by Danah Logan
I tell her about our trip to California, how we ended up in Saint Louis, and the blanks Madeline filled in.
This time, Denielle snorts, "THAT. IS. SERIOUSLY. FUCKED. UP." She enunciates every word. "So, where are your real parents? What are their names?"
I hadn’t expected to feel this relieved once everything is out in the open. But then, she knows me almost as well as Rhys. We’ve been friends for years. I think about her questions for a second before answering.
"Their names are Emily and Henry. I haven’t figured out where they are. Rhys has been helping me piece the information together. He helped me remember more, but there is no trace of my parents anywhere."
"Heather and Tristen don’t know either?"
I mumble, "We haven’t told them that I know."
"WHAT? Why?"
My constant slow simmer of anger all of a sudden turns to a boil, and I snap, "Because they lied to me for ten freaking years." A little calmer, I manage, "I’m not ready to confront them."
"Wow. I, um...I’m seriously speechless right now. And that rarely happens."
I smile at her sadly.
All of a sudden, there is a spark in her eyes. "Okay, but wait; why is there nothing about you in the media? I mean, when you researched the case?"
"That’s another thing my nurse told us. Whoever had me was blackmailing my parents, and they never filed a missing person report. That was why it also took so long for the hospital to identify me. They had no idea who I was until I told them. I was in the system as Jane Doe. Madeline helped my parents make me disappear. My real name never showed up in the hospital system. The media knows of the first victim, but not who it was. That’s also why some speculate that the other girls are just placeholders."
Den’s entire face scrunches together while she lifts the coffee mug to her lips. "Placeholders for what?"
"Me."
A spray of coffee explodes over the table, and Denielle frantically grabs napkins from the dispenser. People in the café turn at the commotion while we hastily clean the mess. I’m patting my bagel dry when she whisper-shouts, "Are you telling me that this freak is still looking for you?"
"We think so, yes."
She grasps my hand on the table. "Why are you so fucking calm?"
Rhys’s response echoes in my mind. "I am scared, but I’m also not a helpless little girl anymore. Heather and Tristen made sure of that over the last ten years."
She nods in understanding.
My stomach growls loudly, and I finally take a bite of my bagel. We eat in silence, and it’s visible that Den is mulling all the information over in her head. Before I can shove the last piece in my mouth, she levels me. "Can I ask you something?"
I tilt my head to the side. "Sure."
She pauses, so I eat my last piece of bagel. "So, Rhys loves you?"
"Hm-mm." I’m still chewing.
"Why has he been ignoring you for years?"
Ahh, the question I haven’t elaborated on. Yet. Den was there to pick up the pieces and loathe him for me until I got over the hurt and to the loathing stage myself.
I swallow. "Tristen figured out that he was in love with me and made it clear that he could not act on it. He could never tell me. So, Rhys did the only thing he could think of."
She throws her hands in the air and lets her palms smack on the table. "Well, now I can’t hate him anymore for you. I almost feel sad for him."
A chuckle escapes me. "Almost?"
"Well, he still made the choice to date the Wicked Bitch."
"Oh." My tongue suddenly feels like sandpaper.
"Speaking of...what is happening now? I mean, he came clean. Is he going to keep whoring himself out to her?"
I take a big gulp of the now almost cold tea, hoping to get rid of the dryness in my mouth. But it just feels like I’ve swallowed a stone that is now settling in my stomach. I haven’t thought about that. Will he? He loves me. But why would I care? I shouldn’t, right?
I shrug. "I guess. I mean, no one can know that I know. It’s really his choice."
My best friend doesn’t buy my brush off. "But how do you feel about it?"
Am I that easy to read?
"I don’t know. Things have changed." I want to tell her about the sweaty-palm pizza incident at the hotel and the phone call flutters, but I chicken out. This is too weird. So, instead, I say, "I understand why he did it—all of it. He’s been gone a lot since we got back, so I don’t know what his plan is. If we change our behaviors, Heather and Tristen will know something is up, but..." I pause. I don’t want to admit to myself that it does bother me that he’s been gone the entire time. But then, I also avoided him last night.
