Bug

by Hunter, Ellie R.

  “I like you kissing me.”

  “Together now?”

  “Now and forever.”

  She’s moved rooms since the last time I was here. Earlier, I roamed from room to room as she was doing her thing, putting the boys to bed, and I found most of the rooms draped in dust sheets. Most of their stuff is already boxed. She didn’t mention where they were heading, and I’m not going to ask. It’s irrelevant now because they’re coming with me. I uncuff my sleeves and let my shirt fall to the floor, then my pants join the pile. Tonight, for the first time, I get to hold her while we sleep, and strangely, I’m looking forward to that more than seeking pleasure from her. Pulling the bed sheets back, I climb on the bed as the bathroom door opens. The light spills out around her, her legs bare, her negligée just covering her ass cheeks, and I’m done. I may be reconsidering what I’m looking forward to more.

  “I arranged for our things to be packed and moved in a couple of days. Regina is going to move back in and keep the place…alive, I guess, while we’re gone.”

  “You sorted all that out while you were in the bathroom?”

  Her laugh fills my heart with pure joy, and I pull her against me.

  “I called the removal men this afternoon while you were talking with Dash, and I spoke with Regina this evening after dinner while you were with the boys. You have twelve hours to change your mind about us coming with you.”

  Is she for real?

  “I’ve waited years for you. Nothing is going to change in the next twelve hours.”

  My lips skim over shoulder as I hook my finger under her negligée strap.

  “I do love you, Ry. You know that, don’t you?”

  I don’t answer fast enough for her, lost in the silkiness of her skin. She rolls onto her side and rests her head on her hand.

  “I always felt something for you. There was this thing between us that was always left unsaid, but when you snuck me into the classroom at prom and danced with me, I knew then that I loved you. That night I cried myself to sleep because I thought I would never have you. I was jealous over a woman you had yet to meet and marry, that you would do those nice, thoughtful things for, and I hated you for leaving me with him.”

  “Ally, I never would’ve left you with him. I tortured myself by staying for you.”

  “We’re messed up, huh?” she snorts, and I roll onto my side to face her.

  “I don’t care what we are, as long as we’re together. You, me, your son, your son’s brother, we’re not messed up, we’re going to fit perfectly together.”

  “So many years have been wasted.”

  “Hey, how old do you think we are?” I laugh, rolling on top of her, pushing her on her back as we go.

  “We have plenty of time for everything,” I vow, and plant kisses along her shoulder.

  Ryder

  By the next morning, neither of us have slept much. I don’t know her reasons, but mine were because I didn’t want to wake and find this was all a dream.

  Her nails drag over my chest, and I suppress the urge to moan. It’s almost too much.

  “This feels so right.”

  I don’t say anything. I fully agree with her, but she’s talking to herself and I’m not going to interrupt her. I watch how the sun shines through the window and over her hair. She’s fucking perfect.

  “When I was with Conner, I loved him so much. He was kind, attentive…he was everything Huxley wasn’t.”

  “You don’t have to tell me about him. If you want to keep your life with him to yourself, I’ll respect it.”

  Part of me doesn’t want to hear it, but the other part wants to hear every detail.

  “It’s fine. I’m trying to explain the difference to being with Huxley. I was always fighting against him, against the inferno of self-doubt in my own mind he caused. With Conner, I think I used him as much as I loved him. He made me feel like Huxley was a different life, but when you left town and I didn’t know where you were, how you were doing, I realised you’re the only one I’ve ever craved without being pushed into anything.

  “I’ve taken you for granted all these years. We should have run away together back then. I guess I want you to know that I do love you the way you love me, it just took me a little longer to let myself feel it.”

  A tear rolls down her cheek.

  “It’s a happy tear,” she says, smiling. “Strange, isn’t it?”

  “You’ll be happy from now on, I promise you that, Ally.” I run my fingers through her hair, and it’s still as soft as it was all those years ago.

  “In your bedroom at your parents’ house, you had a blue butterfly hanging around your bedpost. I’ve called you Butterfly because you remind me of that night. You were beautiful like the butterfly, and I wished you could fly away like one. Then I realised, for a butterfly to break free of its cocoon, its journey would be long, but when it did, it had the whole world at the tips of its wings. Like I knew you would someday.”

  She doesn’t question when I was in her room. She climbs up my body and presses her lips to my mouth. I could kiss her all day, but my stomach growls and she chuckles.

  “All this talk of forever. Shall we start with breakfast?”

  “Sure.”

  She jumps in the shower, and I quickly dress and head down to the kitchen. It should feel weird being in his home, but I feel nothing. It’s not like we’re staying here.

  The fridge is fully stocked, and I pull everything I need out to make pancakes for the boys, and eggs and bacon for Ally and I.

