“You’re a good cook.” He sniffed hungrily at the stew. “It’s making my mouth water.”
“Well, let’s sit and start eating.”
Chapter Ten
Weeks passed, on the one hand Freddie was the happiest she had ever been, on the other hand, she fretted and worried because even at the height of his passion, Nick never said that he loved her, whereas she often told him.
She was becoming suspicious she night be having his baby, with her limited knowledge of such things. She wanted him to marry her or at least make some kind of commitment.
They had never spoken of children, so she had no idea whether he would want them or not. Forcing him into a marriage he didn’t want to freely participate in was not her way. Most men would offer marriage to protect their child from the stigma of illegitimacy, but Nick wasn’t like most men.
Once they had started sharing a bed, he had given up drinking whiskey because she never smelled it on his breath, and the number of unopened bottles remained the same.
I have to find out where I stand. If I am having a baby I need to know before I get too far along. Tonight after they had made love, she would broach the subject and not let him weasel out of giving her an answer. She also wanted him to take her into Boynton one day to shop. Was he hiding her? Was he ashamed of her? She was the first to admit she wasn’t the simpering, pretty, ladylike type, nor was she ugly or vulgar.
Why wouldn’t he marry her, when he was getting all the privileges of a husband? Did he plan to send her away once he became bored with her?
She banged the pastry she was kneading on the table sending up a cloud of flour. Was it unreasonable to expect him at the very least to take her into town so she could buy a few clothes? She hated wearing his dead wife’s things. If he had loved his first wife, wouldn’t he feel bad about letting another woman use her belongings?
The thoughts kept churning around in her head. She deserved a trip into town. If he didn’t have enough money to get her store bought clothes, he could at least buy her material to make her own. Her sewing skills were passable at best, but working around the cabin anything she made would do.
Another bone of contention was his refusal to allow her to do what he considered man’s work. She was just as capable as him to replace a few missing shingles on the barn roof or help with fencing. Her riding skills were as good, if not better, than most men.
When she had queried him about helping outside his reply had been. “You can look after the chickens, milk the cow and bring buckets of water into the house, or for the storage barrels on the back porch. It wasn’t enough, she wanted to do more than prepare his meals, keep the cabin tidy and warm his bed.
She couldn’t contain herself for much longer. Wouldn’t contain herself. She ran the flat of her hand across her belly. Was it slightly fuller than before? She knew nothing about pregnancy except there was no “woman’s time” if she was.
After finding a few apples in the loft she had decided to make an apple pie for supper. I ought to give him a tin of beans like he did to me she thought, instead of sweating like a pig over the stove to give him tasty meals.
“I hate this place,” she suddenly screamed into the silence. Grabbing up the pastry dough she flung it at the wall, dropped to her knees, covered her face with her hands and wept.
“What’s wrong?” Nick strode up to her, placed his hands under her arms and lifted her to her feet.
She shook herself free. “Wrong?” she screamed at him. “Everything is wrong. You’re a selfish, inconsiderate skunk.”
“What have I done?” His lips thinned.
“I’m sick of this place. I’m sick of you and how selfish you are.”
“Are you loco?”
“Why won’t you take me into town?” She didn’t give him time to answer. “Are you ashamed of me? Is that it? Or maybe you don’t want people to know we’re living as husband and wife, even though we aren’t. Once she started yelling she couldn’t stop.
“Stop it. I am not ashamed of you.” His voice was cold as forged steel. “I only go in when I need supplies.”
“Well, I need things. I’m sick of wearing a dead woman’s clothing.”
His expression hardened. “There’s nothing wrong with them. Why waste good clothes.”
She couldn’t believe he would be that insensitive as to not realize how awful it made her feel or how disrespectful it was to Li. He obviously didn’t care for either of them. Getting all het up wouldn’t resolve anything she realized, but it made her feel better.
“We’ll go into Boynton in a couple of months then you can buy yourself a pretty bonnet or dress.”
“What’s wrong with me?” She scrubbed at her eyes.
“Nothing.”
“If I was pretty you’d want to marry me.”
“Gawddammit, you are pretty. As for marriage, I don’t believe in it.”
“Why, because some preacher refused to marry you and Li?”
“No. I don’t wish to speak about it – ever.”
“What does that make me? Your mistress or your whore?”
“Neither,” he snarled, before stomping out of the room.
“Go and get drunk, you selfish sonofabitch.”
He slammed the back door so hard the windows rattled.
Freddie cleaned up the mess she had made, drank a cup of warm milk and trudged off to bed. Tomorrow she would borrow one of Nick’s horses, ride into town and catch the stage to Austin. Once she got there her uncle or one of her cousins would take her to Guilford Crossing.
What if Pa wouldn’t have her back? She’d worry about that when she got there. Lily and Matt Brayshaw would let her stay with them until she came up with a permanent solution. It would be nice to see Annie and baby Rachel again.
****
It was late when Nick slid into bed beside her. “Are you awake, darlin’?”
He always called her darlin’ when he wanted something. She wouldn’t be falling for that ploy tonight, even though she had to force herself not to respond when his hand slipped inside her nightgown and caressed her breast.
