by Nicole Snow
I arrive at the house a few minutes later and smell the bacon and pancakes the second I get out.
Unfortunately, it all tastes as good as it smells. Had it been burnt, I would have had more reasons why Blue can’t spend another night at the ranch with us.
Natalie isn’t going to like that no matter what, so delicious food really doesn’t hold credence.
Natalie talks non-stop about the hike while eating. She already has on her boots and jeans, and practically gobbles down her food. “Izzy can come with us, can’t she, Dad? I already told her she could.”
“And I already said no thank you,” Blue answers.
She’s barely looked at me since I walked in the house.
I shouldn’t have kissed her last night.
I knew that, and it took all I had to stop it from becoming more than a kiss. Even later, when I found her sleeping in the top bunk, I was aching hard. Dick practically begging to get wet.
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen while you two go hiking,” she says.
“And then you have some paperwork to do,” Natalie says solemnly.
“Sure do,” Blue says, smiling softly at Nat. “The academy being closed for the long weekend gives all you kids a four-day weekend. But teachers still have work so everything's ready when you return on Tuesday.”
Nat shakes her head. “I don’t want to be a teacher when I grow up. You never get a day off.” She smiles at me. “I like Daddy’s job better. It might be stinky and gross, but he gets free time.”
“That's the trade off,” I say, standing. “Ready to hit the hill?”
A hint of guilt rolls through my stomach at leaving before the kitchen is clean. Natalie and I have been on our own from the beginning. We're used to cleaning up after ourselves. But I also sense Blue wants us gone. Me, especially.
“Have fun,” she says. “Don’t forget to take plenty of water.”
I don’t have to reply. Nat speaks for both of us, assuring Blue she’s packed nearly a gallon's worth of bottles in her backpack, along with a bowl for Shadow, who always tags along on our hikes for the first leg or two.
We’re barely off the steps when she says, “Isn’t Izzy the best, Dad? Those pancakes were delish!”
I hold my tongue. 'Best' isn't the word I'd use for the black magic around this woman, turning every damn drop of my blood molten.
Blue's still inside, well within earshot, and I’m struggling not to turn around, hoping to get another glimpse at her. She has on a flowered dress that leaves a good portion of her sleek legs bare, as well as her sun-kissed shoulders. There’s not a single part of her body that isn’t stare worthy. Not a square inch of her I don't want to tame with my tongue.
“I know you thought so, too,” Nat says. “You ate four. I’ve never seen you eat four pancakes before!”
Guilty. “I was hungry. Long morning,” I mutter, which is an excuse and the honest truth.
“She’s fun, too.” Nat steps around a big boulder and watches as Shadow jumps onto the rock. “I know you like her, Dad. I’ve seen you looking at her when she’s not looking at you.”
Nat turns, a wicked smile on her face, reaching up to stroke the purring animal's chin.
Shit. Like this can't get any worse.
My breath sticks in my throat.
I’d been careful about that. Extremely careful. Hiding.
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I’m not embarrassed, Nat. This isn’t something you should be talking about.” I take a hold of her upper arm as she steps over a wide rut. “Bl-Ms. Derby is your teacher.”
“Well, yeah!” She jumps over the next rut. “And I know the academy has rules about teachers fraternizing with students and their families.”
I live with this kid, have her entire life, and know she’s extremely intelligent. Still, her matter-of-fact tone catches me off guard now. She's my baby girl, and growing up way too damn fast. “How do you know? Do you even know what fraternizing means?”
She rolls her eyes. “It means socializing outside school, Dad. Jeez.” With one hand on her hip, she asks, “Would you like me to spell it, too?”
That’s not like her. “Are you being smart with me?”
Her chin falls. She turns and starts walking again. “No. I just don’t understand why you don’t want me to like her. What's the big deal? It's not like Principal Jacobs is here eavesdropping.”
