by R.S. Grey
He gripped my shoulders and then spun me around so I was facing him. I focused on his chest, the white shirt that concealed the hard muscles, the lines and curves that seduced me so easily. They didn’t distract me then, not enough to calm the heart beating in my chest so fast I thought I would go into cardiac arrest.
“You mentioned there were things we needed to discuss last night…”
“EXACTLY!” I cut him off. “And now you’re coming to Texas?! Without even consulting me?”
His face fell and before he had the chance to mask it, I saw the sadness in his eyes. It was my fault; I’d put it there.
“Of course I’m coming to Texas,” he said with a gentle tone, bending low to level his eyes with mine. “What did you think I would do? Go back to Seattle? Did you honestly think I’d leave things the way they are between us?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I thought…”
I thought this thing between us was too good to be true. I thought he would leave for his flight with a quick kiss and a “thanks for everything” nudge on my chin. I thought I’d go back to Texas with a broken heart, and I thought I’d have to collect the pieces of my life alone—without Erik.
I blinked rapidly, trying to collect the tears from the corners of my eyes before they fell. He bent down to brush his knuckle across my cheek.
“You and I aren’t long-distance types. I know this is fast, but I want to be near you. We’ll figure out the logistics once we get there.”
“What about Seattle Flyers?”
“Bryce is managing everything while I’m gone.”
“And your house?”
“Locked up,” he promised.
I wanted to keep asking questions. What about his clothes? Surely he hadn’t packed enough to move across country. Where would he stay? With me and my mom?
Holy shit.
I couldn’t breathe. The more I tried, the harder it was to fill my lungs. I felt trapped.
Erik was coming to Texas. For me. Why did that seem so crazy? Insane even. A man had never moved across a country for me. A man had never done anything close to that for me.
What would happen when he arrived and we got into an argument? What would he do the first time I pissed him off—realize his mistake and hop on the first plane back home to Seattle? Oh god.
“Brie.”
I shook my head, trying to convey to him that I couldn’t hear another word. I was still trying to process the last few minutes and I felt strangely close to having a panic attack.
“I’m going to go back to my condo.”
My voice didn’t sound like my own; it was distant and hollow.
Erik’s brows tugged together. “But I have all your bags here already.”
I pinched my eyes closed and stepped back so his hands were no longer on my shoulders. It felt good to have space between us again.
“I know. I just…There’s a few things I let Lexi borrow and I need to say goodbye to the team.” My voice sounded convincing enough, and he didn’t try to stop me as I walked out into the living room. My bags were sitting at the door as promised and I picked them up on my way out of the condo. I had no clue what I was doing, but I knew I needed to take my stuff with me. I didn’t want Erik to have to worry about my things if…if I…I just wanted my bags with me. That’s all.
Though it was still early, the main sidewalk in the village was already packed with athletes. Everyone was lugging their suitcases and bags behind them, saying goodbye to friends and exchanging long hugs before dipping into waiting cabs. There were shouts and horns and laughter, but I navigated through the crowd with my head down and walked straight back to my condo.
I told myself I wasn’t running away from Erik. I was just going back to the condo to make sure he hadn’t overlooked anything. It seemed like a reasonable thing to do, but every foot I added between Erik and me made my stomach twist a little tighter. He’d gone out of his way to change his flight. He was prepared to change his entire life for me, and I’d just walked out of his condo without so much as a thank you. Was that a mistake? Should I have stayed?
No!
It was ridiculous!
Absolutely insane…
The door to my condo was unlocked and my teammates were inside, bustling around and getting ready to leave. I felt relief the moment I saw them; a part of me had thought I might not see them all again before my flight.
“Brie!” Rosie exclaimed as I dropped my stuff by the door. “I thought you’d already left!”
“Brie’s here?!” Lexi yelled from her room. “Wait. Why is she here?”
I frowned and stepped past the kitchen as Lexi walked out of her room.
“You’re supposed to be with Erik,” she said, eyeing my things by the door and then glancing back to me. “I let him in earlier so he could get your stuff, and last night when you left, I texted him to make sure you were okay.”
Right. Of course. I’d only then realized I’d left them in the middle of the closing ceremonies and had never returned home. I hadn’t thought to let them know I was okay. I’d been too consumed with…well, other things.
“So…why are you here?” she asked, tilting her head in confusion.
“I wanted to say bye to you guys before I left.”
She nodded slowly in disbelief, but then she came close and hugged me all the same. “Oh, well, I’m glad you came back. You missed one hell of a party after the closing ceremonies. Somehow, I ended up with some Korean guy’s underwear.” She pulled back and met my eyes with a knowing grin. “But I’m sure you had some fun of your own.”
“Erik is coming to Texas with me.”
I blurted the words out as if they were a breath I’d been holding for the last thirty minutes.
She nodded with a wide grin. “Duh. I think it’s so romantic.”
I frowned. No. That wasn’t what she was supposed to say.
“Don’t you think that’s crazy?” I rasped. “He’s moving for me. Isn’t this the type of thing adults warn against?”
