After that harrowing experience and the near loss I’d felt three months ago I’d done the only thing I could and booked myself in for a vasectomy. Knowing Ash, and knowing my needs to claim, I’d had it done for peace of mind.
Here’s the thing: I love my wife and would die without her, no matter how much the children mean to me. To that end I’ve safeguarded not only her but my state of mind by ensuring that she will never again be at risk and that, bar something bad happening, I will have her for eternity.
I will do anything to keep her.
Anything.
Chapter Thirty Eight
I keep getting this weird, tingly feeling all down my spine, the same one I’d had the day my mom died, and the exact same one I’d been getting the day Wesley had stormed the house and ripped me from the safety of my haven.
But I’m not giving in to the paranoia my husband seems to thrive on—yeah, I know the guy got himself snipped and isn’t telling me, since I’m pretty well acquainted with his dick, and he’s definitely had something done.
I’m not as mad at him as I should be because the reasonable part of my mind finds it incredibly sweet that a man like him would let a sharp implement near his boy just to ensure I’m never knocked up again.
I could have fought it and demanded he have it reversed, but I won’t. If this is what the nut needs to stay sane and confident in me, I’ll give it to him, even if I hate it.
Now back to the weird feelings. They’re so strong that I’ve had all five kids and myself at the doctor’s to make extra sure nothing is wrong with anyone, and I even convinced Luc to go for a check-up under the guise of my ‘I’m just trying to make sure the kids don’t catch anything from either of us’.
We’re all healthy as horses.
“That’s some strange hoodoo you got going on, sweetheart. Maybe you should go see the psychic my sister has me going to.”
“Seriously, Brit? I don’t believe in that nonsense. Nah, I just think I’m having a hard time since the triplets have started teething and Luc is still in Germany.”
“Geez, you need to stop being so clingy and get out of the house a little. Come to a Golden lunch and leave the Terribles with the housekeeper for an hour.”
“No. they’d have the poor woman run ragged in ten minutes, and you know it. Lucky got into the flour yesterday, something he shouldn’t have done since the kid can’t walk yet. I think my kids have super powers and are working for evil. Either that or they’re just plain evil. And I’m not even going to tell you what daddy’s little princess is doing. Next time he goes away on business I’m hiding that little monster in his luggage.”
I spend another ten minutes hearing her laugh her ass off and swear off ever having ankle biters, and ring off to go check on the Terribles, when the doorbell rings.
“Hi, Ash, just brought you the mail. Frank said to tell you Ben’s got a soccer practice today and he’ll get him from school.”
“Thanks, Pete.”
The mail is not something I usually go through, since Luc pays the bills and takes care of RSVPs and other stuff, so I’m mystified when I see a large, brown envelope with my name on it at the top of the pile.
I shouldn’t have opened it, I think ten minutes later when I almost fall flat on my ass as pain hits my chest and robs me of breath.
Inside are at least a dozen photos of Luc going into a hotel, a leggy blonde hanging on his arm, her lustful gaze staring up at him adoringly.
I want to disbelieve the pictures and write it off to his old life when he was a good for nothing playboy with more dick than brains, but the time and date stamps in the corner are irrefutable proof that my adoring husband spent last night with a woman who is most definitely not his wife.
One who is hot and thin and…blonde!
“You son of a bitch. You slime-eating toad. You cheating, whoring liar!”
I might sound angry, and somewhere deep inside I am. I just can’t get to the rage, seeing as my heart hurts so bad I can’t breathe.
“Mrs Jasper? Your husband is on the phone, ma’am,” I hear from the right, turning my tear-filled eyes toward her, though I can hardly see for my tears.
“Uh, tell him I…please tell him I’m feeding one of the Terribles,” I beg, hating that she’s seeing me in this condition but unable to stop the tears and gather the strength or courage to go to the phone.
Part of me wants to throw them away and pretend it’s not real. It would be so easy. But I know me, and no matter how crappy it would make me feel, I can never accept this.
This is the deal breaker, the one thing I can never look past and forgive. I’d given myself to him and more than kept up my end of things. I’d surrendered everything, and, and…how could he!
“I’ll tell him, ma’am. Come to the kitchen. I’ll make you some tea.”
I don’t want tea! I want to go back to twenty minutes ago, when I was mooning over my guy and plotting ways to get him to change Juju’s diaper.
I want to go back to the last night we spent together, when he was so deep inside me I couldn’t breathe without sharing his breath. I want to go back to the way he’d looked at me like I was the only thing in the world that made sense to him.
You should have known this would happen, Ash! How could you forget the things he said to you? How could you forget that he thinks you betrayed him?
That’s when I let myself go and just collapse in front of the sofa, my body slumping even as my brain starts whirling, taking me back to a time I don’t want to remember but can’t forget.
The day I broke his heart.
“I’m so sorry about your mom and dad, Chris. You must be devastated.”
“Yeah, it’s a hard blow. They just had their twentieth anniversary, and we had this big party and…”
He trails off and hangs his head, so I come away from the side of the school building and lay a hand on his shoulder, feeling shitty about everything that’s going on, on top of our breakup.