Parenting is the toughest assignment I’ve ever had. Ever will. “Nat, that's not the point. I’m not saying we can't like her. Just trying to save you from being upset. We're helping her out this weekend, a one time favor, but after...” Having no clear explanation, I shrug. “The only place you’ll see her is in school.”
She stops walking and stares up at me with a quiet anger I rarely see.
“Why? I won’t tell anyone.” She spins around and stomps forward.
Flustered, I follow, trying to come up with an answer she’ll accept. She might be smart as a whip, but she's got a lot to learn about the world's many fucked up complexities.
Without looking back at me, she says “You’re always telling me I need friends, Dad. Well, you need them too, you know.”
“I have friends.”
“You mean Juan? Collin? The people you work with are employees, Daddy. They aren’t your friends, just like the kids in my class aren’t my friends.”
My heart takes a hard tumble. Damn it, that's not the same. “Nat.”
“I like Izzy, Dad.” She plops down on a rock. Elbows on her knees, she sets her chin in her palms, gazing up at me. “She's fun. Easy to talk to. You get along with her better than you admit, too. And I can talk to her about stuff I can't with anybody else.”
Stuff? I sit down beside her and take a deep breath.
I’m not ready for this.
Not now.
“We have our fun, and you can talk to me about anything.”
She picks up a pebble and throws it. “No, I can’t.”
Although I’m scared shitless as to what the answer might be, I ask, “Like what?”
“Like how old a girl is when they start wearing a bra, or using deodorant, or –”
“You can ask grandma all that,” I say, a shock rolling through my blood.
“No, I can’t.” She throws another rock. “She’ll start blubbering and tell me I’m growing up too fast.”
That hits the nail on the head. But, I’m sure if I talk to my mother first, she’ll be able to approach the subject less emotionally. When the time comes.
It certainly hasn’t. Right? “Nat, listen, you’re only ten and –”
“And in eighth grade. Four years from now I’ll be fourteen and graduating high school. Then what? College? Trying to get my driver's license while the other girls are old enough to drink?”
The shimmer in her eyes as she looks up at me stops my heart.
“Kinda scares me, Dad. It really scares me.”
I wrap an arm around her, hug her tight, and tell her the truth. “That scares me too, baby girl. Doesn't matter, though. We'll figure it out like we always do.”
Always. I'd crawl over broken glass in Chernobyl for this girl to keep her smiling.
Shadow jumps up on her lap and she twists to snuggle the cat close. “Just so you know...I haven’t asked Izzy any of those things, but I know she’ll have the answers if I do. She’s already helped me so much.”
“Helped you with what?”
“Things.”
Needing to know, I push her harder, “What things?”
“She saw me at recess one day, reading, and then talked to my pod teacher. So now I have fitness with the fifth grade instead of the eighth. It’s fun. I like it, and I like how I have the same lunch period as those kids, too. Izzy gave me some books girls in that grade are reading, so I have things to talk to them about.”
It doesn't sound like much, but I can tell how much they mean to her. “That was nice of her.”
Her eyes hold unshed
tears when she looks up at me. “Please let her be my friend, Dad. Let her be yours, too.”
I’d give this girl the world if I could, but I also have to be cautious what I promise. “I can’t make anyone be your friend, Natalie, or mine.”
“I know.” She sighs heavily and leans against me again. “I know.”
Having no idea what more I can do, or say, I let silence do its work.
Before long, Nat lets Shadow go and gives me a final hug before jumping to her feet. “If we’re going as far as the notch tree, we'd best get going.”
The notch tree is just that. A dead old tree that we put a notch in every time we hike this trail.
I’m still raw on the inside and torn over what to do. Being a father's the one thing that doesn't get easier with experience.
I can take the pressures of the army, of running my own business, of the Black Pearls breathing down my neck, but this...being a preteen's dad, outweighs all the other issues. Easy.
Natalie reverts back to her usual smiling self when we arrive at the house. Blue sits in a chair on the porch with a stack of papers on the table beside her. Shadow lounging lazily by her feet.
“How was the hike?”
