by Danah Logan
She grabs the mug, and her fingers brush against mine ever so slightly. "Let’s do this!"
Something stirs in my pants at the contact, and I readjust myself as soon as she turns away.
Fuck, I’m never going to make it ten days.
She sounds a lot more confident than I feel, but I decide this is about her—and her only. I’m here to help and support her, and that’s what I’ll do. I can do this.
We’re on the way out the front door when Dad appears at the foot of the stairs. He rubs his eyes and squints against the kitchen light that I was just about to switch off.
"I was just going to see you kids off." He gives me a hard look, and I hold his gaze.
Really?
He extends his arms out to Lilly, and, after a glance in my direction, she crosses the distance and lets him hug her. She has avoided any type of physical contact with either of my parents since the secret came out. I can see how stiff her posture is.
"We gotta get going if we want to meet up with the others on time, Lil-ly." I emphasize her name and try to sound annoyed that I got stuck chauffeuring her.
She takes a step back and plays along perfectly. "Caaalm. Dooown. We’re fifteen minutes ahead of schedule, thanks to you stomping around like an elephant this morning."
I’m so proud of her for sounding like a massive brat that I have to press my lips together to hide my grin. She turns toward me and is also struggling to keep her composure. At that moment, we’re just two kids conspiring against their parents, and my body buzzes with excitement.
Dad gives us one more lecture on driving safe and checking in daily before he lets us walk out the door.
Chapter Fourteen
Leaving town, we’re the only ones on the street. Most houses are still dark, and I’m watching the barely visible landscape go by as I relax into the leather seat. We’re on the road for over an hour before Rhys speaks. "I think we should cover as much ground as possible and then stop somewhere for the night."
I take a sip from my tea and nod. "Yeah, makes sense. What were you thinking?"
"Well, we left early enough. If we trade off, we could make it to Des Moines by tonight."
I stare at him. "Iowa? That’s what, over a thousand miles?"
Rhys barks out a laugh. "Yes, Calla, Des Moines, Iowa. You do realize we’re on a time crunch."
Ugh, he’s right.
"What if this entire trip is useless and we don’t find anything?" I hate voicing my doubt; after all, he gave up skiing for this.
His face sobers, and the elongated silence makes me shift in my seat. "Then we tried our best, and we’ll find another way to get the information."
His encouraging words make my doubts feel a little less dooming.
The quiet in the car is beginning to get to me. I think about walking into the hospital where I was found, which causes the usual tsunami of emotions to build up. I need a distraction.
"What kind of music do you want to listen to?"
"I don’t care, plug your phone in," he responds, concentrating on the road.
Before Tristen handed the Defender over to Rhys, he had a new sound system installed, and instead of the old cassette deck, we can now connect our phones. When he presented the change to us, I informed him, outraged, that this was sacrilege; he totally ruined the car. The cassette deck was part of her.
I guess I agree with Rhys that the Defender is a girl.
I scroll through my playlists and smirk to myself. Hitting play, "Fear of the Dark" by Van Canto comes through the also newly installed speakers.
Rhys gawks at me incredulously before returning his eyes to the road.
"Very appropriate," he deadpans.
I grin broadly. "I figure it’s time to lighten the mood a bit. Why not with some good music?"
He chuckles. "You’re the only girl I’ve ever met that would listen to this and Brantley Gilbert in the same playlist."
I shrug, trying to look serious but failing. "Your point?"
He is smiling to himself, focused on the road. I watch him a moment longer before turning my head toward the passenger window. I feel tears well up in my eyes but don’t want Rhys to see it.
Why did I never notice that we don’t look anything alike? That I don’t look like any of them. I should’ve seen it ages ago. Rhys and Natty both have wavy brown hair. You can’t see it nowadays because Rhys keeps his hair so short. Tristen’s hair is almost black, and not counting Heather’s highlights, hers is dark as well. All four have a natural tan—even in the winter. I, on the other hand, am on the complete other end of the spectrum. I have spaghetti-straight, light-blonde hair and have to buy the lightest foundation there is for my complexion.
It takes me a while to get myself under control. Thankfully, it’s just now getting light outside, and I’m able to hide the tears in the darkness.
We’re both deep in thought, but eventually, I have to voice the question I’ve been pondering for a while. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." He is so focused on driving that he doesn’t notice the quiver in my voice.
I eye him sideways. I’m too chicken to face him straight on. "Was it weird for you when I moved in?"
That gets his attention. His lips form a thin line, and he’s trying to figure out how to answer the question. Rhys has always been honest with me—well, with everything except who I am and why he stopped talking to me. Okay, scratch that, maybe not always, but I knew he would be with this, and until now, I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear his answer.
"Maybe a little." He pauses, taking a breath. "I mean, we had hung out for as long as I can remember. I think it was weirder that, all of a sudden, Emily and Henry were out of the picture and you acted like nothing ever happened. Before, you always cried when you stayed with us for a few hours by yourself. It was kind of...I don’t know...creepy. It took some time to get used to you calling Mom and Dad not Heather and Tristen. I kept waiting for you to snap out of it, but you never did."
I was creepy.