We sit quietly.
Finally, she says, "Are you sure you don’t want to tell Heather or Tristen? Or the police?"
"I’m sure." Instantly, all my defenses are back up, and I have to force myself to not snap at Den.
She sighs, resigned. "Then you need to be careful. If that freak is really still looking for you, don’t let your guard down."
I’m glad she lets the Rhys topic go for now and doesn’t push the other. "I won’t. Maybe he isn’t even looking anymore."
But while I say it, we both know that neither of us believes it.
I avoid Rhys successfully for the rest of the weekend. I respond to his texts, but every time he comes in at night, I pretend to sleep. And every time, my body reacts the same way. He’s gone when I venture downstairs in the morning, and with every passing day, I grow almost resentful. His life is back to normal while mine is...well, not. Not anymore. I know, logically, it’s not his fault. I’m ignoring him, and he has to keep up the show, but still. A little bit of the betrayal creeps back into our newly built friendship.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I haven’t talked to Lilly in person since we got home four days ago. She’s avoiding me, and I’m at a loss. When I text her, I get one-word answers. Every time I attempt to check on her at night, she pretends to sleep. I see the glow of the nightstand lamp under the door, but as soon as I knock, it turns off. The trip has changed everything. I thought I’d missed her before, but since we’ve gotten back and I’ve been hiding at Wes’s, I realize how much I need her in my life.
Kat came home yesterday. We briefly spoke on the phone, and as usual, she hasn’t asked how my holidays were. I also have no desire to volunteer information. That’s our relationship. Unless it benefits her in some way, she doesn’t care. Not that I care, either.
What does that say about me?
One more day and we’re back in school. Everyone will once again think we’re the perfect couple. She will grope me every opportunity she gets, make a big freaking show of it, and I...I’ll let her. Because no one can fucking know that I’ve been in love with another girl my entire life.
Wes hasn’t said anything about my presence at his house since he got back, but the questions are written all over his face. He deserves answers. He covered for me—for us. However, unless Lilly gives her okay, I can’t give him what he wants. It’s her life and her decision. And since she won’t talk to me, I have no choice but to divert Wes’s attention whenever we get close to the topic.
Lilly moved her training with Spence to Sunday to meet with Denielle on Saturday. That much I got out of her via text message, but how it went, I have no idea. I annoyed the shit out of Wes until he agreed to meet at the gym Sunday morning—the same time Lilly scheduled her session. That’s how low I have sunk to get a glimpse of her.
I get there about twenty minutes early just so I can see her spar with Spence. The room we always use is free for anyone to use when there are no group exercise classes scheduled. But the owner is an old friend of Spence’s, and we always get dibs before anyone else. A perk I can’t deny I enjoy. Two sides of the room are glass, which made Lilly super uncomfortable in the beginning. She hates being the center of attention, and when she trains, people stare. The petite, five-foot-four blonde beating up the six-foot-four Marine used to be t
he talk of the gym. Eventually, everyone got over it. The other members got used to our regular sessions, and Lilly learned to block them out.
Denielle sits cross-legged on the side, watching, and despite my best intention of just getting a brief glimpse, I stop mid-step and gawk. I haven’t seen her spar in a while, and she is good. Like, really good. Spence is wearing pads, and Lilly is going at it. My jaw hits the floor, and I all but drool.
Holy fuck, what a turn-on.
I’m really glad I chose my looser workout pants today; sliding my hand into the pocket, I adjust myself as inconspicuous as possible. I have the urge to get in there and trade places with Spence, pushing her like I used to. At that precise moment, Spence glances up and spots me. His eyes widen briefly; I haven’t been here at the same time as Lilly in years, but then his entire demeanor changes, and I know he’s up to something. He stops Lilly and says something to her. Her whole body goes rigid, and both Lilly and Denielle swivel toward me. Denielle presses her lips together in a failed attempt to hide a grin, and Lilly looks like she’s about to throw up. What the—? Then, Spence points at me and beckons me over.
Fuck.
