by Helena Halme
The English Heart
Helena Halme
One
Helsinki, Finland
The British Embassy was a grand house on a tree-lined street in the old part of Helsinki. The chandeliers were sparkling, the parquet floors polished, the antique furniture gleaming. The ambassador and his wife, who wore a long velvet skirt and a frilly white blouse, stood in the doorway to the main reception room, officially greeting all guests. When it was Kaisa’s turn, she took the invitation, with its ornate gold writing, out of her handbag, but the woman didn’t even glance at it. Instead she took Kaisa’s hand and smiled briefly, before she did the same to Kaisa’s friend Tuuli, and then to the next person in line. Kaisa grabbed the hem of her dress to pull it down a little. When a waiter in a white waistcoat appeared out of nowhere and offered her a glass of sherry from a silver tray, Kaisa nodded to her friend and they settled into a corner of a brightly lit room and sipped the sweet drink.
A few people were scattered around the room, talking English in small groups, but the space seemed too large for all of them. One woman in a cream evening gown glanced briefly towards the Finnish girls and smiled, but most were unconcerned with the two of them standing alone in a corner, staring at their shoes, in a vain attempt not to look out of place.
Kaisa touched the hem of her black-and-white crepe dress once more. She knew it suited her well, but she couldn’t help thinking she should have borrowed an evening gown form somewhere.
Kaisa looked at her friend, and wondered if Tuuli was as nervous about the evening as she was. She doubted it; Tuuli was a tall, confident girl. Nothing seemed to faze her.
‘You look great,’ Tuuli said, as if she’d read Kaisa’s mind.
‘I keep thinking I should have worn a long dress.’ Kaisa said.
Kaisa’s friend from university looked down at her own turquoise satin blouse, which fitted tightly around her slim body. She’d tucked the blouse smartly into her navy trousers. On her feet, Tuuli had a pair of light-brown loafers with low heels. Kaisa’s courts made her, for once, the same height as Tuuli.
‘What did the woman at the bank say, exactly?’ Tuuli asked. Kaisa noticed her blue eyes had turned the exact same hue as her blouse. Her friend was very pretty. Students and staff at Hanken, the Swedish language university to which Kaisa had so remarkably gained entry a year ago, thought the two girls were sisters, but Kaisa didn’t think she looked anything like Tuuli. As well as being much taller, her friend also had larger breasts, which made men turn and stare.
‘Cocktail dresses…’ Kaisa replied.
‘Well, I don’t wear dresses. Ever.’ Tuuli had a way of stating her opinion so definitely that it excluded all future conversation on the matter.
‘I didn’t mean that. You look fantastic. It’s just that she was so vague…’ Kaisa was thinking back to the conversation she’d had with her boss at the bank where she worked as a summer intern. The woman was married to a Finnish naval officer whose job it was to organise a visit by the British Royal Navy to Helsinki. She had told Kaisa it was a very important occasion as this was the first visit to Finland by the English fleet since the Second World War. ‘The Russians come here all the time, so this makes a nice change.’ The woman had smiled and continued, ‘We need some Finnish girls at the cocktail party to keep the officers company, and I bet you speak good English?’
She was right; languages were easy for Kaisa. She’d lived in Stockholm as a child and spoke Swedish fluently. Kaisa had been studying English since primary school and could understand almost everything in British and American TV series, even without looking at the subtitles. She’d all but forgotten about the conversation when, weeks later, the invitation arrived. Kaisa’s heart had skipped a beat. She’d never been inside an embassy, or been invited to a cocktail party. The card with its official English writing seemed too glamorous to be real. Kaisa now dug out the invite and showed it to her friend.
* * *
‘Her Britannic Majesty’s Ambassador and Mrs Farquhar request the pleasure of the company of Miss Niemi and guest for Buffet and Dancing on Thursday 2 October 1980 at 8.15 pm.’
* * *
‘Whatever, this will be fun,’ Tuuli said determinedly and handed the card back to Kaisa. She took hold of her arm, ‘Relax!’
Kaisa looked around the room and tried to spot the lady from the bank, but she was nowhere to be seen. There were a few men whose Finnish naval uniforms she recognised. They stood by themselves, laughing and drinking beer.
‘Couldn’t we have beer?’ Tuuli asked.
