“Stolen Twizzlers, Sirena,” Paloma warned her.
“From?” Sirena hesitated.
“That Varsity ass with the beady eyes.”
She flipped her braids over her shoulder. “Well done.”
Paloma huffed a little, but I noticed it didn’t stop her from plucking her own Twizzler out of the bag.
Then the two of them settled themselves on the bunk across from us. Taking a big bite from their Twizzlers in unison, Sirena nodded. “I knew you weren’t okay earlier. What happened?”
I swallowed. And then for the second time that day, I spilled.
•
“He wrote a sketch about you being a bad kisser?” A tear stole out of Emily’s eye. Lip trembling, she swiped it away and leaned into Sirena. “That’s . . . so mean.” The others were slack-jawed with shock.
The shock on my behalf fueled my desire to continue to confess. When I got to the hike with the Boy Scouts, Paloma interrupted me. “Wait wait wait. Ben likes you. Do you like him?”
I hesitated. “Uh—wait a second until I get to the foot injury.”
“Oh my god,” Hanna grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward her. “Zelda-girl, there are three sculpted man-cubs who also like you. You have four—”
“The Boy Scouts don’t like me,” I argued, pulling out of her grasp. “We’re friends.”
Everyone exchanged a skeptical look.
“We have already agreed upon your assets,” Sirena waved a hand like this was a done deal. “Zelda. You have four boys in pursuit of you.”
I folded my arms. “Murph has a girlfriend—”
“Three. Still unreal.”
“I really don’t think—”
“Continue.” Hanna interrupted me now, pulling out the bag of stolen Jolly Ranchers. “Please don’t leave out any details. Was there Boy Scout kissing?”
My chest felt tight. “No, but—”
“But?!” That was everyone.
I told them about the fall and Ben and the Nurse’s office.
“What?!” Paloma squawked. She scrambled off the bed. She looked ready to find him and punch him in the face. “That guy is a Class A asshole.”
“But—” I accepted a handful of Jolly Ranchers from Hanna. “He did all the things someone does when they like you . . . right?”
“On the surface, maybe.” Sirena looked to the others for backup.
“I said it before.” Emily blinked away another tear. “He seems mean.”
“He’s not mean,” I said.
“He wrote a sketch about you being a bad—” Paloma began, fists clenched.
“Yes, yes, I’m a terrible kisser—that’s been well-established,” I snapped.
Sirena cocked her head at me. “Okay, but how much kissing have you done in your life?”
I traced the lines of plaid on the sleeping bag I was sitting on. “Just . . . with . . . him.”
No one said anything.
“Okay.” Paloma rejoined me on the bed. “Indulge me for a second. Can you ride a bike?”
“Yes.”
“Could you the first time you tried?”
I folded my arms. “No.”
She poked me in the arm. “What did it take to learn?”
I rolled my eyes. “Practice.”
“And who taught you?”
“My dad.”
“And did he write a mocking sketch about how terrible you were at it the first time you tried?”
“Of course not,” I mumbled, shifting on the bunk. Some Jolly Rancher wrappers drifted to the floor.
“Of course not,” she repeated, punching the bed with a fist.
“Ben didn’t know it was my first time,” I said. “It’s different.”
Paloma growled. “I still disagree, but fine. What about when he yelled at you in front of the team at the high ropes course?”
“He was afraid. It came out as anger,” I said.
“Or,” she argued, attempting to tear up a Jolly Rancher wrapper, “it was all about power. You were talking that kid down—you were succeeding where he couldn’t, and he turned the tables on you.”
I shook my head. “That’s not the whole situation.”
“Okay.” She leaned across me and dug her hand into the Jolly Rancher bag. “What about not checking to see if something was broken and just whisking you off to the nurse’s office?”
“He was swept up in the moment!”
“Or he was jealous of the Boy Scouts!” Paloma said, angrily struggling to unwrap her Jolly Rancher until it flew out of her hands and skittered under the opposite bunk.
“He cares about me!” I exclaimed. Paloma was starting to climb under the bunk to retrieve the candy, but she managed to shoot me a disbelieving look first. “He does,” I insisted. “He’s different when it’s just us alone together.”