The shine in Blue’s eyes as they settle on Nat scares me as much as I appreciate it. Might not know what the hell to think about this woman, or what to do with her, but I do value what she does for my daughter.
“Awesome!” Nat says. “We made another notch in our tree. Number fifty eight.”
“Good for you.” Blue gestures towards the kitchen. “I made some lemonade. It’s in the fridge if you’re thirsty.”
“Thanks. I’ll get some. You want a glass, Dad?”
“Sure.” I sit down in the chair opposite Blue. “What are you working on?”
She gathers the papers into a neat stack. “Lesson plans.”
Hearing Nat in the kitchen, talking to Shadow about getting the cat some treats and water, I lean closer. “The other day, when you accused me of keeping Natalie within arm’s reach, what did you mean?”
She frowns and glances towards the kitchen. “Just that...you seem to have control over everything she does.”
“I have to, she’s my daughter.”
Blue nods, keeping her voice hushed. “She certainly is, but she's also her own person. A few opportunities for her to interact with other children her age, without an adult around, could really benefit her.”
I can tell how carefully she’s treading. “Like a different gym class or lunch period, you mean?”
She bites her bottom lip and nods. “Yes. I apologize if I overstepped, but she’s lonely. Very lonely. She’s smart. Brilliant. But emotionally, she’s ten, and needs to be around other ten year olds in order to learn how to cope with things better.”
Again, she’s stepping lightly. Carefully.
If it was anyone else, I’d probably be so pissed off I’d send them packing, but whatever Blue did for Natalie, it was totally to help her. I respect that.
An excited squeal comes from the kitchen. “Cookies!”
Blue cringes slightly. “You had a visitor while you were gone. Mrs. Wingard. Shadow didn’t come home last night, so she figured you were here and brought over a platter of cookies.”
I hold my breath for a second. The harder I try to crawl out, the deeper this shit gets.
Old Lady Wingard is as nosy as her cat. “She ask who you are?”
“Yes.” Her cheeks redden. “I said I’m Natalie’s tutor.”
That was a better answer than I could have come up with.
Hell of a lot better than a fake fiancé, like I'd told Preston. I still hate that guy. Hate the idea that he had a real date with Blue. Whether he’d fucked it up or not, she’d actually agreed to go out with him.
I don’t like the idea of her agreeing to go out with anyone. Also don't give a damn how insane that sounds.
Nat returns carrying lemonade and cookies. After eating a few, and enjoying how intently Blue listens to everything we say about our hike, I need a way to release the tension.
That’s all it takes. Five minutes with her and I’m hard as stone. Thinking thoughts that I shouldn’t be thinking and wanting things that I shouldn’t be wanting.
“Think I'll go take care of that dead tree behind the barn.” I down the last of my lemonade and stand.
“We’ll help,” Natalie says. “I’ll get Izzy a pair of your old gloves.”
“She’ll need more than gloves,” I say, referring to her dress and sandals as I head for the door.
Lady Luck isn't on my side. In fact, she's decided to give me the bird today.
Blue has jeans. A pair that molds to her sweet ass perfectly.
Fuck.
The next several hours of cutting the tree into logs and splitting each one into smaller bits is close to hell. I can’t take my eyes off her as she carries the wood to the barn and stacks it in a pile. The tight tank top and jeans leave little to my imagination, besides imagining how bad I’d like to rip that tank top off with my teeth, suck on those perfect tits, and bury my throbbing cock deep in her.
I’m so fucking hard it hurts.
Have been the entire time. There are few things worse than being so close, yet still not able to get your rocks off. Every part of me stays on edge, screaming for a release it’s not getting.
I pull my t-shirt off and toss it on the ground. Fuck it all.
I have to stop getting so worked up over her. “That’s it.”
Blue turns towards me, tilting her head. A soft sheen of sweat makes her skin glisten, and her nipples couldn’t be more noticeable. “What’s it?”
“The wood. You’re done. I’ll finish up.”
“But I can –”
“No.”