Kaisa glanced at the women in evening gowns. None of them were holding anything but sherry. ‘Don’t think it’s very ladylike,’ she said.
Tuuli said nothing.
After about an hour, when no one had said a word to Kaisa or Tuuli, and after they’d had three glasses of the sickly-tasting sherry, they decided it was time to leave. ‘We don’t have to say goodbye to the ambassador and his wife, do we?’ Tuuli said. She’d been talking about going to the university disco.
Kaisa didn’t have time to reply. A large group of men, all wearing Navy uniforms with flashes of gold braid, burst through the door, laughing and chatting. They went straight for the makeshift bar at the end of the large room. The space was filled with noise and Kaisa and Tuuli were pushed deeper into their corner.
Suddenly a tall, slim man in a British Navy uniform stood in front of Kaisa. He had the darkest eyes she’d ever seen. He reached out his hand, ‘How do you do?’
‘Ouch,’ Kaisa said and pulled her hand away quickly. He’d given her an electric shock. He smiled and gazed at her.
‘Sorry!’ he said but kept staring at Kaisa with those eyes. She tried to look down at the floor, or at Tuuli, who seemed unconcerned by this sudden invasion of foreign, uniformed men around them. ‘What’s your name?’
‘Kaisa Niemi.’
He cocked his ear, ‘Sorry?’ It took the Englishman a long time to learn to pronounce Kaisa’s Finnish name. She laughed at his failed attempts to make it sound at all authentic, but he didn’t give up.
Eventually, when happy with his pronunciation, he introduced himself to Kaisa and Tuuli, ‘Peter Williams.’ He then tapped the shoulders of two of his shipmates. One was as tall as him but with fair hair, the other a much shorter, older man. Awkwardly they all shook hands, while the dark Englishman continued to stare at Kaisa. She didn’t know what to say or where to put her eyes. She smoothed down her dress, while he took a swig out of a large glass of beer. Suddenly he noticed Kaisa’s empty hands, ‘May I get you a drink? What will you have?’
‘Sherry,’ she hated the taste of it, but couldn’t think of what else to ask for.
Peter’s dark eyes peered at Kaisa intensely. ‘Stay here, promise? I’m going to leave this old man in charge of not letting you leave.’ The shorter guy gave an embarrassed laugh and the Englishman disappeared into the now crowded room.
‘So is it always this cold in Helsinki?’ the short man asked. Kaisa explained that in the winter it was worse, there’d be snow soon, but that in summer it was really warm. He nodded, but didn’t seem to be listening to her. She tried to get her friend’s attention but Tuuli was in the middle of a conversation with the blonde guy.
Kaisa was oddly relieved when Peter returned. He was carrying a tray full of drinks and very nearly spilled them all when someone knocked him from behind. Everyone laughed. Peter’s eyes met Kaisa’s. ‘You’re still here!’ he said and handed her a drink. It was as if he’d expected her to have escaped. Kaisa looked around the suddenly crowded room. Even if she’d decided to leave, it would have been difficult to fight her way to the door. The throng of people forced Peter to stand close to Kaisa. The rough fabric of his uniform touched her bare arm. He l
ooked at Kaisa. He asked what she did; she told him about her studies at the School of Economics. He said he was a sub-lieutenant on the British ship.
Kaisa found it was easy to talk to this foreign man. Even though her English was at times faltering, they seemed to understand each other straightaway. They laughed at the same jokes. Kaisa wondered if this is what it would be like to have a brother. She had an older sister but had always envied friends with male siblings. It would be nice to have a boy to confide in, someone who knew how other boys thought, what they did or didn’t like in a girl. An older brother would be there to protect you, while a younger brother would admire you.
Kaisa looked around what had been a group of them and noticed there was just Peter and her left in the corner of the room. She asked where her friend was. Peter took hold of her arm and pointed, ‘Don’t worry. I think she’s OK.’ She saw a group of Finnish naval officers. Tuuli was among them, drinking beer and laughing.
When the music started, Peter asked Kaisa to dance. There were only two other couples on the small parquet floor. One she recognised as the Finnish Foreign Minister and his wife, a famous model, now too old for photo shoots but still envied for her dress sense and beautiful skin. She wore a dark lacy top and a skirt, not an evening gown, Kaisa noticed to her relief. The woman’s hair was set up into a complicated do, with a few long black curls framing her face. They bounced gently against her tanned skin as she pushed her head back and laughed at something her minister husband said.