“I need you, Freddie, come on, darlin’ don’t refuse me.”
She lay as stiff as a board until finally, when his caresses got no response, he muttered something and rolled away.
Money for the coach fare and a few dollars to buy a meal or two, she would have to help herself to some of the stash he kept behind a loose brick at the side of the fireplace.
She would leave him a note saying she would repay the money on arrival at Guilford Crossing, and would leave his horse at the livery in Boynton.
Next morning when she awoke, the other side of the bed was empty and the sheets cold to her touch. He had obviously risen early and left so he wouldn’t have to face her.
Chapter Eleven
It took four days for Freddie to arrive at Guilford Crossing. Cousin Jeb dropped her off at home and she helped him unload the freight he had brought in from Austin, and load up the freight that had come from La Grange.
“Will you come inside and have a bite to eat before you go?”
“Nah.” He grinned. “I got someone to see.”
“One of the doves from the cathouse?”
“None of ya business little cousin. Oh, well, promise ya won’t tell.”
“Promise.”
“There’s this little gal I’m sort of stepping out with. She lives on a ranch halfway between here and Austin. I usually stop on my way past. Pa would have my hide if he knew I broke the journey and stopped the wagon.”
“Your secret is safe with me. Thanks for bringing me back.”
“Yeah, well, if ya old man goes loco on ya, stay with us. Pa always did have a soft spot for ya.”
“Thanks. Pa is sure to holler and howl for a bit, but once he calms down he’ll probably be glad to see me, if what you say is true about him working one person short.”
She watched Jeb drive off then trudged around the back of the freight shed to the house.
It was empty, although the coffee pot was still hot. She walked to the room she shared with her sisters and changed into her own clothes, brown britches and blue work shirt. Back in the kitchen she poured herself a cup of coffee.
The brown floral dress she had worn on the stage and the plain straw hat, she would return to Nick once she could get to the bank to withdraw ten dollars from her savings to replace the money she had stolen.
With her booted feet resting on the hearth, she leaned back in the chair and sipped her coffee. She forced herself not to think of Nick because it made her cry. Better for her to push all thoughts of him to the back of her mind and make the best of it.
Never again would she give her heart to a man, the hurt when he discarded her was too great to bear. She had done it once. Never again. Being an old maid wouldn’t be too bad, she could do what she wanted, when she wanted and answer to no man.
“You finally came back.” Pa stomped into the kitchen. “Pour me a coffee.”
Automatically she did so. “I got here as soon as I could. I was seriously injured by the outlaws. Didn’t Billy tell you?”
“Yeah, some garbled story about the wagon being attacked and the guns stolen and outlaws taking you.”
“That’s about it.” She didn’t tell him she had hidden the guns, probably never would. “They damn near killed me.” She gave him a brief outline of what had happened. “If Nick hadn’t found me and nursed me back to health, I’d be dead. I couldn’t have lasted out in the open in the hot sun for much longer.”
“Nick, is he the one who sent the Telegram?”
“Yes, and he showed me the nasty reply you sent back.”
“Watch your mouth, gal, or I’ll take me belt to you.”
“Where are Alfie and Alex?”
“Working. What in tarnation do you think they’d be doing? With you away we’ve been short-handed, and everyone had to pitch in and do extra.”
“I bet you didn’t.”
He raised his hand and dropped it again. “As a matter of fact I did go out on the road, someone had to take your place. Stand up.”
“Why?”
“There’s something different about you.”
“Of course there is, I’ve had broken ribs, my face was so bruised and swollen my eyes were closed for days.”
She stood.
Much to her surprise he circled her, then he started into her eyes. A knowing glint lit up his faded blue eyes. “You’ve got a baby in your belly.”
“What!” She would have collapsed to the floor if he hadn’t pushed a chair under her.
“How do you know when I don’t even know for sure myself?”
“I can tell, I’ve got the gift.”
“You’re talking crazy.” She wondered why he wasn’t raving and ranting.
“I can tell within a few days of conception. Something in a woman’s eyes.”
“Are you ever wrong?”
“Nope. Did the outlaws violate you or was it this Nick?”
“It was Nick. The outlaws would have if I hadn’t escaped.”
“Did he force himself on you?”
“No. No. I was there for over a week and he didn’t touch me except to dress my wounds. I shared his bed once I got better.”
She waited for an explosion of anger and abuse. It didn’t come.
“I fell in love with him.” There, she’d said it out loud. “Only he wouldn’t offer marriage, said he didn’t believe in it. He doesn’t know that I might be carrying his baby.”
“You are carrying his baby,” Pa insisted, and she didn’t argue with him, only hoped he was wrong.
“He was married once, and his wife was killed on the day he came home from the war.”
“Sonofabitch. Nick Brown. His wife was lynched by a crazed mob in Everton before it became a ghost town.”
“Yes, how did you know?”
“I read it in the paper. When he was a boy he came here a few times with his uncle who owned the Everton general store.”
“They raped her, beat her then hanged her just because she was Chinese.”
“Yeah, plenty of red necks around in those days. You look awful, have a lie down. A gal in your condition needs plenty of rest.”
