by Laney Webber
Vicki followed her girlfriend, who was piling her plate high. “I love a woman with a good appetite,” Vicki said. “If you know what I mean.” She kissed Linda on her cheek. “Hey, Nick, did you make those cupcakes again? Those cupcakes make your mouth water and your pussy too.” Vicki looked at the line of women behind her and let out a wolf whistle.
“Oh, I can’t take her anywhere,” Linda said. She took Vicki’s elbow and steered her back to the circle of chairs.
Lee made her way around the other women and stood behind Jannika in the food line.
“I knew it was you, the minute I walked in the door of this store,” Lee said.
“You remembered me?” Jannika looked straight into Lee’s honey-brown eyes. She rubbed the back of her neck and shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
“Yes, I remember you. Who forgets Girl Scout camp? And how could I forget someone with the name Jannika? You’re definitely all grown up, aren’t you?” Lee’s eyes traveled down to Jannika’s feet and back up to her face.
Jannika could feel the heat rising in her neck and face. She turned to speak to Paula who was next to her in line, but Paula and everyone else were back at their chairs with their food. She and Lee took turns with the spoons and spatulas, filling their plates. Jannika fumbled with the utensils, and at one point Lee took the spoon from her and put potato salad onto Jannika’s plate. She heard a muffled shh as she and Lee came back to the group with their plates and sat down to eat.
“Jannika is a book psychic or a book doctor or somethin’, the way she matches people with books,” Vicki said. She balanced her plate of food on one crossed thigh.
“And she’s single,” sang Hannah. “Lee’s single too, just saying.”
“And Hannah is our resident matchmaker, in case anyone missed that.” Paula pointed her fork at Hannah.
Hannah knew their lesbian family tree. Who broke up with whom, whose ex was now with someone else’s ex, who was looking, and who might be looking.
“I’d like to hear more about how you match people with books sometime,” Lee said. She shifted in her chair and faced Jannika.
Jannika noticed the Two Peas looking at her and at Lee and back again, then whispering something to each other. Those Peas never missed a trick. She tried to focus on her food and the discussion around her. This grew more and more difficult now that her brain and her body knew who Lee was. Her body was on hyperalert. Each time Lee moved in her chair or looked her way, butterflies took flight in Jannika’s stomach. This was silly, she told herself. She was seventeen. Lee shifted in her seat again and her forearm brushed against Jannika’s arm. Goose bumps ran up her arm, right to the top of her head, making her scalp tingle. Jannika moved her arm but couldn’t take her eyes off Lee.
“Jannika Peterson, would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow?” Lee said.
Jannika felt like a deer caught in the headlights and was sure her reaction was obvious to Lee.
Lee shifted her plate to one hand and touched Jannika’s forearm. “I’d love to hear about how you came to run this fantastic bookstore.”
Before Jannika could answer, Paula of the Two Peas was in front of her, taking her plate away.
“Time to clean up, or we’re never going to have time to talk about the book,” she said.
She took Lee’s plate too. Pris came right along behind her, grabbed plates, and took them back to the food table.
The book discussion went on a little longer than usual. Jannika was usually the timekeeper and helped keep the group on track when they went off on a tangent. But tonight, all she was aware of was Leslie sitting next to her. Lee, she reminded herself. Memories of that summer long ago rubbed up against the very real presence of this beautiful woman, whose every movement caused a physical reaction in Jannika’s body.
Leslie and Patty had been the counselors for Ash and Hemlock cabins. It was Jannika’s fifth year at Camp Pine Knoll and her second year as a counselor-in-training. Each summer there were a few new counselors, but most of the counselors returned each year. Leslie was new to this Girl Scout camp, but had worked as a camp counselor for the previous four years.
She’d had an on-again, off-again high school girlfriend. They were off again that summer before her senior year. Leslie was everything Jannika felt she wasn’t. Strong, self-assured, smart, calm, and happy. On top of that, Jannika thought she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen, and the sexiest too. She would offer to do extra chores to be near her. She would crouch behind a pine tree at night to watch Leslie at the campfire with the other counselors and pretend that she was sitting next to her. Oh, she fell hard. Crush was the perfect term, she thought. Because that was how her heart felt each time she saw Leslie or talked with her. Crushed. And now, eighteen years later, she was here, in her bookstore.
