“Right-o, sorry, buddy. I didn’t know it still bothered you.” Lawrence rolled up the windows and turned on the air conditioner.
“It’s okay, I just never get called that anymore. So, I wanted to apologize for what happened this afternoon.”
“Thank you. I just wish you had called… not that it would have made any difference. That guy doesn’t want to be with me.”
“I think you’re wrong about that. Curt was really torn up with what went down.”
“I… I mean, look, I’m out of town, heading to your mom’s in fact.”
“I know, she just told me, and that’s why I wanted to take you to dinner tomorrow. David and I want to talk to you about something, and we’re going to be at the moms’, if you don’t mind.” Ned’s voice sounded strained.
“Not a problem at all, kiddo,” Lawrence said.
“Okay, I’ll see you later. How about dinner tomorrow, late lunch?” Ned asked.
“Sure, whatever. Look, I’ve got to get back on the road. Don’t want to keep your mother waiting.”
“Oh, yeah. See you later, Uncle Larry.” Edgar – Ned – hung up.
The song came on the radio just as he pulled into the driveway, something about “finding love right in front of me.” He shut off the engine and sat there unable to bring himself to go in, drifting off, thinking about laying in his arms. Then a short curly-haired woman knocked on the window and startled him, realizing it’s his sister-in-law, Mitzi.
He heard her shout through the window. “You okay?”
Lawrence motioned for her to move back as he opened the door. “I’m fine, I was just thinking about my fuckup.”
“Oh, that mouth on you,” Mitzi retorted.
“Have you made my sister into an innocent woman?” He hugged her.
“Never! What would be the point?” she smiled.
Lawrence reached into the car to get his bag. “I ate on the road. I just need a place to take a hot shower and crash in the bed.”
“Good, because Judith isn’t home yet.” She turned and went through the back door, letting it bang behind her just as he got to it.
“So, it’s just my potty mouth and you?” I don’t know why Jude loves you, but you make her happy, so I’ll put up with it.
“You know where the back room is, right?” she said without looking up.
“I’m familiar with them. Been to lots of them in my lifetime,” Lawrence chuckled, in the way that people who make bad jokes laugh.
Mitzi’s laughter had a bitter undertone as she closed the door and led him to the back room he’d always called home, and he had to admit, usually, when he was jilted.
She stood with her hands in her back pockets. “So, another one tossed you out?”
He tossed the bag on the bed and turned. “No, he didn’t toss me out, I kicked him out. I did it before he’d do it to me. He’s a doctor for God’s sake. When have you ever heard of a doctor and a mechanic being a couple?” His hand gripped the door, and he felt the urge to slam it in her face.
She bit her lip. “Haven’t heard of many, but if you loved each other, don’t you think it might be worth it?” She turned to leave, then turned back. “I’m really sorry.” She left.
Lawrence closed the door. She wasn’t that bad, he thought, as he got undressed. He stepped into the hot shower so he couldn’t tell which was on his face—tears or water. He still couldn’t bring himself to send a message to the young man who’d stolen his heart. He felt that the minute he mended the bridge, Curtis would turn into Jeffrey, and he’d be out and alone all over again.
As he lay on the bed, the towel wrapped around his waist, he heard doors close and the clatter of feet and laughter. Of Judy and Ned and David. Of love. And here he lay wallowing in self-pity and loss.
Lawrence heard whispers near his door. It sounded like Mitzi telling someone that he’d arrived, but not to bother him, he looked exhausted.
The knock on his door brought him out of a deep sleep. “Uncle Larry, I know it’s super early, but I’m going for a run. I was wondering if you’d join me?”
“What time is it?” Lawrence asked groggily.
“Five. The fog is out,” Edgar said.
“At night or in the morning?” Lawrence felt like he’d been hungover for days.
“The morning,” Edgar laughed. “Want to go running with me? I need to ask you something.”
Lawrence realized he’d fallen asleep in the towel. “Let me get dressed.” He pulled a pair of shorts and a T-shirt out of the bag and grabbed a pair of tennis shoes. He was up, ready, and out the door in just a minute or two.
