by Rosie Clarke
Rachel paused and then shook her head. ‘It’s a problem I have to work out for myself, Sally. I will tell you another day – but you have all you can manage getting well enough.’
Sally nodded, because it was true and if Rachel needed help, she would say. ‘All right – but I must owe you ten pounds,’ Sally took two crisp white five-pound notes from her bag and handed them over. Rachel thanked her. It was a lot of money to her, but perhaps not so much to Sally now that she was married to Ben Harper and the chief buyer. ‘I’m glad you found someone for me. I am anxious to find my mother and talk to her.’
‘What does Ben say?’ Rachel asked, looking at her interestedly.
‘Like Jenni, he half thinks that I imagined it all. He did offer to make enquiries, but he is so busy that I simply told him it was all in hand – and thanks to you, it is. Are you certain I can’t do anything for you in return? Do you need time off to visit William? Have you heard how he is?’
‘Nothing except a brief postcard to say his treatment is progressing well – but not written by him.’
‘If you did need to go down there, just tell me and I’ll do whatever I can to help.’
‘You’ve always been my friend and one day I may need your help. When I do, I’ll ask for it, Sally. I know your advice is good – but I’ve done something rather drastic and I’m not sure yet how it will turn out…’
‘Well, I’m a good listener,’ Sally offered, but Rachel shook her head. It was obvious that whatever was playing on her mind she wasn’t ready to divulge it. They chatted for a while longer and then Rachel returned to her department.
Sally’s own thoughts and problems flooded back. When Jenni arrived and caught her sneaking a peek at some department accounts, she scolded her and insisted on taking her straight home in a taxi.
Since Sally was beginning to feel a little tired, she didn’t argue. Jenni was her family and she loved her, even though she could be a little too bossy at times. She knew that she had to be patient for a while and carry on resting at home, with occasional calls to the firms she dealt with the most, and the reports Ruth and Rachel smuggled to her. When she felt stronger, she would return to her desk, though perhaps only for an hour or two in the mornings. Jenny loved having her mother at home and Sally was enjoying having more time to play with her daughter. When her little girl started to go to nursery school, Sally should be over the birth of her second child. She mentally crossed her fingers, because she knew how close she’d come to losing her own life as well as that of her unborn child. God willing, she would recover and be her old self again. Pearl might consider coming in full-time when there were two little ones to care for – and if she considered she was no longer needed at the hospital. Once the war was over… if only that could happen soon.
The British Government had completely rejected a peace plan created by the Pope as being totally out of the question. It seemed that the Allies had made up their minds to fight to the bitter end. Yet surely the tide was slowly turning and one day in the future the conflict and deaths would be over.
23
Mick stood in the shadow of the rose arch and watched as Maggie read her book in the late October sunshine; it was still warm as it is some years, a brief renaissance of the summer warmth. She seemed intent on it, but then she looked up and he saw both sadness and uncertainty in her face. He would swear that she was not happy.
‘Colin – is that you?’ she called and looked towards where Mick was standing, hidden by the trailing roses.
He took a deep breath and moved forward so that she could see him. She gave a start of surprise, because it was so long since she’d heard anything of him.
‘Hello, Maggie. How are you? They told me you nearly died – I’m glad you didn’t. The world would be an empty place without Maggie Gibbs, so it would.’
‘Mick…’ she gasped and all the colour was stripped from her face.
For a moment he feared she would faint and he instinctively moved towards her, ready to catch her. She seemed to sway towards him and he put out his hands to take hers and hold them. He thought she would let him draw her closer but when her face lifted, he saw a look of such uncertainty that his heart caught.
