Even a couple of weeks wasn’t enough to cool John down, or warm him up, where I was concerned. He was avoiding me and now having Andrew take care of a lot of the things that John was doing in partnership with me before. I felt like I was taking one step forward and two steps back every single time with him.
Frustrated didn’t even begin to cover it.
I picked at my food that day in the lunchroom, unable to eat. My mood was so low that it had affected my diet. I was craving all kinds of things at odd hours, and then when I sat down to eat food that I reliably enjoyed, I wouldn’t want it. It was like freshman year of college all over again with my nerves making everything out of whack.
Emma kept telling me not to be discouraged. “The fact that he slept with you a second time means that his resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.”
“Or as strong as he’d like it to be,” I’d pointed out in return when we’d last spoken about it. “I think that every time he gives into it, he just ends up resenting me more by the end. I don’t want him to hate me!”
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, sweetie, you can’t expect him to just change his mind after a couple rounds of sex. He’s older, he’s set in his ways, you’re asking him to change his mind on something fundamental and you’re asking him to take a risk. He’ll come around.”
I sure hoped that Emma was right, because right now I was feeling lost and defeated. I didn’t know what more I could do to show him how great we would be together, and I was scared that if I just stopped and gave up, he would continue to think he was right, and I would never change his mind. But I couldn’t keep pushing him either…
This whole thing was a mess. Honestly, my period coming up probably didn’t help, I always got a little more emotional during that time.
Actually. Wait.
I checked the app on my phone just to be sure, and yeah, I was supposed to have gotten my period last week. I pushed my food away from me, my appetite completely gone now. It was probably nothing, I had been a few days late before, but between that and the weird food cravings, which now seemed to have a much different meaning…
Calm down, I told myself sternly. This wasn’t the first time in my life that my period had been irregular. There was no reason to jump to conclusions.
But we had gone without a condom those two times. I should’ve planned for it the first time, but I’d been an idiot caught up in the moment and then the other night at John’s house—well of course he didn’t have condoms on hand, he’d been single all this time and had never been with anyone. I should’ve had some, but I’d had no idea that—I hadn’t let myself hope—
Fuck.
If I was pregnant, I had no idea how John would respond. I had no idea if he ever wanted another kid, but especially not like this. And my dad, oh God. My dad would lose his mind.
I would just have to hope that…
“Salad too boring?”
I looked up to see Andrew standing there. He smiled at me and indicated the lunch that I’d just pushed away from me. “How about I take you somewhere fun. It’s a beautiful day, we can take a short break from the office, get some fresh air.”
“Um…” I wasn’t really that interested in spending more time with Andrew. He was a good guy and probably the sort of man I should be thinking of dating, rather than John, but…
I just didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.
However, he was my direct boss, and I should probably agree. We could talk about business and keep working on the marketing campaign. I could use some fresh air and a change of pace. And I didn’t want him thinking that I preferred John over him, otherwise that might make him suspicious about our relationship. I couldn’t have that.
“Sure,” I said. “Why not?”
To my surprise, instead of leading me to one of the cute little cafés that were along the street, Andrew drove us to a fancy restaurant. One of those five-star places that took only twenty people in its dining room at a time.
I hadn’t been expecting this and felt a little underdressed.
Andrew smiled. “This is one of the places I take clients when I need to wine and dine them. I don’t get to be the face of the company as much as I’d like, at least not yet, but I want to take advantage of it when I can.”
Huh. I was starting to suspect that he’d taken me here to impress me. I could appreciate all that he had done for the company, and the fact that he’d climbed to such a high position at a young age. But I wasn’t interested in him that way. He was cute, sure, and seemed like a good guy, but there was no spark. I didn’t feel anything for him.
To put it simply, he was no John. But would I ever get John? The man I truly wanted?
19
John
As much as I tried to avoid her after our tryst at my house a couple of weeks ago, I couldn’t do without Izzi completely. After putting it off as long as I could, I went to her office to talk to her about her latest publicity campaign draft.
“Hey—” I stopped as I walked into her office and found she wasn’t there. Huh.
“You looking for Izzi?” One of our new hires for the marketing department poked his head up over his desk.
“Yes, did she step out?”
“The boss took her for lunch. I guess a meeting or something.”
“Thanks.”
The boss. That had to be Izzi’s father, right? No, nobody just called Garrett ‘the boss’, they called him Mr. Greene or the CEO. That had to mean Andrew then.
Jealousy surged through me like an uncoiling snake. I knew that I had no right to Izzi, but that didn’t mean I wanted Andrew or anyone else to have her.
I decided to wait at Izzi’s office for her to return so that I could talk to her about the campaign. That was it. No other reason whatsoever.
Why would Andrew need to take her to lunch? There was no reason for them to go out to lunch for business. What kind of restaurant had he taken her to? On one hand if he just walked her across the street to one of the sandwich joints I was going to be pissed because Izzi deserved better but—on the other hand if he took her out somewhere fancy I was going to be pissed because what did he think he was doing? Who did he think he was fooling?