  The food is nearly ready by the time the three of them walk into the kitchen, washed and dressed, ready for a brand-new day. As they sit at the table, it hits me that this is my family now. Two boys to help raise into strong men, and a beautiful woman I can finally call mine, until I can call her my wife. I carry the platters of food over to the table, and Ally expertly dishes out their breakfast.

  “So, I have news,” she begins when we’re all seated. I choose to sit next to Trenton, leaving the head chair empty.

  I don’t want the boys thinking I’m trying to take their father’s place, because there’s no way in hell I’d want that.

  “We’re leaving Bailey Cove today.”

  “Are we going to live with you, Ryder?” Trenton asks over his pancakes.

  “That’s up to you and Tobias. I know you make your decisions together, so if it’s okay with you two, I would like it if you both, and Allison, came to live with me in the city.”

  They bend their heads together and whisper between themselves. Allison watches on with a smile on her face. She’s so relaxed these days; it reminds of a butterfly. She’s been through the dark times, finding herself and her freedom, but now she’s soaring. It suits her.

  “Trenton wants to, so we’re okay.”

  Tobias speaks for the both of them, and I don’t question his answer. It’s all pretty anticlimactic. There’s no whining or protests about moving, and we finish our breakfast in peace.

  The boys run off to make sure they pack all their things, or more importantly, their iPads, and I linger around, watching Ally pack like the creep I am with her.

  “I heard you tell him that you were leaving him. That’s how I knew you were going to run,” I say, getting her attention.

  “He dismissed you like you were a fly annoying him, and told you to buy a blue dress for some party. He walked into the bathroom, and I heard you quietly vow to leave that day.”

  “How?”

  “The door was ajar, I heard everything. That’s how I knew to keep him away for the day.”

  Now there are no more secrets between us. I cross the room and pick up the bags she wants to bring with us.

  “Life is so different now that he isn’t here. I still wake up in the night, expecting him to be there, and when he isn’t, I think of you and I finally see a future.”

  It’s all I need to hear. “Then let’s get out of here.”

  She follows me down the stairs, where the boys are perc
hed on the bottom step. They stand when they hear us coming, and I lead the way out to the car. They make themselves comfortable on the back seat, and Ally jumps in the passenger seat while I stow their luggage in the trunk. Not for one second when I was driving back to town did I think I would be leaving with her, with a family, but here I am.

  Securing their things, I close the trunk and slide in behind the wheel. I don’t bother looking back at the house. With Allison’s hand clasped in mine, I steer the car away from the Bailey mansion. I clear Cove Corner and look over at her. I’m not ready to see her staring at me with a smile on her face.

  “It’s different leaving this time,” she admits quietly.

  The boys are busy on their iPads in the back, not interested in our conversation.

  “Because you’re free. You know you can come back at any time.”

  We have the world at our feet, and she can go where she damn well pleases, as long as I’m at her side.

  She squeezes my hand and leans forward, turning the music up. With smiles on our faces, we have our happily ever after. It took years, pain, suffering, and murder to get here, but I’d do it all again for her.

  If we weren’t so occupied with ourselves in the front of the car, we would have heard Tobias vow to return one day.

  Allison

  It’s so different this time around. For starters, I have my husband with me and my boys in the next room, waiting to hear the news that their sister has entered the world.

  “Come on, Ally, babe. You’ve got this.”

  I could scowl at Ryder. Actually, I’m pretty sure I am. He’s damn right I’ve got this because I’ve got no choice. Our daughter is coming whether I’ve got it or not.

  Making the deepest, most feral scream that can only be associated with giving birth, I push as hard as I can one last time, and then she’s here, and I fall back on the hard hospital bed.

  Her little screams grow louder with every second she breathes in her new environment, and I relax when I hear, “Ten fingers, ten toes. Would you like to hold your perfectly healthy baby?”

  Opening my eyes, the nurse has her swaddled in a pale-yellow blanket we brought in with us, and I hold my arms out.

  Then nurse removes the blanket, drapes it over her arm, and in one swift, practised move, she passes me a naked baby. Holding her against my skin, I start to cry.

  “She’s here,” I sob, but happily to Ryder.

  He’s dealing with his own tears of joy, and I shift over so he can sit beside me on the bed.

  He presses his lips to the side of my head, resting his hand on our daughter’s back.

  “Take your shirt off. She needs to meet her daddy.”

  He rips his shirt over his head, and with shaky hands, we transfer her to his chest.

  “She’s beautiful,” he murmurs in a thick tone.

  “She certainly is.”

  A little puffy, a little blotchy, but nothing that won’t fade away over the course of the next couple of days.

  “In all my dreams, I never saw her coming. Only you. She’s so much more than I ever thought I needed. Thank you.”

  He kisses me briefly before looking back down at our baby.

