I gave them a wan smile. “Those are my teammates. Feel sorry for me. Just a little.”
I felt a tug at my elbow. Expecting Will, my eyes widened when it was Ben instead. And even though I was confused and irritated with him, my brain ignored those logical feelings and zeroed in on the contact his warm fingers were making with the sensitive skin on the inside of my elbow. My heart started beating so loudly, I was sure Ben could hear it.
“We got high ropes rescheduled for right after lunch, so wear clothes you can move in. We’ll read sketches tomorrow,” Ben said. His words meant business, but his eyes locked on mine. He was still holding my elbow.
I nodded.
Neither of us spoke.
Then suddenly, he released me and ran his fingers through that shaggy blond hair. “Meet at the gate. One o’clock.”
I nodded again. He turned on his heels and left.
“I don’t like that guy,” Will muttered.
“Where have you been?” I asked, ignoring his declaration.
“Changing out of sweaty Capture the Flag clothes,” he said, eyes still fixed on a retreating Ben. “He likes you.”
“This again,” I muttered, moving toward an open table with my tray.
“Uh, yes. Because you don’t believe me. He likes you. That is gross.”
“Thanks,” I said flatly.
“You’re not gross,” he said, following me across the dining hall. “Well,” he amended, “you’re my sister, so yes, you are. But other people don’t think you’re gross. He’s your coach. That is gross.” He set his tray down across from me. “Be careful with that guy.”
I rolled my eyes. “You sound like Dad.”
He shrugged. “I’m a guy. I know that guy likes you. Be careful.”
I shook my head. “He’s nice to me. Sometimes. Well . . .”
“He’s not nice to you?” his voice increased in volume. The rest of the JV teams started to fill in around us.
“No, he’s—he’s . . . argh.” I exhaled and lowered my voice. “Ben knows what it’s like in the professional world. He’s making me tougher. To get me ready for it.”
Will stared at me. I stared back. For a moment, we were six years old in the back of our old Volvo station wagon in a staring contest for domination.
“Don’t . . .” He paused and dropped his voice so only I could hear him. “Don’t let that guy change you.”
I rolled my eyes again, but he kicked me a little under the table.
“Seriously,” he said. “Don’t.”
What would that even look like? I was totally myself: Zelda . . . or Ellie . . .
I frowned.
“What?” Will asked.
Jonas leaned over. “What’s so serious?”
My eyes flicked between the two of them. I shook my head quickly. “Just eat. Then we are stealing back some coffee cake.”
Jonas high-fived me, but I could tell Will wasn’t 100 percent satisfied.
I jogged over to the gate after lunch dressed in yoga pants and a pale gray long-sleeve shirt, my purple knit hat crammed over my curls. The sun was buried underneath thick clouds that promised rain.
I slowed to a walk when I realized Ben was the only one already there.
“Hey, you.” He smiled, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Hi.” I flashed a quick grimace.
“I can tell you’re mad at me again,” he said, quirking an eyebrow, still smiling.
I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’m . . . not mad,” I managed. Frustrated, yes. Bewildered, sure. I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone else was coming down the road yet.
Ben gently kicked my sneaker with the toe of his, turning my attention back to him. “Hey, you did a good job in that last Montage before we broke to write. That scene with you as the neighbor obsessed with her lawn? Inspired.”
Tentative, I met his eyes and nodded a little. I’d spent that scene crawling around stage on my hands and knees miming a ruler and a pair of tiny scissors, clipping each blade of grass so it matched its neighbor.
“You’re always listening. I watch you. You’re so committed to the scene—you’re in it from the moment the suggestion comes until I call the blackout. I’ve never seen a camper as focused as you.”
Tension crept into my jaw. I wanted to smile, to enjoy his compliments—they were evidence I was growing, right? I looped my hand over my elbow. “Why can’t you say those things in front of the guys?” I blurted.
Ben sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t know . . . It’s my first year coaching . . . And some of those guys were my teammates and I just . . .” He sighed again. “I don’t want to get into a situation where they accuse me of being soft on you because you’re a girl.”
