by D. Kelly
Just an Illusion
The B Side
D. Kelly
Just an Illusion
Copyright © 2017 D. Kelly
Editing by – Tiffany Fox - www.beyonddeflit.com
Cover design by – Regina Wamba – Mae I Design and Photography - http://www.maeidesign.com
Formatting by – Brenda Wright, Formatting Done Wright
Original lyrics written by Dee Kelly
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information contact
Dee Kelly www.dkellyauthor.com
This book contains mature subject matter and is not appropriate for minors. Please note this novel contains profanity, sexual situations, and alcohol consumption.
Ebook ISBN - 978-1-68418-380-7
Dee Kelly
P.O. Box 940123
Simi Valley, CA. 93094
For my readers. You guys are the reason I wake up excited to put my words on paper. The messages you send, your posts in the reader groups, your excitement to pick your team … all of this makes me happier than you could imagine. I even appreciate the way you lovingly call me a sadistic bitch for pulling you into another series. I promise I’ll always try to make the journey worth it.
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Books by D.Kelly
Amelia
Present Day – Two Years After The Tour
Stories are meant to be told. Those six words continue to swirl around in my mind. What was I thinking? As my heart aches this morning, I’m leaning toward the mindset that stories should stay in the vault—the one between friends and acquaintances who witnessed them happening in real time. Some things don’t need to be rehashed and reshared. Good memories will live on in our hearts, and the bad ones can burn in hell where they belong.
But … I made a promise to myself and to them I would do this. After all this time, it’s important to stick to my word. Once this part of the story is written, I’m hoping the next one will come to me easier. Then maybe, I can finally wrap up this chapter of my life which has been hanging in the balance for far too long. Maybe someday I’ll share these words with my friends and our family, but this isn’t the story the public wants to hear. They want to know about the fame, the accolades, and the fun times. They don’t want to know the down-and-dirty secrets of BAD’s love life and intimate family moments.
Admittedly, it felt good to finally write again; maybe it was the wine. When I finally crashed last night, I was exhausted, and more than a little drunk. Even so, morning came quickly today and I was excited to greet it.
Truth be told, I had a breakthrough—one I felt with every fiber of my being. Physically, emotionally, and with a wide-open heart, I let it all in. It’s been two years since I’ve let myself reflect on the tour with any fond memories. When I woke up an hour ago, I couldn’t wait to dive back in and let myself go back to a happier place. Writing this story feels good, and I want to finish it while I have time, so I can finally give him an answer.
But then I booted up my computer and remembered where I left off.
The shooting.
And that’s when my mood went to shit.
We were caught off guard. It’s amazing how a split second can change everything. We’d been aware earlier that evening, diligent, responsible. And even with all the shit surrounding us, Noah and I found our place with each other that night. Nothing or no one could take that away from us. We were so naïve. Sometimes crazy things happen in this world, and sometimes crazy people do; that night, we suffered the misfortune of both.
I’ve spent the past few years blocking out the bad parts. I think that’s why I passed out when I did last night; alcohol or not, it’s a hard place in time to revisit. Today is a new day—albeit a rainy one—and with my coffee in hand, I’m ready to tackle getting the rest of this story down on paper … or I guess computer is more accurate. My time is running out. I’ve only got forty-eight hours to give him an answer. I’m not any closer to one than I was yesterday, or the day before, or the months and years before that.
I’ve never been an indecisive person, but this decision isn’t only about him and me. There are so many other people in this equation … especially now. But our take on that is different, too. Which is why it’s important I finish this story. Even though I’m writing it for me, it also feels like I’m writing it for them. If I can do that—write it for them—maybe when I’m done, I can write the book I actually do owe them. Hopefully, it will have been worth the wait.
Everything Has Changed - Three years ago
“Is she hurt?” Frantic cries meet my ears, but I can’t move. There’s something weighing me down, squeezing the life out of me. Breathing hurts, and my top is wet… Why am I so wet?
“I don’t know! Fuck! Help me get this bitch off her.”
Sawyer … I’d know his voice anywhere. He’s going to save me, help me breathe easier.
“Why did you shoot?” another voice screams, and it’s not Noah.
“I had the shot. Even if I didn’t, she would have killed her if I didn’t try.” Mac. What is going on? I try pushing myself up and a groan escapes me. My arm is tucked under my body; it fucking hurts.
Suddenly, air fills my lungs and the pressure is gone. Gasping heavily, I blink my eyes a few times, but everything is blurry, tinged in red. Someone pulls me free and begins wiping my face with a cloth. That’s good, maybe I won’t be so wet now.
“Princess … fuck. Are you okay? The ambulance is on its way. Please tell me you’re alright.”
The cloth presses harder against my eyes, scrubbing at them. “Why can’t I see, Sawyer? Where’s Noah?”
“She’s okay,” he calls out. “Alive,” he corrects as he carefully pulls my arm toward him, causing me to squeal in pain.