She took a step back, assessing me with furrowed brows. “It doesn’t matter what I think, Brie, but if you’re asking my opinion, I’d say you’re overthinking it. You’re young, you just won a neck-full of medals, and a great guy wants to get to know you better.”
“He’s leaving everything—his gym, his house, his life. That’s insane!”
Her brows furrowed. “No, it’s not. Think about what he has the chance to get in return. He loves you. He wants to be with you. Besides, he has family in Texas, right? It makes sense that he would want to go back with you.”
Why was no one understanding it? Why could no one see the panic in my eyes? I needed someone on my side.
“But don’t you see how terrible it will be? He and I fight all the time. It’s a recipe for disaster.”
“So you make up.” She shrugged. “It shouldn’t be a big deal for you guys—you seem to be pros at makeup sex.”
I shook my head and dragged a hand through my hair, feeling the tension building up inside me. I felt like a volcano about to erupt.
“Wait…this isn’t about?” Rosie asked, coming to stand beside Lexi. She was so small, but the way she looked at me like she was studying a specimen under a microscope made me shiver. “You’re pushing him away. Why?”
“No. I’m not. That’s not what this is. I just think it’s crazy that he would move to Texas for me.”
She shook her head and narrowed her eyes, trying to unravel the hidden truth behind my words.
“I think you’re sabotaging something good so you won’t get hurt…so you won’t get left behind.”
I shook my head vehemently. “That’s not the case at all.”
“Yes it is,” Lexi said with fire in her eyes. “Let Erik come to Texas with you because he loves you and wants to make you happy. Don’t spend so much time trying to figure out how you’re supposed to feel, and focus on what you do feel. If you are scared, you don’t have to push him away forever. Take it step
by step, and if you guys aren’t happy, then you break up. It’s not the end of the world.”
No.
My stomach tightened and my heart dropped.
It would be the end of the world. That’s what no one understood.
I was already in love with Erik. Over the last few weeks, I’d let myself fall into the fantasy of him. I’d believed I was worthy of a man like Erik Winter and I’d fallen in love, not by choice, but because eventually I lost the fight against him. Even still, I’d always prepared myself for the end. In the last few days, I’d pushed him away, blaming it on gymnastics and my need to focus on the Olympics, but really, I’d tried to build a wall between us so that when he left, I wouldn’t be crushed by the weight of his absence. As it was now, Erik still lived in that fantasy world. He was a fling I’d had during the Olympics, a memory I could think back on like a dream once I returned to normalcy.
If I let him come back to Texas and he infiltrated my everyday life, it’d be a different story. I’d have to adapt to him being around. I’d have to get used to spending time with him and building a life with him, and if he ever left me behind, I wouldn’t survive it. I wouldn’t be able to get back on the bus and share a tiny apartment with my mom and pretend my old life was good enough anymore.
It dawned on me that the flipside to being spared the pain of losing someone I loved would also manifest itself as a defense mechanism, to keep men I might love at arm’s length. If isolationism had served me well in the past, I reasoned it would be a useful policy moving forward—and it was, that is, until Erik came crashing into my life.
“So you think I should let Erik come to Texas with me and see how it goes? Just throw myself off a cliff and pray for the best?”
Lexi reached out and thumped me on the forehead. “Yes, you idiot. That’s what love is. Now freaking call the man before you lose him for good!
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Call him!” Rosie insisted.
“Where’s my phone!?”
I tried calling three times, pressing the phone to my ear as it continued to ring and ring with no answer. Either he didn’t have his phone near him or he was purposely ignoring my calls.
“You really screwed up this time, Watson,” Lexi said, shaking her head as I paced the living room. “And if you think about it, you were really each other’s only chance at love. You’re both so freaking stubborn and annoying, no one else on earth would touch you with a ten-foot pole.”
Rosie laughed and shook her head. “That’s not true.”
Lexi leveled her with a glare.
“Well the stubborn part was true,” Rosie conceded, trying to hide a smile.
“He’s probably already on his way to the airport,” I said, stuffing my phone back into my purse and heading for the door. “I’ll just find him there!”
“UH HELLO?! Thanks for the goodbye hug!” Lexi shouted after me.
I squeezed my eyes closed and turned around. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!”
“Wait!” Molly said, rushing out of her room with her suitcase. “I’ll ride with you to the airport, Brie!”
“Then I guess it’s just us you have to hug goodbye,” Rosie said, rushing forward to wrap her arms around me. I squeezed her close and pressed my face into her hair. She smelled so sweet and my heart broke at the idea of leaving her.
“You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, Rosie. Don’t ever change.”
She grinned as she pulled back and Lexi took the opportunity to rush forward and collide with us. We nearly toppled to the ground with the weight of her assault.
“Rosie and I will come down to Texas soon. I like that save a horse, ride a cowboy mantra they’ve got going down there.”
I laughed at Lexi and hugged her back. For the next few minutes, we said our goodbyes and promised each other we’d keep in touch. There was talk of a mini-reunion and even June poked her head out of her room before I headed for the door with Molly.
“I’ll see you later, June,” I said with a soft smile.
