by J. Lovelace
I closed the door behind me and stared at Louis. “Here’s your chance.”
Louis wiped his face and rubbed the back of his neck. “You need to stop following me, Teona.”
Teona rolled her eyes. “Boy, ain’t nobody followin’ you. I came here to talk to Erin, and here you are.”
“You know what you’re doin’, Teona. Stop.”
“Why are you talkin’ to me like this, Louis? You’re actin’ like you haven’t been contactin’ me, too.”
“Are you serious? You know we’re not together. Stop blowin’ me up and puttin’ me through this high school nonsense.”
“You told me you loved me. What happened to all that?”
Louis looked at me and back at Teona. “Teona, you fucked like four dudes when we were together. I left. You gotta let that shit go.”
“Why? For her?” She pointed at me without looking at me. “You wanna let what we had go for her? It wasn’t that long ago you were singin’ a whole different tune. You’re the one playin’ games.”
“Teona, I’m a grown-ass man. You lied about your age; you lied about how many men you slept wit’; you’ve been lying since I met you. I love Erin. I don’t love you. I need you to let me go, so I can move on wit’ my life.”
“Grown-ass man? Louis, you were chasin’ after me for months, actin’ like a sad puppy when I ain’t return yo’ calls. All of a sudden, you’re a grown-ass man in love with Erin?” She scoffed and put her hands on her hips. “You pick up a rebound, an’ I’m supposed to believe you really have somethin’ special? Puh-lease, Louis. I bet yo’ top lip still smells like my pussy.”
“Teona!” Louis snapped. I pulled in my lips and shook my head. Louis, sensing my frustration, took in a hard breath. “I’m done. You need to go with all this bull.”
Teona stood there. She looked down at her platform pumps and up at Louis. “Fine.” She turned around and glowered at me. “You can have him.”
She grabbed her purse and walked out my door, slammin’ it shut behind her. Louis sighed and smiled. “See.”
“See what?” I scratched the back of my neck. The relationship between Teona and Louis was unfolding, and I didn’t like what I saw. She was more than a fling. She was someone he had possession of. At one point, he was her man. I realized that I didn’t know the man he was. I was the rebound for one of Teona’s men; I didn’t like the feeling. Licking my lips, I said, “You need to go, Louis.”
“Erin, what else do you want me to do?”
“Did you love her?”
Louis swallowed the lump of air in his throat. He took a step back and quickly answered. “Why would you ask me somethin’ like that? I’m tryna be wit’ you, but you keep bringin’ her up like she’s a factor in our relationship. I love you, not her.”
“I want you to leave.”
“Why? I did what you asked!”
“I ask you questions about her, and you dance around them like you’re hiding things. I’m through asking unanswered questions. I didn’t ask you to resolve your relationship between you and your ex-girlfriend in my apartment. You even talk different when you’re around her. You’re another person, and…I don’t wanna be your rebound.”
“You’re not my rebound. What I feel for you is genuine. Teona was…nothin’.”
“She must have been somethin’ if you’re banging on Loraine’s door worried about her. Louis, you need to go home and resolve some unfinished business. The way you looked at her…” I shook my head as I remembered the passion they shared in my kitchen. I felt like a dirty voyeur watching them have it out in front of me in the raw. “You need to go home, right now.”
“Erin, what else do you want me to do to prove to you that what I had wit’ Teona was a thing to do, nothin’ special? What we have is special, Erin. Can we—?”
“Louis, I’m not gettin’ into this. Can you respect my feelings enough to leave and let me sort things out?”
He moved closer to me, but I moved back. I pointed at my door and waited for him to leave. Realizing that I wasn’t letting up, he nodded and walked to the door. “Call me later?”
“Go, Louis.”
He walked out quietly, his silence begging me for a second chance. I disregarded his plea and locked the door behind him. Standing at the door for a while, I pulled out my vibrating phone. When Tariq’s name flashed across, I sent him to voicemail and headed for bed.