You’re getting worked up over nothing, I told myself sternly, even as I paced back and forth inside of Izzi’s office. It was probably rude of me to be in here, but it was that or pace outside her office where her new hires could see me and wonder why their boss’s boss’s boss was unhinged.
On top of all the other craziness in my life regarding Izzi, the last thing I needed was office gossip.
“John?”
I turned to find Izzi walking up to me, Andrew behind her. She gave me a sunny, overwhelmed smile, like she couldn’t quite believe I was in the office waiting for her.
Well, I couldn’t quite blame her for that. I’d been avoiding her all this time and before that I’d told her that our sex was a mistake and that she needed to leave my house. I felt like a heel just remembering it. I knew I was right. I had to be right. But I’d been harsh in the way I’d gone about it.
Why the fuck couldn’t I control myself around her? She made me crazy in every way. I felt like I was a fumbling teenager all over again.
If it had just been the sex… maybe I could’ve gotten over it quicker. But it wasn’t just that. Oh, yeah, the sex was amazing all right, I wasn’t going to downplay that. Even now, looking at Andrew and wondering if he wanted a piece of Izzi made my blood boil. I could remember how she felt when I was inside her, the taste of her kisses, the feel of her sighs with her lips right up against my ear, and the thought of Andrew getting any of that had me seeing red.
But there was also how well she’d helped Angelica out. How comfortable Angelica was around her. How much I’d enjoyed having dinner with both of them, relaxing together in the evening.
I’d felt like we were a family.
It can’t be, I told myself.
Just because I knew that, didn’t mean I was finding it easy
to let her go.
“Um, you know what, I need to talk to Andrew, so I’ll get back to you,” I told Izzi. “I had some stuff to go over with you about the publicity plans but it can wait, can you send me a draft of it to go over?”
“…sure,” Izzi said. She sounded disappointed and her smile wilted a little, but she dutifully went over to her desk.
“Why were you having such a long lunch?” I asked Andrew.
“We were discussing the new launch,” Andrew replied evenly. He didn’t seem to realize that I was irritated, or if he did, he was doing a good job of hiding that realization.
“Izzi’s supposed to report directly to me about the campaign,” I told him. I looked over at Izzi. “Understand?”
Izzi looked confused, and I couldn’t blame her. I’d been avoiding her all this time and now I was telling her to report directly to me? I had to be sending her mixed signals. I couldn’t explain, of course. Not in front of Andrew, and even if we were alone, what could I say? We can’t be together but I don’t want you with another man either? Yeah, that would go over well.
“No problem,” Izzi said, the silence stretching on just long enough for it to be awkward.
“I’ll follow up with you soon,” I promised her, and then exited before I did something even more stupid like kiss her in front of Andrew to show who she wanted, who she liked, who knew how to make her moan.
Andrew, however, followed me back to my office. “What’s going on?”
I double-checked that he’d closed the office door before replying. “I should be asking you that, Andrew. You’ve been with the company long enough now that I know you don’t take underlings out to lunch. Especially not for over an hour. What makes Izzi so special? What are your intentions towards her?”
Andrew bristled. ‘I don’t have any intentions towards her. I’m trying to help her fit in. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but she’s in a difficult position here as the boss’s daughter. She’s only twenty-one, she’s bright but she’s new to this, and nobody’s done anything to make her feel welcome. She hasn’t made any friends here. Oh, the new hires like her well enough as a boss but they’re keenly aware of who she is. None of the other department heads talk to her. She’s alone. And she’s under me, so as part of my job, I thought I would show her I’m on her side. I hope the others will follow my lead and let her in as I have.”
I had to admit that all sounded very logical. But I saw the way Andrew looked at her and I knew how Andrew talked to Garrett, the extreme deference he gave him. My instincts about people were never wrong and my instincts screamed at me to be careful about Andrew.
Andrew folded his arms. “I’ll be honest, I’m surprised at this. I wouldn’t be shocked if Garrett dragged me into his office and had this conversation with me. We all know he’s a little overprotective of Izzi. Can’t really blame him. But what’s your excuse?”
“I’ve known her for years, are you saying I’m not allowed to be protective of her?”
“If that’s all it is, sure.” Andrew shrugged. “But that’s not all there is, I don’t think. How long were you pacing in her office, huh? Maybe I should talk to Garrett about this. Let him know about your interest in his young, voluptuous daughter.”
“The fact that you just called her voluptuous isn’t helping your case when you say this is all platonic for you,” I pointed out. “And I don’t appreciate threats. Especially not empty ones. Go ahead and go to Garrett. Tell him that, oh yeah, his best friend who’s known his daughter for over a decade was worried about your intentions towards her, and you think that’s suspicious. He’ll laugh you out of the damn room.”
I sat down at my desk and opened my laptop, indicating that this conversation was over.
Andrew glared at me, but didn’t say anything more before turning on his heel and walking out of the office. He didn’t slam the door, but I could feel that he wanted to.