She nodded. “Yeah, have a safe flight and…uh, sorry about being so rude those first few weeks,” she said, mostly speaking against her shoulder.
I dropped my bag and walked over to offer her a hug. God, it was awkward and short, and we both laughed as we stepped away from one another, glad it was over.
“Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t exactly the easiest person to live with either.”
“Brie, we gotta go,” Molly said, hovering near the door. “I reserved a taxi and it’s already downstairs waiting for us. I don’t want some other athlete to snatch it.”
I nodded at June and then walked back to Rosie and Lexi, demanding one final hug from each of them. It was hard to leave them behind in Rio, but I knew we’d see each other again someday.
I tried Erik a few more times on the way downstairs. I had no clue what I would say to him if he did answer—I’m an idiot, don’t leave me?!—but I needed him to know I wanted him to come to Texas. I wanted it more than anything. I had no clue what it would be like, where he would stay, what I would do now that I was finished training and competing, but I wanted him there with me. We’d figure it all out together.
“Still no answer?” Molly asked beside me in the back seat of the taxi.
I shook my head and stared out the window, contemplating the idea that I might have just ruined my chances with the best man I’d ever known. I knew better than anyone how much it hurt to have the rug pulled out from under you when you allowed yourself to be vulnerable like he had this morning. He had every right to ignore my calls.
Molly reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it in hers. “Remember the first day you arrived in Seattle? When we stood at the window in our room and I told you Erik’s one-night stand looked a lot like you?”
My stomach twisted with jealousy at the idea of Erik sleeping with another woman, but I forced myself to nod.
“I knew, even then, something was going to happen between you two.”
My brows arched as I whipped my head to face her. “Really?”
She smiled and nodded. “I worked with him at Seattle Flyers for a few years and while he was a good coach, he wasn’t particularly pleasant. I’d seen him make more than one girl cry, but when you showed up, you acted like he didn’t even phase you. You stood up to him right away, and I think that scared the shit out of him.”
Her words were pushing the dagger deeper into my heart. I glanced down to my phone clutched in my hand and tried to call him one last time before we arrived at the airport. He still didn’t answer.
“Don’t give up,” Molly said, squeezing my hand tighter.
I nodded as we pulled up to check-in. In a few moments I would leave Molly for good and though I knew we would reunite someday, it wouldn’t be the same as having her around 24/7. In the last few months she’d been my good friend, my fiercest competition, and arguably my biggest ally.
“I wouldn’t have survived any of this without you, Molly.”
She laughed and shook her head. “You were always meant to win gold. You deserved every moment up on that podium.”
I leaned over and pulled her in for a tight hug. “Will you see Duncan when you return to Seattle?”
She blushed as I pulled back. “He’s taking me on a date tonight.”
My heart exploded with happiness for her. At least one of us was ensured a happy ever after.
Chapter Forty-Three
Erik
Brie was supposed to be happy when I said I was coming to Texas. She was supposed to jump off the bed and wrap her arms around my neck, kiss me until I guided us back to the bed, promising we had time to make love once more before we had to leave for the airport. I could hardly sleep the night before. I’d stayed up fantasizing about our trip together, the new form our relationship would take in Austin.
I had unfinished business to attend to once I arrived. I needed to see my mom and at some point, I would have to speak with my father. They were part of the reason why
I was going home, but more importantly, I wanted to be there with Brie. I wanted her to meet my mom, to hold my hand as I spoke with my father, but I knew something was off as soon as I walked out of the bathroom.
Her face was pale and her smile was flat, nearly a frown. I’d intended on easing her into the idea of us going to Texas together, but there wasn’t any time. She’d been busy the last few days and she’d needed space to keep her head in gymnastics. Besides, I knew it was up to me to make the move. She needed to know how serious I was about us and nothing would prove it more than sticking by her side now that the competition was over.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t taken the surprise well. When she’d gathered her bags and walked out of my condo, she’d torn my heart in two. I wanted to run after her and force her to stay, to see reason, but I knew I couldn’t force things with Brie. She was always the first one to run, and I feared if I pushed her, I’d drive her away for good.
So I let her go and I rode to the airport by myself. I sat in the terminal, waiting with the other passengers with my back to the windows so if Brie showed up, I’d be the first one to see her. Still, something dark in me thought she wasn’t going to come. I folded forward and dragged my hands through my hair, trying to convince myself it wasn’t the end of the world if Brie walked away from me, from us. I was going to Texas for noble reasons. I would arrive in Austin, rent a car, and drive the short distance to my parents’ house. I would walk in and hug my mom, tell her how much I’d missed her in the last few years, and then I would turn to my father and hug him too. If my mother had been honest about how remorseful he was, the conversation wouldn’t be so hard. He’d tried to reach out multiple times. I’d even read a letter or two where he apologized for everything he’d put me through, but this time it was different. This time, I was open to hearing an apology, and I knew by the end of the day, my family and I would patch things up as best as possible.
All of that should have made me happy, but Brie was still the only thing on my mind.
“Now boarding first class passengers,” the attendant called out from behind the podium.