“Wow, Uncle Larry, you’ve got some muscles on you,” Edgar said.
“It’s nothing, just from working on cars and running,” Lawrence shook his head.
“I remember you used to get up early when I visited. We’ll just take it slow,” Edgar said.
“Okay, Edgar… uh, Ned.” He remembered training Tim to call him Lawrence. “I’m sorry you had to see or hear me yesterday.”
“No, I’m sorry. He said he’d been dating this guy named Law, which was short for Lawrence. I mean, I’ve only known you as Larry—I didn’t put two and two together,” Ned said as they left the house.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mine really,” Lawrence said. “How do you know him?”
“Curtis is an old friend from high school,” Ned said. They jogged to the end of the driveway and down the street. In silence they moved, their breathing steady.
Lawrence broke the silence. In the fog surrounding them, he felt a sense of privacy. “Did he call me names?”
“Curtis? Oh, God no. He was trying to figure out what happened.”
“Oh…” The words disappeared in the fog.
“In fact, once I told him about Jeffrey, he sorta freaked out. I think he knew your asshole boyfriend.” Ned reached out his hand. “Wasn’t Jeffrey an attorney?”
“Dr. Jeffrey Gibson was a total shit.” Lawrence stopped. “I think I even called Curtis Jeffrey…”
“Yeah, you did.” Ned said. “I’m so, so sorry. I really wanted Curtis to be happy, for you to be happy. I feel like I’m at fault.”
“You had no idea, son. I’m an idiot.” Lawrence hugged Ned, patting his back. “Everyone has told me that it’s not a big deal, that I’m blowing everything out of proportion. Mario, Tim, for God’s sake even your stepmom.”
“She talked to you?” Ned laughed against Lawrence’s chest.
“It was her way of telling me to get my head out of my ass,” Lawrence said.
“Did it work?” Ned asked.
Lawrence stepped back, shrugged, and changed the subject. “Why are you and David here?”
“We stayed the night – we’re checking out venues for the wedding. We’d love it if you could pitch in your advice,” Ned stepped back too.
“My advice? I’m just a grease monkey.” Lawrence shrugged.
“I’m asking the moms to come along too. I want it to be a family thing.”
Lawrence gave in. “Okay, Ned. I’m looking forward to meeting your David.”
“Let’s head back. He’ll be waking up wondering where I am.”
After visiting three golf courses, an arboretum, a barn, and a college auditorium over three days, on the fourth day Lawrence and Ned took a trip down the coast closer to home to check out a ring for David. Lawrence entered the address to an old jewelry store a friend of his ran into his GPS, and they got on the road.
“I can’t believe you haven’t gotten this yet,” Lawrence said as they raced along Pacific Coast Highway. His hands were steady on the wheel.
“I know. I wanted it to be special. I kept asking him to look at Pinterest and point out which one he wanted.” Ned swiped through pictures on his phone.
“And?” Lawrence asked.
“And he said, ‘You’ll get me what you know I’ll love.’” Ned looked at the ocean. “That didn’t help.”
Lawrence chuckled at that. “It will probably
call to you, when you see it.”
“Uncle Larry, that’s what I thought would happen while looking for the perfect place,” Ned said. “But we haven’t found anything close to perfect. And I’m at a loss for a ring.”
“I’m dropping you off at a jeweler up here you should check out. Great selection.” He saw the turnoff to their museum.
Our museum? You were there together once.
Lawrence sighed. He’d been thinking of Curtis more and more since the first day or two he’d been gone. He gestured at the Getty sign as they drove past. “Have you been there?”
“The Getty? Yeah, but there’s no way we can afford that.”
“Have you asked?”
“Well, no…” Ned admitted.
Lawrence continued along the highway, the speakers dumping pop music into the air. The playlist had been on repeat since the night he ran away, and every song reminded him of Curtis. Now, more than ever wanted to see him—call him, text him, run to his loft and sweep him off his feet. But he was a doctor, like Jeffrey. There was no point in thinking about that anymore.