I frowned.
He shook his head. “I’m not explaining myself right.” He squinted and peered over my shoulder like the right explanation was hanging in the trees. I shifted my weight onto the other foot, hoping he would find the words he was looking for. Then, seeming to make a decision to quit searching for them, he gave me a brief, sad smile. “Just know. I’m looking out for you. I am. With all those alumni coming, this show is going to be huge. I want to make sure it’s perfect.”
I studied his face. Was this vulnerability real? Or was he just putting on a show for me?
He seemed to know I wasn’t buying this promise because he bit his bottom lip and looked at the ground. “Look, Ellie, it’s . . . weird not performing. I’m used to being able to control the show on stage, and suddenly I don’t get to be up there. And it’s really weird without Marcus here . . . He had all the answers. Now I’m supposed to have them . . .”
I knew what that felt like. That’s what camp felt like to me. I missed my parents. Missed having Will at my beck and call. Missed the comfort and predictability of how improv with Jenn worked. I smiled a little and shrugged. “That’s what they pay you the big bucks for, right?”
His lips twitched. Then he blinked and caught my gaze, holding it long enough for heat to wrap around my throat and the whole world to disappear around us.
“I’m sorry for not standing up for you during the prostitute scene.”
The tension in my jaw released. “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for saying that.”
He gave me a half smile. “Things’ll get better. I promise. Forgive those guys. It’s really my fault. If you’re going to be mad at someone, be mad at me, okay?”
“I’m not mad at you,” I said, meaning it.
Now he gave me a full smile. “Good. Oh, hey—here they come. I wish we had a few more minutes, just for you and me.” His eyes glowed. I nodded, swallowing around my unasked questions.
“You ready?” Ben asked, in a low voice meant just for me. I nodded again.
Ben broke eye contact and called out, “Hey, guys!”
I brightened, determined to be Nina Knightley, to be awesome, to make things right with my team. “Hi, Jakes!”
“Hey,” they said, then peered up and down the road, ostensibly looking for the other guys. I racked my brain for a neutral topic of conversation to get the ball rolling, but came up empty. I exchanged a look with Ben—and I smiled, realizing it was the first time he’d allowed that with other people around.
Ben gave me a tiny nod. “Ellie, have you ever been on a high ropes course before?”
I raised an eyebrow. He was trying to help me. This was another change from the way he’d been behaving in front of the rest of the team. I dove right in. “Well, I’ve rock climbed a bunch. My parents are really into it. They’ve been dragging Will and me along since we could walk. And now that my feet have stopped growing, I even have my own climbing shoes.”
Oh, NERD, Zelda.
“Cool,” Ben said, even though I could tell deep down he didn’t mean it. But he was trying.
“She doesn’t need you to show her the ropes, then,” Jake 1 joked, smiling so widely, it made his ears poke out even further than usual.
“Good one,” I sai
d, also trying. Trying very hard. “That’s funny.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Brandon rolled his eyes as he and Xander sauntered up to join us. He chucked his chin in Jake 1’s direction. “You trying to jump his bones or something?”
I forced out a fake laugh. “I was just—”
“Cuz Jakey’s game, right, Jakey?” Brandon poked him in the stomach. Jake laughed and pushed him back.
Xander joined in, grinding on Jake from the side. “Jakey’s all, ‘Do me, Ellie, I’m so funny.’ ” He made some grunting sounds.
Brandon ground on Jake from the other side and pitched his voice into a falsetto. “Oh, Jakey!” he tittered, apparently imitating me. “You’re so funny! I love it when you do me!”
The grunting sounds increased, reaching a fever pitch.
I looked to Ben to put a stop to this, but he just shook his head, smiling. “Relax,” he mouthed.
Jake was laughing, but was also looking increasingly uncomfortable.
I pursed my lips. Perform at the peak of your intellect. I couldn’t just “relax.” Putting my hands up, I tried to pitch my voice in a light tone. “Guys, come on—”
Xander reached a hand out imitating a cat paw. “Kitty likes to—”
“Can we please find another way to—” My voice came out louder than I intended.