She’s staring at me. Frowning.
I know I sound pissed. I am.
Fully frustrated. Need a few minutes of reprieve. “You and Nat should go inside. Start getting ready for the rehearsal dinner.” I send the axe into another log so hard my shoulders pulse.
Now, I’m imagining her in the shower. Cleaning up. Naked. Fuck!
I can't fathom how this ends, but my gut tells me one way, and one way only.
One of us gets fucked. The other, completely destroyed.
Hours later, after an ice cold shower, partially because the hot water heater needs to be replaced, and not allowing myself to do more than glance her way, we pull into the Mexican restaurant for the rehearsal dinner.
A crowd of people will help. It has to.
There’s a crowd, all right, and a hushed silence fills the banquet room as all eyes turn to us. Dread fills her eyes as Blue glances up at me.
Despite all the misery I’ve put myself through the past twenty four hours, I put my hand in the small of her back and guide her forward. It's too late to do anything else.
Dressed in another flowing red outfit including a floppy hat, Cleo rushes towards us. If I was hoping she’d act as some sort of shield, I’d thought wrong.
“Finally, the man of the hour! Everyone's bursting at the seams to meet you, Mr. Eden.” She lowers her voice to add, “They all thought I was lying. Even though Clara insisted she’d met you, too.”
I catch the way Blue’s breasts rise as she draws in a deep breath and holds it. She’s wearing another short dress. Dark blue with a low-cut neckline. Her hair hangs loose, past her shoulders, and flutters slightly as she bows her head and presses a hand to her forehead.
“Come with me, darling,” Cleo says, taking Natalie’s hand. “I’ll introduce you to the other children. I’ve told them all about you and our trip to the zoo. There’s a kid’s table set up so you youngsters can all eat together when the food is served and won’t be bored by all the silly adults.”
Silly is right. Every adult in the room stares at us, whispering. Nat looks up at me, and unlike Blue, excitement shines in her eyes. I give her a nod and she hurries off with Cleo.
“Ready?” I ask Blue.
She lets out a
long sigh and glances up at me. “To leave? Heck yes.”
Hoping to ease her anxiety, I laugh, loud enough so others hear, and then lean closer, “Just say the word and we're out of here.”
“I wish!” she answers. “But we have to stay long enough to eat. Common courtesy.”
“I’m sure they make a good margarita.”
She shakes her head. “I had enough last night.”
“We’ve all been waiting for you,” Clara says, approaching with a group of others. “Izzy, make the rounds with our man of honor! Everybody's waiting for Brent.”
Blue does just that with a worn smirk on her face. Onward we go, and I make an effort to remember specific people and their names.
Particularly the ones who cast the most scornful, jealous glares.
I don’t know what sort of joy these people get out of embarrassing her, but they do, and a few of their remarks do more than irritate me.
“He doesn’t mean any harm,” Clara says, after a cousin makes a snide remark. “Izzy's been a member of the lonely-hearts club for so long, a few people took bets you were an imaginary friend. Thought she’d still show up all by her lonesome. Joke's on them!” She elbows Blue, grinning.
I slide my arm around to Blue’s side and tug her closer. “I’m not imaginary and she’s not alone. Won’t be tomorrow, either.”
Clara smiles and bats her eyelashes. “You’ll have tongues wagging, talking about another wedding happening soon.”
The bride and groom arrive then, along with the rest of their small wedding party. I’m thankful as hell the focus of the room shifts to them, until Clara says one more thing.
“Don’t worry, your secret's safe with me. I haven’t even told Cleo I ran into Preston Graves. Or that he mentioned your engagement.”
Blue smothers her gasp only because she quickly covers her mouth with one hand.
I escort her to the table and order us each a margarita.
She offers a shaky smile. “Thanks.”
I nod, but have to ask, “Didn’t you say you met Preston on a dating site?”
“Yes.”
“Then how does Clara know him?”
Her shoulders slump. “Fuck if I know. Right now, I can't say I care.”