CHAPTER XXII
THE PENFOLD TABLET FUND
The Easter term had been one of unadulterated discomfort for Jim Cotton.He had felt the loss of Gus's helping hand terribly, and he had not yetfound another ass to "devil" for him in the way of classics ormathematics. Philips, a former understudy to Gus, was called upon, butwith unsatisfactory results, and Cotton, _mirabile dictu_, was compelledin sheer desperation to try to do his own work. Frankly, the Fifth ofSt. Amory's was beyond Jim's very small attainments, classical orotherwise. He had been hoisted up to that serene height by no means_honoris causa_, but _aetatis causa_. Jim was verging on six feet, andhe filled his clothes very well into the bargain, and though hisscholarship was strictly junior school, the spectacle of Jim in FourthForm Etons would have been too entrancing a sight for dailycontemplation. Hence he had got his remove. Thrown over by Gus, unableto discover a second jackal for the term so far, he had been left to thetender mercy of Corker, Merishall and Co., and Jim was inclined to thinkthat they showed no quarter to a fallen foe. Corker had been distilledvenom on the particular morning with which this chapter deals on thesubject of Jim's Greek. Herodotus, as translated by Jim with the help ofa well-thumbed Bohn's crib, had emerged as a most unalluring mess ofpottage, and Dr. Moore had picked out Bohn's plums from Jim's paste withunerring accuracy. Whilst Cotton was wishing the roof would fall down onCorker's head and kill him, the other fellows in the Fifth were enjoyingthe fun. Gus Todd, though, felt for his old friend more than a touch ofpity, and when old Corker left Jim alone finally, Gus very cleverly kepthis attention away from Jim's quarter. When Corker finally drew his togaaround him and hurried out, Jim Cotton gathered together his own booksand lounged heavily into the street, sick of school, books, Corker, andhating Gus with a mighty sullen hate. For Jim had remarked Gus'ssprightliness in the Greek ordeal, but was not clever enough to see thatGus's performance had been only for old friendship's sake. Jim, however,put down Todd's device as mere "side," "show-off," "toadyism," and otherchoice things, all trotted out specially for his eyes. When he reachedhis room he flung his Herodotus into the nearest chair, and himself intothe most comfortable one, and then beat a vicious serenade on hisfiregrate with the poker until dinner time.
In the evening, while Jim was moodily planted before a small pile ofbooks, he received a visitor, no less a personage than Philips, Jim'soccasional hack.
"Well," said Jim, surlily, "what do you want?"
"I'll tell you in a minute, old boy. Can I have a chair?"
"Can't you see I'm busy?" said Cotton, unamiably.
"You look like it, more or less, certainly."
"Well, I've no time for any oratory to-night, Philips, and that is allabout it."
"I'll give you a leg-up for Merishall in the morning if you're decentlycivil."
"All right, then," said Jim, thawing instantly. "What's the matter?"
"Ever heard of Penfold?"
"No; what was the animal?"
"Well, he was the brightest and most particular star that Taylor everhad in his house; that is, until you pitched your tent among us."
"Don't rot, Philips. What has the Penfold done?"
"Made a chemical discovery which stamps him as one of the firsthalf-dozen chemists in the world."
"Oh," said Jim, wearily; "most interestin', very."
"Here only ten years ago, and, 'pon honour, this was his very den."
"Have noticed the place to be stuffy," said Jim, with no enthusiasm,"and now that is explained. Suppose he lived with his nose in books andtest-tubes?"
"And," said Philips, ignoring Jim's heavy wit, "the Fifth and Sixth Formfellows in Taylor's think we ought to take notice of it somehow."
"Now, I wouldn't," said Cotton, critically; "I'd keep a thing like thatdark."
"You heathen!"
"If he'd pulled stroke at Cambridge, or anything like that----"
"We thought a tablet on the wall, or something of that sort, would meetthe case. Corker's dining-hall is lined with 'em."
"Get to the point," said Jim, grimly.
"A sub. of five shillings among seniors, and half a crown among thekids, would meet the case, I think."
"And did you think I'd spring a crown for a marble tablet to a mug likePenfold?"
"Rather," said Philips.
"Well," said Jim, "life would be worth living here if it weren't for theunearthly smugging, but as it is St. Amory's is about as lively as aworkhouse. I'm not forking out on this occasion. Taylor's smugs must doall that is necessary to be done."
"Well," said Philips, "all the other fellows have given in their names,bar you and Todd."
"Oh!" said Jim, with sudden interest, "you've asked Todd, have you?"
"Of course. Gus seemed rather waxy that he should be called upon. Onemight almost fancy he hadn't got the five shillings."
"Todd evidently is a miserable miser," said Jim, with a bitter smile atthe thought of Gus's insolvent condition. "He isn't the same fellow heused to be."
"Jove, no!" said Philips; "he's come on no end this term. He's animprovement on the old Gus."
"Yes," said Jim, angrily; "the beaks have got him into their nets. Buthe ought to subscribe to the Penfold, when he's the biggest smug inTaylor's."