I love Chris, always have, but things between us were more friendly, almost like siblings, and I’d been trying to find a way to break it off gently when Lucian swept in and turned my world upside down.
Now we’re together and so in love I’m terrified about what will happen when he leaves to go back home.
“Chris, maybe you should go home and talk to your folks. Tell them how you feel,” I murmur, feeling awkward all of a sudden.
I need to get home and get ready for the date Luc is taking me on, and I’m definitely in need of a leg shave if I’m gonna try to get him to take our relationship past the kissing stage.
“You were always so smart and kind. I can’t believe I lost you too.”
I back up at that hard tone and look into his face, feeling my heart squeeze when he comes closer, his body no more than an inch away from mine.
“We were so good together, weren’t we, Ash? Why didn’t we make it?” he asks softly, his hands stroking my cheek in a way he never has before.
Alarm bells are ringing in my head, and I shake my head once, trying to smile through my discomfort.
“We’re better as friends, Chris. Look, I gotta go—”
He kisses me before I can finish my sentence and slip out from beneath his arm, his mouth digging my lips into my teeth so hard I taste blood. I try to turn away and shove at his chest, but he’s so strong all I end up doing is getting my arms trapped between us when his arms fold around me.
A shadow in my periphery gains my attention, and I flail out, screaming into his mouth, trying to get help, but it’s no use. I’m not strong enough.
The force of his attack is shocking, and I struggle as best I can, crying out when he shoves me to the ground and falls down on me. When he reaches for my zipper it’s a red alarm, and I intensify my fight, managing to lift my knee and jab it up and into his balls.
I’m free and waste no time running like hell, leaving him panting and crumpled on the concrete as I race all the way home, not stopping till I get inside and sl
am and lock the door.
I need to see Luc and feel his arms around me, to feel that safety and comfort that only he can give. Instead I find an empty room and my tearful mother sitting at the kitchen table, her expression pitying as she tells me that he packed up and left with not a word or a goodbye.
Sometime after that, after endless phone calls and messages, I accept that he’s never coming back, that he’s left me. Forever. And I crawl out of my deep pit of despair, feeling harder, colder than the naïve girl I’d been.
Two weeks later, after a lot of awkward passes in the hall, Chris finally approaches me and apologizes for his behavior, and it’s then that I learn that the shadow I’d seen while being mauled, the shadow I’d reached toward while crying out for help, was Luc.
Chris had done what he’d done to split us up, and it had worked. Luc believes I was two-timing him and he’d left, heartbroken, thinking me something I’m not.
Seven years of hatred and regret later and I’d been swept off my feet by a man who probably hates me. Who’d taken over my life and bound me so tightly I can’t breathe without him.
And now he’s turned around and given me a taste of my own medicine. Or what he believes is a well-deserved revenge.
My fault, since I’d never explained what he’d seen in that alley beside the school; pride cometh before the fall and all that.
I’d broken his heart, and now he’s breaking mine.
Only this time there’s nothing I can do. I can’t run and try to make a life for myself, because I can never justify separating my kids from their father, and—
My breath leaves me, and I stand slowly, taking a deep breath and drying my tears with new resolve.
Lucian ran seven years ago, willing to believe the worst of me, abandoning me when I needed him most. I won’t do that. No, I’ll stand firm and get the answers before making my decision, because I’m stronger than I was before.
It’s ironic, but he’s given me all this strength to face the same situation he hadn’t been strong enough to face.
Now I just have to wait and see if my love is worth fighting for, or if the deal of a lifetime is nothing more than Ash on the wind.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Luc
The last week and a half have been hellish. Not only did I have to go to Germany to fix a cock up made by one of my top execs—ex-execs now—but I’d been trying to keep my grasping ex-wife away from my family.
The woman is a greedy, lazy alcoholic, who sees nothing wrong with hitting me up for money despite the massive divorce settlement I’d provided.
I could have sent her packing and told her to stay the hell away from me and try getting a job, but the bitch had threatened to go to Ashley and make waves, something I won’t abide.
My love is still fragile and in mommy mode right now, and I will do anything to keep her sheltered from the vipers in my life. So I’d seen that bitch and figured out that my dear mother is behind this shakedown.
Seems she’s unable to live without the large stipend my father had always provided and now needs money.
I’d told them both to go fuck themselves and threatened them with legal action if they so much as breathe near what’s mine. Now I’m home and bloody ready to lose myself inside my love, the only place I’ve ever found a moment’s peace.
The house is dark when I get in, the only sound that of a thin wail. Grinning, I drop my luggage and bound up the stairs, stifling a laugh when I get to the nursery and see my little Jewel wide awake and ready to unleash hell on her poor mum.
“Shh, love, let Mummy sleep. Daddy’s here,” I croon, holding her close to my chest and breathing deeply of her baby fresh scent.
And then I get a hit of something decidedly un-fresh, and panic.
Ash thinks I’m not willing to change princess because I’m squeamish about seeing her girly parts, something I’ve fostered to keep her laughing and off my back. The truth is the little gem is toxic in the nappy area, and whereas I can change Lucky and Cam without batting an eyelash, I just know I’ll never see my princess the same if I have to see what’s come out of her.