Lilly holds my gaze, and very slowly, I put one foot in front of the other.
Has the glass door always been this heavy?
With every step, my pulse increases. Did Spence turn the heat up? I swear the room feels like one of those hot yoga studios. Coach made us take one of their sculpt classes once to prove his point that it’s not all about heavy weight training and sprints. The entire team was nearly in tears at the end of the hour.
Getting closer, it’s like I see Lilly for the first time in years, not four days. Finally in front of her, I’m able to tear my eyes away and look at Spence.
"Rhys." He is enjoying himself.
"Spence." I will my voice to sound calm and collected. My eyes flicker between all three of them.
"I didn’t expect you until this afternoon."
Huh? Oh. "Uh, yeah. I’m meeting Wes in a few."
"Mm-hmm."
I narrow my eyes at my trainer. Spence peers over at Lilly, who is clearly uncomfortable, before addressing me again.
"How about a match between my two best fighters?"
"Wha—?" she squeaks.
"Uh..." is all my brain comes up with.
Lilly and I stare at him, both mirroring equal expressions of shock and disbelief, and Denielle is covering her mouth with her hand. Well, at least one of us is enjoying the show.
"You heard me. Suit up."
He can’t be serious.
When we don’t comply, Spence puts on his Marine face. "MOVE!"
That gets us both in action. I follow Lilly to her bag in the corner, and when I drop mine, she turns and hisses, "What are you doing here?"
What the fuck is her problem?
I’m starting to get irritated by her attitude. I have done nothing but help her in the last few weeks.
I drawl, "I guess fighting you." Two can play that game, and I’ve been playing it much longer.
Her nostrils flare, and there is a spark in her eyes. She is letting the fighter out, and a jolt of electricity flows through my body. The thought of fighting this girl ignites a whole other level of yearning inside of me.
"TODAY, YOU TWO!"
I grab my gear that’s always in my gym bag, including the new gel pads Lilly gave me for Christmas, and get ready. Ten minutes later, Lilly and I are facing off in the middle of the room. Denielle is sitting up straight against the wall, and out of the corner of my eye, I see some of the older gym members stop what they’re doing. People used to see us spar all the time, but not in the last few years. We’ve just become zoo animals.
Fucking great.
I let my gaze turn to tunnel vision. Focus on Lilly. She is doing the exact same, already in her fight stance. No distractions. Not that looking at her isn’t already distraction enough. Ugh, get a grip, or you’ll get your ass handed to you, I silently yell at myself.
In the back of my mind, I hear Spence go over the rules. As if we don’t know.
"GO!"
This. Is. It. Lilly’s eyes narrow, and she is waiting for me to make the first move. I don’t think I should be this excited, should I? When I don’t attack, Lilly takes over and launches herself at me with a cross punch followed by a hook. I block both, and a wide grin spreads across my face.
Game on, baby.
Her eyes widen ever so slightly. She knows I’m not going easy on her—never have—and this is no exception.
"My turn," I taunt. And with that, I drop low and go for her legs. Everyone else I would’ve swept off their feet, but Lilly simply jumps and brings her elbow down on my back.
"Umpf."
"Stop playing around," Spence barks at both of us.
Lilly cocks her head, and a wicked gleam enters her eyes. She’s enjoying this as much as I am. I nod, silently telling her I’m all in, and a slow smile spreads across her face, showing her baby-blue mouthguard. When she dips her head as well, I let all hesitation go. It’s just the two of us in the room, and I lunge. She blocks my punches and kicks as if it’s second nature and counters each move with one of her own. I don’t know how long we’re at it, but my eyes are starting to burn from the sweat, and Lilly doesn’t look much better. She’s breathing heavy, loose strands of hair plastered against her face, but Spence makes no move to stop us. He’s standing against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Next to him are Denielle and Wes.
When did he get here?
