by Laney Webber
“Oh, okay,” Lee said. She sounded a little hurt, and that brought Jannika up short.
“I’m not putting you off,” she said gently. “I have a book thing this weekend. Every spring and fall I go to North Adams to get together with some bookseller friends and pick out books from this place called Simon’s Warehouse. Combination of business and pleasure.” Somehow talking about books brought her back solidly to the here and now, and she owed now-Lee a confession. “And to be honest, I was a little bit anxious about coming to lunch with you after all these years.”
“I was too. Just so you know.” Lee rose from the booth. “How about when you get back? A midweek supper at Portsmouth Brewery? Wednesday at seven?”
“Sure,” Jannika said over her shoulder as she walked out the door of the restaurant. “And my turn to get the check.” Jannika felt better once they were outside, walking around.
“Deal. Okay if I walk back with you? My truck’s parked over that way,” Lee said.
“I’d like that.” She wanted to walk to Boston and back with Lee. She couldn’t believe Lee lived right in Fairfield.
“We didn’t get dessert. Cookie?” Lee pointed to the doorway of a shop.
The smell of Bronislaw’s Bakery wafted out the door and into the street. The smell on cookie days doubled business. A round woman with a stern face was behind the counter.
“Hi, Babcia, this is Lee.”
“And I would like to buy this lovely lady a cookie today.” Lee gave a short formal bow.
Jannika smiled. “Oatmeal raisin for me.”
“And I’ll have a black-and-white.”
“Just one? You girls are too skinny. Always worried about food—what is good food, what is bad food. Worry makes you sick, not food.” She shook her finger at them as she passed them each a cookie wrapped in thin paper. Lee paid for the cookies and opened the door for Jannika.
Lee bit into her cookie. “This is incredible. What did you call her? Baba?”
“Babcia. It’s Polish for grandmother. That’s what everyone calls her. She’s sort of my stand-in grandmother here in town. She brought me soup and bread when I first moved here. Her son helped me move some bookcases at the store and at the cottage. She reminds me of my grandmother, my mormor. Like these cookies. Crisp on the outside, all soft on the inside.”
“I feel a little plain having a grandma and grampie.”
“There’s nothing plain about you, Lee.” Jannika couldn’t believe that came out of her mouth.
Lee smiled at her and the street disappeared beneath her feet.
They turned down a narrow cobblestone side street leading to the employees only entrance for the people who lived and worked in the building that housed The Pageturner—an insurance company, a martial arts studio, and several apartments on the third floor. Jannika turned around a few steps from the door.
“Thanks for the cookie,” she said. She popped the last bite into her mouth.
All of a sudden she was very aware of her mouth and Lee’s mouth and the distance between the two.
“Let me take that,” Lee said, pointing to Jannika’s balled up piece of cookie paper wrapping.
“Thanks.”
Lee took the paper from Jannika’s hand and stepped closer. She brushed the outside corner of Jannika’s mouth with her thumb.
“You had a little piece of cookie there,” Lee said. Her voice was soft and low.
Jannika looked into Lee’s eyes. Her heart raced.
Lee stepped back and ran her hand through her hair.
“Can I call you at the bookstore?” Lee said.
“Yes, please. But I better go now, so my assistant can have a break,” Jannika said. She grabbed the cold metal railing.
“See you.” Lee waved and smiled back at Jannika.
Jannika’s heart banged in her chest. She sat down on the steps and watched Lee round the corner and toss the ball of paper into the trash can. Her head felt light as a balloon. She rubbed her sweaty palms on the front of her pants and rose to face the afternoon.
Chapter Seven
Lee hopped into her Toyota pickup and let out a long sigh. Jannika was even more beautiful in the October sun than last night at the bookstore. Hannah had described her well, but nothing could have prepared her for this grown-up version of the girl she’d once known. She looked like some kind of Nordic queen. And she would bet that Jannika had no idea the effect she had on other women.