‘You didn’t write. I thought you must have been killed…’
‘They tried their hardest, but I’m a difficult man to kill – and I wanted to come back to you, Maggie love. You’re so special to me…’
‘Oh Mick…’ Her words were a sob on her lips. He’d been so kind to her in France after Tim’s death and she’d liked him a lot. If he’d spoken then she might have loved him, but he’d moved away with his unit without a word of his feelings and that had made her so sad. ‘No, you mustn’t…’ She jerked back sharply as though she’d been stung. ‘I can’t – I’ve given my word… you didn’t write for months and there was nothing else for me…’ She choked back her tears. ‘I’m going to marry someone else – a man who needs me…’
Mick took a step towards her, all the love in his heart on show as he said, ‘Oh, Maggie love. I was too ill to write or ask anyone else to do it for me, but I never stopped loving you.’
She shook her head. ‘I wasn’t over Tim when we last spoke, not completely, and then you were gone and I didn’t know if I truly felt anything for you, but I knew I longed to see you and it hurt that you didn’t write…’ She caught back her tears. ‘It is too late, Mick.’ Lifting her head, she met his intent gaze. ‘I’ve given my word to marry someone else and I can’t break it – it would destroy him. He is a decent man and I won’t do that to him!’
‘Do you love him?’ Mick asked tensely.
Maggie raised her head and looked him in the eyes, her expression sad, ‘No, I don’t love him – I feel sympathy for him and I like him, quite a lot, actually,’ she answered honestly. ‘He wants me to marry him, but I’ll really be his nurse and companion. It’s the only way he can go home… and he wants that so much. I was lost, Mick, and lonely and Colin gave me a purpose…’
‘You’re very honest, Maggie. Does he know why you’re marrying him?’
‘Yes, I’m sure he does,’ she said. ‘He needs a boost to his pride, Mick – and I had nothing else.’ Tears sparkled in her lovely eyes, tearing at his heart. Mick knew that he should have got someone to write for him while he lay ill, even if it was just one line. Had he told her of his love, perhaps she would not be about to throw her life away on a loveless marriage. Even if she could not bring herself to love him, and he’d always feared that he was too old for her, he didn’t want her to ruin her life. She was beautiful, young and brave and she deserved more.
‘Don’t throw your life away, Maggie love,’ Mick pleaded, moving closer, his hand out in supplication. ‘I know I’m not much of a catch, but I love you so much. I could make you happy. I know I could…’
‘You would have made me happy,’ Maggie said and the tears brimmed over. She stepped towards him impulsively. ‘I could have loved you, Mick. Perhaps I do a little – but I won’t break my promise to Colin. If I did, I think he might do something stupid. I won’t be responsible for a man taking his own life…’
Mick looked at her helplessly. She was so lovely, so brave, but so misguided – giving up a chance of real happiness for a foolish promise that should never have been asked of her. ‘I shan’t give up on you, Maggie,’ he vowed and reached out, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her before she could snatch herself away. He felt the response of her lips and her body as she melted into him and knew a moment of sheer joy before she broke the spell, wrenched free of him and ran off through the gardens towards the hospital. He moaned with frustration and regret. He couldn’t lose her this way!
Hearing a rustling sound behind him, Mick spun round to see a young man in a wheelchair and from the stricken look in his eyes he knew it was Colin – the man to whom Maggie had given her promise. Mick did something then he would afterwards regret.
‘You’ve no right to hold her,’ he said, any pity he might have felt for the other
man’s plight wiped out because of Maggie’s promise to him. ‘You heard what she said – she doesn’t love you. Don’t be a selfish brute! You aren’t even offering her a proper marriage, just a position as your nurse and companion. What sort of a life is that for a girl like her…?’ He choked back much more he might have said. ‘I love her and you don’t – It isn’t fair…’
‘Life is seldom fair.’ The bitterness in Colin’s eyes showed how deeply Mick’s barb had struck. ‘But she gave her word.’ Colin’s face took on a savage look. ‘I don’t know who you are or what rights you think you have – but Maggie belongs to me.’
‘Let her go. It is the decent thing to do…’ Mick pleaded. His heart was torn and bleeding, but it was for Maggie’s sake he wrestled with Colin’s conscience. ‘I beg you, for her sake, don’t ruin her life. She’s given so much for men like you – let her have a chance of happiness. I beg you—’
‘Go to hell!’ Colin turned and wheeled himself off in another direction to the one Maggie had taken.
