He didn’t love Lilly. He couldn’t.
Jack went inside and began the motions of preparing dinner. His kitchen was stocked once again, so different from the barren wasteland it had been before. He was so much healthier now, and it was all because of Lilly. But he couldn’t continue to keep her, to hide her from the world when she was just learning how to shine again.
He slammed the fridge door shut. Why did he keep making so many mistakes? When they were in role, everything made sense. But whenever he tried to figure out this non-relationship they were in, he kept screwing up. He’d already crossed so many boundaries—sex in his bedroom, sleeping together in the playroom. When was he going to stop being so selfish, and do what was best for her?
She needed to be in a healthy, complete relationship. One with someone who could give her everything she wanted.
And that person wasn’t him.
Jack braced his hands on the counter, forcing himself to face the truth. He could fulfill her sexual needs, but that would only keep her happy for so long. The things she needed the most to heal were things he couldn’t give her. And even if he could, even if he could find a way to put his peers’ and family’s opinions aside, eventually their age difference would become an issue.
She deserved better than that.
When their contract was up, he’d suggest they end things. A simple conclusion to the term of their agreement, nothing more. She’d understand it better that way. He wouldn’t hurt her—they’d simply come to a mutual understanding after he’d made her see how far she’d come. They’d have enough time to talk about it so they could move on, even be friends afterward.
His phone rang. Lilly’s name came up on the screen.
He heaved a deep sigh and shoved his thoughts onto the back burner. She’d had a big day. “Hey there.”
“I did it! I told Forrester.”
Jack laughed, happy to hear the exuberant sound of her voice. “That’s great.”
“Sorry I didn’t call earlier. I’m just getting home now. I know you’re going to say that it’s late and I’m alone, but it’s fine. The streets are well-lit and safe. And besides, you’re on the phone with me. You’ll hear if I get attacked.”
“That’s very reassuring,” he replied dryly. “All right, hotshot. Tell me everything.”
She recounted her day, starting from how she’d walked into her boss’s office and told him what she’d found, to them subpoenaing the software company for a backup of the database, hoping to find the original tampered entry. Jack heard the jingling of her keys as she talked, the sound of her door closing and Rumbles’s meow. The part of his brain that instantly relaxed made him wonder how he was ever going to be able to let go of her when he needed the nightly confirmation that she was home safe.
“Do you think Brady would be willing to be called as an IT expert?” she asked.
“I’m sure he’d get a kick out of that.”
“Good, but wait—I saved the best part for last. Forrester came to my desk on his way out. He said if we win this, there’s an associate position waiting for me once I pass the bar.”
“Congratulations, I knew you could do it,” he said, beaming. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you.”
Jack could hear the word “Sir” hanging from her reply. He wanted to hear her say it, wanted to strike a match to the hunger between them that never seemed to burn out, but he couldn’t. He needed to stick to the contract.
“Anyway, I’m beat. For some reason, I didn’t get much sleep last night,” she said, coyness in her tone. “I’d better get to bed.”
“Yes, you need your rest.” There was nothing in the contract against encouraging her to sleep. Or in a bit of harmless flirting. His voice was gruff when he added, “For the weekend.”
She hummed in agreement. “Oh, about tomorrow night. Nick is acting funny. He wants to be sure I’ll be at the pub. I have no idea why. Is that okay?”
“Of course. I think I’ll pass, myself. I’m old. I need my rest too, you know.”
She giggled. “You’re not that old.”
Jack’s phone pinged, signaling the arrival of a new email. If it was more of his students with frenzied questions, he might have to start reviewing his retirement plans.
“We’ll meet here afterward,” he added. “Get to bed.”
After they said good night, Jack went to his laptop and checked his inbox, finding Facebook comments from Brady and Josh. He’d been tagged in a status of Brady’s from the night before at Fenway. Josh had left a comment that said “Go Dodgers”, followed by Brady’s response that he’d gone over to the dark side. Jack laughed and added a comment of his own: “Didn’t the Sox just lose to the Yankees?”
A second later, Brady called.
“I know you didn’t mention The-Team-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named.”
“Unfortunately for you, it’s true.”
“Disrespecting the Sox. And you call yourself a New Englander. At least you finally got your ass back online, instead of giving me shit about it.”
Jack drew the mouse around Lilly’s name on the screen. “Things change. So what’s up?”
“I’m just spreading the word. Nick wanted to make sure everyone would be at the pub tomorrow night. Some kind of surprise for Lilly.”
Jack’s hand stopped moving. “What kind of surprise?”
“Dunno. Nick wouldn’t tell me. You coming?”
Jack frowned, the instinct to protect Lilly from the unknown kicking in.
“I’ll be there.”
There was no parking outside Barrel ’n’ Flask on Friday evening. Jack had to find a space a few blocks down, passing Lilly, Gabe and Cassie as they walked up from the T. She wasn’t expecting him tonight, and he was hoping for a few seconds alone with her before this “surprise”. He quickened his pace to catch up with them. They were almost at the pub when Lilly glanced over her shoulder.