She knew she had pushed things a bit, brushing the cookie crumbs off her lip, but she loved Jannika’s reaction. If she’d thought she wanted to kiss her last night, that was nothing compared to this afternoon. Her body flushed with warmth and she felt a tingle deep in her belly. She was surprised at her reaction. No one had caused her to react this way in a long time.
She’d had a couple of brief relationships since her wife Shannon’s death five years ago, and they’d both run their course and fizzled out. She remained friends with both women. But she hadn’t met anyone who had this effect on her. When she’d walked in with Hannah last night and seen Jannika laughing with her friends, the scene had narrowed and compressed until there’d been only Jannika. And her remembered image of Jannika at seventeen changed and morphed into Jannika at thirty-four.
Lee was a steady person. Slow rivers run deep, her mother always said. But in that moment, seeing Jannika for the first time in eighteen years, she’d had the urge to run over, scoop her in her arms, and kiss her until tomorrow. This new desire for Jannika the adult woman was a bonfire on a summer night. It wasn’t just the physical attraction, and it wasn’t just the memory of that summer at camp. She felt like they knew each other. Lee hadn’t formed any deep connections with anyone, friends or lovers, since Shannon’s death. She didn’t want that kind of connection anymore. It was easier to live without the risk of losing someone again. But part of her wanted to walk toward Jannika, and part of her wanted to run into the forest where she felt safe.
She thought about that summer at camp. The group from Jannika’s cabin was always the first at the dining lodge for breakfast, and Lee had breakfast duty every day that summer. Jannika would take her time as she moved down the line, shoulders back, a hand on one hip and the other hand on the food counter. She would hold up the line asking Lee questions. Are you and Patty taking us out on the lake today? If it rains, will you be at the arts and crafts cottage?
Canoe trips were usually four to a canoe, but that July day there were three in Lee’s canoe. Lee took the rear so she could navigate, Jannika was in the middle, and another cabin leader was in the front. Sandy? Sally? Lee couldn’t remember. She did remember the curve of Jannika’s back and the tanned skin that peeked out below her life vest as the canoe moved across the water. After a few minutes on the lake, Jannika moved her long legs carefully and she turned around to sit facing Lee.
“You know, I almost have my Paddle, Pole, and Roll patch.” Jannika fiddled with the zipper on the front of her life vest.
Lee tried not to look at Jannika’s chest. She tried to repeat the rule about getting involved with campers to herself. The orientation for counselors lasted a week before the campers arrived, and the woman who hired them had everyone line up in the dining hall at the end of their training week as she spoke. “These girls are all raging hormones. They will cry. They will try to cajole you to call their parents, or get extra food for them, or other privileges. Sometimes a teenage girl will get a harmless crush on her counselor. Because you are role models. Do not under any circumstances encourage their behavior. You will be let go and you will not get a recommendation from this camp. This is the Girl Scouts of America.”
“I have two things left to do for my patch.” Jannika lowered the zipper on her life vest.
Lee reminded her to keep her vest on.
Jannika zipped it up, then down again slowly as she spoke. “I have to demonstrate how to choose a PFD that fits right.” Her vest was almost completely unzipped and she turned and looked at her side. “You see these side thing
ies?”
Lee’s eyes were not on the life vest.
Sandy/Sally yelled, “Yo, Leslie. Are we going in a circle for a reason?”
Jannika spun back into place, facing away from her again. She tried to focus on paddling and steering the canoe. Jannika looked over her shoulder at her. Her eyes were beautiful. Full of daring and mischief. “Want to know what the second thing is that I need for my patch?” She leaned forward and said something to Sandy/Sally. “Role-play a safety situation!” Jannika yelled as she slipped out of her life vest, grabbed the side of the canoe, leaned over, and rolled them all. She knew Jannika was a strong swimmer. She knew it was role-play. But when she heard her yell for help, her training took over and she swam quickly to Jannika’s side. She wrapped one arm under her arms and around her chest and treaded water.
“You okay?” Lee yelled to Sandy/Sally who was swimming the canoe in their direction.
“Yup.”