Jannika put both her feet flat on the floor, trying to get some ground. Her breath came faster than normal. Could everyone hear her breathe? She glanced around the room and purposefully did not look at the beautiful woman to her right. She looked at the wall clock.
“Well, ladies, this has been a great discussion as always, but it’s time for me to close up shop,” she said. She tried to pretend tonight was like any other book discussion. Focus, she thought. “Next month’s book is Life Mask by Emma Donoghue.”
“You sure were quiet tonight, Nick,” Linda said. “Do you feel all right?”
“She’s just tired, right? Long week, I’d bet,” said Paula.
Pris was right behind Paula and gave Jannika a little wink over her wife’s shoulder.
“Yes, it’s been a long week.” She looked over at the others. They gathered dishes and spoons and put trash into the trash bucket. “Hannah, could you help me put these chairs back?”
“I’ll help too,” said Paula.
Jannika leaned over and put her hands on the arms of the upholstered chair. She pushed and slid it back to the reading corner and shimmied it near one of the two large windows. When she stood, Paula was right next to her.
“What’s the story, morning glory?” Paula asked.
“About what?” Jannika said. She looked away.
“You’d have to be blind not to see you’re interested in Lee, but there’s more to that story, isn’t there?”
“Nothing gets by you and Pris, does it? But not tonight, Paula. I’ll give you a call, okay?”
Paula gave Jannika a pat on the shoulder and walked away.
Jannika turned to see another chair sliding toward her. The fat orange upholstered chair stopped. Lee’s smiling head popped up from behind it.
Chapter Five
Lee leaned against the back of the orange chair. She wanted to come across casual and hoped Jannika couldn’t hear her heartbeat which seemed louder the closer she got to Jannika. She crossed one foot over the other.
“I asked you to lunch and we were interrupted before you could answer. Are you free tomorrow? Noon? I know you have the store to tend to, but could you get away for an hour?”
“Yes, okay. Okay, noon. Where?” Jannika’s words sounded clipped and forced.
“How about Lenny’s? I went there the other day and thought they had a pretty good fish chowder for New Hampshire, and it’s right down the street here.” Lee stood and smoothed the front of her jeans with her hands. Any bit of anxiety was gone now that she knew it really was Jannika from camp. It had been replaced by curiosity and an extra-large dose of attraction.
Jannika had been a beautiful young woman eighteen years ago, with high cheekbones inherited from her Swedish ancestors in Maine, long blond hair, and a casual grace unusual for a seventeen-year-old. But now, she was breathtaking. She was tall and walked like a dancer with legs that went from here to Canada. Her short blond hair accentuated her strong jawline and cheekbones, and her piercing blue-green eyes hadn’t changed in eighteen years—they still took her breath away. Lee wanted to get to know this grown-up version of the girl she never forgot from one summer at Camp Pine Knoll.
Jannika rubbed the back of her neck. “Sounds good. Lenny’s.”
Lee smiled. “I can’t wait to find out what your favorite seafood is. See you tomorrow.” Well, that sounded pretty weak. Best to make her exit before she lost whatever cool she had. She turned from Jannika and called out, “Good night ladies,” to the women who were scattered around the store.
“Nice to meet you.”
“See you again.”
“Glad Hannah brought you over.”
She passed Hannah on her way out the store and gave her a hug.
Hannah whispered in her ear, “Why didn’t you tell me you know Jannika? I want the scoop asap.”
“Long story, my friend, another time.” Lee kissed her on the cheek and walked out.
***
Jannika watched Lee walk down the third aisle to the front of the store. She walked in the sure-footed stride of someone who knew who they were and where they fit in the world. It was Leslie in the flesh. Here in Grangeton, New Hampshire, of all places after eighteen years.
“As they used to say, take a picture, my friend, it lasts longer,” Vicki said, standing at Jannika’s side with Linda. “I can’t believe I caught our Nick looking at a woman with lust-filled eyes. I think this is a first since I’ve known you.”