Freddie couldn’t believe she was hearing right. He was almost being nice. “Why the sudden concern?” The words fell out of her mouth of their own volition.
“Because.” He glared at her. “You could be carrying a boy child. I’ve got no-one to hand this place on to. All my years of work wasted.”
“You’ve got three daughters.”
“I want a male heir.”
“You’ve got Billy.”
“Poor damn Billy ain’t no good to me.”
“He can’t help it.”
“I don’t blame the boy. I’ve made provision for him in my Will.”
That surprised her. Was he really as tough and unfeeling as he wanted people to believe?
“Listen, Pa.”
“Go and rest or I’ll take….”
“Your belt to me. I know.”
“Watch that sassy mouth of yours.” He strode out the door leaving his coffee on the table.
Freddie felt bone weary. She’d traveled a lot of miles over the last few days, snatching sleep whenever she could. Wearily she made her way to the bedroom. The room looked the same as it always had. Three single beds with a couple of feet between each of them. The whole house didn’t seem changed, only her. She would never be the same as before. She was a grown woman now, and if Pa was right, had a baby in her belly to prove it.
Kicking off her boots, she lay on the bed fully clothed and shut her eyes. What was Nick doing? Had he missed her?
****
“Freddie.” Alfie jumped on the bed and nearly frightened the life out of her. “I couldn’t believe it when Pa said you were home.”
They hugged each other.
“Where’s Alex and Billy?”
“They won’t be back for a while. They’re doing the La Grange run.”
“What happened? Until we got the Telegram we thought you were dead.” Alfie brushed the tears from her eyes and sniffed loudly.
“Couldn’t Billy tell you?”
“He arrived home about two days later. All he could do was blubber about a ghost town and bad men shooting at you.”
“It was horrible.” Freddie shuddered.
“At least Billy brought the horses with him.”
“I thought they’d be gone, too. I told him to run and he did, that’s the last I saw of him. He must have hidden and circled back to the wagon later.”
“What’s this about you having a baby?”
“What!”
“Pa said you were, and if I opened my mouth and told anyone he’d cut my tongue out.”
Freddie told her what had happened and about Nick.
“Low down varmint, I ought to go after him and chop his balls off.”
“Alfie?”
“Alex will want to come with me when she finds out.”
“You know, Pa was almost nice to me when I arrived, insisted I rest. I sort of suspected I might be having a baby. Pa stared into my eyes and said I was. Said he had the gift of knowing.”
“That’s what he said to me.” Alfie sat on the bed and held her hand. “I’m real glad you’re back, Freddie. We were devastated when we thought you were dead. That Telegram was worth more to us than a wagon load of gold.”
“Not to Pa.” She told Alfie about his reply to Nick’s Telegram.”
“Nasty, but you know what Pa’s like. Until he got that Telegram I tell you this Freddie, he was roaring like a bull, demanding the sheriff send out a posse. Vowing to kill anyone he caught.”
“Alfie, get out here and let that gal sleep,” Pa yelled.
Later that evening Alex and Billy walked in. Alex shrieked and rushed at Freddie, almost squashing her in a bear hug. Billy’s eyes filled with tears and he trembled from head to toe.
“Freddie, Freddie.” She untangled hersel
f from Alex and stepped over to her brother. “I told you I’d be all right, didn’t I?”
He nodded.
“We’ll all have a whiskey to settle us down,” Pa announced. “Not you.” He stabbed a finger at Freddie. “A glass of milk for you.”
That night in bed she went over the happenings of the last few hours and the welcome she had received from the family. Why wasn’t she happy? Nick. I’ll forget him or die in the attempt she inwardly vowed, knowing full well it was a lie. She would never forget him.
Chapter Twelve
Nick dragged himself out of bed. It was mid-morning. His head ached, and his vision blurred. He had barely been sober since Freddie left him two weeks ago. If it hadn’t been for the animals he had to care for he would be drinking non-stop until his supply ran out.
Goddammit, he was a fool. What was wrong with him? He should have offered marriage after taking her virginity. Holy hell, it had been a shock. He didn’t know what he had expected, hadn’t even thought about it. Being so desperate to have her, he didn’t have a coherent thought left in his head.
The past few weeks were the happiest in his whole life; she hadn’t asked for much – to be taken into town and for him to make some type of commitment. She couldn’t know it, and he should have told her his aversion to marriage was caused by guilt, because if Li had been legally married to him, those evil varmints in Everton might have been pulled into line by their womenfolk.
Those female vipers in the crowd had been incensed that she was Chinese, but had she been carrying his name they couldn’t have called her a whore., When that holier-than-thou preacher had refused to marry them, he should have taken Li somewhere else.
Now he had done the same thing to Freddie. If it ever got out in Guilford Crossing that they’d shared a bed her reputation would be ruined. As for her family. He shuddered to think what old man Guilford might do if he found out. Probably take a whip to her. He had to make it right. Go to Guilford Crossing and get down on bended knee and beg her to be his wife if that’s what it took.
Why shouldn’t he have what other men had? A wife and family. He could leave this place and all the bitter memories behind. Start afresh in Guilford Crossing if that’s what Freddie wanted.
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