Jannika leaned her head back against Lee’s chest. “I’m also supposed to show you how comfortable I am in the water.” Jannika’s hand caught Lee’s pumping leg and slid up the inside of her left thigh.
“Hey.” Lee released Jannika, who slid under but popped to the surface and swam quickly to Sandy/Sally and the canoe. All three of them swam the canoe to shore with two more camp canoes catching up and accompanying them. As they pulled the canoe to shore, Jannika said in a low voice, “Cover for me? Please. I’m sorry.” Jannika’s face was bright red.
Lee had replayed that sequence of events more times in the past eighteen years than she would ever admit to anyone.
Lee had caught only glimpses of that bold, playful Jannika at lunch today. She’d watched Jannika’s body language and tone go from playful and open to businesslike, then neutral, and back again. Part of Lee’s job as a ranger was to assess her surroundings. It was second nature to her. She was so good at it, she used to train new hires. Her surroundings included people. Last night and today, that included Jannika.
What she saw was a woman who, for whatever reason, did not trust herself.
Lee reached into the dashboard cubby for a hair tie, pulled back her hair into a ponytail, put on her ball cap, and drove toward home. She needed a good long hike. The trail she’d found near her new home was perfect. She did her best thinking in the woods.
There was something about Jannika under that near-perfect exterior that was both mysterious and tender. She wanted to learn more about her. She wanted to know her fears, what gave her delight, what ticked her off, what she liked, and what she didn’t like. Lee thought about the people who had hurt Jannika and made wounds so deep, she couldn’t or wouldn’t trust her feelings. A bubble of anger rose in her throat.
Chapter Eight
Jannika picked up the rental van bright and early Friday and sent Sarah one more text. Sarah reassured her for the fifth time that Jannika had left her in charge before and all would be well. She also added that this was a great time for a trip because she noticed Jannika’s aura was a little cloudy lately. The morning air was crisp and smelled a bit of overripe apples and wood smoke. Jannika looked at the gold-leafed birch trees behind the cottage, exploding with color against the bright blue sky.
She took this trip twice a year, once in the spring and once in the fall. Excitement fluttered in her stomach. Simon’s Warehouse was a gigantic building full of books, mostly remainders from publishers and some overstocks from bookstore chains. She’d found some fabulous reads there this past year to bring back to The Pageturner. One of the best parts of her job was introducing her customers to some wonderful authors who weren’t on the New York Times bestseller list.
The bookseller open house weekend at Simon’s couldn’t have come at a better time, Jannika thought, as she pulled the rental van on to I-95 south. This weekend would give her time to think and time to spend with book people. She usually met up with Edgar, the bookseller she’d worked for while she was in college. He bought and sold rare books and also sold popular books in an online store. They never planned where or when they would meet during the weekend. Edgar liked to leave things to chance. Edgar had been her boss, then her mentor, and now he was her friend.
The drive to the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts was golden, with splotches of red and russet brown along the route. The beauty of the trees was more than visual—it made its way through her body. Her spine lengthened as the muscles in her back relaxed. She pulled off in Littleton to stop for lunch at a place once recommended to her by the town’s librarian. Edgar had told her once that when he traveled, he called the local librarian in whatever town he was going to and asked them for recommendations. The smell of peppers and onions on the grill greeted her at the door, and the face of a friend was the first thing she noticed when she walked in. Edgar. She shook her head and smiled as he waved her over to the end booth near the side door.
“Jannika Peterson, fancy meeting you here.” Edgar stood as she approached the booth.
Jannika leaned over the table and gave Edgar a quick hug. She was always surprised by what Aunt Gunnie would call the delightful amount of aftershave he used. She hoped the bathroom had soap, so she could wash her face and neck before getting back into her car. The smell would be tough to endure for two hours on the road until she made it to the bed-and-breakfast in North Adams. They both settled into the booth. Edgar waved a couple of fingers at the waitress and asked her for a menu for Jannika.
“You taught me well,” Jannika said.
“The librarian trick?”
“Of course. They’ve never let me down.”
