by T. J. Klune
THEY GAVE us our moments, but as soon as I’d regained my composure, Tiggy and Gary bounded up, prancing around Morgan. He chuckled and hugged them both.
“I missed you, tiny wizard,” Tiggy said, rubbing his face in Morgan’s beard.
“It’ll be nice to have intelligent conversation again,” Gary said. “It’s been difficult being the only intellectual amongst the group for weeks on end.”
I rolled my eyes. “Because that’s a real thing.”
“It is,” he insisted. “I am way smart and you guys are dumb and made me dumber because of it.”
“No, you’re dumb and Tiggy and I elevate you back to the level that could be considered functional.”
“I help,” Tiggy agreed.
Gary huffed. “I don’t even know why I try with you two. It’s obvious my breeding and social standing are far above your own and therefore I shouldn’t even be associating with the two of you. Gods know why I do. You’re welcome.”
“What are you grinning at?” I asked Morgan, who stood beside us, eyes closed, looking more serene than I’d ever seen him before.
“The noise,” he said, opening his eyes. “How I have missed the endless noise.”
“I’m taking that as a compliment,” I decided.
“You should,” Gary said. “You don’t get many of those.”
“I have brooms,” Tiggy said proudly.
“Oh look,” a high-pitched voice rumbled. “There’s a dragon. People should pay attention to him too. Like stupid wizards and unicorn sexual partners and half-giants who steal my brooms.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back at Kevin, who was staring at us innocently.
“I don’t know who said that,” Kevin said. “It wasn’t me.”
“Morgan,” I said. “This is the dragon. Kevin.”
“Sam,” Kevin hissed. “You’re not doing it right. You promised.”
“I’m not saying it!”
“Sam!”
“Grr. Fine! Morgan, may I present to you, the fearsome Beast from the East, the great creature who had a religion built up around him until he ate the leader, his holy dragon-ness… Kevin.”
Kevin posed, wings spread, looking fierce.
The crowd that had started to gather around him said, “Oooooh.”
“We practiced that for two days,” I muttered. “Two. Days.”
“Shhh,” Kevin said. “Let them bask in me.”
“You have found another one,” Morgan said in awe, “that is exactly like the rest of you. How in the name of the gods do you do that?”
“Like the rest of us?” I echoed. “Bitch, please. I am my own man. I am an individual.”
“Singular,” Gary agreed. “Unique like a summer storm rolling over snowcapped mountains.”
“My broom is my favorite,” Tiggy said. “It is my broom and I love it.”
“Bask in me,” Kevin breathed. “Bask.”
“You’re right,” Morgan said drily. “Absolutely nothing alike. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Are you done yet?” I asked Kevin. “You have to meet Morgan before he gets grumbly. He doesn’t like being in sunshine too long.”
“I don’t get grumbly,” he grumbled. “And I like my skin free of wrinkles.”
“A few decades past worrying about that,” I pointed out because I could and he needed it. He’d probably gotten very full of himself while I was gone. I couldn’t let that happen.
“I’m so happy you’re back,” he said flatly. “Really.”
“I know,” I said. “I love you, boo. Kevin, stop posing and get down here!”
“But… they’re basking.”
I rolled my eyes. “I never should have told you about the cult.”
“People make religions about me,” he announced to everyone. “You may do the same.”
“Ahhhh,” they all said.
“Kevin!”
“Gods,” he muttered. “Gary, control your child.”
“My child? Oh, when he does something good he’s our child. But when he starts acting like a whiny bitch, suddenly he’s my child? Let me tell you something—”
“This is a thing now,” I told Morgan. “Somehow, they got together and are convinced I am their child.”
“I think I’ve finally reached the point where I no longer ask questions,” Morgan said, looking up at Kevin. “I officially just go with the flow now.”
“Dude,” I said. “Right on. That makes my life easier.”
“Sam, nothing about your life is easy.”
“Right. But I have a talking dragon, so.”
And Morgan just went with the flow.
I TOLD myself I was going to stroll triumphantly through the gates, my head held high because that was the only thing I could do. If Justin and Ryan were going to be waiting with everyone else at the castle, then I wanted to make sure they saw me standing strong, even if I didn’t exactly feel it. I hoped they were far too busy planning a wedding to have time to stand around and wait for me to come home with the others, but knowing my luck, Justin would have them standing there front and center.
To say people gawked at us as we walked cobbled streets of the City of Lockes is an understatement.
Morgan told me the rumors of our quest were bordering on the ridiculous. Everything from me single-handedly battling a cult of Darks to taking down an army of dragons after I’d lost both legs and my right arm. (“How do they think I even got around after something like that?” “Very carefully.”) Of course, no one really expected a dragon to return with us, especially one that had very recently kidnapped the Prince of Verania. Suffice it to say, people were curious and lined the streets as we made our way through to Castle Lockes.
“Everyone is staring at me,” Kevin muttered. “I’m famous.”
“Okay,” I said. “Sure. Why not.”
He lifted his head, his wings scraping against the side of a building, causing a scratch in the brick. “Oops,” he said. “Sorry. Good people of Verania! I am a dragon. My name is Kevin. I ask that you bring me shiny things.”