  “We’re going to need a name, babe. I think she looks like a Tabitha.”

  Tabitha and Tilly are our two contenders in the name department, and I agree with Ryder, she looks like a Tabitha.

  I smile at my husband and nod. “Tabitha Keogh.”

  There’s so much love in this room. When I had Tobias, my love for him when I first laid eyes on him knew no bounds, but when the nurses left me to rest, I was alone with him. I preferred it that way than having to share him with Huxley. But spending this journey with Ryder, coming with me to doctor appointments and classes, being more anxious than me when my water broke, and now sitting here holding Tabitha, it makes me realise how sad it was back then. Tobias deserved more than me.

  “Hey, why the tears?” Ryder asks, swiping his thumb over my cheekbone.

  “I was just thinking how different it is this time around. We’re so lucky to have you.”

  This time, I lean in and kiss him.

  “Everything is different. It will never, ever be like how it was,” he vows.

  I hold my arms out, needing to hold her again, and he passes her over and settles her down until she’s nuzzling against my breast.

  “Is she hungry already?” he asks.

  “She just had one hell of a journey coming into this world. She’s starving.” We didn’t hear the nurse return, but Ryder shrugs back into his shirt as she helps me through the first stages of breastfeeding.

  I bottle fed with Tobias, so this is all new to me. After putting her diaper on and dressing her in a sleepsuit, the nurse helps her latch onto me.

  “I’m going to get the boys. They need to meet their sister.” Ryder smiles, climbing off the bed. “Are you up for this?”

  Grinning, I nod and look back down at my daughter. Trenton has been excited about the baby, having had so many questions for me and Ryder. When he draws his pictures, I always have a little squiggle drawn on my belly. Tobias has been a little more guarded.

  After we left Bailey Cove, he refused to talk for three weeks. Both boys spent six months going to therapy with the best child psychiatrist in the country. After what they saw at the wedding, and then moving in with Ryder, it was too much to process without outside help. Then one day, neither of them wanted to go anymore, and it’s like they changed overnight. Ryder said not to worry, but I’ve kept a close eye on them both. Occasionally, Tobias will throw me off with a certain look he’ll wear, or he’ll say something in a way that sends a shiver down my spine. The older he gets, the more traits he seems to show from Huxley.

  The door opens, and Trenton is the first to run in and jump on the bed. He’s careful the closer he gets, and his eyes light up when they land on his sister.

  “Wow,” he whispers. “Is she sleeping?”

  He’s so quiet, he makes me smile.

  “She’s waiting to meet her big brothers.”

  Sitting up, I look over to Tobias as he stands at the bottom of the bed, holding onto a small gift bag.

  This is a moment he catches me off-guard. He finds me staring and puts a smile on his face, like it’s something he thinks he’s supposed to do. Something Huxley would have done, something he did do. He isn’t the little boy I knew before Huxley came for us. He finds it hard to trust me, and while it hurts so, so bad, I understand. There are moments I catch the old Tobias, his innocent smile or his carefree laugh when it’s him and Trenton alone. He found out Huxley was his dad, and then he died too, just like Conner. He was wary around Ryder after we left Bailey Cove. It’s taking time, but I’m going to prove to him this is it, that this is our lives, and nothing else is going to change.

  “Come and meet her, Tobes.” I replace the coldness with a warm smile and pat the sheets beside me.

  He rounds the bed and sits beside his brother. Trenton takes the bag from him and passes it to me with a huge, excited smile on his round face—so soft, so much like his mother. I try not to think about Kayleigh, or Craig, or Huxley. It was a different life, another time.

  Inside the bag are two boxes, and in one is a baby bangle with diamonds sparkling at each end.

  “I chose it, Mom, and I chose your present. Dad said I could choose anything,” he says with a grin.

  The kid is hard not to love. I struggled in the beginning, but after leaving Bailey Cove with Ryder, we fell into being a family. He was so young when we left. He knows we’re not his biological parents, but that we love him as if we were. I talk about his mom, I share all my memories of her with him, and so does Ryder. But not about Huxley. We don’t talk about him unless one of them asks us, and then our answers are clipped and as short as possible. When they’re old enough to understand, I’ll explain their father to them.

  My gift is a beautiful butterfly with glass wings on a gold chain. Over Trenton’s shoulder, I catch Ryder’s eyes a
nd he blows me a kiss.

  I feel as beautiful, as strong as a butterfly, and my wings can take me anywhere I want to go. I’m free.

  “Who wants a cuddle first?” I ask, and Trenton holds his arms out.

  This is my family, as mixed as it is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It took too many years to get here, but it was worth the wait. I vowed that Huxley wouldn’t crush me like the bug he called me, and I hope he watches over us sometimes to see he didn’t crush shit.

  We crushed him.

  * * *

  The End