She won, not that anyone won after what just happened. Everyone lost a piece of themselves, and it’ll take time for us to recover. Focusing on the task of packing, I try to remain quiet. But suddenly, I feel sick to my stomach and run to the bathroom.
“Oh my God, are you alright?”
“Fine.” I heave, holding my stomach while he rubs circles on my back with his big hand.
“Did you go to the doctor?”
“It’s nothing, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.” I brush my teeth and wash my face before heading to the closet.
Packing and holding the tears is like juggling with fireballs. Something is going to fall, and I’ll catch on fire. Remain calm, wait until you get to the car.
“Tess wants to recover here, instead of going to Alicia’s,” he says after I close my second bag. “Would you mind if I have someone pack for you?”
“Tell you what,” I offer walking to the bathroom to collect my toiletries. “I’ll pack and bring my things to the flower shop. That way, I’ll be out of your hair before tomorrow morning. In the meantime, why don’t you go back to the hospital?”
Leave me while I bleed and plan my next step.
Tell him.
You said you’d talk to him.
No, there’s no point. Think about Tess.
“Not sure if it’ll help, but I know a few counselors,” I channel a neutral voice.
The self-preservation mode I adopted when I was a little girl is fully activated. He won’t know how much this is affecting me; that I’m dying on the inside. For once, I let myself believe I could be part of a family, in a happy place.
“Sade,” he calls my name. His voice is deep with longing.
I turn toward the door and spot him leaning against the frame, his face etched with excruciating pain. It hurts me seeing him agonizing, torn between his daughters and me. He deserves to be loved, to be taken care of. He’s such a troubled soul, yet, the best man I’ve ever met.
“Kade,” I mumble his name, slumping my shoulders and getting back to the task at hand.
Nothing we say will fix what’s happened to Tess, what’s happening to us.
We’re over.
“Ask me to be selfish, to say fuck it all,” he begs.
“As much as it breaks my heart, I refuse to cause any harm to your girls.” I shake my head, taking my jewelry box. “I didn’t do anything, but you’re right, this is for the best.”
“Babe, I don’t want to lose you.” His voice breaks.
I set my bag on the floor, and cover my eyes with the heels of my palms. I take a few deep breaths, soothing myself.
Hold the tears, Sadie. Be strong.
His sandalwood and tobacco scent hits me before he embraces me, trapping me into those strong arms while he fights his own decision. Leaning my head on his chest, I listen to his heartbeat, letting it calm me for the last time.
“I never wanted to hurt her,” I cry, unable to hold the pain. “Or for her to hurt herself because of me. I love her.”
“You’ve been good to them.”
“I love them as if they were my own.”
“You’re the love of my life,” he murmurs close to my ear. “My perfect half. But I can’t put my children in danger.”
I look up, finding his handsome face so close to mine that I can feel his breath caressing my face. Lifting my hand, I caress his jaw. We’re both the product of broken homes and irresponsible adults. That’s not the future that either one of us would like to give to our own little ones—or the children he already has. Our minds understand each other, just like our hearts and souls. I recognize his internal fight, and I respect it.
Kade just wants to be the best father he can be to his daughters who already have to deal with a horrible mother.
“They’ll be fine because they have you. I’ll leave because I love you,” I whisper entwining my hands behind his neck and kissing him long and deep one last time.
This is where the story ends. For the last time, I share the energy of my soul with him. Tonight, I open myself to him. I feel alive. I’m strong enough to take a chance to love him one last time—to dream of what will never happen.
Dear reader,
Thank you so much for spending some time with Kaitlynn and Ollie. These two are the start of a journey through Knox Ridge, and I hope that you join us. As always, I thank you for accepting a little piece of me through this book. Loss is hard to accept and sometimes it takes years to find a new normal.
Please, after finishing the book and if you enjoyed it, please do me a big favor and leave a review. Let other readers know about it and spread the word. I love to hear from readers, so don’t hesitate to email me.
Sending you all my love,
Claudia xo
Acknowledgments
Pardon my memory, it’s pretty shifty at time. If I forget to mention someone, please know that it’s not intentional. Believe me when I say that I’m grateful for you. My brain has a low retention.
First and foremost, I’d like to thank God for all the blessings in my life.
My family, thanks you for all your support even when most of you are thousands of miles away from me.
To my wonderful and loving husband, who is my inspiration. The Ollie in my life. My partner, and my everything. We always keep going, no matter what kind of surprises we find along the journey. To my beautiful kids, you’re the engine that keeps me going. Paulina, you’re a light, keep shining. I’m so grateful for your help and for you choosing me as your mom. Thank you for helping me type this book while my hands hurt so much and for not hanging up while I dictated the book.
Willow Winters for letting me be a part of this amazing journey. Lori for her amazing covers. I love each and every one of those cards.
My alpha readers, Michelle, Patricia, and Yolanda.
Michelle, what can I say that I haven’t yet. I love you and I’m so grateful that you came into my life and accepted to be such an important part of my journey.
Christine, thank you for not unfriending me, even when there’re days I’m super absent or I’m grouchy or ... I’ll never stop saying it, I ;ove you from here to the moon.
Mara White, thank you so much for your patience and for transforming my words into works of art.
Kristi, my BFL, my friend and the sister that I wish I had. Love you for everything that you do for me.
Kaitie, thank you so much for everything and for lending me your name
Lara, I can’t thank you enough for being you. My friend, my hooker and my cheerleader.
My amazing ARC team, girls without you, I’m not sure where I’d be. Your love, support, and dedication makes me want to keep going.
To my reading group, thank you so much for your continuous support. For your daily cheers, and the words of encouragement. I’m grateful for you.
Thank you to all the bloggers who help spread the word about my books. I guess thank you doesn’t cut it, your energy and support are what makes every release a success.
To my readers, I am grateful to you. Thank you for reading my words, and for supporting my books. Thank you so much for those emails and notes, they mean so much to me.
All my love,
Claudia
Also By Claudia Burgoa
Chaotic Love
Begin with You
Back to You
Unexpected Series
Uncharted
Uncut
Undefeated
Unlike Any Other
Standalones
Found
Fervent
Flawed
Until I Fall
Finding My Reason
Coming soon …
My One Despair
Unfrozen Christmas – Unexpected
Unbound
Unbroken
About the Author
Claudia is an award winning, international bestselling author. She lives in Colorado, working for a small IT. She has three children and manages a chaotic hou
sehold of three confused dogs, and a wonderful husband who shares her love of all things geek. To survive she works continually to find purpose for the voices flitting through her head, plus she consumes high quantities of chocolate to keep the last threads of sanity intact.
Sign up for her to receive updates about upcoming books and exclusive excerpts
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To find more about Claudia:
http://www.claudiayburgoa.com/
Cards of Love: Knight of Wands Page 11