The women gathered around her and peppered her with questions. They were protective of her and treated her broken heart with care but also wanted to see her live her life into the future and not be stuck in the past. They thought she was either too afraid to move forward, or she still harbored a fantasy of getting back together with her ex, Joanne-from-Maine, as her friends called her.
Jannika looked around the circle of women and saw love. Paula and Pris were the uber-lesbian-moms of the group and were the most protective of all. Outspoken Vicki and Linda, whose gentle strength balanced Vicki’s wildness, and Hannah the romantic, who was a friend of Leslie’s. Nina and Lauren were the only ones missing tonight. This was Jannika’s extended family here in New Hampshire, along with Marcy, Sarah, her Aunt Gunnie, and her sort-of-adopted Polish grandmother from the bakery three doors down from the bookstore. Now that Lee was no longer in the room, Jannika began to feel more like herself.
“Yes, she is very attractive. Yes, I met her a long time ago. No, she’s not an ex. No, we didn’t have a thing. It was a long time ago and I was surprised to see her again. Yes, I knew her in Maine,” Jannika said.
She tried to clear her head while the other women gathered up their coats and dishes, but her body’s hum of desire distracted her, and all she could see in her mind was Lee leaning on that big orange chair and smiling at her. Jannika could try to fool her friends, but she knew her flushed face gave her away.
Jannika blew out a sigh of relief when the questions stopped. She hugged each woman good night and closed the bookstore. She needed to talk to Marcy.
Are you around? she texted. Jannika paced in front of her desk, watching her phone for an answer.
Sure thing, what’s up? Marcy replied.
Too late to come over?
You okay? Marcy wrote.
Yes. But need to talk. An hour? My house? Jannika’s fingers flew over her phone.
You got it. See you then.
Jannika finished her walk around the bookstore, shut off lights, and propped a book here and there.
“Good night, little bookstore.” Jannika closed the door behind her.
The streets were dark. Jannika’s little car sped out of Grangeton, toward Fairfield. She reached down for her travel mug and noticed a pair of shining eyes a dozen feet ahead. She threw her cup down onto the floor of the passenger’s side, grabbed the steering wheel, then veered and braked in time to avoid a lumbering raccoon in the middle of the road. Jannika slowed the car and pulled over onto the gravel edge. She gulped air into her lungs.
“Breathe, Jannika. Breathe.” She flipped her blinker and pulled back out onto the road. She took a right, some more deep breaths, and drove down her street. Marcy’s car was parked at the end of Jannika’s driveway.
“Oh, thank you, Marcy,” Jannika said. She pulled in next to Marcy’s car.
“Hey you, you okay? You look a little shaky, girl. Let me take one of your bags.” Marcy held out a hand.
“A close encounter with a raccoon. Everyone survived,” Jannika said.
“You’re a little zippy with that car, Jannika. And you know, it’s bow-hunting season—that could have been a deer.” Marcy’s forehead wrinkled with concern.
Jannika unlocked the door to the cottage and flipped on the lights.
“I know, I know—put that down over there.” Jannika pointed to a wooden bench inside the door of the cottage.
Jannika flung herself down onto the couch and put her head in her hands. She groaned then sat up.
“Marce, you aren’t going to believe this. I don’t believe it. Did Vicki tell you anything about the woman Hannah was bringing to the book group tonight?”
“Vicki’s group, your group? No, why?” Marcy sat on the wicker chair opposite the couch.
Jannika sat back and leaned her head against the cushions. She tapped her fingertips on her thighs. She leaned forward toward Marcy. “I know the new person, Lee. Well, I used to know her.”
“Why are you whispering? Is she here?”
Jannika slapped the palms of her hands on her thighs. “No, c’mon, this is serious.”
“From where? From Maine? Is that why you’re upset? Does she know Joanne?” Marcy asked.
“From Girl Scout camp.”
“The Girl Scout camp where you were tortured with crafts?” Marcy smiled.