Fuck, that stings like a bitch.
“He’s here, and he’s still breathing. Help is coming, Princess. Your eyes are okay now, you just got … something in them. We’ll get them flushed and you’ll be fine. Help will be here soon.” Sawyer wraps me in his arms and hugs me close to him. He’s not wearing a shirt; there’s nothing but bare skin under my embrace. That doesn’t hold my attention long because from the way he’s breathing and the moisture dripping onto my cheeks, it’s obvious he’s crying. Poor Sawyer, he must have been terrified. But why?
Sara … she was going to shoot me. Then, I remember the shot.
“She shot me?” No, I don’t feel shot … I don’t think. What the fuck just happened?
My frantic cries are muffled as Sawyer tightens his arms around me. I’m trying to blink my eyes open and closed, but whatever is on me is sticky and my eyelashes keep sticking together.
“J, how’s he doing?” Sawyer calls out, still holding on to me in th
e SUV.
“He’s okay. He’s starting to move. I think she just knocked him out.” The relief in J’s voice is shadowed in fear. Hearing the trepidation in his tone kicks me into gear.
“You left … and she … shit … Noah!” The fear I felt earlier floods back into my heart.
“Ryan hit the panic button on his phone and Mac turned right back around. Thank God he did … we were a split second away from her killing you. Jesus, Princess, what happened?” With his pleading tone, I pull away, blinking my eyes harder and faster, finally getting my lashes to separate and open fully. Sawyer glances from my face to my arm, but my arm wins his attention as he presses his shirt to it.
“Shit, that stings.” I hiss.
“Sorry,” he winces, “I think the bullet grazed you. It’s not too bad, but you’ll probably need some stitches or something. It’s still bleeding.”
“Is that why I’m wet? Why is there so much blood?”
He avoids my question and looks over his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay,” he reaffirms as the sounds of the sirens grow closer. Mere seconds pass before their lights are flashing in the window behind us.
“I need to be with Noah.”
He nods reluctantly and carefully helps me out of the SUV. The paramedics are surrounding Noah, hooking him up to IVs and machines. My eyes take in the scene around us. Sara lies on the ground about three feet away from us. Her eyes are wide open, lifeless, and she’s covered in blood. So am I, I realize, as I look down at my chest.
Oh my God.
The scream escapes my mouth long before it ever catches up to my ears. My body begins to collapse, but Sawyer catches me and holds me steady. Instantly, the rest of the memories flood my mind, but my eyes close and before I know it, I’m floating on a cloud.
The steady beeping of a monitor burrows itself into my head. My eyes flutter open and Sawyer is at my bedside, holding my hand. No longer covered in blood, I’m wearing a blue and white hospital gown and he’s wearing scrubs. My head feels a bit heavy, but I’m calm. There’s a bandage wrapped around my upper arm now, too, but there’s no pain.
When our eyes meet, his pain is palpable. Sawyer wears every emotion he’s got in the depths of his eyes. He looks like a broken man, and I’m terrified to ask about Noah. Tears gather in the corners of my eyes and as they begin to fall, he wipes them away.
“Noah?” His name falls from my lips like a whispered prayer. Sawyer’s expression falls slightly, but he recovers quickly.
“He’s okay … as far as we know. He woke up briefly, and he’s having a CT scan and an MRI. The doctors think it’s just a bad concussion. He’ll need some stitches and some time off, but he’s okay … both of you are.” Squeezing my hand tighter, he chokes out the words as his own tears fall. I can’t imagine what this was like for him.
“Sawyer, I’m sorry … I know this must be your worst nightmare come true.”
He shakes his head and scoots as close to me as he can get, leaning his head against mine. “No, my worst nightmare would have been if I’d gotten there a second later. You’re safe, Princess, and so is Noah. That makes everything right in my book.”
I feel safe curled up with Sawyer, especially since I can’t be with Noah right now. “What about Ryan? Please tell me he’s okay?”
“Yeah, Ryan is fine. He feels awful, but he’s okay. It looks like Sara had a few friends helping her out. I don’t know much, just that they’ve both been arrested pending further investigation.”
“What kind of friends would help someone do what she did?” I’m furious—for all of us, Sara included. They should have gotten her psychological help.
“I don’t know, I’m just glad Mac got her. I only hate you got shot in the crossfire,” he says with a reluctant sigh.
“I was shot?”
“It’s technically a superficial gunshot wound. The bullet went through her and grazed your arm. The doctors cleaned it, gave you a tetanus shot, and started antibiotics. You don’t even need stitches … just wound care. God, Princess, you were so fucking lucky tonight.” His pained words send shivers through my body. We were all lucky, except for Sara.