How does one respond to that? I can only whisper, "I’m sorry."
He scowls and briefly looks over. "Huh? What for?"
What indeed? It’s not like any of this is my fault. But I can’t shake the feeling of being the cause of so many people’s cruel fates: Rhys, Heather, Tristen, the girls that got kidnapped because I disappeared.
"I feel like all I’ve done is cause trouble."
He frowns. "Don’t be ridiculous, Cal. None of this is your fault. If anyone is at fault, it’s the psycho who took you." Once again, he knows exactly what I’m thinking. Then, the crinkles between his eyebrows disappear, and he looks almost sad. "I’m sorry, too."
I stare at him with an expression that must look to him like a big question mark, because he continues, "For treating you like shit the last few years, and also for how I sprung everything on you. I was a selfish asshole and just wanted the secrets to be over."
I let that sink in for a moment and realize something fundamental. "I understand." I do. "I mean, why you did it. I’m not mad anymore. I don’t know what I would have done. If I could have been as strong as you..." I trail off.
Rhys’s mouth tilts upward, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. "I was far from strong. I’ve done a lot of things I am not proud of to forget you and distract myself. Though, nothing has worked; all I could do was try to stay as far away as possible but still be able to watch out for you. When you told me about your migraines, I just couldn’t stand by anymore. It was my chance at coming clean...with everything." He pauses before adding, "Like I said...selfish."
I’m swept up by a flash flood of emotions. Confusion about what Rhys has done that he’s not proud of. Sadness and guilt that he had to go through all this because of me. Happiness for having him back in my life and not being alone on this journey. With this short exchange, the last bit of the wall that separated us is gone. I thought I would be terrified when it happened. I didn’t want him having the power to hurt me again, but instead, I’m...calm.
There is no fear, just contentment about having my friend back.
When I blink my eyes open, I am blinded by the glare from an SUV’s windshield parked across from us.
When did I fall asleep?
We’re at a gas station, and my neck is stiff from being slumped sideways for who knows how long. The sun is high in the sky, and I glance at my watch; it’s almost two in the afternoon. Holy cow, I slept for hours. That clearly explains the sharp pain when I first moved my head.
The driver side door opens, and Rhys climbs in, putting two cellophane-wrapped sandwiches, a bag of chips, and two apples in the middle.
He hands me a water. "One turkey, and one ham and cheese. And I called home. I told Dad we made it, and you’re checking out the slopes with Den. You’re to call them tomorrow." Rhys apologizes as if it’s his fault.
I nod, thankful to him for making the call, but not looking forward to tomorrow’s conversation. Maybe I’ll call Heather’s cell instead of the house phone; that way, it’s less likely that I’ll get Tristen. I’m convinced he’d immediately call me out on not being where I say I am. When he showed up at the foot of the stairs this morning, I was close to confessing everything myself.
"Why don’t I drive for a bit? You can use the rest."
And I won’t be able to think.
Rhys sighs gratefully.
I’m physically exhausted, but when I can’t fall asleep, I start messing around with my phone. After a few miles, Lilly suggests, "Let’s play a game!"
"A game?" She sounds a little too cheery, and I scowl suspiciously.
"Yeah! Let’s play twenty questions!"
My scowl deepens. What are we? Twelve?
Lilly glances over excitedly. "We have over two years to make up for, and it’s not fair that you were secretly part of my life, but I missed everything that happened in yours."
She genuinely wants to get to know me again. She’s not taking a stab at me to make me feel guilty. This could be fun. Or fucking disastrous.
"This should be...interesting. Let’s do it." I attempt to sound as cheery as she is. Her entire face lights up, and all trepidation about the potential consequences of playing this game evaporates. Seeing her happy is so worth it.
"Okay, let’s start easy. Favorite movie in the last two years?" She all but bounces in the seat.
Maybe this is going to be enjoyable. "That’s easy. Captain America: Civil War. Yours?"
She chuckles, eyes never leaving the road. "Ha, I probably could’ve guessed that one. Let me think...It’s a close tie between Resident Evil: The Final Chapter and Underworld: Blood Wars."
I make a mock shocked face. "You’re over Blade: Trinity?"
She had forced me to watch that movie so many times, because she had a girl-crush on Abigail Whistler, that it became a running joke. I could recite half the movie at one point. My favorite quotes were obviously from Hannibal King; he’s freaking awesome. "I just have two things to say to you. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a bunch of garlic and I just farted. Silent but deadly."
Did I mention that Hannibal is hi-lar-i-ous?
Lilly pulls me out of the memory when her eyes flick to me briefly and she looks appalled. "Never. I would never cheat on Whistler, but we’re talking the last two years here."
"Point taken. Okay, my turn." I try to come up with the next question. "What’s the song you’ve listened to most in the last few months? Not counting anything Nightwish, Freedom Call, or Van Canto."
"Excluding my favorites is not fair! Well..." She pauses, opens her mouth, and closes it again before answering, "Probably ‘Helsinki’ by The National Parks. Yours?"
Without hesitating, I say, "‘Good Goodbye’."
Lilly does a double-take. "Linkin Park’s ‘Good Goodbye’?"