Mick stood watching him leave. It was wrong, so wrong, but he knew that Colin was right – Maggie wouldn’t break a promise she had given. It was a part of what made her the girl he loved so much.
Turning, he strode away by the path he’d taken. He could do little more here for the moment. Maggie knew what was in his heart now. He just wished he’d spoken sooner and not held back from asking her to wed him in France. Now, it was too late. He had lost her.
Maggie wept for some minutes in the privacy of her room. She could scarcely believe what had just happened. Her time in France had been so busy and so charged with emotion – the kind of gut-wrenching, churning emotion that drained one of all feeling. Seeing the horrific injuries of the men brought back down the line had been shocking and painful, but she’d grown used to it and the numbing drudgery of working in terrible conditions. She had used it to kill the pain of losing her darling Tim. Their love had been sweet and passionate but so brief that sometimes she could hardly recall what his face looked like.
Gradually, the smiling face of Mick and his kindness to her, his unfailing charm and his quiet steadiness had stolen into her heart, but she hadn’t really known it. When his letters had stopped coming, Maggie had sealed herself off from all feeling. She had simply been unable to bear any more grief and so she’d refused to let it into her heart and mind. Now it all came flooding out of her and she knew she was crying for Tim, for all those wounded and lost men in France and for her lost chance of happiness.
If Mick hadn’t been sent away, injured and unable to write to her, if he had only spoken of his love when they were together… she would not have given Colin Morgan her promise. Yes, she liked him and she felt sympathy for his plight, and she wouldn’t break her promise, because that would break him. Yet if Mick had come sooner or written, it might not have been given. He could have written before this, when he had recovered, though in her heart she understood why he had not – it was the kind of thing that needed to be said face to face.
He was several years older, of course – but Maggie felt older than her years. Her service in France had taken the last remnants of her innocence and she was a woman mature beyond her years. Mick’s kindness and his gentle charm would have brought her happiness, she knew that – and his kiss had awakened feelings she had forgotten deep inside her. Yes, she might have been happy as his wife, although her love for him was not the love she’d felt for Tim. It was softer, gentler and wiser.
But that older, wiser woman understood that she could never sacrifice someone else’s chance of a life for her own. Colin needed her and, in a way, she needed to do this for him. Maggie didn’t care that Colin’s family was well off or that marriage gave her a home or security. She’d wondered for a while if that was her motive, but she knew now that it wasn’t – no, it was a need to serve. Illness had taken her from what she’d considered the reason for her life after Tim died, and now, she had another opportunity to look after someone who needed her. But today knowing that Mick was alive, she felt torn. Maggie had hurt Mick and she would never have wanted to do that… Oh, why did life have to be so difficult?
She shook her head. Mick had come too late. She was committed to Colin and she would make the most of what she’d chosen. Maggie would do all she could to make the young man, who had lost so much, happy and in doing so, she was sure she would find her own way – her own kind of contentment.
Wiping her tears from her face, she washed it and put a little powder on her cheeks to take away the redness and then she went in search of Colin. Maggie would never let him think that she had doubts or regretted her promise in any way. She would make a good life for them both. Of Mick’s disappointment and pain, she would not allow herself one thought because if she did, she might run to him and forget her promise to a man who needed her so much. Mick was whole and able to make a life for himself – to find a new love – and Colin was not. He needed her and Maggie needed that – it was her reason for being alive when so many were dead.
24
‘Jack asked me what I thought we should do when the war is over,’ Beth told Sally that October afternoon as they sat together drinking tea and nibbling home-made biscuits. ‘I asked him what he meant and he wanted to know if I’d like to move to a house of our own, but I said no – not unless Fred gets himself a wife…’
Sally’s interest was immediately caught. She looked at Beth, a smile on her lips. ‘Is he thinking about it then?’
