiss them.” I quiet my voice when I realize Hannah’s still asleep in the other room. “I want somebody to be faithful and miss me when they’re away from me. I want somebody to think about me all the time and wish I was with them. It’s normal relationship stuff. If I don’t have that, it’s just not worth it.” As the words are coming out of my mouth, I realize that’s what I do have, well, did have with her. I sigh. I know I was extremely upset and jealous, and I overreacted. “Do you think we can get there?”
Ali reaches out to me, then pulls back.
“I know we can, but you can’t shut me out every time you get upset. We have to talk about things. We wasted an entire month because you didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. That’s not fair to me or us,” she says.
“It was wrong for me to shut you out, but I needed time. My last breakup put me in a bad place. You know that. Yes, I screwed up by pushing you away, but I’m here now, right?” Now I’m getting worked up again. I don’t want to ask, but I have to. “Has there been anybody else? I mean, since me?” I feel like a complete jackass, but I can’t help it. Her answer will determine where we pick up and if we pick up. She shoots me a look that I’ve never seen before, and anger flashes in her eyes.
“Are you really asking me that? After everything I just said to you? After everything I did to reach out to you? Give me some credit here.” She’s definitely angry. “Of course not. My goal since the minute you saw me and Genn has been to get you back!”
I can’t blame her for being mad. I had to know, though. I nod in acceptance and she relaxes.
“I want you and I’ll do whatever it takes. Now that this tour is almost over, I can focus on my life again. Can we start over? Can we start us again? Even if it has to be at the beginning?” Her anger is gone and now she just looks vulnerable and defeated. I want to snuggle up to her.
We hear Hannah moving around and making noises so Ali goes into the bedroom and comes back with the cutest little girl
I’ve ever seen. She looks just like Ali and my heart almost breaks. She sits down and Hannah curls up in her arms, too shy to look at me.
“Hannah, this is my friend, Beth. Can you say hi?” she asks. Hannah peeks out from Ali’s shoulder and smiles at me. She whispers something in Ali’s ear and Ali smiles. “I think she looks like a mermaid,” Ali says. Hannah’s eyes get really big. “Do you think so, too?” Hannah nods.
“It’s nice to meet you, Hannah. You look just like your Aunt Ali.” She smiles at me. “Did you have fun at the zoo today?” That piques her interest. Suddenly, we’re best friends and she’s standing on the couch between me and Ali telling me all about the alligators and giraffes and how the hippos were blowing water at them.
“Hey, hey, Hannah. Let’s go see Mom. She’s been asking where her little angel is, and I have no idea who she’s talking about,” Ali says. I smile at Ali’s teasing. Hannah squawks and points to herself. Ali teases her some more and then scoops her up and whisks her out the door. She leans back and tells me she’ll only be a minute. I nod and she disappears. I’m glad because I need a moment. We got to the heart of the matter in such a short time, and I just need a break. I lean back on the couch and relax.
True to her word, Ali’s back within a minute. Now it’s just us in the room and I’m tired. I’m tired of worrying and stressing if I’m going to find happiness with Ali. My life is unique. I need somebody who fits me and respects what I do. Ali sits down closer to me this time and reaches out for my hand.
“Your niece is a doll.” I’m trying hard not to focus on her running her long fingers over mine, but I’m failing miserably. I close my eyes for a second and recall how incredible those fingers were on my skin and how alive they made me feel. She’s only touching my hand, but the rest of my body is stirring.
“I love her to death. She’s one of the reasons I can’t wait to get home and be done with this tour,” she says. I realize Ali will always want to live near her family. I don’t blame her one bit. If I had a family as large and supportive as Ali’s, I wouldn’t want to leave them either. “So what do we do now?”
I stare at her, surprised I can maintain eye contact.
“Let’s see where this goes.” My voice is quiet. She squeezes my hand and I can’t help but smile. “I can visit whenever you want. We’re going to make this work, okay?” She brings my hand up to her lips and kisses it gently. She rests her head back on the sofa next to mine. I can tell she’s tired.
“Why don’t you get some sleep and I’ll just see you tonight,” I say. She walks me to the door after I assure her I’ll be fine getting to my hotel room at three in the afternoon. I feel her so close behind me. If I stop, she’ll crash into me. A part of me wants that. I want to feel her body against mine. I turn to face her, not sure how we’re supposed to say good-bye.
“Are we allowed to touch?” she asks me, her arms out for a hug but still close to her sides. I nod and practically sink into her. We move past the point of hugging until we’re simply holding one another. She’s shaking and I look up at her. She’s silently crying. I hold her tighter.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she says. I know she’s really broken up about this. I softly rub her back and quiet her until she’s breathing normally again.
“I know you are. Tomorrow we start fresh, okay?” She nods. I kiss her cheek before I leave the room.
Chapter Twenty-seven
The concert is amazing. I’m backstage again, but this time for the entire show instead of just the encore. Ali is fantastic and I can tell she loves what she does. The crowd is happy to be there, to be a part of her final concert. I’m so thankful that I sucked it up and called her and am sharing this with her. I can’t find her family in the crowd, but in all fairness, my attention is on Ali. She’s messed up a few times and looks my way every time she does. I know she’s playfully blaming me. Brian throws his drumstick at her, berating her lack of concentration. She plays it off by getting the crowd to boo him.