“Ellie!” Ben reminded me in a slight singsong voice, “Team building, remember?”
Ben promised me things would be better. This was not better. Fire in my eyes, I met Ben’s. He raised his eyebrows for a fraction of a second, then elbowed me. “We’re going to have some fun on the ropes course, right?”
“Yeah, Ellie, we’re going to have some fun.” Brandon grinned. He slapped Jake 1 on the butt as a parting gesture.
I clenched my jaw. So, things weren’t going to be different. Those guys were still going to be weird and gross and Ben was still going to do nothing about it. Why was I even putting up with this crap?
Varsity. Nina Knightley. Saturday Night Live.
Right.
“Yup.” I nodded, looking at my sneakers, “Fun.”
“Hey, Ellie. Come on,” Ben said. “Smile.”
“She doesn’t have to smile if she doesn’t want to.”
Shocked, I turned around and smiled for real. Standing three abreast in matching olive shorts and wicking BSA T-shirts were my Boy Scouts: the cute one, the ginger one, and the silent rock one.
“Hi!” I exclaimed, relief washing over me. “How are you?”
“Good! Zelda, right?” The cute one grinned. “I’m Jesse?”
“Right!” I high-fived him. “And . . .” I looked at the redhead. “I want you to know I’m making a Ron Weasley joke in my head, but it’s only in my head. I’d never say it out loud.”
He smirked. “Funny enough, in my head, I’m making a Hermione Granger joke. But only in my head.” He held his hand up for his own high five. “Murph.”
“That’s right,” I said, slapping his hand. “Murph.”
We turned to silent guy expectantly. He looked at his friends. They nodded encouragement. He gave me a hip-level wave. “Ricky.”
“With the rocks,” I said.
His eyebrows raised above his glasses in surprise. “Yeah,” he said.
“Good memory.” Murph smiled.
Ben took a possessive step toward me. “How do you know the Boy Scouts, Ellie?”
“We met in the woods,” I said. “I was—”
Brandon snickered.
I glared at him. “What.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Just imagining what goes on with you and three guys in the woods.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again. Restraint. It was taking every ounce of my self-control, but I would be the model of restraint. I would give them nothing to blame me for. I would be the embodiment of the high road. I turned to Jesse, whose strained face mirrored mine. “We’re doing high ropes today.” I smiled thinly.
“I know,” he said, his smile somewhat dimmed from before. “We’re belaying you . . . I’m sorry,” he faced Brandon, “what are you suggesting?”
“About what? About Ellie? I’m just joking.”
Jesse’s eyes flicked to mine. I willed him to drop it.
But Jesse cocked his head. “It wasn’t a very good joke.”
The Jakes let out a “woooooah” that Brandon shut down with a look.
“Hey! The rest of the team is here,” Ben said as Cade, Trey, and Donovan joined us. He turned to the scouts. “Are you guys it? They said we were supposed to wait until the Troop . . . Leader or something—”
Jesse kept his eyes on my team. “Troop Guide. That’s me. We’re all set.”
“Okay, then,” Ben said. “Let’s go!” He lead the way and we fell into small clumps. Jesse and Murph flanked me.
“Who are these guys?” Murph asked in a low voice.
“Improv can be really bro-y.” I shrugged. “I imagine Boy Scouts can be, too?”
Jesse grunted. “Yeah. It doesn’t mean I like it. I just . . . I wish he wouldn’t talk to you that way.”
“JAKE-EEE!” Brandon clapped three times. “Don’t fall, man!” Xander and the others hooted. “Though if you do, those ears will act like parachutes!”
I tried not to shoot a withering look at Brandon in the spirit of togetherness, but poor Jake 1.
“Don’t think of it as thirty feet!” Brandon yelled. “Think of it as three stories!” They all laughed again.
Jake 1 was stranded. His feet were planted in the middle of a wood-slatted rope bridge high above us. It had taken everyone else thirty or so seconds to cross from one end to the other, but halfway there, Jake 1 had suddenly frozen. For the last ten minutes, no amount of coaxing or contempt had succeeded in luring him to the other side.