‘Perhaps, if Vera can persuade him into it! Fred is set in his ways,’ Beth said and gave an affectionate laugh. ‘You know how fond I am of him, Sally, and grateful for all he has done for me. I don’t want to leave him on his own. If he decided to wed Vera, I wouldn’t mind moving nearer you, which is what Jack suggested. He thinks if he goes into business with Ben after the war, it will be nice if we live closer to each other.’
‘We are considering a move to a house with a garden when things settle down,’ Sally told her with a nod. ‘I shouldn’t move until you see where we decide upon once Ben can set his mind to peacetime again…’
‘Jack thinks it can’t be long now – a few months or a year at most,’ Beth told her. ‘He says we are winning the conflict with the help of all the Allies, particularly the Americans, who are making their weight count now. Even though the newspapers are still full of dire news and despite the Germans making a breakthrough on the Italian front. It is a gradual thing, but he’s noticed the difference of late. The enemy U-boats aren’t sinking so many ships and they’re getting a pasting themselves in some waters.’
‘Good!’ Sally set her face in a determined look. ‘I hope they give them a good hiding for all the upset and misery they’ve caused.’
‘Let’s not talk about that, it makes me sad,’ Beth said. ‘How are you getting on, love? I think you look better than you did – is baby doing well?’
Sally placed her hands on her stomach and nodded. ‘The doctors tell me so…’ She smiled. ‘I’ve told Jenny she will have a baby brother or sister to play with. I’m not quite sure whether she was pleased or not – I think she might prefer a dog!’
Beth laughed. ‘Little Jack wasn’t at all interested in his brother at first, but I know once he grows up a bit, they will be good friends. However, children would almost always prefer a dog to a new sibling.’
Sally nodded and then stretched to ease her back.
‘Getting backache?’ Her friend sympathised.
‘A little, but I feel much better,’ Sally said. ‘Now, tell me, how was Maggie when you saw her? I know she paid a flying visit to the store, spoke to Rachel and Marion, Mr Marco and some of the others, but she didn’t come here.’
‘She spent an hour with Fred in his lunch break and they talked about Tim,’ Beth replied with a sigh. ‘Fred was touched and she is meeting him on Sunday to have tea and visit Tim’s grave together – and then she goes back to the country the following day.’
‘Did she mention her marriage?’
�
�She told Fred everything,’ Beth said. ‘She explained to him that she wasn’t in love with Colin Morgan, but he has been terribly injured and she feels she can make his life bearable. He wants her to marry him and that is the reason she is giving – that she cannot nurse the men at the Front now, but she wants to nurse this man as his wife…’
‘That sounds a bit mixed-up to me,’ Sally said, shaking her head. ‘I wish I hadn’t been ill so long. Perhaps if I’d been able to go down more, she would have discussed it with me…’
‘I felt the same way,’ Beth said, ‘but Fred says she seems quietly content, if not happy, and knows what she wants to do with her life. He brought her back for supper last night and she hugged me and asked me to forgive her for not writing more. She said she had been in a dark place and exhausted by the work and the conditions out there…’ Beth looked thoughtful. ‘I told her I loved her and whatever she wanted to do was all right with me and she asked me if I would go down for her wedding. I’d like to if I can get away – and Vera says she will look after Jackie. I can take Timmy with me, of course. I thought she might have asked you too, Sally?’
‘No, she hasn’t visited and she hasn’t telephoned,’ Sally said, frowning. ‘I think she is afraid I might try to talk her out of this marriage.’
‘It may not be ideal, but I think the family are well off and it is a good one. She will have a decent home and enough money to live on – it is more than many young women can say.’
The war had taken the best and the bravest of the men and it would be a long time before they would be replaced by young blood; women who had lost loved ones to the conflict were unlikely to find new lovers or husbands. It would take a generation or more before there were enough men to go round again, so until then, many women would live sterile lives without love or hope of a partner in life.