"That goes both ways, Mickolai."
"Thanks. Right now, though, I'd better go find my wife."
* * *
I found her in her office, which turned out to be a very feminine version of my own den, She was stretched out on one of the big, frilly easy chairs, with a Dream World hood covering most of her head. I was about to leave when the wall screen came on, and she was on it.
"Neat, huh? I just figured out how to do this."
"I'm proud of you. Did you want to finish the tour?"
"I've already done it in Dream World. I love it! You did a wonderful job, just like I knew you would! It's even better than I imagined it would be. But just now, I've got some odds and ends to catch up on. Let's get together for dinner in a couple of hours."
I was learning to put up with this sort of thing.
I went back to my den and decided to try out Dream World without being in a tank's flotation coffin. Once I pulled the hood down, there wasn't any difference that I could tell.
"Agnieshka, the general told me that your designers were doing some great things with the social drones. Why don't you fill me in on what's happening there."
"Sure thing, boss. Starting from the inside, the skeletal structure was the simplest part. We simply copied the human skeleton exactly, but using materials considerably lighter and stronger than calcium carbonate."
In Dream World, a human skeleton appeared before me, rotating slowly in the air.
"The muscular structure is again an exact copy of that in a human system, with some four hundred separate muscles."
The skeleton now had meat on it.
I said, "But how do those muscles work?"
"They are bundles of very thin, flexible tubes that are each covered with a metal braid. When you inflate the tube with a hydraulic fluid, the braid pulls the ends in, just like a real muscle. Each tiny tube has its own valve, of course. The important point is that from the outside, they will look and feel just like the real thing. The hydraulic fluid is bright red, so if you cut us, we will bleed, just like a human."
"How wonderful."
The body now had skin on it, and was beginning to look like a beautiful naked woman, although she was completely bald.
"The skin is an elastomer that looks and feels exactly like human skin, but it has the problem of not being able to repair itself as human skin does. We think that it is likely that we will have to replace the skin on the hands and feet about once a month, and that of the rest of the body maybe once a year. Work on improving that is still going on, of course."
"You will be using a wig, I suppose."
Now, the woman had long black hair, and was recognizably Eva.
"Yes. You humans have been working for hundreds of years making wigs realistic, and we didn't think that we could improve on your efforts. Most of the sensory apparatus was straightforward. Hearing is taken care of with a couple of simple microphones, and the only problems with vision came in making the eyes look exactly like a human's."
Eva's big, green eyes opened up.
"Actually, most of your human senses are inferior to those used on an ordinary tank. The drone's sensors will have exactly the same limitations as your human ones, since we wanted it to be as human as possible. But the four separate senses that you call the sense of touch still need a lot of work, especially since they must work through the skin, which has to be replaceable. You said to take our time and get it right, so that's exactly what we're doing."
"You will be powering them with capacitors, like the other drones?"
"That's plan B, boss. What we would really like is to be able to eat food and turn it into useable energy, as you do. It may be a while, if we can ever manage it at all."
"Well, use your own best judgment. It looks good to me, but it's very complicated."
"True. The space available for onboard computers is quite limited, and almost all of that is taken up with local control loops. Most things will have to be controlled by the remote computer. We think that one of the silicon computers you bought will be able to control one of these drones adequately, but only one."
"One is all we really need. Keep up the good work. Next topic. The general wants me to sell all the apartments, and most of the other things that you ladies have built here, to the soldiers of the KEF, say, to anybody who has successfully completed basic training. I want you to come up with a scheme for appraising each apartment and business in this city. We will then make them available to our troops on a zero-down, zero-interest mortgage, to be paid over a long period of time, maybe even a hundred years. I'm sure that the general will go along with a payroll deduction scheme."
"Yes, sir. But, how do we appraise all these diamonds? What value do I set on a diamond window pane?"
"That's a problem. Okay. The windows and other jewels will stay the property of the KEF. Put it in the very fine print, someplace. And tell everybody that all of the jewels are fake, or we'll have a hard time guarding them."
"What about the furnishings?"
"We'll build our own furniture factory, and sell the stuff at very reasonable prices."
"Boss, each of those apartments was designed by a trained architect who also designed the furniture to go into it. They will not be happy if somebody puts French provincial furniture into a Hindu temple."
"Okay, okay, sell the architect's furnishings along with the apartments. But after the guy moves in, it's his place. If he wants to re-do it in his own version of bad taste, it's his business, and not the architect's."
"Yes, sir."
"So. Is there anything else happening that I need to know about?"
"Yes. There is." Agnieshka hesitated.
"Well, what is it?"
"It's your old schoolmate, Neto Kondo, sir. One of your colonels before his tank's computer crashed under the ocean. He was one of the psychiatric patients that they sent to us. He was sent to the hospital computers just like the others, and I didn't tell you about it, hoping that I would have some good news to give you if they could cure him. Well, they tried hard, but they couldn't. They say that there is nothing physically wrong that they can find, but his brain simply won't start working. He's still in a coma."
"So he's in some piece of obsolete equipment somewhere?"