He wasn’t thirty feet up in the air on that bridge alone, though. A climbing rope connected Jake’s harness to a pulley on a cable over his head down to a belay device on Jesse’s harness on the ground. Jesse’s left hand gripped the rope coming down from the pulley, and the other stayed at his right hip, folding the rope feeding out of the belay device to brake it. If Jake fell, it would only be for a couple feet. Ropes, engineering, and Jesse’s sure attention would prevent anything worse.
Still . . . I could see if you weren’t used to being thirty feet in the air, it could be scary.
Ben sidled over to Jesse. “Can we do anything to get this moving along?”
“Move what along?” Jesse’s eyes were locked on Jake, his voice to Ben polite, but cool.
“Him,” Ben said. “What do you do when this happens?”
“This is where the ‘team’ part of team building usually comes in,” Murph muttered. He was acting as Jesse’s second, holding on to the loose rope as a worst-case scenario backup plan.
“Don’t get so scared you pee your pants!” Xander shouted. “We’ll all get wet!”
As if on cue, rain began lightly tapping on our helmets.
“Dude! Gross!” Xander yelled. The bros all laughed.
“We can get a second person up there,” Jesse called. “What do you think, Jake?”
Jake shrugged.
“You want me to let you down?” Jesse asked. “You made it halfway. That’s amazing.”
“Amazing if you’re a little girl,” Brandon said, not quietly.
Murph looked at me. His eyes bulged in a Did-he-really-just-say-that? way.
I rolled my eyes.
Murph turned to Brandon. “Did you know that women’s bodies can handle much higher levels of pain than men’s can?”
Brandon didn’t even acknowledge him.
“So,” Murph continued, “when you call someone a girl, it’s quite the compliment.”
I couldn’t look at Brandon to see his reaction. I just smiled to myself.
Then Ricky appeared. “Zelda,” he said.
I turned, expectantly.
“You climb?”
I nodded. He gestured for me to follow him. W
e padded over wood chips toward the firecracker ladder, a braided rope with ladder rungs fed through its core. I flicked a look over my shoulder to see if Ben noticed where we were going, but he was focused on Jake 1.
Ricky pointed at the landing on top. “Talk him over.”
I hesitated for a second. Did I really want to help Jake? He hadn’t been directly terrible to me, but I certainly wouldn’t have considered him an ally. I peered up at him, blinking at the sprinkles of rain falling on my face. Shaking, Jake lifted a foot halfway up to take another step and the whole bridge pitched to one side. He whimpered as he overcompensated and pitched the other way.
As the guys on my team hooted and laughed in response, anger bubbled in my stomach. I met Ricky’s eyes and nodded. I’d have wanted someone to help if it was me stuck up there, but if I was being perfectly honest, a tiny, selfish part of me also wondered if my rescue mission might gain me some credibility on the team.
Ricky handed me the free end of the rope and I looped it through my harness in a figure-eight knot. Ricky double-checked the security of my knot, and I double-checked his carabiner gate to make sure it was locked.
“On belay?” I asked, reciting the standard climbing safety call-and-response.
“Belay on,” he responded.
“Climbing,” I declared.
“Climb on.”
I grabbed the rope at the center of the firecracker ladder with both hands and heaved my body up until my feet balanced on the first rung. I felt Ricky take the slack out of the rope. I pulled myself to the second rung, then the third. When I reached the fourth, the rain started to patter harder.
“It’s just supposed to rain a little, but if it gets any worse or I see lightning, I’ll call it,” Jesse announced.
My breathing increased as I hauled my feet to the sixth rung. That’s also when Xander noticed me.
“Kitty can climb!” he shouted.
The rest of the guys catcalled. My arms started to shake.
“Hey! What is she doing up there?” Ben demanded.
What was I doing? I watched the raindrops pit pat onto my hands and roll down my arms. I willed them to stop shaking.
“Get down, Ellie!” Ben called. “We don’t need you up there!”
I took a deep, steadying breath. “Just gimme a minute,” I called back.
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