“Thank you so much for sharing this incredible night with me, San Diego. Thanks to my family who is here tonight. They have always helped and supported me. It’s been a great tour and I appreciate all of you coming out.” She waves and skips offstage right toward me. I know I have that cheesy grin on my face that I get around her. She stops about a foot in front of me, and I can’t help but close the gap and give her a quick hug.
“You really are incredible onstage, you know that?” She smiles at me, then grabs a bottled water and drinks half of it right away. I’m glad tonight is her last concert because she’s getting hoarse and needs a break. She quickly wipes the sweat off her neck and forehead and then heads back onstage with the band. They play two more songs, getting the crowd back on their feet. I can tell Ali and the band are out there having a good time because this will probably be the last time they’re all onstage for a while or even ever again. I was surprised to find that solo artists tour with pick-up musicians quite a bit. I was just starting to like Brian, too. I hope he ends up playing with her in the future. He’s good and their camaraderie is entertaining.
Once Ali is offstage, she heads for me again.
“I know you’re not ready to meet my family just yet, but would you be willing to have a drink with me down in the lobby of your hotel after I get cleaned up?” She sounds hopeful and happy. I can’t turn her down. I nod and she smiles that perfect smile. She tells me she’s going to meet with her family for a minute but promises to be in my lobby in an hour.
Ali has arranged for a car to take me back to my hotel, which isn’t far from the venue. I have time to get presentable and have a drink to calm my nerves. Now it’ll just be the two of us. No Hannah, no Hart family. I’m nervous.
I still look good so I freshen up and head downstairs. I feel somewhat exposed because I’m a single woman in a bar after midnight, ordering a drink. I can’t do this alone so I start talking to Em. Anything to get my mind off sitting here alone. She doesn’t mind waiting. Love is just on the other side, she points out. That’s too close to what I’m feeling so I change the subject because I’m not ready to go there yet.
I feel Ali walk into the bar before I see her. I don’t understand how I know she’s close before I lay eyes on her. I turn my head and stare right at her. We look at each other for a few seconds before she breaks into a smile.
“Hi. I’m sorry I’m a few minutes late,” she says. I shake my head because I didn’t even notice. She sits down and our waitress is there ready to take her order. She orders a gin and tonic and a large water. I’m sure she’s dehydrated after her performance.
“I’m glad you’re here.” I don’t hide the fact that I’m checking her out. She’s still wearing her concert clothes, but her long hair is now pulled away from her face. She has such a beautiful face with her high cheekbones and bedroom eyes. I could stare at her forever. “The concert really was great.” She smiles at that.
“As incredible as this tour was, I’m glad it’s done.” She leans back in her chair and her shoulders slump as she allows herself to relax. “Now I get to go back to my life, but first I need to decompress.” I know Ali’s going to the spa with her mom and her aunt on Sunday night for a week.
“You deserve it, Ali,” I say. She closes her eyes, sighs, and smiles.
“I can’t wait. They have the best natural-spring baths and massages, and I refuse to do a thing. I might even have my mother spoon-feed me.”
“How was the family tonight?”
“They had a great time. It’s always good to wrap up my tour with them. They’ve been seeing a lot of San Diego. Half of them almost fell asleep during the concert.” She’s kidding. Nobody could have fallen asleep through that. We talk about the concert and she tells me her favorite things and I tell her what I enjoyed. I skip the part about how I couldn’t take my eyes off her or how I was itching to touch her.
“How long are you in town?” she asks. Her smile disappears.
“I’m scheduled to leave Sunday.
”
“I’d like to spend more time together tomorrow, if you want.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be. I just don’t want to take time away from your family.”
“I live with them. They see me all the time.” She checks her watch. “I do have to go to a bar tomorrow night. Not to sing or anything, just to hang out. I’d love it if you went with me.” She sounds hopeful.
“I’d like that, too.”
“It’s getting late. Why don’t you call me in the morning when you wake up and we’ll plan a time.” She’s probably exhausted and needs rest so I don’t protest. She reaches out for me and I go to her. So much for baby steps. I’m okay with that. She kisses my head and releases me. “Do you want me to walk you to your room?” I nod and we walk to the elevators, my hand tucked into hers. I am getting that jittery feeling in the pit of my stomach. I’m afraid I’ll be weak when we get to my door and do something foolish like rip off my clothes or, worse, rip off hers.
She’s perfectly respectable and gently kisses my cheek before turning and walking back down the hall after dropping me off. She looks back at me once and gives me a quick wave. I’m surprised and somewhat disappointed that she didn’t press to stay.
Chapter Twenty-eight
I’m not surprised when I hear tapping on the door. Ali left ten minutes ago, but something makes me think she’s back. I want the knock to be Ali. Desperately. Without even looking, I open the door.
“I don’t want to leave. I want to stay here with you.” A very vulnerable Ali stands in front of me. “You came here for me and I just don’t want to go. I’m afraid if I do, you won’t be here tomorrow. Can I stay? I’ll sleep on the other bed. I just want to be near you.”
My heart jumps and threatens to spill out right there between us. I’m wearing pajama shorts and a tank top, toothbrush in my hand, and I couldn’t be further from sexy if I tried. I want to throw myself at Ali, but instead I push the door open farther and motion for her to come in.