“No one bring him anything,” I said.
“Don’t listen to Sam. He’s suffering from weariness from his travels. You should all bring me stuff. I’m not picky. I promise. It just needs to be expensive and shiny and pretty and covered in jewels and—”
“Kevin,” Gary said.
“Yes, dear?”
“If you stop talking, you can have muffin later.”
“How many muffins.”
“The full batch.”
“That’s code for sex,” I said to Morgan. “Do not go to their bakery.”
Morgan covered his eyes with his hand and sighed.
We arrived at the castle gates without incident. The castle had never looked more beautiful. I had to stop myself from running full tilt toward it and hugging the stone walls. I didn’t think Morgan would appreciate that.
“Well,” Pete said, grinning widely. “Look who’s strolling in triumphantly.”
“Is there any other way to stroll?” I asked. “If there is, I don’t know about it.”
He pulled me in for a manly hug, patting my back three times and pulling away to grasp my forearms. “It’s good to have you back, kiddo,” he said. “It’s been awfully quiet while you’ve been away.”
“Can’t have that,” I said. “You keep everyone safe while I was gone?”
He rolled his eyes. “You know me. Fending off assassins and Darks left and right.”
“I knew I could count on you,” I said with a wink.
“Go on. Get out of here. We’ll catch up later.”
He understood, Pete did. He could probably see I was practically vibrating out of my skin. I had most of my family around me, but not the two who’d brought me into this world. And not my King. I needed to see them before I truly felt at peace. I didn’t even think about Justin and Ryan then. I didn’t care. I just wanted the last pieces of my puzzle put back together.
The gates rose at
Pete’s signal, and even before they’d cleared my chest, I was under them, not caring about decorum or my place.
The knights lined the walkway, standing at attention. Flags rippled in the breeze. The sun shone down from above. Morgan called from behind me, saying my name, telling me to slow down, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t because I could see them. Waiting for me. My mother was talking with the King, my father standing at her side. The King said something to make her laugh, and I could hear it above all the noise and was reminded of growing up in the slums, of our little house where she would tend to her flowers and sing gypsy songs in a tongue that sounded of skylarks. There were others there too, but they were the only three I saw.
My father saw me first. One minute he was smiling faintly as his gaze wandered, and the next it stuttered and cracked as his eyes met mine. I saw his mouth move, and I knew, I just knew he’d said my name in that quiet voice of his because my mother stopped midsentence and looked at him, then out at me.
And she cried, “Sam!”
I ran.
I ran because I was home and they were my family.
I ran because I hadn’t seen them in over two months.
I ran because I had gone out into the world with hopes and secrets and had returned with nerves exposed and skin twitching.
They laughed when they held me. Then we cried. My father’s hand went to the back of my head, and my mother’s nose brushed my cheek. My father said, “There you are,” because he could, and my mother said, “My little boy,” because I was.
I didn’t want to let them go.
And so I didn’t. For a time.
Then, “Sam.”
My King.
I pulled myself away from my parents and turned to the Good King. He wore a quiet smile, one tinged with worry and sadness. I didn’t like seeing that on him, so I schooled my face as best I could so he couldn’t see the same mirrored in my own. I’d done what he asked of me. I might not have been his wizard, but he was still my friend. I couldn’t blame him for anything.
He cupped my face in his great hands and pulled our foreheads together. He said, “You have done me a great honor, Sam of Wilds.”
I reached up and curled a hand around the back of his neck. “And I would do it again,” I whispered. “For you.”
“Even after everything?”
“Even then.”
“Anything. Anything you want. It’s yours.”
I shuddered out a laugh. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do,” he said. “Because I know what this has cost you.”
I had to ask. I had to. Even though everything told me to just walk away, I had to ask. “Could you make Justin release Ryan from his oath?”
My mother made a small wounded noise, but I couldn’t look away from my King.
He was obviously pained when he said, “No, Sam. I could not.”
“Then you can’t give me what I want.” I squeezed the back of his neck and pulled away.
He said, “Sam.”
I smiled at him, forcing it to be as bright as possible. I raised my voice. “It is good to be home. Especially so much sooner than I expected.”
“That may be so,” a voice said from my right. “But you sure took your time getting back. Not all of us like to stand around waiting, Sam of Wilds. ’Tis a luxury you can’t afford.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because if I didn’t, I probably would have tried to curse the wizard of wizards.
“No penis noses,” Morgan muttered as he walked up with the others in tow. “Whatever you do, do not turn his nose into a penis.”
“No promises,” I said, then turned to face the oldest living man in the known world.
Randall.
Unsurprisingly, he looked old as fuck. His eyebrows were eating his forehead. His nose hairs looked like they were staging an escape, curling out and around his nostrils. His beard was thin and scraggly, yellowed slightly around his mouth. Even his ears had more hair sticking out of them than was actually on his head.
He was older than anything else. He was whipcord thin. His liver-spotted hands shook slightly. His eyes were rheumy, sunken into their sockets.
And yet, the power that emanated from him was undeniable. It dwarfed Morgan’s magic, until Morgan could have been nothing but a lowly street magician, swindling onlookers for coin by sleight-of-hand tricks. He was the greatest wizard in history. He’d seen and done things no other had ever been capable of.