Peter took hold of Kaisa’s waist and she felt the heat of his touch through the thin fabric of her dress. She looked into his dark eyes and for a moment they stood motionless in the middle of the dance floor. Slowly he started to move. Kaisa felt dizzy. The room spun in front of her eyes and she let her body relax in the Englishman’s arms.
‘You dance beautifully,’ he said.
Kaisa smiled, ‘So do you.’
He moved his hand lower down Kaisa’s back and squeezed her bottom.
‘You mustn’t,’ Kaisa said, not able to contain her laughter. She removed his hand and whispered, ‘That’s the Foreign Minister and his famous wife. They’ll see!’
‘Ok,’ he nodded and lazily glanced at the other couples on the dance floor.
After a few steps Kaisa again felt his hand drop down towards the right cheek of her backside. She tutted and moved it back up. He must be very young, Kaisa thought. When the music stopped, Peter put her hand in the crook of his arm and led her away from the dance floor. He found two plush chairs by a fireplace in a smaller room. It had windows overlooking a groomed garden. As soon as they sat down, a gong rang for food.
‘You must be hungry,’ Peter said, and not waiting for a reply got up, ‘I’ll get you a selection.’ He made Kaisa promise to stay where she was and disappeared into the queue of people. She felt awkward sitting alone, marking the time until Peter’s return. She could feel the eyes of the ladies she’d seen earlier in the evening upon her.
Kaisa smoothed down her dress again and looked at her watch: it was ten past eleven already. She saw Tuuli in the doorway to the larger room. She was holding hands with a Finnish naval officer, smiling up at him.
Quickly Kaisa walked towards them. ‘Are you going? Wait, I’ll come with you.’ She was relieved that she didn’t have to leave alone.
Tuuli looked at the Finnish guy, then at her friend, ‘Umm, I’ll call you tomorrow?’
Kaisa felt stupid. ‘Ah, yes, of course.’ She waved her friend goodbye.
Peter reappeared, balancing two glasses of wine and two huge platefuls of food in his hands.
‘I didn’t know what you liked,’ he said, grinning.
He led Kaisa back to the plush chairs. She watched him wolf down cocktail sausages, slices of ham, and potato salad as if he’d never been fed. He emptied his plate and said, ‘Aren’t you hungry?’
Kaisa shook her head. She wasn’t sure if it was the formal surroundings or all the sherry she’d drunk, but she couldn’t even think about food. All she could do was sip the wine. She leant back in her chair and Peter sat forward in his. He touched her knee. His touch was like a current running through her body.
‘You OK?’
Kaisa felt she could sink into the dark pools of the Englishman’s eyes. She shook her head, trying to shed the spell this foreigner had cast over her, ‘A bit drunk, I think.’
Peter laughed at that. He put the empty plate away and lit a cigarette. He studied her for a moment. ‘You’re lovely, do you know that?’
Kaisa blushed.
They sat and talked by the fireplace. The heat of the flames burned the side of Kaisa’s arm, but she didn’t want to move. While they talked Peter gazed at her intently, as if trying to commit the whole of her being to memory. Kaisa found this both flattering and frightening. She knew she shouldn’t be here with this foreign man like this.
Once or twice one of Peter’s shipmates came and exchanged a few words with him. There was an Englishwoman he seemed to know very well. He introduced her to Kaisa and laughed at something she said. Then he turned back to Kaisa, and the woman moved away. Kaisa liked the feeling of owning Peter, having all his attention on her. She found she could tell him her life story. He, too, talked about his family in southwest England. He had a brother and a sister, both a lot older than him, ‘My birth wasn’t exactly planned,’ he smiled.
‘Neither was mine! My parents made two mistakes, first my sister, then me,’ Kaisa said and laughed. Peter looked surprised, as if she’d told him something bad.
‘It’s OK,’ she said.
He took her hands in his and said, ‘Can I see you again? After tonight, I mean?’
‘Please don’t,’ she pulled away from his touch.
An older officer, with fair, thinning hair, came into the room and Peter got rapidly onto his feet.