“Turn here,” Ned said. “It’s a left.”
Lawrence shoved Curtis out of his mind and made a left up the California Incline to Ocean Boulevard in Santa Monica.
“It’s right at the top of this street, then a right to Wilshire,” Ned read from the phone.
At the top, Lawrence pointed to Ned’s right. “Isn’t that gorgeous?”
The Pacific Ocean glinted a dark royal blue in the afternoon sunlight. Ned nodded. “Yeah, it is. I don’t think I’ve been here much. It makes me think of that movie we used to watch on Sundays. Those palm trees remind me of it. It was you and Mom’s favorite movie. Mad something. Mad World?”
“Damn, I haven’t thought of that movie in ages. It’s called It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” Lawrence signaled and turned left. “I’ll drop you off so you can find that ring, and I’ll get us some lunch. Let’s eat looking over the ocean, okay?”
“Sounds great.”
Lawrence pulled up to the small hole-in-the-wall jewelry store. “If it’s more than you can afford, text me and I’ll bring money for you.”
“How the hell is it going to be that expensive?” Ned laughed.
Lawrence shrugged and smiled. “You never know until you find the one.”
“We’ve been telling you that all weekend, Uncle Larry. Now, when are you going to take that advice?” He got out of the car and headed into the shop. A bell tinkled as he opened the door.
“Touché.”
Lawrence sat there, looking at but not really seeing the ocean in its sunset glory.
You never know until you find the one. He’s the one.
No, he’s a doctor. Just like Jeffrey.
Or maybe not like Jeffrey. Curtis never said you were dirty.
He laughed at me!
No, he laughed. You don’t know it was at you.
What else could it have been? I was dirty and disgusting…
He was talking to Ned. Ned’s funny. You’ve laughed at things Ned said this weekend. Do you think Ned was laughing at you? Really? Maybe he was just saying funny things.
Lawrence sat there, chewing on that.
But what if he hurts me again? How can I trust him?
The stereo was still playing. ATC came on, singing about how sometimes love just wins you over. He smiled. That’s a little too on point.
His mind turned away from the argument with itself, but other voices stepped in to take its place.
“Curt was really torn up with what went down,” Ned said.
Was he? Jeffrey wouldn’t have been – but his nephew wasn’t a liar, either.
“Why can’t you believe that someone like him could love you?” Mario asked.
Why couldn’t he? That was a good question. But any chance at that had ended...
“You don’t know how anything ends until it’s over,” Curtis said. “I don’t know what happened just now. I’ll leave my keys here, and I’ll see you tonight.”
Lawrence sat, frozen, behind the steering wheel. His eyes looked, unseeing, at the wine-dark Pacific.
“I don’t know what happened just now.”
Jeffrey would never have said anything like that. He would never have admitted to not knowing something.
I’ve been a fool.
He started out of his reverie. pulled his phone out of his pocket, and sent a quick message to Curtis.
I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. Can we talk?
He didn’t expect an answer, so he left the phone on the seat, and drove off in search of the best sandwiches in town.
19
Curtis
Three days felt like three weeks. Going to bed alone wasn’t as bad as waking up alone. He caught himself just staring off into the distance a few times. And when that happened, he’d get a friendly reminder to move from the houseboy in the other building, waving at him.
He stopped leaving messages for Law after the last night of the class. He realized it just made him look like a loser. There was nothing Curtis could do to change what had happened. In his worst dreams, he’d never see Law again. In one nightmare, he imagined Law’s Metropolitan had been totaled by the blue Mustang that killed that old woman and her old boyfriend, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t resuscitate Law. It was Law’s face he saw when he fell asleep, and Law’s face smiling at him from the kitchen holding up coffee cups in the morning.
Today was the day. Bernard said he’d come to a decision. It should have been a happy day. He’d sign the papers, and maybe Bernard would finally hand over the keys to the patient files. For the past three days they’d been moving in furniture, and walls were painted. Christine had ordered desks and computers and filing cabinets.