And I had once turned his nose into a cock.
“Randall,” I said, bowing my head in respect. “Your nose looks good.”
Morgan groaned.
Randall narrowed his eyes as he took a step toward me. “Always with the lip, you are. If Morgan hadn’t repeatedly sung your praises over the years, I would have had you up and over my knee a very long time ago.”
“Kinky,” I said. “Buy me dinner first.”
“Sam,” Morgan said. “For the love of the gods, shut your mouth.”
“Sorry,” I said, lowering my eyes. “It’s been… a long trip.”
Randall’s gnarled hand curled over my shoulder and squeezed. I looked up and was surprised to see the smallest bit of kindness in his eyes. So, naturally, his mouth opened and ruined it. “I don’t blame you, boy. If I’d gotten the shaft from my cornerstone, I’d be pissed off too. I don’t know that I’ve ever heard of that happening before to any wizard, so you’re forgiven for your lack of niceties.” His eyes darted over my shoulder briefly and his mouth curled into mischief. “But you stink of elf, so it seems as if you’ve gotten back into the saddle, eh? Good for you.” He chuckled to himself.
“Elf,” came a low growl from behind me. “What. Elf.”
Well shit.
“Oh dayum,” Gary breathed. “I did not see that coming.”
I looked back toward the castle entrance. There, only a few feet away, stood Prince Justin of Lockes and Knight Commander Ryan Foxheart. Justin looked regal once again, decked out in robes that were undoubtedly more expensive than my entire wardrobe combined. He looked like he would rather be anywhere else than standing here welcoming us home.
Ryan, though. Ryan, knighted out completely with his armor, shield attached at his back and sword sheathed at his side, looked furious. His hands were clenched, his shoulders squared and tense. He had dark circles around his eyes and his skin was pale, as if he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since I’d seen him last. His gaze was on me, and I could see the anger in it.
Which did nothing but piss me off even more because whatever I did no longer concerned Ryan Foxheart.
I looked back at Randall and shrugged. “A friend of mine,” I said. “Wanted a taste of magic.”
“Did he now?” Randall said, ancient lips twitching. “How kind of you to provide him with a taste. Of your magic.”
“Are they speaking in code?” Mom asked Dad, trying to be quiet but failing miserably.
“I don’t know,” Dad said. “I don’t speak wizard.”
“Neither do I. I feel like we’ve failed as parents.”
“Nah,” Dad said easily. “Look at him. He’s adorable and knows how to put on his own pants. We did good.”
“Those are some astounding qualifications,” Randall said. “Seems about right for you.”
“I am so happy you’re here,” I told him. “I promise to try and not make any part of you phallic in nature.”
“That would be much appreciated. I have a wedding to officiate, after all. Wouldn’t want history to repeat itself.”
I immediately made plans to turn every visible inch of his skin into penises. It was foolproof and I would feel better. Therefore, it was a good idea. “Wouldn’t want that,” I repeated.
And because Morgan had trained me well, I schooled my face and turned back to my Prince, carefully avoiding anything having to do with Ryan. It didn’t stop me from feeling his gaze boring into me. I bowed slightly at Justin. “I’m glad you made it back safely, my Prince. And I hear
congratulations are in order.”
Justin watched me coolly. “Yes. Well. I’m sure the next few weeks will pass rather quickly what with all the planning. It’ll be a wedding no one will ever forget.”
Rather than tell him that I would probably try and find a way to immediately forget it, I smiled thinly and said, “But of course. I am only pleased I was able to return in time to attend. I would have been devastated to miss the ceremony.”
“I’m sure,” he said. “And the gods only know that apparently nothing could get done without you here. It’s the only reason it hasn’t happened yet. Father insisted you be present.”
“He honors me,” I said, bowing my head again all the while wondering if there was a spell that would cause all of Justin’s bones to melt. I was pretty sure there was. I thought to research it more closely. For my own peace of mind, of course.
“Yes,” Justin said. “He does.” His tone implied he didn’t understand that in the slightest.
“My Prince,” I said. “I take my leave of you. I’m sure you understand how tiring it was, having recently made the journey yourself.”
He dismissed me with a wave of his hand.
I turned away without ever acknowledging Ryan.
“YOUR GRIMOIRE is sorely lacking,” Randall told me a few days later. We stood in the labs, Morgan silent at my side while his former mentor proceeded to berate me and tell me how disappointing I was as an apprentice. “Have you not kept up with it at all in the time you were gone?”
I forced myself to calm before I did or said something stupid. “We found ourselves quite busy, if I’m being honest.”
“That so.”
“Yes.”
“Because of all the times you got captured.”
“That and the running for our lives,” I agreed.
“Seems to happen to you often,” he said, flipping casually through the Grimoire.
“I tend to spark a certain reaction amongst people who want to see me dead.”
“Lartin the Dark Leaf.”
“Eh. I don’t know if he wanted me dead as much as he wanted to ransom me for pounds of gold.”
“I wouldn’t have paid it,” Morgan assured me.
“And that’s why you’re my favorite,” I said.