“Hey,” she said, her eyes lighting up.
Gabe turned around and grinned. “You got roped in tonight too, huh?”
“Looks like.”
Lilly elbowed Gabe. “Don’t bother asking this guy what the surprise is. He says he doesn’t know.”
“I don’t. I swear,” he insisted. “It’s actually kind of disconcerting how good Nick is at keeping secrets.”
“It’s not your birthday, is it?” Jack asked, ashamed to realize he had no clue when it was.
“No.” She smiled, flags of color rising in her cheeks. “It’s in September.”
“I’ll make a note of that.”
They started walking, Cassie and Gabe ahead of them. Lilly looked at Jack and mouthed the words, “Play along.”
“Crap, I think I dropped my headphones,” she announced. Cassie and Gabe paused, but Lilly waved them off. “I’ll go back and look. You guys go ahead. I’ll be right there.”
It was a ruse to give them some time alone together. Jack suppressed a grin as Lilly took a few steps back, pretending to survey the ground. Gabe shrugged and walked on, but Cassie hesitated.
“I can wait for her,” Jack offered.
She didn’t respond and eyed him with a wary expression. It almost felt like some kind of standoff until she nodded and turned, following Gabe into the pub.
Lilly hopped closer to him, a goofy smile on her face. “I didn’t think you were coming.”
Dismissing Cassie’s strange behavior, Jack focused on Lilly. He wouldn’t have her to himself again until much later. “Blame Brady. Apparently this surprise is too good to miss.”
“I’m sorry. I have no idea what’s going on.”
“Don’t apologize. There’ll be plenty of time for us after.”
Her smile went wider, her eyes glazing over, a soft Mmm escaping her. God, it was such a high to bring out the sexual side of her, then to watch her struggle, t
rying to contain herself.
“Later,” he promised.
They went inside, finding their gang around a large table. Seated in the chair next to Nick was someone new—a man whose back was to them. The entire group seemed to be fawning over him.
Brady looked up and called out, “There she is.”
The stranger turned around. He had hazel eyes, surrounded by creases that lifted when he smiled. Jack recognized him instantly.
“Dad!” Lilly shouted, rushing toward him. The other man stood, pulling her tightly into his arms. “What are you doing here?”
“Surprise,” Nick said. “I flew him out for the whole weekend.”
“You flew me?” her father asked. “I think I paid for the ticket.”
“Well, I made the arrangements.” Nick turned to Lilly. “You’re surprised, right?”
“Completely.” She looked so incredibly young all of a sudden, nestled deep in her father’s embrace.
Jack tried to hang back, to let her enjoy the moment, but then Brady said, “Jack, come on over and meet Lilly’s dad.”
He took a step forward. Lilly smiled shyly at him from the crook of her father’s arm.
“Henry Sterling,” her father said, reaching out a hand.
“Jack Archer.”
“Brady’s brother, right? It’s good to meet you.”
They shook hands, and Jack studied the other man’s face. There could only have been a decade between them at most. Hadn’t Lilly ever realized that? It was a stupid thing to think, because she’d said age was never an issue for her, a fact he’d been grateful for up until now.
God, he was such a hypocrite.
“So, no Mom, huh?” Lilly asked her father.
“She had to work. Lots of orders coming into the shop. You know the drill.”
Gabe and Nick looked at one another. Her mother had undoubtedly refused to come, unwilling to acknowledge them. Jack could only imagine what would happen if she found out about him. It would drive another stake through the family, impossible to repair.
“I know.” Lilly smiled through her disappointment. “I’m glad you’re here, though.”
They all sat down, and Nick ordered them a pitcher. Jack was tempted to drown himself in it. He abstained though, and resumed the same uncomfortable silence he’d enshrouded himself in the first time he came to the pub.
“So, this big case you’re all on,” Henry began. “You guys get anywhere with it?”
Cassie raised a glass. “Yes, thanks to Lilly. Now we actually have a shot of winning.”
“I didn’t figure it all out on my own. I had help.” Lilly cast a sideways glance at Jack, then turned to Brady. “That reminds me. Can you call me at work on Monday? I’ve got something to ask you.”
“No problem.”
Lilly grinned, a more joyful expression on her face than Jack had ever seen before, her cheeks lifting, accenting the heart shape of her face. She looked so damn beautiful, so strong and confident. It was the point he’d hoped he’d get her to when he first met her.
Brady tipped back his beer. “You all got big Sterling family plans for the weekend?”
“How about a billiards marathon, Dad?” Nick suggested. “See if we can finally beat you?”
Henry laughed. “I don’t care what we do. I’m just happy to spend a weekend with my son and my little girl.”
She’s my little girl.
Shit. This was so fucked up.
Lilly blanched, her eyes meeting Jack’s, the term of endearment clearly affecting her as strongly as it did him. This wasn’t right. She shouldn’t be focusing on him. She needed to enjoy the time with her father. If Jack truly wanted what was best for her, then leaving was the right thing to do.
Retrieving his phone, he hid it under the table and typed out a text.