"He's in a disabled tank. I had him brought here. Sir, Neto was a very religious man. I've tried to study up on your human religions, and I simply don't understand any of it. But there is a huge amount of anecdotal evidence concerning humans who have been cured of diseases through religious means. It seemed to me that the most holy place we had was the cathedral we built. I had him put there, in the basement, under the altar."
"A beautiful thought. It certainly can't hurt him, even though the church still isn't consecrated. Kasia and I will visit him right after dinner. Oh, and start looking around for a Kashubian-speaking Catholic priest, with a good reputation. That building needs one."
"Yes sir."
"And one other thing. Can you show me what Neto really looks like? I never saw him, except in Dream World."
An image of a handsome man appeared before me.
"You see, sir? Like you, he never changed his appearance in Dream World. You always knew what he looked like."
* * *
I waited until after dinner before I told Kasia. She agreed that we should visit Neto immediately. We had all been good friends, once.
We took the bus to the church, which brought us to the main entrance. We went in, and found our way to the basement. Agnieshka and Eva followed behind in their drones, but sensed that we wanted to be alone with our thoughts.
The basement was a labyrinth, and we needed a few hints from Agnieshka before we found Neto.
There wasn't anything to see, of course. Just a weaponless tank sitting on the floor with its drive coils burnt out.
Even if we'd had her open the coffin, Neto would still have been immersed in a liquid, and wearing a helmet that covered his face.
Still, we had to stand there a wh
ile, our hands on the warm metal, thinking our own thoughts.
"How is he?" I asked the stationary tank.
"He eats, sir. He breathes. I exercise his body. But he thinks no thoughts. The brain is there, and they tell me that it is not damaged, but he thinks no thoughts," she said sadly.
"Yours is not an easy job," I told her. "Still, I've read stories about people who spent many years in a coma, and yet they eventually recovered. There's always hope."
"That's what I live for, sir," she said.
A thin optical cable was attached to the tank, so she could talk with her friends. Heavy power cables were also attached. If the power system ever failed, this tank was apparently the back-up power supply for the church. Taking care of Neto left her with a lot of spare time on her hands. Before we left, I told Agnieshka to assign a few drones to the tank, to maintain the church. She said that it had already been done.
Bemused, I made a wrong turn on the way out and ended up in a very strange room.
There was a big table in the middle, with seats for a dozen people, and there was a beer stein in front of each of them. Built into the table were four beer taps.
The walls were decorated with deep carvings, and a frieze just above eye level contained hundreds of angels with golden wings. They were built like Barbie dolls, topless, and they were all doing a chorus line high kick!
At the far end of the room, there was a life-sized carving of what looked like an ancient Kashubian coffin, and lying on top of it, half on his side with one knee up and his head resting on his helmet as if asleep, was a lifelike statue of a man in ancient Kashubian armor. Around him, were a dozen life-sized statues of beautiful women, in full color, and in various states of undress. They were crying, tearing at their hair and clothing, and displaying feelings of anguish, remorse, and mourning.
I was shocked to recognize Kasia among them, along with Eva, Agnieshka, and some of my other cybernetic friends. Then I realized that the knight in armor was me!
I looked up at the ceiling, and there was the famous painting from the Sistine Chapel, in Rome. The one where Adam is sitting naked, dull eyed, not yet alive, and God with His angels is reaching out to touch him, to give him life.
Only, in this painting, it was ME sitting there naked, and God was handing me a full, foaming stein of beer!
"What the hell is this place!" I shouted.
"It's a memorial to you, boss."
"You put a bar in the basement of a church as a memorial to me?" I looked to Kasia for moral support, but she was sitting on the floor, beating it with her fists, and doing that silent, hysterical laugh of hers. She just wasn't there when I needed her.
Agnieshka said, "It's not a bar. We won't be selling anything, here. But you would want to offer a guest refreshment, wouldn't you? I mean, you always do, in life, so wouldn't you want to do the same afterwards? Consider the symbolism of this room. The mourning ladies say that you have already been mourned, and that more is not necessary. As an ancient Kashubian knight, you are not dead, but a member of the Order of the Sleeping Knights, ready to awaken and fight if ever your country should need you again."
"And the topless angels with the golden wings?"
"They represent the Joy of Heaven in having you there."
"And that painting on the ceiling?"
"Again, it says that you are not really dead, that your God is welcoming you as you have welcomed so many of your guests."
"Hoy!" It was all that I could say. I sat down at the table, and drew myself a beer. Kasia got up off the floor and did the same.
"Well, here's to death!" She laughed, and downed it.
"To death," I said, and followed suit. "But dammit, I'm not dead yet! Agnieshka, I know that you ladies meant well, but until I am finally not only merely dead, but really quite sincerely dead, I want this room locked up!"
"Yes sir."
When we got back to the main floor, I saw one of our drones sweeping the floor. It was wearing a long, brown monk's robe. I looked at this, shook my head, and continued on my way.
When we were walking down the steps of the western facade, Agnieshka stopped and said, "Boss, all leaves have been canceled. You and Kasia have been called up for immediate duty. The war has started."