“I heard the shot. She had just put the gun against my head. Then there was a flash of red and nothing but blackness. I thought …”
Sawyer nods, understanding my unfinished sentence. “She almost did,” he whispers reluctantly. “When we pulled up, she was screaming at you. We used her distraction to inch closer. As soon as she put the gun to your head, Mac took the best shot he had. Fuck, I’m not sure I’ve ever been so scared.” His hands tremble in mine with the wavering of his voice. Gripping my hand tighter, he continues.
“The blood from her wound sprayed you, and when her body fell onto yours, I guess it knocked the wind out of you, or you passed out from the pain and shock. I’m not sure, it all happened so fast. J and Mac were checking Noah … I couldn’t.” His tears begin falling again, but this time he shakes his head and pushes forward. “I had to maneuver around them all, but Noah was almost directly in front of the door. We didn’t want to move him because of his head. I had to climb over Noah, without disturbing him, to get to the door so I could pull her off you. All the blood was hers, not yours. You’re perfect, Princess, and you’re still here with me.”
“I don’t care if Jesus Christ himself is in there with her, you’re going to let me in to see my sister!” Belle’s screams echo from the hall, and her tirade is the first thing to bring a small smile to my face.
Sawyer brings my hand to his mouth and kisses me softly, then drops another kiss to my forehead before standing to diffuse the situation so my pregnant best friend can calm down.
“Oh my God, Mel!” she cries out when she sees me. Her tear-streaked face tells me all I need to know about how scary this was for her. Darren waits by the curtain with Sawyer and gives me a small wave and a smile to match. The sadness in his eyes is unmistakable.
“I’m okay, Belle. Calm down, it’s not good for the peanut.”
“The peanut is just as worried as I am, and she’s manifesting her fear through me. Don’t ever do this to me again!” She climbs up and lies down next to me, crying as she hugs me fiercely.
“Belle, I’m sorry.” My mind is still a bit foggy, and I want to cry, but for some reason the tears aren’t coming.
“Sawyer, did they give me something? I feel … strange?”
He looks up with a half-smile and nods. “You probably will for a while. They gave you something to calm you down and it knocked you out immediately. Then they gave you some pain meds and antibiotics in your IV so they could clean your wound and run some tests. The doctor said you’ll probably be a bit out of it until tomorrow.” Sawyer is really keeping track of the details. I’m so thankful for him tonight.
“Belle, have you seen Noah?”
She looks up at me and wipes away her tears. “No, babe. I just got here, and you were my only priority.”
“Can you get someone to take me to him? Please?” I need to see him and make sure they’re not lying to me.
“His bed is right on the other side of yours, Princess. That’s why the curtain is pulled back in the middle. They’re supposed to wheel him back here after his tests. I couldn’t be in two places at once, so I managed to convince them to keep you both together.”
Darren wraps his arm around Sawyer’s shoulder and squeezes him tightly. “You did good, man.” Sawyer pulls him into a massive hug and sobs. The night is catching up to him; it’s heartbreaking to witness.
“Where are Jordan, Ryan, and Mac?” I’d really like to get eyes on everyone who was there tonight. I think it would make me feel a lot less apprehensive.
“Jordan is in the waiting room with Ryan, waiting for everyone to get here. Mac is still at the scene talking to the police.”
Poor Jordan, I hope this doesn’t mess with him. The two of them have been through so much already; I hate they’re going through it again. Sawyer runs his hands
through his hair in frustration. He’s getting anxious Noah’s not back, too, I think.
“You have no idea how scared I was tonight, Mel. I can’t lose you, and I’m glad that bitch is dead after what she did.”
“Belle …”
“Don’t Belle me! You’re the other half of my heart and soul. I’d be lost without you.”
“Eh hem …” Darren fake-coughs to pull Belle’s attention to him.
“Don’t be so easily offended … you know what I mean. You’re all of that and a bag of chips for my romantic heart, but she’s it for my family and best friend side. I’ll never get another sister just like I’ll never get another you.”
Darren covers his heart and stumbles backward as if catching her love. It makes me giggle and for a split second takes my mind off what could possibly be taking them so long with Noah.
“I’m going to see if everyone is here and fill them in. Princess, do you need anything before I go?”
“No, thank you, Sawyer. I’m okay.”
“I’m going to go with him and let the two of you talk.” Darren says as he leans down and kisses Belle and then leans over and drops a kiss against my forehead. “Don’t scare us like that again,” he whispers before leaving.
“Are you really okay?” Belle asks softly after Darren and Sawyer leave the room.
“I’m not sure … I think so, but I can’t even think about myself until I know how Noah is doing. I poured my heart out to him tonight, Belle. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe this is a sign I’m not supposed to get close to anyone.”
“Oh, Mel,” Belle says as she softly strokes my hair, “you deserve love as much as anyone, even more so. I’ve never told you the real reason I live by the motto ‘live today, like there’s no tomorrow’ but maybe it’s time.”
“I always assumed it was because that sums up who you are in a nutshell.”
She nods and squeezes my hand. “In part, yes. But the reason I live that way is because of you.”