Paloma paused in her search under the bed. I felt everyone else’s eyes on me.
“Is that what you want, Zelda-girl?” Hanna asked. She pushed my knee. “Someone who’s only nice to you sometimes?”
I closed my eyes for a moment. They didn’t understand. “He doesn’t want people to think the only reason I’m on Varsity is because he likes me. He’s protecting me.”
Emily tilted her head. “Do you like him?”
“I—” My mind was buzzing with images of the past few days. “No one likes me like that. Ever. It’s not really the flannel shirts. I’m too . . . something.”
“Smart and independent and funnier than them?” Paloma bit out as she backed out from under the bunk.
I sighed and shook my head. In one hand I started arranging Jolly Ranchers in rainbow order. “All I know is no one has ever shown an interest in me until Ben. Maybe not everyone gets a perfect partner.”
“No one gets a perfect partner,” Paloma said. “But everyone gets to have a kind one. Look. Significant others are like airplane Wi-Fi.”
I bit my lips and looked at Paloma expectantly.
“You don’t need airplane Wi-Fi. You can read a book. Talk to people. Draw. But airplane Wi-Fi can be fun—you can watch a movie. Be on your phone. But if you’re going to have Wi-Fi, it has to be consistent. Because if it’s spotty, if it just stops and starts and freezes in the middle of binge-watching Parks and Rec, that’s maddening. It’s crazy-making. Better no airplane Wi-Fi than bad airplane Wi-Fi. Make sense?”
I quirked a half smile. “Paloma. How are you so freaking smart?”
Hanna threw a handful of Jolly Ranchers under the bed and raised her eyebrows at Paloma in a challenge. “Both of her parents are therapists.”
“Both?” Emily, Sirena, and I demanded.
Paloma glared at Hanna then crawled back under the bed to retrieve the candy. “I lose my temper sometimes,” she called out, “but basically I’m all kinds of adjusted.”
We laughed.
But I had to make them understand. “Ben’s not bad airplane Wi-Fi,” I said.
Hanna shrugged. “Look. It’s your life. You can date Ben, kiss as many consenting Boy Scouts as you want, or—I don’t know—take a bikini-wearing ferret to the grocery store in December if it makes you happy. All we’re saying, is you don’t seem hap—”
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “It’s complicated, but it’s not bad. Ben’s not bad.”
“Okay,” Sirena said, but I could tell she didn’t really believe me. She leaned forward. “Wait. So Varsity. It sucks. They’re terrible. Having Ben as a coach is . . . complicated—at best.”
I nodded.
“And you’re staying on Varsity because . . . ,” Sirena said, squinting at me.
I looked around at us. “Because of you. Us. Women.”
“But you’re miserable,” Emily whimpered. “They’re terrible to you.”
I shook my head. “If I leave, they’ll have won.”
“If you stay,” Sirena mused, “doesn’t that excuse their behavior? Haven’t they won again?”
I turned to Paloma, who had just climbed back on the bed. “You to
ld me I had to do this for us. For women.”
She looked at the ground, nodding. “I did. I did say that. Because . . . I thought it would be easier for you than for the rest of us.”
I cocked my head. “Easier how?”
She glanced at the others. “The rest of us are just . . . carrying more. Sirena and I are people of color. Hanna’s got albinism. Emily gets harassed for her size; she and Sirena are gay.”
I chewed on my cheek. “That’s true.” I looked around at each of the Gildas. “But none of that should matter in improv.”
Sirena gave me a tired half smile. “It shouldn’t matter, Zelda, but it does.”
Paloma bumped my shoulder with hers. “It is easier for you, probably, than it would be for the rest of us, but it’s still freaking hard. I didn’t fully realize how abusive they were being to you.”
“It’s not abusive,” I protested.
She put a hand on one hip. “Two therapist parents. Trust me. I know abuse when I see it, and I also know you don’t have to stay in an abusive situation to try to win a moral victory, Zelda.”
I lifted the ice pack off my foot. My toes were numb. “I can do it. I have something to prove.”