I’m going to go. Be with your Dad. Don’t worry—there will be other weekends.
He hit send and stood up. “Sorry to cut this short, but I’m beat.”
Henry turned his way, giving Lilly the necessary distraction to read his message.
“It was good meeting you,” Henry said.
“Likewise.”
Jack caught Lilly’s gaze as he walked away. Her eyes were wide with questions, but he couldn’t answer any of them.
There were no answers to give her. No easy ones, anyway.
He walked out into the night alone.
Early Sunday evening, Jack’s doorbell rang. He opened the door to the face he’d missed since Friday, her text messages since then frequent, checking in more often than she needed to. He could sense the anxiety in them, but had reassured her everything was fine.
Everything was fine. Things would go back to normal now, and when the contract ended, they’d talk.
“Nick took Dad to the airport,” Lilly said. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
She stepped past him and into the kitchen, fidgeting as she settled onto a stool. Jack sat down next to her.
“Did you have a good time with your father?”
“Yes. I missed you, though.”
“I missed you too.” She crossed her arms before folding them together on the island. She was nervous. “Lilly, whatever it is that’s on your mind, tell me.”
“You know me so well.” She laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “Okay. I wanted to talk to you about the other night, in the playroom.”
Jack relaxed. This was easy. This they could talk about. “What about it?”
Her voice went quiet. “You have no idea what it did for me. Everything you did, everything you’ve done; it’s made me see that I can be brave. That I can speak up for what I want.”
“That’s good. That’s what I hoped it would do.”
She gave him a shy smile. “And what I want is…you.”
Jack tensed. “What do you mean, me?”
“I mean, I want to be with you. I don’t want to have to hide, or keep this in the dark anymore.”
Shit.
Jack took a breath. Counted to ten. “Lilly, I told you I needed to keep this part of my life private.”
“Not the BDSM part. I don’t want to follow you around campus with a leash on or anything. Well, I’d love it if you’d collar me, but that could be something we’d keep between us, so that you’d know I’m yours and I’d know you’re mine. I’m talking about the regular stuff. A real relationship, Jack. That’s what I want.”
She had that look in her eyes, the one that was so wide and hopeful.
He hated knowing he was about to destroy it.
“We can’t do that, Lilly.”
The color drained from her face. “Why not?”
“Because it wouldn’t work. You know that.”
“I don’t know that.”
“Yes, you do. I know how important your family’s approval is. Your friends too. They wouldn’t understand.”
“Cassie knows.”
Her admission sliced a hole in the air between them. Jack fought to keep calm.
“You told her?”
“It wasn’t on purpose. It was to stop her from making me talk to guys at Patrick’s party.” Lilly lifted her chin. “Besides, can you look me in the eye and say that you’ve never kept anything from me? That you’ve been honest about everything?”
He should’ve taken her over his knee for the way she was speaking to him, but he couldn’t. Not when she was right.
“Patrick knows too.”
Lilly’s jaw dropped. “He does? What did he think?”
“It’s Patrick,” he said with a shrug. “Nothing involving sex surprises him.”
“When did you tell him?”
Jack stood and walked around the kitchen, needing to put some space between them. “When I first kissed you. I thought I’d made a huge mistak
e. That I was going to fuck up your life. Patrick convinced me that wasn’t the case.” He stopped and stared out the windows. “I’m not so sure that isn’t true anymore.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Look where it’s gotten us.” Jack turned back around to face her. “I told Patrick because I needed to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally say something. At the time, you didn’t seem to want anyone to know, either. That was our agreement,” he said, feeling slightly betrayed that she’d changed the game without telling him. “I told him what I did to protect you.”
“Jack, don’t you see?” She rushed forward and took his hands in hers. “We told people to protect each other, to protect this, and they understood. Patrick and Cassie have accepted us. Nick, Brady, my family—they will too. I know it.”
He glanced away, but Lilly tugged on his hands, forcing him to look back at her again. God, the desperation in her eyes. It was killing him.
He squeezed her fingers and then pried them from his.
“You may think that’s true, but we don’t know for sure. The effect on our careers could still be an issue. And I don’t want to risk how my son might react.”
“Maybe he would understand—”
“He wouldn’t. But say they all accepted us. Then what? I don’t want to have any more children, and that isn’t fair to you. You have a lot more life left to live than I do.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re only forty-five. We’d have plenty of years to—”
Jack placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. “This isn’t what’s right for you in the long run. I want you to have a full life with marriage, children and all the things you could possibly experience, and that’s not going to be with me. You have to move on to someone else who can give you all that.”
Lilly took his wrist and pulled his hand down.
“I don’t want someone else! I want you!” When he didn’t respond, her face crumpled. She dropped his hand and wrapped her arms around her middle. “I don’t understand how you can act like this after what you said the other night, about needing me, about being mine. Was none of that true? Or was it all just bullshit to get me to submit the way I did?”
“No,” he said, horrified she’d even think that. “I meant every word.”
His Contract: Legally Bound, Book 1 Page 27