She smoothes her expression so quickly and concentrates back on the road that I can’t figure out what she is thinking.
"Yes, why?"
"Nothing." Her answer comes a little too quickly.
That was...odd. We’re quiet for a moment, and I take in the flattening landscape; we have officially entered the Midwest.
Lilly continues, "What are you going to do next year? I mean, where do you plan to go to school?"
Ah, the topic I’ve been avoiding for months. I’ve received partial scholarships to two schools, but I don’t want to be away from Lilly—I just got her back. Even before I told her the truth, I didn’t want to leave her. Call me lovesick...or co-dependent—or both.
Attempting to sound neutral, I mumble, "I’m not sure; I want to stay close by. I have the option of an athletic scholarship for South Carolina or Georgia, but I’m hoping for something closer." To you, I mentally add. "I also applied to Virginia Tech and VMI." VMI is Dad’s alma mater, and in a way, I had hoped it would improve our relationship. We used to be super close until the day he pulled me aside and told me I had to get a grip on my feelings or he’d figure something out. Figure out my ass. His ultimatum basically made me move out. Since that day, our conversations have been nothing but surface level. Mostly because I let resentment rule our relationship, but deep down, I still want my father to be proud of me.
"VMI? Since when are you interested in the military?" Lilly’s eyes widen in surprise, and I focus back on our conversation.
"I’m not. I guess I was trying to make Dad happy." I pretend it’s not a big deal. Though, her raised eyebrows tell me that she knows better.
"Didn’t you also just visit Georgetown? Heather’s alma mater?"
She doesn’t press the VMI topic, and I appreciate it. I expected the Georgetown question. Lilly is perceptive, and Mom did go to law school there. I’m facing the window. "Yeah, but that was more for Kat than me."
"I see," is Lilly’s response.
Peering over, I notice her suddenly tense posture. Her playfulness is gone.
"Have you decided what you want to do yet?"
"No, not really. I’m thinking of something with math or computers. I have another year to figure it out."
A selfish thought crosses my mind, and I give her a grin. "Virginia Tech?"
Her eyes crinkle. "Maybe." Then, she looks like she’s about to add something but stops herself and presses her lips together.
"What is it, Cal?"
Her gaze flicks to me for a fraction of a second.
"I, uh...I’ve kind of started playing with the idea of going back to the West Coast. Going back to where I’m originally from, you know?" She avoids eye contact, and I can’t read her at all.
"That, uh...yeah, I mean, that’s kinda understandable." My stomach clenches.
God, I’m so screwed.
She quickly adds, "We’ll see; I have other priorities now." She’s probably misinterpreting my unenthusiastic reaction.
After a while, we continue the game, asking questions back and forth. Anything from favorite book, to the top five places we would want to visit, to if you could speak one other language fluently, what would it be?
Lilly is not surprised when I tell her that I want to visit Rome. The Colosseum, gladiators—what else could you want, right?
However, I did not anticipate her desire to speak Latin. I would’ve expected Italian, or even something like Mandarin. She already takes Spanish and French in school, but she says Latin is a classic language. It provides the root words for all of the modern sciences.
When I remain quiet, she explains, "Every type of science has its own vocabulary: biology, chemistry, astronomy, even computer science. We think of it all as individual, but essentially, all the specialized words are derived from the classical languages, Latin or Greek. Computer comes from the Latin word computo, to count. Or here is another example: the vernal equinox is the one day of spring when day and night are equal. Vernal comes from the Latin word for spring: ver, veris. Like pasta primavera...spring pasta, get it?"
What the—?
I am completely stunned by the speech she just delivered. I gape at her, resembling a goldfish.
She
laughs out loud. "You didn’t expect that, huh?"
"Uh." I still can’t form a coherent sentence.
"Yeah, I developed a slight fascination with it after we had a short lecture in history last year."
Slight?
It sinks in that there is so much I have missed the last few years, and a wave of irritation that my parents have kept me from sharing all this with Lilly crashes through my body.
I end up napping for about an hour between questions ten and eleven. The game makes the time fly by, and we reach our destination a little after nine o’clock. We pick a motel close to the interstate to not lose too much time in the morning.
The room is simple. The bathroom is off to the right, the two beds are covered with floral quilts that have seen better times, and a small window is exactly opposite the entrance. Across from the beds is a desk and a dresser with a TV on it. The TV is the most modern thing in the entire room, even though it seems to be older than Natty. But it appears to be clean, which is all I care about for tonight.
We take turns in the bathroom, and I flop onto my bed, not even bothering with the cover. I’m about to doze off when I hear Lilly. "Rhys?"
"Hmm?"
"Thanks. For being here, I mean."
I smile into my pillow. "I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else."
Chapter Fifteen
Rhys’s alarm goes off at five, and we’re back on the road by six. Seven hours of sleep is more than I’ve gotten most nights lately, but I am still grateful that we stop for caffeine before we hit the interstate.
Rhys takes the first shift driving, and I gaze out of the side window into the dark. My mind keeps replaying yesterday’s twenty question game. It was fun to get to know him again and also see his reaction to some of my answers. His face was priceless when I explained why I would want to speak Latin.