‘Good evening,’ the man nodded to Kaisa and said something, in a low tone, to Peter.
‘Yes, Sir,’ Peter replied.
‘Who was that?’ Kaisa asked.
‘Listen, something’s happened. I have to go back to the ship.’
Kaisa looked at her watch; it was nearly midnight.
Peter leant closer and held her hands. ‘I must see you again.’
‘It’s not possible.’ She lowered her gaze away from the intense glare of his eyes.
‘I’m only in Helsinki for another three days,’ he insisted.
Kaisa didn’t say anything for a while. His hands around hers felt strong and she didn’t want to pull away.
‘Look, I have to go. Can I at least phone you?’
She hesitated, ‘No.’
His eyes widened, ‘Why not?’
‘It’s impossible.’ Kaisa didn’t know what else to say.
‘Why do you say that?’ Peter leant closer to her. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek when he whispered into her ear, ‘Nothing is impossible.’
People were leaving. Another officer came to tell Peter he had to go. Turning close to Kaisa again he said, ‘Please?’
Kaisa heard herself say, ‘Do you have a pen?’
Peter tapped his pockets, then scanned the now empty tables. He looked everywhere, asked a waiter carrying a tray full of glasses, but no one had a pen. Kaisa dug in her handbag and found a pink lipstick. ‘You can use this, I guess.’
Peter took a paper napkin from a table and she scrawled her number on it. Then, with the final bits of lipstick, he wrote his name and his address on HMS Newcastle on the back of Kaisa’s invitation to the party.
Outside, on the steps of the embassy, all the officers from Peter’s ship were gathered, waiting for something. The blonde guy Kaisa and Tuuli had met earlier in the evening nodded to her and, touching his cap, smiled knowingly. She wondered if he thought she and Peter were now an item. She could see many of the other officers give her sly glances. It was as if outside, on the steps of the embassy, she’d entered another world – the domain of their ship. As the only woman among all the men, she felt shy and s
tood closer to Peter. He took this to be a sign, and before she could stop him, he’d taken off his cap and bent down to kiss her lips. He tasted of mint and cigarettes. For a moment Kaisa kissed him back; she didn’t want to pull away.
When finally Peter let go, everybody on the steps cheered. Kaisa was embarrassed and breathless.
‘You shouldn’t have done that,’ she whispered.
Peter looked at her and smiled, ‘Don’t worry, they’re just jealous.’ He led her through the throng of people and down the steps towards a waiting taxi.
‘I’ll call you tomorrow,’ he whispered and opened the car door.
When the taxi moved away, Kaisa saw Peter wave his cap. She told the driver her address and leant back in the seat. She touched her lips.
Two
The dark Helsinki streets whizzed past. The city looked different; it had taken on a magical air. The taxi seemed to fly through the neighbourhoods. As they left the Esplanade Park behind them, the driver crossed the normally busy Mannerheim Street, now deserted, and rattling over the tramlines, began the climb up the hill on Lönnrot Street. Kaisa loved the Jugendstil buildings in and around the centre of Helsinki. Their ornate facades, built at the turn of the century, and pale coloured walls dominated the landscape. She’d dreamt of living in one of the round towers, like a princess surveying the people on the streets below. She wished all of Helsinki was built in the same style, instead of ugly modern structures in glass and steel. Turning into a small street, the taxi slowed, and Kaisa wound down the window to get some air. Here, on top of the hill, even though you couldn’t yet see the sea surrounding the city, you could smell it.
As the taxi crossed the bridge to Lauttasaari Island and made its way towards Kaisa’s flat, she wondered what it would be like to live in the city itself rather than in the suburbs. It wouldn’t have to be a Jugendstil house, if truth be told, she’d be equally happy to live in the more modern buildings off Mannerheim Street, where Tuuli lived. Her flat was close to Hanken and had large windows and tall ceilings. How wonderful it would be to walk up the hill to lectures, or if it was raining, take the tram. The number 3b stopped right outside Tuuli’s block. But rented flats were hard to come by in Helsinki. Kaisa was lucky to have somewhere within the city limits. Besides, Lauttasaari was a well-to do area, and she had a separate bedroom, a balcony with a partial sea view, as well as a small kitchenette, so she really shouldn’t complain.