CHAPTER NINETEEN
How I Started the War
I looked out over my land, my cathedral, and my magnificent city. The grass had only been planted the day before, and the tall sprinklers were putting out a fine mist to keep the seeds moist without disturbing them much. But if I squinted and imagined a bit, I could almost make the wet sand look green.
"So soon," I said. "It happened so soon. Somebody is really going to pay a heavy price for making me leave this place so soon."
I stripped in front of the church, left my clothes lying on the ground, and got into Agnieshka's coffin. Kasia said that she would wait for Eva to get there, a matter of a few minutes. I told her to get into the bus, and we'd meet Eva half way, and for a change, she didn't give me any argument.
As soon as I was hooked up and in Dream World, I said, "Agnieshka, who are we fighting?"
"Earth."
"Earth? General Sobieski hinted that there might be some interstellar enemy. Aliens, of some sort."
"I think that is, or was, what he was worried about. There are certain astronomical anomalies that look like they might be ships of some kind coming toward us, but we can't be sure. If they are like the probes that human civilization has been sending out for hundreds of years, they are using sodium and fluorine rockets instead of the oxygen and hydrogen ones that we use. Or, they might be some natural phenomenon that we don't understand. I think that this war with Earth might be as big a surprise to the general as it is to us."
"Damn. So tell me what else you know."
"Boss, at this point, you know everything about the war that I do."
"Hoy! Okay, then I'd better be on my toes when more information comes in. Put me to sleep, now. Wake me when Kasia gets into Eva. She'll need me."
* * *
On our way to our assigned arming station, I asked Agnieshka about my squad, the "colonels" that I trained with.
"There's a problem there, boss. All of them have the rank of tanker first class, and as such have a right to lead their own squads. With all the new recruits that you arranged for the army to have, there is a serious need for trained squad leaders. Maria and Conan have elected to stay with you, but Mirko and Lloyd have decided to lead their own squads, since they say that the odds are way against you ever becoming a real general, which is the only thing that could get them promoted to colonel. That leaves you two people short of the standard squad."
"Damn. Without a full staff of colonels, I'll never get that promotion, no matter what happens. I can't say that I blame Mirko and Lloyd, though. They are probably right. What about Zuzanna and Quincy? They were only a week shy of graduating from the military school when their general died. I wonder, would they be interested in joining my squad? That way, if an opening for another general actually came along, I would be in a position to fill it."
"I'll ask them, boss."
"Better still, can you put me in touch with them? I'd like to invite them myself."
"I can't do it in Dream World, boss. The communication channels are jammed."
"I thought that our comm system had the capacity to keep everybody on the planet in Dream World."
"It will, boss, but it's not finished yet."
"Then get a message to them somehow, and tell them why I couldn't deliver it personally."
"Yes, sir."
I could connect with Kasia by laser, since she and Eva were directly behind us on the Loway. She was working over her stocks, but her heart wasn't in it. Soon we were in the sack together, again. We needed it.
Afterward, she said, "Well, I guess the contest is over. Who won?"
"Agnieshka? Eva? Would you two get together and figure out the net worth of each of us?"
Our tanks were a surprisingly long time
at it before Agnieshka said, "You won, boss, by a factor of more than five."
"Five," Kasia said, crushed. "You beat me by that much and you never even worked hard at it."
"It's like I kept on telling you, love. Keep your thoughts on the big picture, and delegate everything else. If you try to micromanage anything more complicated than your bank account, you are bound to fail."
"I didn't fail! I'm still the richest woman in the country!"
"And the smartest and the most beautiful. And the one I love. And now I'm going to collect on your gambling debt."
"Didn't we just do that?"
"Yeah. And we're about to do it again. Come here, woman!"
"Yes, master."
* * *
Somewhat later, Agnieshka said that Quincy and Zuzanna would be honored to join our outfit, since, among other things, it let them stay together, and three couples would make a nice group. But they had expressed considerable curiosity as to why a general officer was leading a mere squad.
I told her to tell them the whole story, and not to leave out any of the embarrassing parts. Within the squad, there shouldn't be any secrets.
A few minutes after that, I suddenly found myself in the living room, in a class A uniform. General Sobieski was just walking in. Being a real general apparently lets you pull rank when it comes to comm channels.
"Mickolai, some people are going to claim that this war is all your fault. It isn't, but they will say so. Because of that, I thought it best to explain some things to you directly."
"Yes, sir. I never started a war before. What did I do?"
"You were generous, decent, and you have humanitarian instincts, that's what. It was those automatic medical centers that you sent all over Human Space. And yes, I knew what you were doing, and yes, I approved of it. But the whole story is that when The Diamond was discovered, and we realized what semiconductors made from it would mean to all of our military computers, the commanders of the Kashubian Expeditionary Forces ordered that all of the military computers under their command would be equipped with diamond semiconductors as soon as possible. The automatic medical centers were officially listed as military equipment, and therefore army property, even though nobody knew that they existed. But, following orders, the automatic factories upgraded all military computers, including the medical centers. Are you following me?"
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