This brief moment of distraction is all Lilly needs. She sweeps her foot, and I’m flat on my back. But she doesn’t stop. She drops on top of me, wraps one arm around my neck and, oh no, she’s not—yup, she is. Crap. She grabs the inside of her sleeve with the arm that is under my neck, immobilizes my head with hers, and then sneaks the forearm of her still free hand between her head and my throat, applying pressure. Sleeve Choke. I tap out, and I hear someone clapping slowly in the background. Lilly loosens her grip and inches back so our eyes meet. We’re both breathing heavily, neither of us saying anything. I can’t decipher her expression, but I’m glad she still has me pinned down. My gaze dips to her mouth, and I stifle a groan as her tongue swipes across her bottom lip. If I could move, I don’t think I would be able to fight the urge to slam my mouth onto hers right here and now. My dick enjoys the close proximity between us as well, and my pulse speeds up again. It’s a miracle she hasn’t shown any indication of noticing my hard-on pressing against her. This was hotter than all the sex of the past two years combined.
I wonder what actual sex with her would be like...
Lilly is lifted off me before I can finish the thought, and a hand appears in front of my face. Spence no longer looks smug, but proud. Slapping my palm into his, he pulls me up and claps my back.
"Good fight, buddy!"
I just nod because I can still feel Lilly pressed on top of me. Now I’m also grateful for choosing this particular shirt earlier, as it covers a certain body part below my belt that has not gotten the we-are-in-public memo.
Lilly is next to Denielle, who says something that makes them both crack up, and Wes punches my shoulder. "What the fuck, man? I walked in here and thought I was tripping. That was AWE-SOME!"
Then, he adds with a whisper, "And seeing Lilly hand you your ass was fucking hot!"
That snaps me out of it, and a snarl erupts out of my throat.
He holds up his hands and grins. "Sorry, man!"
Of course, Wes thinks it’s because of the handing-me-my-ass part, not him referring to my Lilly as hot.
During my interaction with Wes, Lilly grabs her bag and leaves the room with Denielle without saying a word. And that easy, my excitement turns back to irritation.
Lilly and Denielle run through their workout routine while Wes and I are in the free weight section which is tucked in the back of the gym. I sneak a glance whenever I can, and twice, Lilly’s eyes meet mine, but she averts her gaze immediately. I know we’re
not supposed to like each other in public, but really?
It’s Wes’s turn on the bench press when I sweep the gym again. The girls are on the other side of the treadmills, stretching and laughing. I’m about to focus back on my best friend when something catches my eye. One of two guys by the farthest leg press—the one closest to Lilly and Denielle—is openly watching them. His buddy is busy with the machine and doesn’t notice that his friend is not paying any attention while he’s chatting away. My eyes narrow, and I scan both of them. I haven’t seen either of them before. The one on the leg press has black hair and somewhat of an Asian look to him; the other one is as Caucasian as it gets. And I don’t like one bit how he’s ogling the girls.
"Your turn." Wes making room for me on the bench snaps me out of my thoughts, and I shake my head. I need to get a grip, or there is no way I will make it through school tomorrow. Maybe having to endure Kat will actually be a good distraction.
We finish, and Wes insists on going over to Lilly and Denielle, who are now sitting at a table by the protein and juice bar. We’re almost at their table when Denielle points at something, and sure enough, I follow her gaze and land on the two guys. They have moved on to pull-ups, and this time, I get a better look at them. They’re both older, late twenties I’m guessing, and definitely new here. The dark-haired guy is shorter than his friend, but both are well over six feet and built, like those guys that work out for a living. Asian dude notices the girls watching and winks at them. Fucking winks. Wes sees me staring and mutters something I can’t understand because of the blood rushing inside my ears.
I’ve seen Lilly flirt before. I’ve seen Lilly kiss before. But despite my drunken tantrum at Sloane’s party, I always knew it was nothing serious. That was before. Before we spent day and night together for almost ten days. Before I held her in her sleep, before I held her hand when she needed comfort, and before she was flat on top of me just an hour ago.
We reach their table, and I stand back, biting my tongue. I have no right to act like the jealous boyfriend, but I can’t stop my hands from balling into fists. Lilly has avoided me for days. The closeness I know she felt during our match and now these flirting fuckers are too much.