He headed to the Brass Lamp, running into Marilyn in her 501s, with actual worn-through holes, the newest at her pocket. Her white T-shirt was no longer white. Flecks of aqua and orange paint dappled across her chest. “Damn, I wanted these to be a surprise.” She turned, holding the tray of coffees to go.
“I wanted to get the last batch,” Curtis said. “It’s going to be official today, Marilyn. He’s signing the paperwork.”
“I know. Are you ready?” She handed him the tray. “You take it in. I’ll grab the donuts.”
“Donuts?” Curtis looked over her shoulder.
“Something the new barista is trying out.” She shook the white bag.
“New barista?” Curtis asked.
Marilyn pointed over her shoulder as she moved closer to Curtis, and they walked out. “He’s an old patient of mine, from before I even knew you.” She stopped and turned back. “I’m so glad you’re here, Brodie! See you later.”
“Sure thing, Dr. McKissick.” The tall bear Curtis had seen before stood there, pouring hot water over coffee grounds.
Marilyn swept beside Curtis and slipped her arm under his. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
The walk down the Promenade to their new office took a few minutes. The door stood wide open, and they looked at each other. “Christine?” Curtis called as he got closer.
“Just a second.” The nurse came out. “The computers were just delivered, and Dr. Buchanan wanted to wait in the lobby.”
“We don’t have a lobby, exactly,” Curtis said.
“Right, he noticed that. So he’s sitting in your office.” She ran to the desk where she’d soon be sitting and directed the delivery men around the room. “Put that monitor there and the second one beside it. Wonderful.” She stood back and admired the configuration.
“We brought you coffee and donuts, Christine.” Marilyn placed the tray that she’d taken from Curtis, and the bag, down. Curtis, his hands freed, reached for his phone, but it was silent. He sighed and put it down on the counter next to the bag.
Marilyn touched his arm. “He’s waiting in your office. Go on. Go to him, Curtis. Sign those papers.”
Curtis moved at a steady pace to his newly painted office, the print
of Spring in the center of the wall. In front of the print stood Bernard, his head bouncing as he looked at all the faces, stopping on the one face that always caught Curtis’s attention - the woman on the upper left of the balcony, staring at the artist, a knowing look in her eyes.
“She’s my favorite,” Curtis said, as he came in the door.
“What a marvelous painting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it before.” Bernard smiled.
“The artist is Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema,” Curtis said.
“Where did you discover him?” Bernard still stared.
“The Getty, at lunch with a…” Curtis walked to his desk. “With a friend. Do you have the papers?”
“Well…” Bernard turned.
“Dammit, Bernard…” Curtis tried to keep his temper down.
“I was saying yes, but you are angry with me.” Bernard shook his head and smiled.
“No, I’m missing someone. That painting reminds me of him, and I hung it there thinking it would make me remember him and smile, but now he’s gone.” Curtis walked to the print, took it down, then leaned it facing the wall. “And I’m really hating the way you’ve been leading me on. I’ve done everything for you since my parents dropped me off on your doorstep.” Curtis sat down.
“I know, son. I’m lost myself. Alone is no way to live your life. Have you reached out to him?” Bernard sat across from Curtis, the folder he’d pulled from his coat placed in front of him, his hands resting on top.
“I’ve contacted him so much, I’m sure even if he wanted to see me, he’d stop because of the crazy guy calling him. Sending him pictures, texting.” Curtis looked at the back of the print.
Bernard laughed. “Son, look at all those chances. When I was looking for Marjorie, I could only call or send her a letter... ran five blocks to her house.” He grinned. “I knocked on the front door, her mother told me she was in the backyard. Eloise handed me two Cokes and told me to get my girl.”
“You showed up with Cokes? Did it work?”
Bernard laughed again. “It did. It was hot, and she was thirsty. And I got on my knee and proposed to her.” He looked up into my eyes. “Now you don’t have to propose, but get some drinks to your guy and get happy.” He opened the file, slid it across the empty desk. “Just need your signature. I’ve already added mine.”
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