“They always know the best places to eat, don’t they? Luscious librarians, all. I haven’t met one I didn’t fall a little in love with,” Edgar said. He adjusted his half-frame glasses. “How is your store? I’m sorry I didn’t see you in the spring. Helen had a hip replacement and it was a spousal sacrifice to stay with my wife after hip surgery and miss Simon’s weekend.”
“I know you’re joking,” Jannika said.
“A little joke, a little truth,” Edgar said. “Are things good at the store? I heard you’ve been newsworthy in New Hampshire.”
The waitress brought Jannika water and took her order. When she left, Jannika pointed to the lone roll in the red plastic bread basket on the table. Edgar nodded, and she took the soft round roll and split it open.
“Give me a second, I’m starving. Tell me how is Helen?” Jannika tossed her napkin in her lap and took a bite of bread.
“She’s fine. Good as new. Wants me to hike with her, silly woman. We’ve been married over thirty years and we’ve never hiked. I’m not fond of fresh air and all that. She says I spend too much time at the shop.”
Jannika stopped chewing and looked at Edgar.
“I know I do, but I always have, and if I haven’t changed in thirty years, I’m probably not going to.” Edgar placed the palms of his hands flat on the table.
“Change can be good, Edgar. I think I remember you saying that to me, once upon a time,” Jannika said.
“Yes, but you’re young, and as much as I miss working with you and visiting with you, you were ready to have your own bookstore. And you have to admit, the offer came at just the right time. Billingsworth, was it? Does he appreciate the attention the store is getting from the papers?”
“Bosworth. He keeps mentioning that the store is tying him down. He says it with a smile and I don’t know him well enough to know if he’s joking or not. He likes that sales are up most months. But you know how it is, some months are great and some months we can barely make wages and utilities. It makes me a little nervous.”
“Of course, sales are up with you there,” Edgar said.
“Thanks. He’s not at the store much. He brings in some remainders once in a while, or a box from a library sale, but he pretty much lets me run the store.”
The waitress returned with Jannika’s meal and asked, “Do you folks want one check or two?” She put Jannika’s plate on the table.
Jannika had a m
outh full of pepper steak sandwich and motioned to Edgar that she would take care of her own check.
“Glad to see you’re enjoyin’ your lunch.” The waitress pulled out her pad and walked away.
Jannika finished chewing. “Are you after anything in particular this trip?”
“I’m looking for a smidgeon of new fiction, any unusual nonfiction, and interesting cookbooks—people still buy them. I’m very happy the big five are a bit more creative with their covers this year. Remember, it was all feet and shoes for a couple of years. Every cover—empty shoes or half a person, just legs, feet, and shoes. Tedious. This year it’s a bit better, but there is a preponderance of curlicue fonts in the titles. Have you noticed?” Edgar asked.
“Yes, I’ve noticed.” Damn, she’d missed Edgar. “I’m sorry I haven’t emailed or called in the past year.”
“You seem more settled at your store in New Hampshire.” He looked at Jannika and touched the back of her hand. “It’s a nice thing to see.”
“I had no idea how wonderful it would feel to live so close to my Aunt Gunnie. It does make me feel more grounded.” She wished she felt that way about other areas of her life. Meeting Lee again was exciting but also so unsettling. And no matter how much she loved The Pageturner, she was just an employee.
“Jannika?”
“Oh, my mind was back at the store,” Jannika said. “I’ve heard some talk around town that Bosworth’s the kind of person who gets all excited about a project for a while, then abandons it for some new shiny thing. I guess he bought the local movie theater a few years back but got tired of it. Now it’s sitting empty in the middle of town. I was so excited when Aunt Gunnie told me about the job. I jumped on it, but now I’m wishing I’d done a little more research. Edgar, I’m in love with this store. I feel like it’s mine. I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be, and I’m terrified of losing it. I lie awake at night and try to figure out what to do if that happens.” This was the first time she’d said anything about losing the store out loud. Putting it out there gave it life somehow, and what had seemed like her mind blowing things out of proportion, now seemed a very real possibility. The place between her shoulder blades tightened and not from the long drive this time.