I was going to have to keep even more of an eye on him from now on.
20
Izzi
As I finished up my work for the day, I still couldn’t stop thinking about John confronting us when we’d gotten back from lunch. I wasn’t even sure if John was aware of how he’d looked. But he had to be, didn’t he? He had to have known how tense he was, the fire in his eyes. He’d looked like a wolf that had been stuck in a tiny cage for too long. Even though his words and tone of voice had been mild, his body had been tense like he was going to leap on Andrew and rip him to pieces.
This entire thing was a mess. I didn’t know what Andrew’s game was, but John apparently thought something was up and he didn’t like it, and I had no idea if his behavior had been because he was angry with me for having sex with him or because he wanted to have more sex with me but either way he couldn’t be acting like this at work and the whole thing made me want to—
I realized I was starting to panic and took deep breaths to calm myself down. You can be logical about this, I told myself sternly. I was young but I wasn’t an idiot. I wasn’t going to let my emotions run away with me.
Obviously my plan to be with John hadn’t been working out the way that I’d hoped it would. And now it was overflowing into the workplace. John avoiding me at work was one thing. It disappointed me, it hurt me, yes. I couldn’t deny that. But it wasn’t going to affect my work performance, it wouldn’t damage the launch or the marketing campaign, and it wasn’t going to raise eyebrows. In fact, one could argue that John and I not really interacting with one another much was how it was supposed to go.
After all, he was a couple major rungs up the ladder after me.
But this was completely different. God only knew what Andrew now thought. This couldn’t continue.
Had I made a mistake? Had I miscalculated in taking this job? Maybe my plan was wrong. Maybe I should’ve kept away from the professional setting and tried to be with John purely socially. Maybe I had fucked everything up not only for my relationship with John, but for his work and my career.
I finished up my work for the day, logged out of everything, and went to talk to my father. I was the last one in my department still working and I knew he’d be the last one still working in his. We were both reliably workaholics that way.
Dad looked up in surprise as I entered. “Hey, do you have a moment?”
“Sure thing.” He gestured for me to sit down. “Everything going well with the launch?”
“Um, yeah, everything’s fine, I think, I’m just…” I took a deep breath. “Are you sure I’m the right fit for this position? I’m starting to think that maybe I should’ve gone with your initial advice and worked elsewhere.”
Dad smiled at me in that way he got when he thought I was being a bit ridiculous, but he was fond of me for it. “I think that you’re doing a great job. Your new hires all seem competent and hard working. People here like you. I haven’t heard a bad thing about you since that first snafu. I think you’re being a bit hard on yourself.”
I sigh. “Maybe. I just worry I’m ruining things and creating problems and messes that I wouldn’t be creating at any other company.”
Dad got up and walked around the desk, pulling me to my feet so he could hug me. Dad had always been a hugger, we were a physically affectionate family, but I hadn’t expected that at work. I hugged him back.
“We all doubt ourselves sometimes,” he points out, pulling back. “But you’d be doubting yourself if you were at any other job, just over different things. We all get that from time to time. You’re doing great. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
He started to shut down his office. “I have an appointment at the golf course, but you should come home and have dinner with your mom and me tonight.”
“I’d love that.” I actually really, really would love that. It would be something relaxing that would help get my mind off everything else, and it had been a while since we’d had a family night. “I’ll be there.”
“Great.” Dad smiled at me. “How about you finish stuff
up in my office? Have a seat, get your head together. There’s more privacy here than in yours.”
“Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”
Dad clapped me on the shoulder and then headed out. I sat down in his chair and worked on my breathing. It was reassuring to know that people liked me and that my dad thought I was doing good work. He hadn’t wanted me here in the first place, so I knew it wasn’t bias because I was his kid. If anything, he’d be biased against me, since he’d wanted me to go somewhere else and not be in his shadow at his own company.
I was only in the room for a few minutes when the door opened and the whole reason for my panic walked in: John.
He had a scowl on his face and was obviously a man on a mission. I hated to presume, but I couldn’t help but wonder if this still had something to do with Andrew and the whole lunch thing from earlier.
John opened his mouth to say something, seemed to register that it was me, and faltered. He closed the door behind him. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” I pointed out. “I was a little upset, so I came to talk to my father. He suggested I stay here for a bit and gather my thoughts. He has a golfing appointment.”
John frowned. “Are you upset over what I said earlier?”
There was no way I was getting into that mess. “I’m considering finding another job.”
To my surprise, that seemed to make John angrier. “Are you fucking kidding me? You ran off with my whole marketing department, and now you’re going to turn around and leave in the middle of our big campaign?”
“Well given that I’m being attacked over who I choose to have lunch with, yeah!” I shot back.
John made a noise like he couldn’t even stand it anymore, and then grabbed me by the shoulders, yanking me into him and kissing me.
If I’d thought our sex before at his house was wild and passionate, that was nothing compared to this. John kissed me like an out of control hurricane and it was all I could do to hang out. I grabbed the front of his shirt and kissed him back, furious.
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