“Love, I need you to wake up,” I whisper a minute later after regretfully walking into the master bedroom and turning on the bedside lamp.
I love my love, but letting her sleep while I suffer untold horrors is not something I can do right now.
“Love, Jewel needs a change,” I say louder, hushing the baby when she lets out an unladylike squawk and screws her chubby face up.
Ashley’s lashes flutter before opening, revealing the gray eyes I’ve missed so much. Something flickers deep in those eyes for the briefest second before she sits up and throws the duvet aside, taking my burden with a muttered curse.
“Come on, Ju, let’s go do something about that before Mommy comes back to do something about that.”
A strange sense of foreboding hits me when my previously loving wife throws me a scathing glare and stomps out with the baby, her body stiff and unyielding. She comes back a few minutes later, after I’d listened to her whisper and mutter over the baby monitor while she changed and settled Jewel.
“Okay,” she breathes, closing the door and prowling my way, her eyes shooting sparks at me.
“Can I have a kiss?”
“Huh! Not in this lifetime, asshole,” she mutters furiously, folding her arms and backing away when I reach out to touch her.
“You have some explaining to do before I let you put your paws on me, buddy. I’m gonna give you one chance to tell me where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing, and if you even think of lying to me I will take my shit and my kids and be gone so fast you won’t be able to blink. You got me?”
“Uh, yes?”
“Good. So tell me where you were.”
“Germany, you know—”
“I know you said you went there to fix something. What I don’t know is if that’s the truth!”
“I have never lied to you!” I yell, feeling my anger rise now with the look of distrust and the scorn directed at me.
“Yeah?” she asks sweetly, making me cringe—she’s deadly when she gets sweet, and that’s not something I need right now.
What I need is for her to shut up and kiss me hello before I lose control and have her under me for a long due claiming.
“Ash—”
“You’ve never lied, huh? So when you went and got your dick snipped and didn’t tell me, that was what? Loss of memory?”
Uh, shite.
“That, I was going to tell you. I just—”
“Lied! No, tell me the truth, Luc. What were you doing?”
My gut clenches when I look at her and see something in her eyes I haven’t ever seen. Defeat. My love is a fighter, a come up swinging kind of lass with a mouth that shoots nails and barbs that always hit their target.
She has always been quick to temper and even quicker to retaliate, never down and ready to quit, something that scares me straight and warns me that lying to her now will accomplish nothing but a loss for me.
“I did go to Germany. For a day. And then I went to the UK to get my ex-wife to stay the fuck out of our lives, and threatened my meddling mother with a lawsuit if the two of them attempted to extort money from me again.”
My answer knocks the breath out of her, a sound I feel more than hear, and she crumples to her knees, her mouth wobbling into a teary smile.
“I’m so glad I’m not a hopeful moron,” she says in a strangled tone, burying her head in her hands. “But I was so sure you were cheating on me to try and get back at me for… And then I was gonna leave, but I couldn’t because I love you, and I wanted to believe you wouldn’t do that to me. And then I—I started thinking about that time you left me and how I was so mad that you walked away without letting me explain what really happened. And I got mad and decided to stay and wait and give you the chance you never gave me and—”
“Shh, love, hush. Don’t cry so,” I croon, dragging her up and into my arms.
/> It’s only when her arms come out and around me, her hands fisting my hair and clinging, that I let go of the tight knot in my chest and breathe again, closing my eyes in relief.
“I would never cheat, love. You’re way too much woman as it is,” I tease, pushing my anger to the back of my mind and concentrating on my woman instead.
I’m pissed that she’d be so easily swayed to think me unworthy, but so relieved that she stayed long enough for an explanation that I feel weak and grateful all at once.
“You still love me?”
“Always,” I swear, pushing away to cradle her face and lick away her tears. “You’re mine, the only one I want. Forever.”
“O-okay. I’m… Can we maybe talk about what happened…then?” she asks, and I sigh, wanting to refuse but knowing I have to face this if I’m ever to get her past that event.
It still eats at me that she’d betrayed me and stolen seven years from me, and I can honestly say that as much as I love her, I still have not forgiven her for it.
“Fine.”
She pushes away and goes over to the bed, sinking down with a huff and clenching her fists even as she raises her reddened eyes and meets mine.
“You saw something that… It wasn’t what it looked like, Luc.”
“It looked pretty damned simple to me. You were kissing another boy just hours after you’d sworn to be mine,” I grate, wrestling with my emotions as the old anger invades my gut. “You were all over each other. You let him touch what was mine.”
“Huh! I didn’t let him do anything! I was talking to him about his parents’ divorce when he freaking attacked me. He must have seen you before I did and got it in his fool head that if he could get you out of the picture I’d give him another chance. What you saw was me fighting to get him off me!” she yells, shocking me to the core.
Can it be? Did I see something, something that had been no fault of hers and attributed my usual distrust to it, a distrust I’d learned living between my cold father and snide stepmother?
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