by R.S. Grey
“Stay away from me, Erik.” Her eyes blazed with fury. “I mean it.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Brie
Why didn’t Olympic condos come with ovens? Jesus Christ, I’d never needed to bake so badly in my entire life. Why couldn’t I have adopted a more practical and portable coping mechanism, like knitting? Anything to take my mind off Erik. He couldn’t do that to me. He couldn’t leave me hanging on the sidewalk, walk away with another woman, and then in the morning decide he wanted me again—as if he could whistle or snap his fingers and I’d be there, waiting at his feet like a little pet.
No.
I’d stayed up until 2:30 AM the night before, rolling side to side and squeezing my eyes closed, but in the end, I always caved. I’d reached to my bedside table and checked my phone, praying I’d find a missed call or a text message waiting to resolve everything for me, but every time I checked and my phone was blank, my heart split a little more.
If he felt something for me, he shouldn’t have walked away. He should have called or texted me. Something.
The longer I’d stayed up, the angrier I became, and by the time he walked into the gym the following morning, I was ready to tear his head off. I meant every word I said to him, even if he thought I was bluffing. I couldn’t keep up with him. He wanted me, he didn’t want me. He used me, he tossed me aside. I couldn’t keep dedicating hours of my life to dissecting his every move. It was exhausting, toxic. I had five more days left in Rio and I wanted to pour every ounce of my concentration into gymnastics.
I worked out hard, tore through my morning routines, and headed back to the village with the rest of my team for lunch. Lexi, Rosie, Molly, and I hightailed it to the food court. The lines were long, but we didn’t let it deter us. We were all starving and by the time we found a spot near the center of the room, my tray was topped with a protein smoothie, grilled chicken, and enough vegetables to feed a family of five.
We filled the small table and I pushed my tray to the spare seat beside mine, spreading my food out in front of me and realizing I might have gone a little overboard.
“Does anyone want some steamed broccoli?”
I angled my bowl toward the group and Lexi laughed. “Ew. No. Don’t try to pass your poor food choices onto us.”
The bowl rattled against the table as I dropped it and reached for my smoothie.
“As soon as I finish competing, I’m going to devour an entire chocolate cake,” I said, envisioning it in my head. “Like that chubby kid in Matilda, except I’m going to enjoy every bite.”
Molly glanced up and laughed, her mouth full of whatever healthy crap she’d shoved onto her own plate. I was about to ask her what the green mush on her fork was, but her gaze went over my head and her eyes went wide as saucers. A shadow loomed behind me and I glanced up in time to see Erik standing beside our table with a tray of his own. Without asking permission, he stacked his tray on top of the empty one beside me and stole the last empty seat at our table.
“Can I help you?” I asked with a hard tone.
“Brie,” Molly warned under her breath.
Erik smirked out of the corner of his mouth.
I frowned. “What are you doing here? Don’t the coaches eat together in some private club or something?”
“Not today.”
He unfolded his napkin and draped it across his lap without a care in the world. I sat, watching him in disbelief, wondering how long he’d actually stay.
“This is a joke, right? You’re not actually eating with us are you?”
He started cutting off a piece of his grilled chicken. “I’m eating with you.”
Lexi snorted.
Jesus.
“Ha ha ha. I get it, you want to make a point.” I pushed his tray closer to the edge of the table so he had to grab it before it clattered to the ground. “Well, consider it made. You can leave now.”
He slid his blue gaze to me and I saw the hint of amusement there. He thought this was funny.
I am going to murder him.
In the middle of the food court.
One look at Lexi and the rest of the girls proved they were enjoying this moment nearly as much as Erik was.
“How’s your day going so far, Brie?”
He sounded like a parent trying to engage an insolent teenager at the dinner table.
“Oh it’s going really well.” I nodded, swallowing down another sip of my smoothie. “I’m thinking of playing strip poker with the British men’s rugby team later.”
He smirked. “Sounds interesting. I’d work on my poker face if I were you.”
Lexi cracked up at that. I leveled her with a threatening glare, and then for the next five minutes, the five of us ate in silence. I watched girls stroll by our table, glancing at Erik with half hidden interest before scurrying off. I wanted to shout at them to move along. We get it. He’s good-looking.
Rosie and Molly scarfed down their food at record speed and then pushed away from the table, adding lame excuses over their shoulders. Bathroom! Phone call!
“What’s your goal here? To piss me off?” I asked, sliding my gaze to Erik.
His profile was sickeningly handsome: sharp jaw, high cheekbones, straight nose. I squinted to blur the edges a bit, but then he met my gaze and all bets were off.
“Do you see that you’re being hypocritical, Brie? We both want to have our cake and eat it too, but we can’t just all of a sudden be in an open relationship. There are reasons we’ve been discreet up until this point and I know you’d regret it if your accomplishments were buried beneath headlines about our relationship.”
My heart dropped and when his gaze fell to my lips, I realized I was gaping at him. I closed my mouth and shook my head. Guess he’s not concerned about Lexi knowing the truth…not that she didn’t already suspect something between us…
“Didn’t you listen to anything I told you this morning?”
He waved away my concern. “It wasn’t relevant.”