Sirena shook her head at me. “Just remember: you’re not alone, Zelda.”
“Neither are you,” I said back to her.
“And neither are you,” Sirena said, turning to Emily.
“And neither are you,” Emily said to Hanna.
Hanna looked at Paloma. “You, on the other hand, are the only well-adjusted one here. So, you are totally alone.”
The laughter soothed my lungs.
Hanna and Paloma went to the Lodge at dinner and sneaked back a whole tray of coffee cake, a bag of oranges, and a bowl of unshelled peanuts. A strange little meal, but no one was eager to face the world outside Gilda Radner for very long yet.
After dinner, we shoved the three bunk beds we were using into a triangle. We pulled the mattresses off the other five unused bunks and carpeted the floor with them.
“I love it.” Emily sighed happily, helping lug the last mattress into place. “It’s so cozy in here now.”
“It’s too bad we don’t have like a thousand blankets,” Sirena said, collapsing onto her back. “That would make Mattress Island even better.”
“Wait,” Hanna announced, holding up a hand. “I have something that’ll make the whole cabin even better. Close your eyes. It’s a surprise.”
Paloma raised her eyebrows at Hanna. “The last time you told me to close my eyes for a surprise, I found all of the pepperoni had been stolen off my pizza.”
“It was a surprise, though. Admit it,” Hanna said, waving her away. “Close ’em! This surprise is not food-related.”
Still favoring my foot, I plopped down next to Sirena and obeyed Hanna.
There was a click, and a pleasant beep. Then, “Whooooooooo ooooooaaaaaaammmmm! Whuu uuuuuuuuuuuuuu aaaaallll!”
Our eyes all flew open.
“Pacific Coast Whale Sounds!” Emily and Sirena and I shouted, laughing.
“This is worse than the pepperoni surprise,” Paloma moaned. She scrambled to her feet and launched herself at the Discman on the dresser to shut it down, but Hanna threw her body on top of it, shouting, “I love it now! It’s the sound my soul makes!”
Sirena and Emily and I lay back on our elbows in the middle of Mattress Island, laughing, as Paloma finally got a hand between Hanna and the Discman and disconnected it from the speakers.
“What are you guys doing?” It was Will, outside the cabin’s screen door.
Jonas pushed open the door, kicked his shoes off, and somersaulted onto Mattress Island. “Genius!” he shouted.
Will met my eye. His raised eyebrows asked if I was okay. I shrugged and tried to give him a reassuring smile. It had been nice to forget about Ben for a little while, but ultimately, I really wasn’t sure what to think.
“We can’t stay,” Will said as Jonas leapt from mattress to mattress. “Because it’s curfew soon and—Jonas? Did you just unironically say ‘Weeee!’?”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Jonas and Will left, and the rest of us stayed up late, all drunk on the slumber party atmosphere. Consequently, we slept through breakfast.
Luckily, we had coffee cake leftovers; so after throwing on some clothes, jamming my stocking cap over my frizzy curls, and promising myself to shower today and actually do something with my hair, we toasted with coffee cake and hauled off to rehearsal.
Before Sirena headed up the stairs with the others, she grabbed my sleeve. “Remember. You’re not alone.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
Xander and Brandon passed us on in the way in. “Hey,” they said.
“See?” I smiled, whispering to Sirena. “They greeted me. It’s going to be great.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Glad to see your high expectations.” She gave my arm a squeeze and took the stairs two at a time.
Ben was arranging rehearsal blocks on stage and didn’t see me limp in. I tried to smile at everyone else as they entered, but no one made eye contact.
I attempted not to stare at Ben as he lifted one rehearsal block after another, his biceps flexing and straining against his UCB long-sleeve T-shirt.
He liked me. A really hot guy liked me. And I liked him. Right? He certainly made me feel things. Watching his body move on the stage and thinking about him touching me was making me feel warm all over.
Then he caught my eye. He pointed at his foot with a questioning look.
I gave him a small smile and a shrug. It’s okay.
He held my gaze two seconds short of being downright seductive, then clapped his hands. “Party Quirks. Brandon, get the suggestions. Xander, Cade, Trey, Jake, and Ellie, you’re up.”