• • •
I finally called Loraine. When she told me that Teona went back to their mother’s house, I realized it was safe for me to see Loraine and get some things off my chest. Tomorrow was her off day, and she’d be willing to spend the night dishing. When I got there, twenty minutes after she cursed me out for ignoring her for the past few days, she was more than willing to dish.
“I can’t believe she came over. What was she thinkin’?”
“She was thinkin’ she had my man.”
We both chuckled at the idea of an immature girl taking any man from me. I left the wine at home and brought over a bottle of Ciroc for our late-night gab session. “I thought you were gonna whoop her butt at my house the other day.”
“I was. You kept holdin’ me back.”
Loraine laughed. “I’m glad I did then.” We traded shots of vodka as I tried not to think about Louis. Loraine wasn’t having that, though. “You need to give Louis a chance.”
I wrenched Loraine’s glass from her hand and slammed it down on her coffee table. “You must’ve had too much to drink.”
Loraine picked her glass back up and shook her head. “I’m serious. I know how bad it looked, but he cursed Teona out after you left.”
“Is that right? What did he say?”
“It was obvious he was tryna get rid of her. He cursed her out for blowin’ his phone up, and she begged him to take her back. Girl, it was a sight.”
“I dunno if I can be with a man who had sex wit’ your sister. How would you feel if she had sex with Lorenz?”
Loraine cringed. “Don’t even get that image in my head. Listen, I know how bad it sounds, but he was agitated over it all. You could tell he was torn up after you left. He wanted to run after you, but Teona kept gettin’ in his face.”
“Why couldn’t he shut her down when it was happenin’?”
“Did you see how that girl was actin’? He was probably embarrassed. I would be. I can understand you being mad, but Louis genuinely cares for you. Whateva he and my sister had, it wasn’t anything.”
“You didn’t see how he acted when they were together. When he’s with me, he’s a gentleman, sweet and earnest. With her, he’s passionate, gritty and raw. She brings something else out of him, and I don’t think I like what I saw. I already get gritty and raw from Tariq.”
“However he acts, I’m sure he’s no Tariq.”
“What do you think I should do?”
“You can let Louis suffer for like another day or two, but let it go. He really cares about you.”
I took another shot and reluctantly agreed. “Okay.”
“Look on the bright side.”
“And what side is that?”
“At least you get some awesome make-up sex out of this.”
“I better.” We laughed as I fantasized about the make-up sex Louis would have planned for me. Once the liquor began to kick in, I decided to switch gears. “How have you been since that day?”
Loraine shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve been fine, I guess.”
“Have you spoken to her?”
“Nope. She’s with who she needs to be with right now, my mama. There’s nothing for us to discuss right now.”
“Have you spoken to Lorenz since?”
Loraine screwed the top off the Ciroc and quickly poured another glass. “Why would I speak to him?” She gulped down her glass and continued. “I mean, he came by the next day to check on the status of Teona.”
“How was that? Teona was gone at that point, right?”
“Yep. I still let him in, although my better judgment told
me to let his bastard ass stay outside.”
“You didn’t kill him and bury the body somewhere, did you?”
Loraine’s initial hesitation worried me. Her eyes were vacant and disturbed, but then she smiled. “No, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t contemplate that before.”
“What did you guys discuss? The tension between you two was crazy. I can only imagine how crazy you two get when your mother isn’t there to mediate.”
“It can get pretty crazy, but that’s how it goes with us. He gets under my skin. Every time I see him, all that anger resurfaces, and I have to hold myself back from putting my hands on him.” Loraine sipped on her vodka. “We didn’t discuss anything new. I cursed him out for being an asshole, and he defended himself. Eventually, we couldn’t stand to be around each other for much longer.”
“When did he leave?”
“You’re sure asking a lot of questions,” she barked.
I paused in confusion. “What do you mean? I’m tryna keep the conversation going. I can’t ask questions?”
“He left when he left. It’s not that serious.”
Loraine’s defensiveness clued me into the reality that she wasn’t telling me everything about her and Lorenz’s encounter the other day. I opened my mouth to say something and stopped. When I noticed the gold condom wrapper hiding underneath her loveseat, I chuckled. “What happened with you two, Loraine? Be honest.”