Jannika smiled back. “Yes. That camp. Aunt Gunnie and Uncle Charlie paid for it every year. The summer after my junior year of high school, I’d broken up with my first girlfriend again. I didn’t want to go to camp. I wanted to stay home in my room with my books and write tortured love poems. But Aunt Gunnie made me go. I was a C.I.T., a counselor-in-training, and my cabin camp counselors were Leslie and Patty. Now remember, I’m seventeen and all raging hormones and everything. Leslie was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was kind and patient and…
“Oh my God, you had a crush on her, didn’t you? She was at the book group? Shazam! But I don’t get why you’re so upset,” Marcy said.
Jannika bit her lip and fiddled with her left earring.
“It wasn’t a little crush. I followed her around everywhere. I wrote secret love letters to her. I think I might have even given her one when I left camp that summer. Oh, it’s even worse than I thought.” Jannika closed her eyes and groaned.
“You’re embarrassed? You were a kid. Did you tell her you remembered her? She probably thought you were very sweet. Sorry, Nick, but I’m not getting it. I see you’re upset. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about.”
“I was physically attracted to her. I would watch her and Patty carry the canoes down to the lake, and my heart would go nuts. I’d daydream about her falling in love with me. I wanted to know what it would be like to kiss her. I thought about her for months after I was back home. And to be honest…Now don’t laugh. She was my go-to fantasy woman, if you know what I mean,” Jannika said. Heat rose in her face.
“I won’t laugh, and ooh-la-la. You’re not seventeen anymore, Nick. You could have one of the ultimate lesbian fantasies plopped in your lap. So to speak.” Marcy grinned. “Go for it. You should definitely go for it. Do it for all the lesbians who never could.”
“Very funny, Marce.”
Marcy crossed the room and sat on the couch next to her.
“I was serious. And for the record, I love hearing you talk about how hot you are for someone. When are you going to see her again? You are going to see her again.”
“She wants to go to lunch at Lenny’s tomorrow to catch up.”
“You’re going, right?”
“Yes, I’m going. She’s gorgeous. Not just beautiful. Gorgeous. And she was so patient and kind to me at camp. She listened to me talk about my
mother and how I wanted to find my father. But she probably looks at me like I’m still the seventeen-year-old camper who followed her everywhere.”
“Are you really serious? I can say this ’cause we’re sister-friends. That voice is little old you trying to protect yourself. No one can look at you and think of a high school kid. Go to lunch. Be your wonderful self. See where it goes. And I, for one, hope it leads right to your bedroom.” Marcy snapped her fingers. “Oh yeah.”
By the time Jannika told Marcy all the other details of Girl Scout camp and the book group, it was after midnight and two cups of cocoa. Guess they were having a sleepover. Jannika tossed Marcy a pillow and a blanket and wished her a good night.
Jannika closed her bedroom door, took off her clothes and slid into bed. She turned from one side to the other. She tried to think only about Lee, not the Leslie she remembered from back then, the Leslie she’d thought about even when she was with Joanne. The Leslie with those eyes that welcomed her, and those hands that carried canoes, whittled small animals with precision and care, and patted trees as she walked by them.
She wanted to put that young woman aside and think only about the Lee who’d walked into her bookstore. This Lee who smiled, said Yes, it’s me from across the room tonight, and scooped potato salad on her plate. The Lee whose arm brushed against hers. The Lee who had grown into a beauty as deep
and lovely as her beloved mountains in Maine. She needed to put all of that high school crush stuff behind her and just take Lee
as Lee.
Chapter Six
Jannika woke to find Marcy gone and a note under an empty mug on the counter with a tea bag, spoon, and jar of honey next to it.
Hey kiddo,
I’m in CT the rest of the week, visiting BBs. I may also be seeing the lovely Amy again. If it feels good…
M.
She made an egg sandwich and ate it in the car on the way to work. The first time she’d eaten an egg sandwich was at Camp Pine Knoll. One of the girls in her cabin—Chrissy? Missy?—put her fried egg between the two halves of her English muffin. Jannika remembered watching Leslie, now Lee, eat her breakfast and wanting to kiss those lips more than anything she had ever wanted in her seventeen years. Jannika ate the last bite of her sandwich and hoped she didn’t make a fool of herself at lunch today with Lee.