I frowned a little as I climbed on stage. He wasn’t even going to mention what had happened yesterday? He’d told me they were writing apology notes. Where were they? And we were also leaping straight into a game structure without warming up? Were warm-ups suddenly on his long list of “crutches”?
“Brandon, start us off.” Ben sat backward on a folding chair in the audience, and Brandon hopped forward and flashed me a friendly smile.
I looked behind me. I was definitely the only one there . . . Okay. Then again, maybe Ben had talked to everyone already and didn’t want to beat a dead horse by bringing it up again.
Shake it off, I told myself. It’s fine. Trust yourself. Trust your partner. You can do this.
Brandon held out his hands. “Okay. You know when you throw a party and people show up whose names you know you’re supposed to remember but you can’t quite do it? We are those people.”
“Good explanation. It’ll get a laugh, too.” said Ben. “Keep going.”
I glanced up and down the line. Everyone shared my determined look. I smiled and faced forward.
“We are going to go to—” Brandon looked down the row of players. “Xander’s party. In a minute, I’ll be looking for suggestions as to who we all are, and then Xander will try to guess our identities. So Xander doesn’t hear the suggestions, can I get a volunteer to go with him into the hallway?”
Ben pretended to be an audience member. “Me! I’ll go!”
“Settle down, man, I don’t swing that way.” Xander chuckled and jogged out of the room.
“Uh,” I started, “that’s not exactly awesome in terms of gay—”
Brandon kept going like he hadn’t heard me. “See you soon, Xander!”
I looked at Ben to see if he was going to address Xander’s homophobic joke, but he was focused on Brandon.
Brandon pointed at High Ropes Jake. “For Jake here, I need a historical figure.”
“Abraham Lincoln,” Ben called.
“And Abe has a secret.”
“He’s gay,” Jake 2 hollered.
I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, for Trey, I need a movie star.”
“Will Smith,” Ben offered.
“
Great. Will Smith has something he needs to give Abe Lincoln. What is it?”
“A punch in the face for not freeing the slaves earlier!” Jake 2 called. He turned to Donovan and clapped him on the back. “Right, my brother?”
My eyes grew huge. Anger flashed in Donovan’s eyes, but it was gone so quickly, I thought I might have imagined it.
“Right,” Donovan said. “Punch him hard, Trey.”
Trey mock-punched High Ropes Jake in the stomach, and Jake played along.
“Guys,” I said, meeting Donovan’s eyes, “maybe we should stay away from—”
“It’s just jokes, Ellie,” Donovan said. “Jokes always offend someone or they’re not jokes.”
I didn’t think that had to be true, but before I had a chance to respond, Ben inserted himself. “Let’s all remember I’m giving the suggestions here,” he said.
THAT was Ben’s way of trying to right the ship?
“Sure, but that was a good suggestion,” Brandon said. “I’ll take it. Damn you, Lincoln.”
Ben said nothing.
Donovan and Trey said nothing.
I said nothing.
But a new pit developed in my stomach. Had there been other crappy moments like Jake 2 calling Donovan “my brother,” but I’d been too focused on myself to notice?
Brandon clamped a hand on Cade’s shoulder. “Now for Ellie and Cade, I need two things that go together.”
Ben paused a moment. “The president and the vice president.”
I nodded. No prostitutes in sight.
“And they forgot something at Xander’s house.”
“The Constitution.”
Lovely. Okay. Things were looking up.
“Now, when Xander gets close to guessing who’s at his party, clap a little. When he gets closer, clap louder, and when he gets it, go crazy! Let’s call Xander back in. One, two, three—”
We all hollered, “Xander!”
Xander trotted back in the room as we cleared to neutral.
“I told you, man, I’ve got a girlfriend,” he joked as he mimed setting up the party.
I closed my eyes for a minute. These guys were trapped so hard in this tiny box of acceptable heterosexual male behavior. I tried to feel sorry for them instead of angry.
I pulled on Cade’s arm and mimed knocking on the door while stomping my good foot to make the sound.
Unscripted Page 15