Loraine poured another glass and sighed. It looked like she wanted to lie again, but she caught a glimpse of her poorly hidden condom wrapper as well. “You’re right. We do have a lot of tension between us. And without my mother to mediate, we go all in. There we were, having it out. I seriously wanted to punch that fool in his face. One minute I hated him, and the next minute I was on my back remembering all the reasons why I loved him.” Loraine gulped down her vodka again and took a deep breath. “It was so good, too.”
I wanted to be angry with her for backsliding, but I didn’t see the point. She’d been lonely and yearning for a man’s attention. With all that was happening in her life, she was owed a little ex-sex. “I can’t even be mad at you.”
Loraine cocked her head back. “I’m surprised. I was afraid I’d get it worse from you.”
“Who am I to judge? I was sleepin’ around wit’ a married man. All you did was have sex with a single man.”
“A single man that put me through hell.”
“Do you miss him?”
Loraine paused and stared at her wall. She twirled her dreads as she breathed steadily. She opened her mouth to speak and shook her head. “I miss what we had. I sometimes wonder if it was my fault. I cheated on him before we got married. I didn’t appreciate him. When we got married, things changed. He wasn’t as sweet as he once was. He stopped opening doors for me, taking me out, and buying me flowers. Soon, I felt underappreciated. Instead of fighting to fix things, I nagged him. The more I nagged, the less he did. Then one day, I woke up and the roles were reversed. I tried my hardest to give my all to a relationship that seemed to have run its course.” She took a sip of her alcohol. “I was working on us while he worked on other women. He lied, cheated, and abused the love I gave him. And a part of me didn’t try to fix things because I felt like I deserved it for doing it to him first. I could’ve said something, but I felt that he’d know I cheated or worse. It turned out he already knew and was waiting on me to tell him only for him to finally get up and leave.”
“If he wasn’t treating you right, what made you endure? What made you take him back even after you found out about the baby who turned out not to be his?”
“Guilt and fear. I was guilty for hurting him the same way he was hurting me. I never apologized for it, and I didn’t expect him to. Plus, I feared that if he left, I would have to face the reality that it was my fault a good man walked out on me. I am the reason that a good one turned out to be a Tariq.”
I giggled. “Girl, nobody can be a Tariq. But it wasn’t your fault. It was all Lorenz’s doing—”
“It was those type of lies that I told myself, Erin. He’s the one with the problem. He’ll change eventually. What he did isn’t that bad. Things will get better. If he leaves, you’ll never find anyone better. And then he left, and I still haven’t found anyone better. When he comes by looking sexy and we’re yelling at each other, I keep picturing him kissing me and holding me. The next thing I know, I’m on top of him, riding him like he’s a black stallion. I dunno if it felt so good ’cause I haven’t had sex in so long or if I forgot what it used to be like.” She ran her fingers through her locs and sighed. “I miss being able to miss a good man. It’s a luxury that not many women have the pleasure of having.”
“Do you want him back?”
Loraine trembled. She poured another glass and twirled her tresses between her index and middle fingers. After a long slurp of vodka, she caught her breath and contemplated taking back a man that she had tried to shun from her life many times before. “I dunno anymore. He’s been trying to change. I know I don’t want a man who’s gonna mistreat me. But I don’t know if that man is Lorenz.”
“What if he does it again? What if all you’re seeing is the effort he’s puttin’ into gettin’ you back and not the work he hasn’t put into doing you right? You think it’s time to start dating?”
Loraine shook her head as she tucked her foot under her butt. “I don’t know anymore.” Gulping down the last of the vodka, she asked with dazed eyes, “You think I’d be missing out if I stay away from Lorenz?”
“That’s a question only you can answer. However, if sleepin’ wit’ him while you sort things out makes you feel better, don’t let me stop you. Make sure you don’t get hurt in the process.”