"And you ought too, Jim, since you've the biggest money-bags."
"All right," said Jim, "I'll subscribe. 'Twill look better if we allsubscribe."
"You're a funny ass, Cotton. I thought I was going to draw you blank.What's the reason for your sudden change of mind?"
"I don't want to be bracketed equal with Toddy."
"That's settled, then," said Philips, who was puzzled at Jim's suddenchange of front. "And now let's see to Merishall's work for themorning."
The subscriptions for a tablet in the great Penfold's honour were nothard to obtain, the upper form fellows in Taylor's dunning the rest ofthe house without mercy, and, to the great wonder of all, the foremostof the duns was James Cotton, Esq. The way he squeezed half-crowns outof the fags was reckoned little short of marvellous, and before the weekwas out every Taylor fellow had subscribed bar Gus. Jim's exertions wererewarded by the office of secretary to the Penfold Fund.
"We'll get a house list, Philips, and pin up a proper subscription liston the notice-board. The thing will look more ship-shape then. By theway, what was it the Penfold did? Is he dead?"
"You are a funny fellow, Cotton. Here you are sweating the half-crownsout of the fags and you don't know why you're doing it."
"That is just what I do know," said Jim, smiling serenely.
When the list was pinned up on the board, and opposite each fellow'sname appeared the half-crown or crown he had contributed, it made abrave show. Towards the end of the list opposite the name of Todd,A.V.R., there had occurred a dismal blank thoughtfully filled bysecretary Cotton with a couple of beautifully even lines ruled instaring red ink. This vivid dash of colour on the white paper gave poorGus quite an unsolicited advertisement, and since none of the otherfellows knew of Gus's circumstances, it practically put him in thepillory as a tight-fisted old screw. This result was exactly what JimCotton had in his mind when he fell in with the tablet scheme soenthusiastically. Pretty mean, wasn't it?
When Gus saw the staring red abomination for the first time it made himfeel that he would like to pour a little boiling oil over the secretaryof the fund, for to a fellow of Gus's temperament the chaffing remarksof his acquaintances and the knowing looks of the juniors made himshiver with righteous anger. He did not like being pilloried. He haddesperate thoughts of going and publicly kicking Cotton, but heremembered, fortunately, that Jim would probably only make one mouthfulof him. But he paced his room angrily, and except that he really meantto keep himself to his resolution of honourable poverty to the term'send he would have written home. Not to do so cost him a struggle.
There was some one else who eyed this plain manifesto of Gus's positionwith anger, and that was the Rev. E. Taylor himself. The house-masterhad not been a house-master for years for noth
ing, and he guessed prettyshrewdly that some one was writing off a debt with interest against Gus.The house-master made a still shrewder guess as to who this might be,for he had watched the dissolution of the partnership of Cotton and Toddwith great interest.
Thus it was that Philips was called into Taylor's room for a quietlittle chat on house matters. "Your idea of a memento to Penfold was anexcellent one, Philips, and the house seems to have taken it up veryheartily."
"Oh yes!" said Philips, naively. "The fellows have taken any amount ofinterest, especially Cotton."
"Cotton's is rather a case of Saul among the prophets, isn't it,Philips?"
"This sort of thing didn't quite seem his line before, sir."
"No; I never thought so myself; but it is very pleasant to make amistake, too. I see Todd, who is the best chemist in the house, does notsubscribe at all."
"Most of the fellows thought it rather strange."
"And said so, no doubt?" said the master, looking abstractedly at hisfinger-nails.
"H'm!" said Philips, feeling uncomfortable at this thrust. "They mayhave."
"You see, Philips," said Taylor, gently, "there ought to have been noquizzing of Todd, for a contribution to a matter like this ought to beentirely voluntary--most emphatically so, I think. And if Todd does notsee his way to subscribe--and he is the sole judge--there ought to be noremarks whatever."
"I see, sir," said Philips, dubiously.
"I was much annoyed to see that Todd's name has been prominently beforethe house for the last day or so."
"You mean on the notice-board, sir?"
"Yes; I can quite see why it is. The honorary secretary has not had muchexperience in this clerical work before, so he has fallen into a greatmistake. In fact," said the house-master, bluntly, "the secretary'staste is not to be depended on."
"I don't think Cotton meant anything----" began Philips.
"Well, perhaps not," said the Rev. E. Taylor, doubtfully; "but, in anycase, will you take down the present list, and draw up a fresh one--ifyou think one at all necessary--with only the names of subscribers uponit? A house list should not have been used at all. Please tell Cotton Isaid so, and I hope he will see the fairness of it."
Philips took down the offending list, and told Cotton the house-master'sopinions. Jim Cotton had not very quick feelings, but contempt canpierce the shell of a tortoise, and as Philips innocently retailed themessage, the secretary of the Penfold Tablet Fund knew there was one manwho held him a cad.
Acton's Feud: A Public School Story Page 22