Lexi was in full-on hysterics at this point, snorting over her freaking chicken like she was sitting front row at a comedy show.
“I’m glad you find this so amusing.”
She held up her hands in innocence. “You guys are the most fucked up, yet entertaining couple I’ve ever been around. Better than TV.”
“We aren’t a couple!” I clarified loud enough that the people occupying the table beside ours glanced over to check out the commotion.
I groaned under my breath and grabbed my tray. “Actually, I think I’m full now.”
“You only had like two sips of that smoothie,” Lexi pointed out.
I shoved my bowl of broccoli at her. “Well, I’m not going to stay here and eat with you two.”
She shook her head and stood. “Well don’t leave on my account. I just saw the soccer guys walk in; I’ll go eat with them so you two can talk.”
I groaned under my breath, but she was already walking away, leaving me alone with the enemy. Slowly, I sat back down and sipped my smoothie, keeping my focus on the British rugby team across the room. They were massive and bearded and fairly good at keeping my attention away from Erik.
“How’s your mom?” he asked with a gentle tone.
“Fine,” I snapped, not wanting to slip into normalcy.
He didn’t get to walk away from me like he had the night before and then pretend to be Mr. Oh-So-Considerate the next morning.
“Where do you two live in Austin?”
“What are you doing?”
Erik was asking me about my life…why? What was the point of showing me compassion?
He dropped his fork and turned to me, leveling me with a gaze that nearly swallowed me whole. When his attention was on me like that—so unwavering and intense—it was hard to bear. I wanted to fidget and turn away, anything to break the tension between us, but instead I met his stare and narrowed my eyes, testing him.
“Last night you told me you had feelings for me. Did they disappear ov
ernight?”
His gaze dropped to my mouth and I realized he wanted an answer. Now.
“No. I-I just…”
He nodded. “It took me a few hours to wrap my head around everything. I left you hanging, and for that, I’m sorry.”
He was apologizing?
He knows how to apologize?
“Okay,” I replied with unsteady breath.
“I stand by what I said a moment ago. It’s not a good idea to flaunt our relationship, but I’d like to take you out tonight. Somewhere away from the village.”
My eyes widened in shock.
“Out?”
He smirked, a self-serving thing that made my heart skip a beat. “Yes, to dinner.”
I shook my head.
“Bad idea.” I laughed. “Actually, it’s a terrible idea.”
He leaned closer, ignoring the fact that we were in public.
“Fine, Brie. I’ll play this game. You want me to beg?” His gaze dropped to my body slowly, then he dragged it back up. The mischief there was impossible to ignore. “You want me to chase you? Prove I’m serious about wanting you?”
Was it so wrong that I wanted to make him work for it? Prove he meant what he was saying?
I steeled my back and grabbed my tray, prepared to walk away.
“I’ll see you at practice this afternoon,” I said, all hint of emotion gone from my voice. I needed to run, to escape before he could see how much he was affecting me.
“Expect to stay late,” he tossed back before returning to his food and dismissing me.
I wanted to fight back and have the last word, but I resisted the urge to argue. If he thought he could throw out some sugarcoated words and I’d bend to his will, he had another thing coming. Erik Winter was as cold as ice, hard and unyielding, the opposite of what I wanted in a boyfriend. We would never stop fighting with one another; we were enemies more than anything else. He could try to convince me we were meant to be more, but my body knew better. My heart wasn’t racing because he’d just asked me out on a date, it was pounding hard, coursing adrenaline through my body like I was suddenly on the defense, preyed on, hunted. Erik had just declared his intention. He wasn’t going to stop just because I told him to.
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking as I carried my tray toward the trash. The plates rattled despite my attempt to steady my grip. I tossed my untouched meal into the trash, dropped my tray off with the others, and turned to glance over my shoulder as I walked out of the cafeteria. Erik was still sitting alone, oblivious to the world around him—not that it mattered; he eclipsed the entire room. No one existed beyond him…his darkness, his broody attitude. I should have turned away, but I couldn’t. I was frozen in place as his gaze swept up to take me in.
A shiver shot down my spine.
He looked like he wanted to eat me alive.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Brie
In what had become a near daily ritual, I stayed away from Erik at practice later that day. I lingered by the other girls and made sure I was never alone. Lexi knew something was off, but I brushed off her questions and tried to focus on my routines. It only worked while I was actually in motion. The moments in between when I was stretching or chalking my grips, I kept careful watch of Erik out of the corner of my eye. Everywhere he went, I watched. I didn’t want him catching me off guard, not after what he’d said in the food court.
I worked quickly, completing my routines nearly twice as fast as anyone else. I took short breaks and skipped small talk, so by the time everyone was hitting their third rotation, I was ripping off my ankle tape, ready to rush back to the village before Erik wised to my game.
I ducked behind the piles of stray equipment at the edge of the practice facility. The last time I’d checked, Erik was over by the beams talking to Lexi, but when I paused to unwrap the other ankle, I noticed the building had suddenly gone quiet. Before I could react, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end and the cold feeling shivered down the length of my body.
“Leaving so soon?”