Loraine exhaled. “Lorenz was always damn good in bed. I actually wouldn’t mind sex with him. But you don’t know Lorenz. He has a way of makin’ you stick around. I dunno if I wanna risk it.”
“Well, don’t. All I know is that you haven’t glowed like this in forever. Your skin looks fresh, your shoulders relaxed, and your eyes bright. Good dick did something right, and there’s no reason to stop it now.”
“It all depends on the one who’s giving it to me.”
“Whoever it is, make sure he’s giving it to you right.”
Forgiveness was a curious symptom. It was attached to a disease that had the potential to cripple me, enter my bloodstream, and corrupt my judgment. Nevertheless, as I considered forgiveness, curiosity introduced itself as a new symptom. I was curious about the man Louis really was, and ultimately, without Tariq to scratch my urges, I was horny. When I saw Louis again, he was a like a hungry seal. He couldn’t stop bouncing and grinning as I forgave him for his misdeed and allowed him back into my life.
“I’m gonna make it up to you,” he whispered as we embraced.
“You definitely will.” I hadn’t had sex in weeks, and I was ready to make up. I led him straight to my bedroom. He followed me like a trained puppy and bounced on the edge of my bed, anticipating what I planned to do next. Biting my lip and batting my eyelashes, I slowly disrobed before him, leaving on my panties and bra. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me closer to him. While he rubbed my skin, I straddled him and put my arms around his neck.
When I leaned in to kiss him, he pulled back and smiled. “I was beginning to think that you didn’t wanna see me anymore.”
“You’re lucky Loraine pleaded your case.” Finally pressing my lips against his, he gently slid off my panties and unhooked my bra. Unhooking my bra, I could feel him growing between my thighs. I whispered in his ear, “I missed you.”
He stood us up and laid me down atop my bed sheets. After dropping his trousers, taking off his shirt, and slippin’ into a condom, he climbed on top of me and whispered back, “I missed you, too.”
When I felt him inside me, I tilted my head back and dug my nails into his skin. I told myself to imagine how good he’d feel loving me until morning. I smiled. When I felt his lips over mine, I slid my
tongue inside his mouth to taste how sweet his tongue was. I trembled when he sucked on my bottom lip and pushed in deeper.
“I love you,” he said, assuring me as he grabbed my thigh and pressed it up against my left breast.
He went deeper as I arched my back and pictured him kissing me again. I fantasized about how deep he could push inside me while I sucked on his lips and rubbed his back.
I moaned in satisfaction when he pulled out and went in deeper than before. “Ooh,” was all that I could let slip through my lips as I struggled to catch my breath. Louis definitely didn’t feel this good the last time he was inside me. When he pulled out again, he yanked me toward his chest and assertively stuck his tongue between my lips in search for mine. Victim to his touch, I welcomed his advances as I tugged at him to finish what we started. “Put it back in,” I said between kisses.
He turned me over and let my ass find his lap. Finding his way back inside me from behind while propped up on all fours, he held my waist and rhythmically pulled in and out. I squeezed my sheets and gritted my teeth, silently begging for more. “I really missed you.” It had been almost two weeks since I saw Louis, and we had barely spoken. As my orgasm tapped on the wet inner folds that hid between my thighs, I questioned what made me take so long to come to my senses. Why wouldn’t I want a man who enjoys being with me? What stupid world did I live in where it would be okay to let a man like Louis slip between my fingers or slip out the lips that held him inside me? I really missed the opportunity to cuddle on my couch and watch TV with a man whose warm embrace made me fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I certainly missed the chance to spread my legs and beckon his entry while I soiled my 1,000 thread-count sheets with orgasmic nectars.
“I really missed you, too,” I blurted out between coos of elation. And with that, my knees buckled and my body was set on fire. Burying my face in my pillows, I yelled out in pleasure.
Louis wrapped his arm over my chest and pulled me forward. While sucking on my earlobe, he whispered, “Don’t hide your satisfaction in the pillows. I wanna hear you scream my name.” Leisurely stroking inside me, he played with my breasts as I rested the back of my head on his shoulder.