My hand stilled on my ankle as my heart tried to escape through my chest. It beat heavy and fast, a reflex meant to convince me to flee before he stepped any closer. Before instinct could prevail, I was enveloped in the subtle aroma of his body wash. My hijacked senses sabotaged any notion of escape, choosing instead to close my eyes and breathe in the warmth from his body.
I never answered him, but he didn’t seem to mind. My eyes stayed focused on the ground as he bent down before me, taking my ankle into his hands and pulling it onto his thigh without asking my permission first.
“I don’t need your help,” I insisted, trying to yank my ankle out of his reach.
His hand tightened around my ankle and his smoldering gaze swept up to lock with mine. “So you’ve said.”
His hand cradled the arch of my foot as he flexed it and dropped it back to the top of his thigh. His other hand wrapped around my ankle, skimming along the sides of my Achilles. Tingles swept up my spine and I turned away before he could notice. There were gymnasts practicing all around us and loud music was playing from a speaker I couldn’t see. He was touching me while everyone was around and yet my body still reacted as though we were back in his truck, secluded by darkness. My stomach quivered and my thighs clenched together.
“You’re doing this to get in my head,” I insisted with a shaky breath. “You’re trying to prove a point by touching me.”
He resisted my attempt to yank my foot away. “My hands are only on your ankle, like they have been dozens of times.”
They felt like they were wrapped around my neck, suffocating me.
“I’m not as naive as I was the first time they were, so hurry up.”
He chuckled, amused by my little tantrum. “Patience. I’m just getting started.”
I inhaled sharply, quick enough to catch his innuendo, but he was already moving on with an annoyed tone.
“I wasn’t aware I let practice out already,” he said, one brow arched in question.
I steeled my back, already prepared with a rebuttal. “I finished all of my routines.”
“So now what? You’re going to head back and lock yourself away in your condo?”
“If that’s what I have to do to keep you away.”
A slow, seductive smirk unrolled across his lips. “Like that would really work.”
Wouldn’t it?
It has to.
He hadn’t even started to unroll the tape from my ankle; he was too busy sparring with me. I wanted to put distance between us and yet I didn’t move. He wasn’t gripping me hard; if I tried to stand up and leave, he wouldn’t be able to stop me. That was the worst realization of all—he wasn’t keeping me there. I was doing it to myself.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked, genuine pain in his voice. “Why are you putting yourself through this?”
I reared back, feeling indignation coat my cheeks. Why was I doing this?
“ME? You’re the reason I can’t breathe!” I accused, finally successful in pulling my foot out of his grip. I ripped at the tape, unraveling it in ragged chunks as I continued. “It’s too much, too suffocating. If I’m not with you, I’m thinking about you. When you’re around, everything else fades to black.” I shook my head, growing more annoyed by the second. “You can’t keep bouncing between too much and not enough, Erik. I don’t even have control over my own brain any more...”
My cheeks were hot and red, partly from my embarrassment at having told him the truth and partly because I was worked up and angry with myself for how far I’d fallen in love with the man crouched down in front of me—a callous, unyielding man who scorched my world and darkened my sky.
He bent lower, closer. Always trying to get closer.
“Don’t you think it’s the same for me? Don’t you think I’m going insane too?”
His voice sounded pained, but I shook my head. There was no way. My obsession with Erik was utterly one-sided. He wasn’t sick—he was the
sickness.
As his hand reached for mine, I recognized the intangible and elusive feeling building up inside my chest: hope. That soft thrill that sent rays of light through the darkness was nearly enough to convince me to give in, but the notion was fleeting. Hope was what I’d felt when I’d called Erik from the party. I’d been prepared to lay down my arms and surrender then, but my olive branch had withered and burned. If I gave into him a second time, if I let him any closer and he let me go again, I wouldn’t recover. I’d never forgive him. That’s the reason I had to keep my distance. While it hurt to fall, it was agonizing to be dropped. I couldn’t hear him say he didn’t want me anymore.
“Clearly, we need some space,” I said, working the last bit of tape from my ankle. “I need some space. If something like this was meant to work, it wouldn’t be this hard.”
“Brie…”
His voice nearly crushed me, but I willed myself to stay strong as I shook my head, stood, and grabbed my gym bag.
“I’ll see you at the arena tomorrow,” I said, ending the conversation with a gentle, firm tone before turning on my heel and walking out of the practice gym.
Once the door slammed closed behind me, I paused in the hallway, trying to gulp in as much air as possible. It was impossible to completely fill my lungs around Erik, and each time I walked away from him, it took a little longer for the tension in my chest to lessen. I squeezed my eyes closed and waited for the sensation to pass, for the feeling of control to seep back into my limbs. I shook with the desire to go back to before, to when I didn’t know Erik, when he hadn’t put me under his spell.
I’d put distance between us, but my body still wasn’t cooperating. It buckled under the weight of my love for Erik. My fingers itched to yank open the door. My feet were already turning, prepared to run back to him. I shook my head and balled my hands into fists, trying to overcome the scary idea spiraling through me: falling in love wasn’t a choice. I was on a train barreling down the tracks and to jump off, to go back to the start, I’d lose everything. Erik owned me, body and soul.